Day 4. The first few days have been tough because the porn images kept popping up in my head. It?s been a lot better in the last day or two though. The hardest part is yet to come in the next few days. Around day 7 is a barrier for me that I struggle to get past.
I watched a movie where they minimized the impact of porn and made it seem like a very thing everyone can do. I admit I felt good afterwards thinking maybe I am normal after all and that what I had been using is fine. And, now I?m feeling triggered to check it out. But, I can?t believe this. I have done is so many times and it is not fulfilling. I can live without it.
Talk or no talk, stepbystep, all that happened here was that the movie was a cue or trigger, and your reacting to it created further urges. That is all.
Simply train yourself to not respond to urges (even if cued), and you will beat this addiction.
I understand the thought to somehow excuse or make room for these behaviors, and normalize them... I would say things like, "I'm a man..." Or, "I have special needs that PMO helps me with...", and so on. Or, "I need this..."
But there's a reason why you and I came to this forum, there was something that we needed to fix, to undo. And remember, too, that the porn industry is a multi-billion dollar enterprise. They may promote some of these "Porn's OK" type of shows....
Day 4. Hanging in there. Yesterday, I was having a headache and to get away from the pain I was getting a lot of urges to use P. But, I made it through my managing my headache in other ways, like going for a walk, sleeping early, and it went away. I'm proud of that and though the headache is gone, my urges are back today. Not to escape the pain, but to experience the pleasure. But, I'm not doing that. Just one day at a time.
Day 5. I started working the 12 steps. I?m not very religious but anything that helps me, I?m willing to do. As part of the program I reached out and have a sponsor who I had a call with today. It was hard for me to take this step but I just have not had any significant stretch of staying away from porn. The last time I did, I was working the steps with a sponsor.
You?re doing good! Just get back up again, relapsing is part of recovery. Only thing is to not let it make us spiraling into a binge. I?m also going to contact SAA here where I live, I think exactly like you that it is really really difficult to make it on our own in recovery. Seeking out a sponsor shows your dedication to getting sober.
Unfortunately I slipped later that day. It was just too much sexual tension. I felt really down afterwards and was going to give up recovery work. I?m in a better state now and continuing to work on recovery although I?m still doubtful if I will ever fully recover.
Day 6. Tough day yesterday. I had a headache and wanted to escape the pain using PMO. Honestly I?m not sure how I made it through, but I did. Today is a new day and the only thing I know is I am not a person that uses porn anymore.
Day 8. So far so good but I?ve been feeling anxious and that?s not helping with focus at work. It also makes me feel like escaping to porn. But why will I do that when I am a person who no longer uses porn. Just hoping to get through today. Just today.