Reclaiming My Dopamine Receptors

L

Lero

Guest
BlueHeronFan said:
Hey, man, whatever works for you.

Baby steps can be a big deal! It's all a process of finding what works and getting better a day at a time.

Small steps still move you forward.
 

nazonoxa

Member
Having some hard-to-ignore porny urges today.

nazonoxa said:
I feel very much out of the woods in terms of my addiction.
This might turn out to be the initial minor slip that eventually builds up into a landslide. Decided to keep track of my addiction a little bit more.
 

nazonoxa

Member
One of the greater vices of porn culture is how it teaches you to be aroused by non-consensual situations.

I have a hard time being interested in my girlfriend's nude because she is willing to be naked with me.

I am 60 days free of porn but this hasn't changed a bit, maybe even got a little worse.

My libido is so utterly based around porn culture, it seems developing a non-voyeurist sexuality will take a long long time.
 

nazonoxa

Member
Now that I think of it, maybe that's a Japanese porn thing.

I imagine our gendered double-standard about acceptable levels of interest in sex is a strong factor that forms this perverted fetish.

Apparently I too subconsciously believe that it's not desirable for a female to be interested in sex.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Porn does weird things to our perceptions of sexuality, other people, and ourselves. How it messes us up may be different depending on culture, but it messes us all up. You're not alone in that.

Good idea keeping track of the addiction a little more consistently. 60 days is great progress,  but I read once that "strong" recovery doesn't really happen until after two years. Even then, I would hesitate to say I was out of the woods.

Keep up the effort and reflection. Porn works on our minds as much as our bodies, and this is a great place to straighten out our thinking.
 
L

Lero

Guest
BlueHeronFan said:
Good idea keeping track of the addiction a little more consistently. 60 days is great progress,  but I read once that "strong" recovery doesn't really happen until after two years. Even then, I would hesitate to say I was out of the woods.

Noah Church said in one of his podcasts that after a year and two months without P, he felt like he was still improving. So maybe that's right. Maybe "full" recovery takes 2 years but people should not get alarmed about it because you should already feel all right by then.
 

nazonoxa

Member
Lero said:
Noah Church said in one of his podcasts that after a year and two months without P, he felt like he was still improving. So maybe that's right. Maybe "full" recovery takes 2 years but people should not get alarmed about it because you should already feel all right by then.
Out of the woods but still moving forwards. Can't wait to see for myself what that feels like.
 

nazonoxa

Member
Finding out that I tend to think in a 0-or-100 way. Same thing with addiction, I am cured or I am addicted.

Which is simply not true. My recovery from addiction seems to be cycling through different phases, each time getting milder and milder.

The initial dark forest of withdrawal shitness now feels distant, but I haven't gotten rid of these rather potent mood swings.
 
L

Lero

Guest
nazonoxa said:
Finding out that I tend to think in a 0-or-100 way. Same thing with addiction, I am cured or I am addicted.

I know exactly what you're talking about. I used to be a "black or white" guy until I realized that it sabotaged my recovery. We make progress even if it's a little. Anything is progress, even something like identifying a trigger or a mistake that we make. This recovery takes time so it's obvious that we need to go through some stages.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Lero said:
Noah Church said in one of his podcasts that after a year and two months without P, he felt like he was still improving. So maybe that's right. Maybe "full" recovery takes 2 years but people should not get alarmed about it because you should already feel all right by then.

That's really interesting! Yeah, I'm definitely feeling better in relation to my addiction now than when I started here at the beginning of the year, but I also recognize that I have a ways to go.

nazonoxa said:
Finding out that I tend to think in a 0-or-100 way. Same thing with addiction, I am cured or I am addicted.

Which is simply not true. My recovery from addiction seems to be cycling through different phases, each time getting milder and milder.

And I think this is a great insight related to Lero's. I sincerely hope that I can be 100% cured someday, but I also don't know if I should ever believe that I am. Even if I'm 99% of the way there, believing that there's still a 1% of losing it would help me to stay careful. I know I crashed hard in the past when I thought I was cured. (and now I'm probably just rambling)

Either way, keep up the good work!
 

nazonoxa

Member
Lero said:
I know exactly what you're talking about. I used to be a "black or white" guy until I realized that it sabotaged my recovery. We make progress even if it's a little. Anything is progress, even something like identifying a trigger or a mistake that we make. This recovery takes time so it's obvious that we need to go through some stages.
Thank you for your kindness. Somebody (of course, including myself) being kind about my little bits of progress can be radically restorative.

BlueHeronFan said:
And I think this is a great insight related to Lero's. I sincerely hope that I can be 100% cured someday, but I also don't know if I should ever believe that I am. Even if I'm 99% of the way there, believing that there's still a 1% of losing it would help me to stay careful. I know I crashed hard in the past when I thought I was cured. (and now I'm probably just rambling)

Either way, keep up the good work!
Thank you!

When it comes to addiction, there is always a chance of relapse, as one life-long abstaining alcoholic wrote: "My body is like a once broken china; no matter how carefully you glue it together, it is nothing like a china that was never broken."

Since there really isn't a goal to focus on, I think I should enjoy this peculiar process of change that my addiction has forced onto me.
 
L

Lero

Guest
nazonoxa said:
"My body is like a once broken china; no matter how carefully you glue it together, it is nothing like a china that was never broken."

That's an awesome way to look at it. But even if the china will never be the same, it will still be a complete china and not some broken pieces.
 

nazonoxa

Member
Lero said:
That's an awesome way to look at it. But even if the china will never be the same, it will still be a complete china and not some broken pieces.
Yes! And a rather beautiful one, with some painstaking Kintsugi. I totally left out any optimism from that quote, so thank you for pointing it out :D
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
nazonoxa said:
Lero said:
That's an awesome way to look at it. But even if the china will never be the same, it will still be a complete china and not some broken pieces.
Yes! And a rather beautiful one, with some painstaking Kintsugi. I totally left out any optimism from that quote, so thank you for pointing it out :D

Yes! I was just thinking of Kintsugi before reading your post. Our addiction has changed us and our lives, but that doesn't mean we're ruined forever. Awesome thought!
 

nazonoxa

Member
Had a wank over a porn fetish yesterday. My heart was pounding furiously afterwards. No wonder I get addicted to this kind of fierce arousal.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Sorry to hear about it. Retrace your steps and see what went wrong so that you know how to protect yourself the next time around.

Keep on going!
 

nazonoxa

Member
nazonoxa said:
I should decide what I need to / don't need to do now. In this month of June...

I need to : Eat well, exercise, spend time in nature, sleep well. Keep seeing the psychiatrist + ASD/ADD group. Keep track of spending.

I don't need to : Work, study, look for work, think about studying.
That sounds about right. Good idea me. Let's not get ahead of myself.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
nazonoxa said:
nazonoxa said:
I should decide what I need to / don't need to do now. In this month of June...

I need to : Eat well, exercise, spend time in nature, sleep well. Keep seeing the psychiatrist + ASD/ADD group. Keep track of spending.

I don't need to : Work, study, look for work, think about studying.
That sounds about right. Good idea me. Let's not get ahead of myself.

lol! It's definitely important to stick with our plans over time. Any change we make toward recovery will take time to really make a difference. Sounds like you were onto something back then!

Keep working at it!
 

nazonoxa

Member
I know wanking makes me feel frail and unbalanced, yet still I wank. This is just silly.

I think I could really enjoy life as an ex-wanker. Like, I used to wank, but I don't do that anymore. Former wanker.
 
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