Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
- Thread starter GeminiMan
- Start date
CloseToToast
Active Member
Awesome on achieving day 3! remember the time you have spent without it is better than consistent day in day out! cant wait to hear that you made it to day 4!
what are some things you like to do that may help you in your trigger windows? do you like music? the outdoors? etc
what are some things you like to do that may help you in your trigger windows? do you like music? the outdoors? etc
I loose all my self faith and confidence once triggered. I walk as though I am being controlled by a remote control .
it’s awful .
Two options to handle that
1. Avoid getting triggered somehow .
2. Hold myself when triggered and feel the pull observe it refuse the act out until it passes my body and mind untill things feel safe again .
CloseToToast
Active Member
@GeminiMan Heck Yea on hitting Day 4 keep it going! The after affect of a relapse and how it feels is always the worst, I'm sorry you are facing the remote control feeling and loss of faith/confidence. Great reflection on how to push forward keep trying new things to keep yourself either busy, distracted or focuses in a different direction. It may help you keep gaining momentum. Day 5 is on its way, lets go Gemini!
CloseToToast
Active Member
@GeminiMan Heck yea on day 7 and welcome to the 5am club! if you are a coffee drinker i wish your coffee be strong and your day being awesome haha
CloseToToast
Active Member
Indeed I am at least every other day. Up at 430 or 5am to be out the door 30 minutes later for the gym for an hour or 1.5 hours. On my non gym days i still wake up at 530 naturally since I am now used to it haha. Those are the drink coffee on the front porch, read a book, work on my chainmaille shirt for my Renaissance Fair outfit, etcAre you ing the club too
Day 8 today
The addictive voice inside me is not happy .
I have been irritable and edgy over last 24 hours . Last night I woke up in the middle of sleep and almost autonomously picked up phone and logged onto chat room and then after a while I did convince myself and put the phone aside and went back to sleep .
All these are withdrawal symptoms .
Just need to observe these unpleasant feelings in my body and mind and keep myself from acting out the next few days as I focus on my day to day family vocation and work .
I will endure these moods of sadness(yes feeling sad is another symptom I am seeing) and irritability and move on to the next plateau of my streak .
all of you guys have been so kind in leading me up until day 8 . It means a lot !
The addictive voice inside me is not happy .
I have been irritable and edgy over last 24 hours . Last night I woke up in the middle of sleep and almost autonomously picked up phone and logged onto chat room and then after a while I did convince myself and put the phone aside and went back to sleep .
All these are withdrawal symptoms .
Just need to observe these unpleasant feelings in my body and mind and keep myself from acting out the next few days as I focus on my day to day family vocation and work .
I will endure these moods of sadness(yes feeling sad is another symptom I am seeing) and irritability and move on to the next plateau of my streak .
all of you guys have been so kind in leading me up until day 8 . It means a lot !
Day 9 today
If I had to reset my counter for Chatroom logins I am at day 0 .
I had very strong pulls of addictive voice and I did login to chatrooms a few times and touched myself. I felt defeated at times and stopped myself and walked away.
I am realizing it is making me feel bad in two ways
1. Because I am not willing to give it full control
2. By pulling me to chatrooms repeatedly and making me feel defeated .
I have been here many times and gave in eventually to reset to day 0.
If I had to do something different and that’s what I want is to endure these pulls and not act out by logging into chatrooms and not touching myself. so I safely return to lower dopamine levels in my brain and I want to feel like I can actually endure the addictive pulls and yet not MO and loose it all .
Today tomorrow my focus is to keep dopamine levels low . Observe all the pulls thrown at me and see them go past me and I remain in a non judge mental state about myself and stay my course further into the streak .
If I had to reset my counter for Chatroom logins I am at day 0 .
I had very strong pulls of addictive voice and I did login to chatrooms a few times and touched myself. I felt defeated at times and stopped myself and walked away.
I am realizing it is making me feel bad in two ways
1. Because I am not willing to give it full control
2. By pulling me to chatrooms repeatedly and making me feel defeated .
I have been here many times and gave in eventually to reset to day 0.
If I had to do something different and that’s what I want is to endure these pulls and not act out by logging into chatrooms and not touching myself. so I safely return to lower dopamine levels in my brain and I want to feel like I can actually endure the addictive pulls and yet not MO and loose it all .
Today tomorrow my focus is to keep dopamine levels low . Observe all the pulls thrown at me and see them go past me and I remain in a non judge mental state about myself and stay my course further into the streak .
CloseToToast
Active Member
@GeminiMan I think you need to give yourself a huge shout out for the win you just shared. You stopped the behavior mid action and walked away. You stopped the full easy dopamine reward of the finale. This is the steps you have to build to ensure prolonged success. Its going to feel rough because yes the trigger happened and you gave in a little but do not for one second discount how much strength and progress it takes to realize the wrong, stop, and move on with your day. We expect ourselves to be 100% perfect every day while we fight this, there will be ups and downs like this. Does engaging in the trigger possible not weaken the neurological pathway that much, no, but it doesnt reset it completely and you reinforced progress with a changed outcome.
You've got this Gemini! I personally dont think your counter goes to zero
You've got this Gemini! I personally dont think your counter goes to zero
Thanks for your encouraging words @WinkTinkTillium .
yes it is true that I am going through a rough tug on of war situation past 24 hours .
But it is important for me to not loose composure Or feel defeated due to a lack of perfect black/white reboot . It’s not always how it happens . I am able to restrain and stop myself in the track catching myself giving in .
what I want to be able to do is catch myself much earlier in the process so to avoid excess dopamine release which might escalate the situation out of control .
I think it’s important for addicts to gain self confidence and composure and be mindful of what is happening to them to be able to walk away from danger and maintain sobriety.
That is exactly what I am trying to achieve here .
To be more Self aware , self Composed and non judge mental about my situation so I can continue to make the right choices in my life day to day path .
Yes it is ! 10 days no MO
I did have Exposure to chats and explicit content before I pulled back myself .
so not a perfect streak at all but I am happy that I am not giving in .
If I catch myself trying to edge anymore I will start over counting from day 1 to punish myself for edging while not MOing .
This is a last warning I am giving to myself on edging .one more chatroom login or P exposure start from day 0
While I definitely appreciate having red-lines that will automatically mean a reset to day 0 (or two counters as the case may be), I would strongly advise against making it a thing of punishment or any kind of negative 'consequence' for engaging certain behaviors.
I think going to 'day 0' is punishment enough, if you wish, but I would instead make it as positive as possible, as a learning experience and nothing more. Negative reinforcement is typically counter-productive.
Wishing you the best, regardless.