Kraken's journal

K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
I’m having a good weekend, spending time with my wife and father in law and catching up on a lot of video games after not playing for most of week while I was traveling. The thing is, after playing a lot the past few days my hands hurt, my eyes are slightly bloodshot and I’m in a worse mental space than when I started. This is something I’ve noticed over the years and have mentioned in my journal before.

I just want to acknowledge it here, the results of playing a lot of video games this week after taking a break made me realize I liked the break better than playing. On the break I got to explore new experiences, get out and about in the city, started a new tv show and interacted with people significantly more. And I liked that.

I’m going to talk to my therapist about it tomorrow. On the pmo side I’m doing good no problems so far, just that odd dream the other day
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Kraken said:
I’m having a good weekend, spending time with my wife and father in law and catching up on a lot of video games after not playing for most of week while I was traveling. The thing is, after playing a lot the past few days my hands hurt, my eyes are slightly bloodshot and I’m in a worse mental space than when I started. This is something I’ve noticed over the years and have mentioned in my journal before.

I just want to acknowledge it here, the results of playing a lot of video games this week after taking a break made me realize I liked the break better than playing. On the break I got to explore new experiences, get out and about in the city, started a new tv show and interacted with people significantly more. And I liked that.

I’m going to talk to my therapist about it tomorrow. On the pmo side I’m doing good no problems so far, just that odd dream the other day
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Asking yourself "Do I feel better or worse after playing?" is a good indicator and reflection tool of whether you are playing the right type of games, or can be better off not playing at all. I myself am at high risk of addiction, but compulsive engagement is a symptom of another problem for me, namely that I need to provide and maintain structure in my life.

What do you consider as "a lot the past few days" and "worse mental space"? Also when you're playing, what's kept you going? I think those questions could help reflect.

And congrats of the PMO sobriety!
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
BrassBalls707 said:
Asking yourself "Do I feel better or worse after playing?" is a good indicator and reflection tool of whether you are playing the right type of games, or can be better off not playing at all. I myself am at high risk of addiction, but compulsive engagement is a symptom of another problem for me, namely that I need to provide and maintain structure in my life.

What do you consider as "a lot the past few days" and "worse mental space"? Also when you're playing, what's kept you going? I think those questions could help reflect.

And congrats of the PMO sobriety!
Click to expand...
Thank you for your reply! Sometimes I feel better after playing but the longer I play in a session or in a day the more likely I am to feel worse. After an hour I feel good. Two hours pretty good. Three plus I start feeling worse, I get zoned out.

I also feel worse after playing fast paced fps games like overwatch. My hand is developing tendinitis and games like overwatch cause those symptoms since the clicking volume is so much higher than a turn based strategy game.

When I play with friends and have that social element I feel better.

When I am playing overwatch, the progression of improving and gaining ranks keeps me going. After a bad frustrating game I’ll want to do another game right after to improve and win. It’s my only competitive outlet in my life and I’d like to find a real world competitive outlet.

I decided to take a break from overwatch and games like it. I’ll stick with my slower turn based strategy games for now. Also work can be a competitive outlet and I’d like to do soccer again. So I’m going to start training for that so I can do it without getting hurt.
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
So I decided to uninstall overwatch and play different games instead. And today that experiment was a success and I played a bit of battle brothers, a turned based strategy game. I also had a very solid day at work, made a healthy dinner where I made asparagus, ground beef with organ meat and brown rice with a Korean style sauce we made from scratch. We also did a one hour hike after work.

My mind is feeling lighter more than three weeks free from pmo and I’m starting to feel like myself again.

Thank you for being here and for having the courage to go on your own journey.

See you tomorrow,

Kraken
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
I’m having a very solid week. I had some urges the past two days but I resisted them by focusing on work and recognizing when I was overwhelmed and chilling out a bit by playing an hour of single player tuen based games. Very mellow style of games.

Last night my wife asked where all my energy these past few weeks and my much higher sex drive is coming from. So I told her about rejoining the fourms and how I’ve gone over three weeks on this better path for me. She was very supportive and encouraging. I’ve definitely noticed tons of very powerful benefits since posting regularly here again.

Work has been very busy but good. I am on track for a leadership role so it’s a great opportunity for my career. Lots of work to do but I am making progress.

Kraken
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Great weekend, took care of some errands that took all day on Saturday and in the evening watched some football with family. Saturday night I realized the only thing between us and a great Sunday was dishes that had piled up. So I spent over an hour cleaning them all late on Saturday after my wife went to bed. Then I suprised her on the morning and came up with a plan to go hiking since the dishes were already done.

That was a great choice, the hike was great and it turn out to be an amazing day. No pmo issues or temptations this weekend. My wife and I are finally allowed to start trying for a baby again after the very difficult and traumatic miscarriage several months ago. That was by far the worst experience of my life.

So it’s exciting to be able to try again
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
I had a very busy week at work, and have been feeling very fatigued. I’ve been doing well but recognize that I need to be smart tomorrow since things get more difficult when I’m tired. My plan is to get out of the house tomorrow, I think I’ll go to the library. That should help a lot and maybe getting lunch with my father in law.

Hope you all are doing well!
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Today went well, it was wise to make that plan last night. Getting out of the house and getting lunch with my father in law helped me have a good work day even though I was really tired.

Had some more family drama today which is tough but I’m getting through it with support from my family. It’s really only one family member who is being cruel, the rest are pretty great right now.
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Having a great weekend so far. Lots of family time and we went to a fall festival which was awesome. My intention for tomorrow is to work through some house and car chores that need to be done.
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
I did a lot of chores yesterday, still more to be done but I am starting to see great progress. We had a giant backlog after the loss this summer, for a while we were just surviving. It feels good to come back to some of my goals and to be able to make make progress.

Today I have a few longer meetings with breaks in between. I woke up 30 mins early today because I wanted to have a more relaxed morning, and I did and it was nice.

On the pmo side I haven’t had any slips or close calls. I had a p adjacent dream a few nights ago and the occasional trigger but nothing too bad thankfully.

Sending you long distance good vibes ,

Kraken
 
chap

chap

Active Member
super glad to hear @Kraken ! just catching up on this recent page alone is starting to motivate me to try to be on the forums at least once a day. i haven't been as active since i feel like im really busy. but i'll be frank and just say that u r also busy and still showing up and logging in entries. so my goal this week is to check in and log an entry once daily and i will check back on sunday on how it goes.

i am really proud of u and ur recent progress. i am so happy to hear that u and ur wife r trying again after a rough series of months. stay strong and keep on going. ur brothers here at the forum are all cheering for u and sending our greatest vibes on express delivery. let me know when u receive mine! talk soon
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Thanks chap! I had a more challenging couple of days but I’m hanging in there. Trying for a child again after the loss brought up a lot of emotion for me and it was difficult to have sex for a few times, I kept getting in my head about it and going soft, which was frustrating.

I had a close call this morning on the p side from a YouTube ad, which is annoying. I avoided p but it was a close one. Work has been insanely busy and that has been tough this week as well. Sending you all positive vibes as well!

Kraken
 
K

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Mo’d today, first time of the reboot. My jobs been a lot more stressful and I just wanted to chill out. My plan is to be mindful of how o can best recharge and do self care this weekend.
 
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