stepbystep's journal

[Phineas 808]

is deep breathing helpful as a tool to keep the sex thoughts away?

Yes, definitely! I remember applying this method one day at work years back, when fantasies (with physical arousel) were coming up strong based on some stuff I saw, and I would nonjudgmentally dismiss the urges and fantasies as I breathed deeply. You can feel yourself calm down. Then (as may occur) when the fantasies and/or urges return, just repeat the process.

Being mindful and nonjudgmental is extremely important here. Think of it like you're stepping outside of yourself in the moment, and compassionately viewing yourself without judgement. Focusing on your breathing will take you out of your head, and make you more mindful, more in the present moment.

You'll find that you can outlast any urge/fantasy.

 

[stepbystep]

Phineas put it nicely, akpal. I had the exact same feeling of urges going away when I focus on my breath and breathe deeply. Definitely there are still struggles during the day, and I have some times do it many times during the day. But, it?s worth it. It calms me down and recognizes the urges are not that important.

One more technique I?ve been using is whenever I recognize myself fantasizing, I immediately imagine a big red X in my mind and the word ?STOP? flashing. This stops the fantasy for me. I got this from a forum a long time ago.

Day 5 no PMO.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks Phineas and sbs, these are very helpful tips and I intend to use them going forward.

 

[Orbiter]

Day 3 no PMO. One thing I struggle with is urges while working during the work day. Whenever my mind does not want to focus on the work, I think of porn as my go to escape. This happens a lot during the day. Yesterday I found that breathing in slowly and being aware of my breath really helps me calm down. I?m planning to do that and focus back on work whenever I feel urges.

Like Phineas is saying, this is really the key to taking control of this isn't it. Everything we do this, we slightly weaken the power the addiction holds over us.

In a way, urges are kind of a good thing as long as we can handle them.

 

[stepbystep]

Struggled yesterday. Searched YouTube for triggering videos but did not watch them. Then I realized how stupid this was and stopped. I don?t want to go back. I don?t need it.

Day 8 no PMO.

 

[akpal2]

Day 8, excellent progress. One week down and it starts to get slightly better IMO.

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks akpal. Yesterday I was feeling down and search YouTube triggering videos again . I stopped within a few minutes but that?s not a good sign. Will be careful today to stay away. I no longer use porn. I will not go back.

Day 9 no PMO.

 

[akpal2]

Thanks akpal. Yesterday I was feeling down and search YouTube triggering videos again . I stopped within a few minutes but that?s not a good sign. Will be careful today to stay away. I no longer use porn. I will not go back.

Day 9 no PMO.

sbs, did you notice whether it was autopilot or a conscious effort to seek them out? Or did your brain trick you into seeking videos as p subs? I ask because it is important to get under the hood? And what made you go there? for me stress is a huge cue and drives me to escape into porn. Is that the same for you?

 

[stepbystep]

Hi akpal, it was a bit of both autopilot and conscious because I was feeling not great. I just did it again this morning because I was feeling pain. I need a bunch of different ways to handle my triggers. Here?s my plan moving forward to address triggers:
- breathe slowly and meditate on breath for 1 min
- listen to music and do something active (walk outside, washing dishes, etc)
- do some activity that I enjoy that is not using the phone (read or watch tv)
- surrender and pray if you have to stay away from obsession
- go help someone on anything
- post on the forum but don?t stick around on the computer or phone

I?m definitely vulnerable today so will try out these probably.

 

[akpal2]

Hi akpal, it was a bit of both autopilot and conscious because I was feeling not great. I just did it again this morning because I was feeling pain. I need a bunch of different ways to handle my triggers. Here?s my plan moving forward to address triggers:
- breathe slowly and meditate on breath for 1 min
- listen to music and do something active (walk outside, washing dishes, etc)
- do some activity that I enjoy that is not using the phone (read or watch tv)
- surrender and pray if you have to stay away from obsession
- go help someone on anything
- post on the forum but don?t stick around on the computer or phone

I?m definitely vulnerable today so will try out these probably.

That's a good plan sbs.

I also notice that personally for me 2 weeks is an important milestone. Once I get 2 weeks behind me, the cravings are significantly reduced. But the first week is hell, and second only slightly better. In these first 10-14 days even the slightest triggers can derail me. One just has to slog thought with brute force use of will. It's exhausting but it gets better after 2 weeks for me.

 

[stepbystep]

Well I screwed up. I convinced myself that I needed it. I watched YouTube videos and MO?d. Yes it?s not the same porn I used to watch, but it?s still a relapse for me because of my intention. Moving forward my goal is to completely stay away from porn, and I?m fine with MO once a week, morning only. I?m still not going to MO as much as possible, but it?s not going to count against my goal. I think that is my sexual ideal, otherwise no MO just become really hard. My sexual tension is mixed in my unhealthy porn use.

Day 0.

 

[SebUK]

Personally I don't count MO as a relapse or screw up. In fact, I think the more you MO without P, the less you associate O with P (haha @ these letters). The weaker the association O with P, the better.

 

[akpal2]

I agree sbs, we need to rewire away from thoughts and pixels. We have to move away from the virtual to the real domain.

Get back in the game. Shrug off the chaser effect (I know it is easier said than done, but you can do it).

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks SebNZ and akpal

I?m doing okay in the last few days although I am feeling the chaser effect and urges during the day. I?m been managing fine and started working on my meditation practice.

Day 2.

 

[akpal2]

well done, i have also started meditating a a couple of days ago, and definitely feeling its positive effects.

 

[Deleted member 17609]

Hey man,

Read parts of your journal, we?re almost the same age (I?m 32), so we have a similar background in terms of porn consumption. I also started with VHS and adult content on the family computer, long before high speed internet. Just wanted to drop by and say hi.

I think you?re doing great. Even if you relapse, you always get back on the horse, that?s good. I haven?t seen a lot of posts about your sex life, though. You?re married, right? And you mentioned you started experiencing some ED a while back? I was just curious to know how things are for you on that side, but maybe you don?t really want to write about that, and that?s okay too.

Keep it up.

 

[Pdub]

I too tried to completely abstain from P and P-substitutes but allowed myself to MO for a while.  Abstaining from all forms of P is a huge win and you should congratulate yourself for it! You're still climbing the hill and making progress.

YBOP made a good visual aide I think may help here:

 

[stepbystep]

Thanks akpal, Bilbo, and Pdub for the encouraging words.

It?s been a while since I posted here. Today I?m planning to get back to focusing on recovery as I relapsed. I had a good run of 22 days, but in the end, I went back to escape the pain. The pain of having a bad headache and hoping that somehow magically porn would take that away. I?ve come to the conclusion that I can?t do this alone. I need all the help I can get, from this forum and a real life accountability partner (though I don?t have one right now). More to come.

Day 0.

 

[stepbystep]

I think you?re doing great. Even if you relapse, you always get back on the horse, that?s good. I haven?t seen a lot of posts about your sex life, though. You?re married, right? And you mentioned you started experiencing some ED a while back? I was just curious to know how things are for you on that side, but maybe you don?t really want to write about that, and that?s okay too.

Keep it up.

Yes I?m married. I started experiencing ED when I was actively using porn with MO. It?s gotten a lot better though as I?ve been staying away for longer periods of time more recently.

 

[stepbystep]

YBOP made a good visual aide I think may help here:

Thanks, this is definitely helps and makes me more positive about my progress. I?ve been in recovery for 9 years now and I had some good streaks ( even a couple of years!). And I?m no longer close to how much I used to act out. Still, I?ve been struggling a lot in the last few years and not sure if I?m close to beating this beast.