Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
you’re right . The mental urges start cravings for me by day 5 . I then suddenly without notice start somehow in my lonely moments think about visiting chatrooms and begin fantasizing things that could go in a chatroom . And then all that build up of mental desires in my mind warrants a quick chatroom visit (could be just 5 mins) and that sets off my dopamine escalation and then after that there is no coming back home ! :(

This is the pattern .

I have to break this cycle .
I will do this by holding myself from visiting chatrooms on my browsers and diverting my train of thoughts in my mind as early as possible that start the chatroom fantasy play that first plays inside my mind even before I pick my phone/computer to fire up the browser to type chatroom/P site url
On day 4 now
That's right, that's how a "mental relapse" starts, as I like to call it. A relapse often starts in the mind long before it physically happens. Fantasizing is a very big problem. I like to call it "Keep the porn dopamine to the minimum", meaning exactly what you said in the second paragraph: diverting my train of thoughts in my mind as early as possible. Bingo, that's the core, that's the first thing we must do in rebooting. It's crucial. You could do everything right but keep thinking too much about a nice euphoric experience and you will eventually fall. My best streaks came when I really put up the effort to do this well, then, for some reason, I refused to do it again and I paid the price, I can't even make it to 2 weeks. Maybe this time. The thing is, I (and you) must try one more time to really do the low dopamine thing well and it will pay off. Peace ✌️
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
That's right, that's how a "mental relapse" starts, as I like to call it. A relapse often starts in the mind long before it physically happens. Fantasizing is a very big problem. I like to call it "Keep the porn dopamine to the minimum", meaning exactly what you said in the second paragraph: diverting my train of thoughts in my mind as early as possible. Bingo, that's the core, that's the first thing we must do in rebooting. It's crucial. You could do everything right but keep thinking too much about a nice euphoric experience and you will eventually fall. My best streaks came when I really put up the effort to do this well, then, for some reason, I refused to do it again and I paid the price, I can't even make it to 2 weeks. Maybe this time. The thing is, I (and you) must try one more time to really do the low dopamine thing well and it will pay off. Peace ✌️
Completely agree !!!

We HAVE to recognize-stop-divert the train of thoughts that lead us into imagine our fantasies and start the play inside our minds and trigger the “relapse script” .

unless we do this we will be addicts for ever .
there simply is no way out without this skill.

Oh God save us all from the sufferings we are destined to go through .

Peace ✌️
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Completely agree !!!

We HAVE to recognize-stop-divert the train of thoughts that lead us into imagine our fantasies and start the play inside our minds and trigger the “relapse script” .

unless we do this we will be addicts for ever .
there simply is no way out without this skill.

Oh God save us all from the sufferings we are destined to go through .

Peace ✌️
Yes, I don't believe that someone can stay away from porn forever while triggering the dopamine like crazy. Or maybe it's possible but very difficult and the thing is, you will always benefit from making it easier for yourself, why sabotage? After staying away from porn for a while, you start being reminded of great past experiences and flashbacks of favorite moments invade your head. It's very crucial not to give them attention. The expression "Chasing the first time" comes into my head and it's true, maybe not chasing the first time (I don't even remember the first time), but I definitely chase great past experiences with porn, those days when the euphoria of edging to porn made me shake, like shooting meth or something, it was absolutely scary. The experience can end up being too good that it gets difficult because later you are reminded of it by the addicted brain. That's why it's crucial to try not to pay attention to them, I know it's not easy.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Yes, I don't believe that someone can stay away from porn forever while triggering the dopamine like crazy. Or maybe it's possible but very difficult and the thing is, you will always benefit from making it easier for yourself, why sabotage? After staying away from porn for a while, you start being reminded of great past experiences and flashbacks of favorite moments invade your head. It's very crucial not to give them attention. The expression "Chasing the first time" comes into my head and it's true, maybe not chasing the first time (I don't even remember the first time), but I definitely chase great past experiences with porn, those days when the euphoria of edging to porn made me shake, like shooting meth or something, it was absolutely scary. The experience can end up being too good that it gets difficult because later you are reminded of it by the addicted brain. That's why it's crucial to try not to pay attention to them, I know it's not easy.
Easier said than done for sure to recognize-stop -divert your train of thoughts .

I have been meditating for few days now(use your favorite app or just meditate by yourself) to improve my focus and calm down my senses …

You know what? it seems to help a bit for now .. I will keep meditating… and highly recommended it for everyone.


Not easy this … as soon I wrote that previous post yesterday I was in chatroom typing filthy stuff .
“Holy shit … what am I up to “ I thought to myself
And then closed the browser and went to sleep .

it’s messy . But it’s a process … it’s a process … it’s a process … it may never end as it seems like At least for now … but it’s okay … it’s a process
But we need to keep at it … perseverance is the key here … not the length of the streak … persevering will keep us ahead in this very serious game of addiction recovery .. it may give us some streaks on the way and ..
no worries if the streak is broken rarely at times … it’s a broken mind ….it will be eventually fixed we have to
PERSEVERENO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME IS.. Relapsed or not .. doesn’t matter.. just persevere it’s a process

it’s a process
It’s a process
It’s a process ….
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
After l wrote that last post I chatted filthy and MOed . I know how to stop this . But yet I don’t seem to want to do it at any cost .

still trying to tame my adamant filthy addicted side of me .

day 1 tomorrow
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 1 today
I was looking to open the browser to come here just now and I unknowingly typed the chatroom website URL almost subconsciously and landed there instead .

That tells me something…:

This will be really hard for me to quit this habit of filthy chat . But I want to win this battle .
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 1 I relapsed again
Went to chatroom and tried to get high chatting didn’t work then tried looking for bad videos didn’t work then gave up and moved on .

back to day 0 after all this I don’t have any hope that I can recover from this . I seriously think I will be an addict for my lifetime and there is no way out from here . Unless some wild miracle happens by the grace of lord .

day 1 tomorrow
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I've been reading your journal Man in 30s and I have a couple of questions for you. What extreme measures could you take to give yourself a couple of months of freedom from porn? You say you can't get away from the internet or cellphones, okay, but what else could you do? Do you work on your computer? If not, could you get rid of it for a little while? If not, could you set up some internet blockers? Could you stop using a smartphone and use a shity phone for a few months instead? Could you tell your wife, so she could help you?

What could you do to go balls to the wall and give yourself some space between this nonsense?

I ask this with the best intentions.

Best

Blondie.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I've been reading your journal Man in 30s and I have a couple of questions for you. What extreme measures could you take to give yourself a couple of months of freedom from porn? You say you can't get away from the internet or cellphones, okay, but what else could you do? Do you work on your computer? If not, could you get rid of it for a little while? If not, could you set up some internet blockers? Could you stop using a smartphone and use a shity phone for a few months instead? Could you tell your wife, so she could help you?

What could you do to go balls to the wall and give yourself some space between this nonsense?

I ask this with the best intentions.

Best

Blondie.
I do have to work on computer and smartphones
So there is no getting away from those .
I had blockers set up which I removed couple months back . I had a tighter system to get around but yet I used to relapse once a few days while I had the blockers set up . So I thought “blockers didn’t work” and removed all of them .
Result was an uptick in relapses which I am experiencing now .

I have two options
1) Reinstall all blockers and allow myself a few seconds of time to make a good decision to return to safety every time I am tempted
2) continue with no blockers approach and fight it out harder to keep myself away from P/chat but there is always this thought running at the back of my head that “there isn’t really any blockers in place! I could go where ever I want!”

So just to get rid of that “back in the head thought of anything is possible” I can reinstall the blockers and prepare myself psychologically for a longer streak .

Thanks for asking that question @Blondie

I will change course and install blockers today and see if that improves my clean streaks !

The other thing is my “self confidence” in being able to “stop myself in the tracks”

I lack that “big time” … But I understand my confidence will have a chance to gain momentum only by “hitting those longer streaks”

Lastly one more thing I lack is “self discipline”
I am a ADHD person . Well not quite literally but I do tend to get sooo easily bored and distracted from what ever I am doing . And “that’s a problem” for addicts . So I am doing some meditation and listening to audiobooks to improve my productivity and focus . It seems to be helping a bit .

so these are my extreme measures at the least
1) reinstall blockers
2) gain confidence to reboot by hitting some streaks
3) build a busy schedule stick to it no matter what
4) meditate to improve focus .
5) actually do these things because I am the biggest liar to myself I almost always Plan great , but don’t actually do it for real many times .

Typing this on day 1.
Thanks @Blondie
 
Great job getting back on the horse man_in_30s. The important thing is that the desire to quit still burns
Don't let that flame die! 💪

It's tough to know whether to block or not block and I've discussed it a lot with other forum members
Long-term, it can't be a real solution, but I think it can be useful to get some breathing space and take a few steps down the road to recovery
Atm I do not have porn sites blocked BUT i have blocked most of the problematic behaviors that led to relapse in the past
E.g. blocked reddit, blocked non-safe image search, some trashy news sites etc.
I am only on day 21, but it's working okay so far
Maybe that is something to consider - don't just block porn, but also block or work on the precursors to relapse?

Keep fighting brother. I'm sure you have the drive within you to succeed 💪
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I do have to work on computer and smartphones
So there is no getting away from those .
I had blockers set up which I removed couple months back . I had a tighter system to get around but yet I used to relapse once a few days while I had the blockers set up . So I thought “blockers didn’t work” and removed all of them .
Result was an uptick in relapses which I am experiencing now .

I have two options
1) Reinstall all blockers and allow myself a few seconds of time to make a good decision to return to safety every time I am tempted
2) continue with no blockers approach and fight it out harder to keep myself away from P/chat but there is always this thought running at the back of my head that “there isn’t really any blockers in place! I could go where ever I want!”

So just to get rid of that “back in the head thought of anything is possible” I can reinstall the blockers and prepare myself psychologically for a longer streak .

Thanks for asking that question @Blondie

I will change course and install blockers today and see if that improves my clean streaks !

The other thing is my “self confidence” in being able to “stop myself in the tracks”

I lack that “big time” … But I understand my confidence will have a chance to gain momentum only by “hitting those longer streaks”

Lastly one more thing I lack is “self discipline”
I am a ADHD person . Well not quite literally but I do tend to get sooo easily bored and distracted from what ever I am doing . And “that’s a problem” for addicts . So I am doing some meditation and listening to audiobooks to improve my productivity and focus . It seems to be helping a bit .

so these are my extreme measures at the least
1) reinstall blockers
2) gain confidence to reboot by hitting some streaks
3) build a busy schedule stick to it no matter what
4) meditate to improve focus .
5) actually do these things because I am the biggest liar to myself I almost always Plan great , but don’t actually do it for real many times .

Typing this on day 1.
Thanks @Blondie
That sounds like a good plan Man in 30s.

I would agree with @particularly_respecting. I've never really used blockers myself, but it does seem to work for some people, at least it gives you just a little more time to think rationally for a second.

The only thing I use is Google's safe search, which is nice because that's usually the beginning part of my "ritual" at looking at porn subs.

Best brother!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Great job getting back on the horse man_in_30s. The important thing is that the desire to quit still burns
Don't let that flame die! 💪

It's tough to know whether to block or not block and I've discussed it a lot with other forum members
Long-term, it can't be a real solution, but I think it can be useful to get some breathing space and take a few steps down the road to recovery
Atm I do not have porn sites blocked BUT i have blocked most of the problematic behaviors that led to relapse in the past
E.g. blocked reddit, blocked non-safe image search, some trashy news sites etc.
I am only on day 21, but it's working okay so far
Maybe that is something to consider - don't just block porn, but also block or work on the precursors to relapse?

Keep fighting brother. I'm sure you have the drive within you to succeed 💪
That's true, porn needs to be blocked at the root. But not only make it harder to access, but also blocked in the mind, where actually for most people the problem starts. I mean, I don't know about blocking, maybe better said not giving it attention. Once you give attention to porn, it escalates. When you crave porn, this is the crucial moment to distract your thoughts from it. I believe this is the core of quitting porn, everything else can be added on top of it but there is no long survival when you don't divert your thoughts from the thoughts and images of porn.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 2
Managed to live two sober days .
going to day 3 hope this continues very long .
I am now working on filling up my calendar with interesting stuff and adhering to it so I get more productive, achieve more in my each day , week , year and I have literally 0 time allocated for P/sex chat fantasies.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I knew when I had to stop myself on day 5 . I did not stop myself. I was my own sabotage .
I have my calendar set for a disciplined schedule . I’ll be very deliberate on following that schedule or I would be cheating myself.
let me see if that makes my next clean streak longer . Also I need to stop myself when my mind says “Go to chatroom and MO! Now”
I will recognize-stop-divert my mind and energies next time I am at the fork being aware of my situation and get to a longer streak .
Day 1 today
 
Great work getting back up and coming back to fight again @man_in_30s_rebootingnow
It's like Rocky - porn got a few good blows in, but you'll win in the end so long as you keep getting back up
(okay more like Rocky 2 than Rocky 1, but let's not get into that :ROFLMAO:)

Stay strong and get straight back in the fight brother. You got this 💪
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 4 today and already facing some urges
I got a thought to chat filthy
Logged on to chatroom
Stopped chatting after few minutes .
Reminded myself that
“There was one chance to stop myself when the thought came in my mind . I lost it .
the second chance is now . If I blow this then it’s MO in next few hours of chatting “
Closed browser and landed here .

I am realizing this is no once and done battle .
It’s an ongoing one … so long as I live I will be fighting these urges and there is no clear winner at the end …

what I mean is my sexual urges always was the winner and will be always …. no one can completely conquer them .

But … I can take turns and diversions from bad urges in my day to day life that harm me from inside out . Urges that lead me to MOs and acts that sabotage my self esteem and confidence and morale . Those are my everyday enemies and I will fight them as long as I am breathing .

That’s the only way out .

It may mean that I will be writing here for my lifetime!!! but I expect to grow my streaks and provide valuable insights and inspiration to people who come here for help .

Good bless you all
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Okay day 4 second time chatroom logon that I shouldn’t have done it .

it’s self sabotage I am doing now . I will avoid phone for next 2-3 days as much as possible to get away from this surge of mental urges
 
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