Let It Go

  • Thread starter Keyblade Keeper
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K

Keyblade Keeper

Guest
Yes, I went there (Frozen reference). I don't care, I connected with the movie.

I'm gonna direct you guys to my YourBrainRebalanced original post because typing everything up will give me the cramps. So here.

So...where am I currently?

I'm using a spreadsheet to track my progress, which you can see here.

I'm currently on a streak of 81 days of no P, but with regular MO. I've been trying to gradually cut back the MO, but I'm fed up with it and decided to go cold turkey again. This is my third reboot attempt.

I am questioning my sexuality, but I may or may not have HOCD. If I end up in a bad place, please tell me to snap out of it.

So...yeah. Hope you guys will read about my journey. ;D
 

dwenjang1218

Active Member
I'm also quitting just P like you are, except I'm way behind you.
I MO about every other day and I'm beginning to suspect that I'm addicted to masturbation as well,
so right now I'm doing this thing where I lay it off for 5 days as an experiment.

Looking at your spreadsheet (nice spreadsheet btw), I never thought quitting M would be that difficult
even though you are 80+ days into no P.

When you MO, how far do you fantasize?
I read that if you fantasize about what you see in porn,
than it's going to drastically slow down your progress.
 
K

Keyblade Keeper

Guest
Yeah, the no MO is even more difficult, imo, than quitting P. It took a lot less energy to tell myself I can "still get off" without looking at videos, but my mood hasn't really stabilized. I  basically started this because I knew I had to focus on other things and I really didn't want hardcore withdrawal symptoms this semester, but now I'm trying to add in the no MO though. The reason why I didn't stop the MO at first was because in the past, I thought of it as all-or-none. If I MO'd, even without P, I would consider it a failure and then the P would shortly follow. But now I've differentiated the two in my mind, finally, and can say that even if I MO by mistake, I won't rush off to PMO.

Fantasizing...well I try not to. Occasionally a thought creeps into my head when I'm trying to get off quickly or my mental strength is down. I never close my eyes though because I don't want a strong picture of the fantasy in my mind. Usually it's like a ten second piece and then I would shake myself out of it.

Marnia from reuniting.com suggested that I lay off the masturbating for a few months to "restart" my sexuality and allow me to figure out what exactly my orientation is. Then, I think I'll try to MO no more than once every 15 days to keep myself from experiencing the negative emotions felt from satiating myself to masturbation...
 

shake19

Member
Keyblade Keeper, you broke free with P for > 80 days so you can do with M. You should definitely stop M because it is ruining your true sexuality - no mammal masturbate so shouldn't we. Stop M for all and not let yourself to do it every 15 days - as you said: all-or-none. You can do it! It will dispell all doubts. I wish you all the best.
 
K

Keyblade Keeper

Guest
shake19 - Thanks for the motivational support! I agree with you, and I think I need to stop worrying about the future and take it one day at a time. It's the only way I'll surpass how I did in the past, and abstinence is the only way I'll get my sexual urges back.
 

shake19

Member
Good attitude, hold this position! Don't worry that the process will take time - the time will pass anyway.
 
K

Keyblade Keeper

Guest
Good point, that's always been my issue. I get overwhelmed by saying "ah it's been 30 days and I still haven't started having sexual attractions yet" but I've started to take a much more realistic approach (and mindset) to this.
 
K

Keyblade Keeper

Guest
P - 88 days

Chugging along. No MO for a few days now (not gonna bother counting because that just makes it a numbers game which for MO is NOT a good thing to do). I'm out of my depression, and I think it's for a specific reason...

I'm experimenting with my sexuality. No one from my college, but I have the app Tinder (look it up, it's pretty sweet). I set it for girls and guys, and have gotten some convos with guys going. I'm getting a thrill (read: butterflies) that I haven't had in a while. I'm starting to come to terms with my sexuality, which I'm not even going to label as anything other than I love people, as a whole.

Yeah, Tinder probably isn't the best since it's like looking at bikini pics of girls but...I think the boost in confidence is worth it, and maybe once I have a few conversations going, I'll stop again.

Till next time.
 

shake19

Member
I am glad about your progress. Keep going without PMO as it is definitely worth it. You already may see some positive changes but in long-run the changes will become bigger - the only thing you have to do is to stay away from PMO. Good luck!
 
K

Keyblade Keeper

Guest
I swear, my life is becoming more and more like Frozen daily.

I'm just posting to say that I deleted my tinder account. One of the guys I was talking to texted me today saying he was in the town next to mine and wanted a hookup. I freaked out.

I deleted and blocked every contact except for two: one guy who I have been treating as a confidant (who is moving cross-country and doesn't want a relationship at all right now), and one guy who I like and decided to take some time getting to know (through text; I don't want to meet a random stranger until I feel I can trust them a bit haha). That guy...he's essentially going to be my failsafe for if I every one to have a gay encounter and see if it's "the real life or just fantasy" (Queen hell yeah!)

That in mind, I have two things left to say. First, I came out/confessed/explained everything to my suite mate about questioning my sexuality and about my PMO. He, apparently, went on a similar journey. He helped me realize most of my failures were because I obsessed over sex, and NOT masturbating, and NOT watching porn.

This brings me to my last point. I'm deleting my account after 24 hours. The more I think about porn and sex, the more tempted I am to fall back into my pit. I am in a better mental state than I have been since hiding this all back at age 12. I finally could confess every deep, dark secret that I either was to scared to post online, or misconstrued in my online presentation.

Good bye everyone, and good luck on your reboots!

~ Keyblade Keeper
 
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