stepbystep's journal

[stepbystep]

Thanks akpal2.

I?m having urges. I thought about middle circling by searching on YouTube but I came here instead. I?m hit with a lot of stress at work over next week.

Day 18 no PMO. Hanging in there.

 

[akpal2]

Excellent progress. Slay the beast, and wish me luck

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks akpal2! Good luck to you!

My goal is to spend time with family this weekend and catch up with work so I?m not stressed out next week. Day 19 no PMO. I woke up today horny, and was fantasizing in bed for 30 mins. Not a good sign but I?m not feeling any urges anymore.

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

Hey SbS,

Good to see that you're at day 19! Well done so far.

You said you are fantasizing. That in itself is not totally bad as long as it's not about P right? Would you agree that if you were fantasizing the 'normal' way that it isn't as bad?

Keep it up my friend

 

[stepbystep]

You said you are fantasizing. That in itself is not totally bad as long as it's not about P right? Would you agree that if you were fantasizing the 'normal' way that it isn't as bad?

Thanks Shade. The fantasy was very porn like so I knew it wasn?t right. I did it again this morning but fortunately stopped. I have a feeling my body is going through withdrawals that is making it harder for me. I think regular non-porn fantasy could be okay but I?m not sure if can do that safely yet. I?m trying to avoid everything at least for the reboot period of 90 days.

Day 20 no PMO. Tomorrow I?ll hit 3 weeks ? that?s a big milestone for me.

 

[Phineas 808]

Congrats on day 20, sbs!

Keep reaching for those milestones, you're on your way to changing your life.

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks Phineas.

Day 22 no PMO. Hanging in there. This week is tough with work stress. Everytime I feel bad I go check my phone and social media. But, I know that?s not good from past experience because for me social media leads to porn eventually. I?ll remain extra aware of my phone use this week.

 

[Phineas 808]

You're welcome, sbs!

Everytime I feel bad I go check my phone and social media. But, I know that?s not good from past experience because for me social media leads to porn eventually. I?ll remain extra aware of my phone use this week.

This is an excellent opportunity to change your habits, and hence your behaviors. Try placing your phone elsewhere, and put a carrot (or your favorite healthy snack) in you pocket instead, and reach for that when stressed or feeling bad.

Alternatively, keep your phone (and this will sound silly), when you feel bad, take it out and without opening it, just look at the screen, and then put it back.

These temporary tactics can help change the brain's expectations toward eventual porn use by changing the surrounding habits. And, it shows you that you are ultimately in control, not the bad habit.

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks Phineas. Still struggling with phone use so I will try the suggestion to leave it in a different room.

 

[Pdub]

I found an app called "Rewire Companion" to be helpful in avoiding phone use.  It has a counter ticking up as if you are on a win streak and an URGE button which plays some music to try to help calm you.

Just something that helped me with using my phone for things I shouldn't.  I would make myself open the app and check the counter every time, which reminded me of why I'm doing this.

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks Pdub, will check out that app.

I MO?d this morning. I woke up from a very sexual dream. After that I was just so horny that I wanted MO badly. I was in bed for a while fantasizing and rubbed against the bed for a while and it happened.

I?m not resetting my counter, but I definitely could have done things differently. I did not need to continue fantasizing. I did not need to focus on trying to MO. My body will naturally release if it is necessary. I?ve been wanting to MO for a while now and I think this pushed to me do it.  In any case, this is a learning experience and next time I will not fuel the fantasy beast in my head.

Day 25.

 

[stepbystep]

Day 28. This marks 4 weeks free from porn. I?m staying away from PMO completely, although I did MO during this period once. My goal is to completely stay from sexual activity for 90 days for a reboot. The main things I learned so far is that it?s really important to stay busy and plan our evenings and weekends, and social media makes me triggered and staying away is important.

 

[Phineas 808]

Good going on 28 days (4 weeks), sbs!

You're doing good, just relax (but remain vigilant), if that makes sense, lol...

It's about habit change, and not a white-knuckled approach. And staying away from social media sounds like part of it for you.

Standing with you.

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks Phineas for the support!

Day 30. I?ve been struggling lately with focusing during the day at work. I get triggering thoughts and then turn to social media. Definitely not healthy. I?m trying to make it harder for me to turn to social media: keeping my phone far away, turn to other more healthy apps when I want to take a break.

I?m happy about hitting 30 days but it?s still not easy sailing for me. I?m not comfortable some days and I do get triggers / urges. I?m not sure if I can ever be completely free of urges. Just taking it one day at a time for now.

 

[Phineas 808]

You'll be surprised, stepbystep.

The more you dismiss urges, the less demanding they will be. But you have to be consistent, dead-dog serious (which I don't doubt your seriousness), because it is habit change.

As long as we respond to urges, we will continue to sensitize those neural pathways. Dismiss (ignore/breath through) the urges, and over a relatively short time, they will be less and less demanding.

Good going on 30!

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks Phineas. I think it?s getting easier for me for sure.

Unfortunately, end of last week, I was just feeling so many urges. I ended up seeing triggering YouTube videos. That got me even more urges. I ended up MOing while fantasizing. I?m count this as a reset since I broke my reboot guideline of avoiding any artificial stimulation, like YouTube. It?s not the same slip up as usual I?ve had in the past. I?m just going to pick myself up and keep going.

Day 2 no PMO.

 

[stepbystep]

Day 3 no PMO. One thing I struggle with is urges while working during the work day. Whenever my mind does not want to focus on the work, I think of porn as my go to escape. This happens a lot during the day. Yesterday I found that breathing in slowly and being aware of my breath really helps me calm down. I?m planning to do that and focus back on work whenever I feel urges.

 

[akpal2]

Day 3 no PMO. One thing I struggle with is urges while working during the work day. Whenever my mind does not want to focus on the work, I think of porn as my go to escape. This happens a lot during the day. Yesterday I found that breathing in slowly and being aware of my breath really helps me calm down. I?m planning to do that and focus back on work whenever I feel urges.

Thanks for articulating this so well sbs. I also have work stress as a trigger. When I can't/don't want to focus on work porn takes me away from it. 30 as really good but all progress is not lost..keep it up. You'll get better this time.

 

[Phineas 808]

Yesterday I found that breathing in slowly and being aware of my breath really helps me calm down. I?m planning to do that and focus back on work whenever I feel urges.

Good job at being mindful, and using deep breathing as a means of not-responding to urges!

With this technique, you won't get sucked into habit-land, and mindless acting out on urges. In this way, you'll regain control!

 

[akpal2]

is deep breathing helpful as a tool to keep the sex thoughts away?