Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Also, I want to address this: It's true that urges are waves but what happens to some guys sometimes, and myself too, is that we experience sometimes urges all day, it's like they start in the morning and don't stop until the evening, not exactly continuously (yes, waves) but they keep coming, in 5 minutes they come again, in 10 minutes they come again, you know what I'm saying?

Yes. When we've been acting out for a period of time, those neural pathways are hyper-sensitive. What it means physiologically to break our habits and end our addiction is to desensitize those same neural pathways. This will only happen as we repeatedly and consistently (or at least for longer and longer periods of time) ignore the behaviors that light these pathways up.

So in the beginning of our recovery, or in restarting after resensitizing the neural pathways (by relapsing), the urges are going to be in waves- yes- but more often.

But, and this will be true for all of us, no matter how tough our particular case is, through repetitiously ignoring the urges, we eventually desensitize these neural pathways, and the urgency and constancy of the urges will drop off and become more and more quiet. This is why we try and go for longer and longer streaks is to give ourselves time to heal, deaden those pathways, and create new pathways that are healthier habits.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Yes. When we've been acting out for a period of time, those neural pathways are hyper-sensitive. What it means physiologically to break our habits and end our addiction is to desensitize those same neural pathways. This will only happen as we repeatedly and consistently (or at least for longer and longer periods of time) ignore the behaviors that light these pathways up.

So in the beginning of our recovery, or in restarting after resensitizing the neural pathways (by relapsing), the urges are going to be in waves- yes- but more often.

But, and this will be true for all of us, no matter how tough our particular case is, through repetitiously ignoring the urges, we eventually desensitize these neural pathways, and the urgency and constancy of the urges will drop off and become more and more quiet. This is why we try and go for longer and longer streaks is to give ourselves time to heal, deaden those pathways, and create new pathways that are healthier habits.
Yes, exactly. Excellent explanation. That's how it is.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
You're welcome, GeminiMan! You will overcome!

My struggle also spans decades, so I'm feeling that. I agree with what you're saying above for its linear format... but, and this is my approach now (having myself several trauma and upbringing issues) is as two-track, parallel or mulit-dimensional.

1. Adress the habit itself by hacking into it, disrupting and replacing the behavioral patterns; and-

2. Seek deeper inner healing to address the major drivers of the addiction.

The first needn't be delayed while the second is worked on, and the second needn't wait for the first. True, the second one is deeper and addresses foundational reasons why we got addicted to this crap to begin with, but without addressing the first as a matter of priority, we won't see clearly enough to address the deeper issues.

Thus the 'when' should be now, addressing the outer (habit-level, symptom level) and the 'if' can't ignore the inner issues.
Very wisely said ! Thank you @Phineas 808 .

to me outer symptom is
1. Log on to chatroom and Fantasize/MO

most likely inner traumas are
1. Childhood trauma
2. Been a naturally distracted person ,Need something meaningful/Engaging to hang on to . Easily bored and in trenches quickly if not engaged .
3. Nervous and under Confident character .
4. Trouble building intimacy with wife .

these to me are my core problems that very nicely support the symptom(chatroom addiction)

I may have other hidden core problems beneath the surface which I may uncover by journaling in quite/meditation.

but thanks a bunch for throwing some food for thought here !
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Sobriety data of 6/28/2022

Going by @Blondie s words to avoid black or white approach the way I will move forward will be changing because I’ve realized the benefits of not allowing room for “black or white reboot” thinking

so each time I am tempted to logon to chatroom and fantasize I will tell/remind my self and
Shoo away / ignore the thoughts not giving any food for thought to the Pokes of the addicted mind

if I find myself logged onto chatrooms/gazing at women’s inappropriately in social media/TV/Outdoors/inside my mind

“I will shoo away the thought process shun it and quickly get on with any other damn thing I could do in the moment”

if I find myself deeply involved in fantasizing/chatrooms/P sites

I will get out of the house/take a cold shower/run on treadmill for 30 mins/begin reading some healthy book give myself some air to shoo away the thought pattern which has already started to numb down my dopamine receptors and recommit to next 24 hours of pure sobriety

I will do these over and over again and commit to these approaches and it’s okay if I get nowhere while doing these and my sobriety date keeps following me . cuz, I know the progress is happening underneath by healing my brain reward circuits slowly but steadily.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Sobriety date of 6/28/2022

today I had a euphoric recall and I attempted to get back to old chat logs .

it was my mind tricking to get me back to old ways and have me MOed .

I found myself recovering chats and then I recalled that this is my mental psychological devastation in progress and I was able to shun the thought process by taking a good hard look at myself and destroying all the filthy chat logs I had for ever by shift delete . I cursed myself for what am I upto and then there was a return back to safety routine that worked positively .

Happy to report that my
sobriety date is still 06/28/2022
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Last night I had another euphoric recall and logged onto chatroom for a session and was in a state of dilemma for a long time and then there was a MO due to active participation in filthy chatrooms . I had to reset my sobriety date as a result of Chat session and MO .

my sobriety date is 7/4.

What I could have done better ?
When my mind poked chatroom thoughts when it was late in night and my eyes were pulling me to bed due to tired eyes . I should have hit the bed and slept . Instead I made the mistake of listening to the chatroom fantasies my mind was spinning up and succumbed .
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
How strange is it that we do get hard wired up into our own behavioral patterns and even after making up one’s mind we struggle so much to get out of the identified behavioral pattern .

For me it has been looking at myself making the repetitive mistakes over and over again and wondering “wow” how much ingrained is this pattern into my life that it is almost a stronghold pattern in my life I am unable to break into and wondering whether will I be actually somehow be able to change this for good as identified by none other than myself as one of my goals in life

I have achieved many Other goals in life financial , professional and family goals but this one goal of sobriety is still taking time .

There are other goals I have struggled through out my life along with sobriety which are kind of linked to my ability to be sober which are
1) being able to keep my words and push back when needed
2) leading a disciplined high productivity life
3) intimacy with my wife
4) being able to reduce cell phone usage

I want to achieve all these above 4 which are actually intertwined with my goal of sobriety.

I think where I am going with this is I need to change a bunch of habits and day to day behaviors in my life that is going to simply make me a better human being (period)

Inhave been thinking a lot Anand planning a lot to get these installed in my life but never been actually able to sustainably carry these day to day good habits behaviors and that is my immediate goal now to achieve these along with longer and longer sobriety streaks


1) being able to keep my words and push back when needed
2) leading a disciplined high productivity life
3) intimacy with my wife
4) being able to reduce cell phone usage
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Good job on getting up, GeminiMan! Lapses are all typically a part of recovery. You will do better and better, don't give up, don't backdown trying to change yourself!
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
I have binged to chatroom interactions and P site over last 24 hours

last night I was super tired due to a long day and once I came back home I shiouod have hit the bed

resetting my sobriety date to 07/11/2022
 
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GeminiMan

Active Member
I am thinking what is missing in me so that I can uplift my sobriety streaks . And my mind is telling me it is my ownership of “micro actions and micro thought patterns” and “can do attitude”that I am missing big time !

may be that’s right because each time my mind spins a thought inside saying “hey yo let’s logon to that chatroom and have fun” or “hey yo let’s touch yourself inappropriately looking at bikini babes or P , no one around here anyway”

I am instantly thinking “yes” that’s my only option and there is no saying “Nope bad idea” or “shoo not that now something else please” I need to bake that response into my thinking patterns to ignore/deny/divert the addictive mind and yet not enter the “deprived” state of mind because that is fatal . I need to focus on getting this right really “it’s that simple” .. really
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I need to bake that response into my thinking patterns to ignore/deny/divert the addictive mind and yet not enter the “deprived” state of mind because that is fatal . I need to focus on getting this right really “it’s that simple” .. really

Recognizing that addictive voice (AV) is the first part, and you're on your way. Anything that suggests the future use of porn is from the addictive voice, our lower animal brain craving its dopamine hits. Separating that from the 'higher-brain' that is more rational, that says, "No, that's not in my best interest- I'm not taking that call..." is a part of recognizing what's us and what's the addictive voice.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Recognizing that addictive voice (AV) is the first part, and you're on your way. Anything that suggests the future use of porn is from the addictive voice, our lower animal brain craving its dopamine hits. Separating that from the 'higher-brain' that is more rational, that says, "No, that's not in my best interest- I'm not taking that call..." is a part of recognizing what's us and what's the addictive voice.
We are talking about making that conscious choice within a millisecond or so we have under the day to day presiding of our mighty Mind That’s a hit or miss ! For me it has been all miss no hits (or so I think it is) !

What can I do to turn those misses into hits ?
or rather I should be asking what can I do to miss those hits my addictive voice tries to make a few hundred times in a day to catch its prey (me!)

Feels like I am a tiny little squeaky mouse trying to escape the hold of an extreme Meowing Super-powerful CAT !
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
my sobriety date 07/11/2022

Just now sometime back It started strange sensations in my body (above diaphragm and on my chests and the little guy) and I got thoughts to logon to chatrooms and touch myself inappropriately. I watched the thought and sensations pass by and logged on here to record this occurrence .

I guess this is what is called “let the urge pass you” means . One thing is proved to myself now that I am capable of watching the urge pass my body and mind and yet not “act out” .

I did it once ! Which means I should be able to repeat it over and over again and make it a habit. And if I don’t practice it and make it a habit “no one else but ‘I’ am the Loser”
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
What can I do to turn those misses into hits ?
or rather I should be asking what can I do to miss those hits my addictive voice tries to make a few hundred times in a day to catch its prey (me!)

Feels like I am a tiny little squeaky mouse trying to escape the hold of an extreme Meowing Super-powerful CAT !

This is due to the power of our habits right now. But at any time, even now, if one is caught up in the unfolding ritual of our addiction, we can pause, disrupt, set a timer, distract ourselves, go for a walk, right when we're about to do a naughty search, instead we search for self-help videos. The more self-aware we become, the easier this will be.

The role of super-powerful cat and ourselves as a squeaky mouse is just how it is now. But as we abstain, get lengthier streaks, hack and disrupt the addictive patterns, we weill see these roles reversed:

The squeaky mouse = our addiction;

The super-powerful CAT = ourself!
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Jumped over a weak moment today and made it to other end . Felt a little more confident in my ability to handle my urges

my sobriety date 07/11/2022
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
My sobriety date is 07/11/2022

had a strong urge that I had to fight today although I did land on chat site and chatted I want to continue this streak even if not perfect to keep up the momentum for recovery. Happy not to MO to chats and get back to safety after this . I will call this a slip up and not be too hard on myself avoiding a black or white reboot


I will keep myself busy engaged in sober stuff abstained from excessive cell phone usage , browsing for explicit content and eventually landing on chatrooms to go further with my reboot . These should get me to a good long streak from this point .

I certainly my gut feeling is more confident and positive in handling these urges something has changed within me for a positive for sure
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Now that I did some introspection on why I had that strong urges last night and this morning I recall that I ate too much food . So need to avoid that to be happy and sober for sure !
 
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