Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

GeminiMan

Active Member
While I definitely appreciate having red-lines that will automatically mean a reset to day 0 (or two counters as the case may be), I would strongly advise against making it a thing of punishment or any kind of negative 'consequence' for engaging certain behaviors.

I think going to 'day 0' is punishment enough, if you wish, but I would instead make it as positive as possible, as a learning experience and nothing more. Negative reinforcement is typically counter-productive.

Wishing you the best, regardless.
@Phineas 808
as always that was a very wise suggestion I Thank you for that !

I should be thinking like-
If I open that browser again for accessing chatroom I am punishing myself and not helping myself in having a good time

and
If I never go back to day 0 by staying clear of explicit content I am being kind to myself and I am helping myself to have a good time

And I should stop this biased thinking like
“I am punishing myself by staying away from P, I am actually having a good time by staying away!”

Great attitude to cultivate in our day to day !
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey GeminiMan,

You are doing great. You are showing incredible willpower. Keep going, keep coming back every day. You can do this!

I just want to let you know how I'm managing my current streak. I installed porn blockers on my smartphone and computer. Basically, I fort knoxed all of my devices so that I could not look up dating sites/chat rooms/porn/websites such as instagram, twitter etc. And I've future me'd the password to myself (sent the password to my future self via email). Alternatively, Netnanny can store the password for you. Or you can ask a partner or friend to look after your password.

If you are finding that you are picking up the phone in the middle of the night and in weak moments are tempted to look up chatrooms, etc, then I'd suggest trying the fort knox (porn blocker) method. At least at the beginning it's good to have a tool that blocks all of the rubbish and aids your willpower.

Anyway, you are doing great. Stay strong and healthy, buddy!

Force!

 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 10
I gave in to excess P exposure today and MOed

Same problem of not being able to abstain from explicit content chat rooms and P costed me this streak …

lesson learned yet again ?
it is crucial to maintain a low dopamine diet . Once it starts escalating there is no way to bring it back down and achieve sobriety.

day 1 tomorrow
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
I should have reset to 0 on day 8 .
Atleast I would have not MOed to P today if I was on day 3 instead of continuing to edge myself through day 8,9 and MO on 10 to P .

I will switch to hard mode count from now on .

the moment I type something on browser to look for explicit content . Counter resets to 0 .

I guess that way I will make some real progress on my reboot . I may be too hard on myself but that is how I feel I will eventually succeed. Only by doing hard mode count and reset once slightly acted out .
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
I should have reset to 0 on day 8 .
Atleast I would have not MOed to P today if I was on day 3 instead of continuing to edge myself through day 8,9 and MO on 10 to P .

I will switch to hard mode count from now on .

the moment I type something on browser to look for explicit content . Counter resets to 0 .

I guess that way I will make some real progress on my reboot . I may be too hard on myself but that is how I feel I will eventually succeed. Only by doing hard mode count and reset once slightly acted out .
Sighed . This is hard . Wish it was easier
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 1 today.

my last streak was 7 days .
I want to hit a bigger streak this time as always but my environment and habits are there to stop me from growing my streak .

I want to optimize my environment a bit now by installing blockers on router . (I had blockers before and I was pretty good at going around them , but nevertheless they help a little bit)

Now What can I do to optimize my mind to achieve a long clean streak ?
things that I can possibly do is
1. daily meditation and try to develop more self awareness each day .
2. Food influences mind big time so I need to optimize my food intake to help my mind stay good (avoid junk food , avoid excess eating)

Last time On day 8 before I first accessed explicit content I was sitting on my work desk and the phone next to me and I felt like dark thick clouds have surrounded me , in other words I felt like the addictive voice in the mind was completely surrounding me from all sides and it was moving in on me to catch me and make me surrender to act out .

and then I did act out … logged onto chatroom !

When this happens next time . I need to stay my course by diverting myself and do something anything to get myself out of that high pressure situation so I can breathe and not act out .

What I could have done is went out for a walk or taken a cold shower or just I could have put my personal phone and laptop in another room inside a locker and I could have focused on my projects or work to help myself stay my course

This is something I should do next time when the situation gets tough and threatening.

and to avoid night time middle of sleep slippages I need to keep my phone and laptop in living room and take only an old school alarm clock into my room each night . That will help me stay focused in night time each night .

All these are some lessons an things I will do in an effort to get to a longer clean streak this time
so here I am day 1 here I go again!
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
I relapsed again . This time to Facebook .
Day 0 .

what I am learning from this experience is that I don’t need a P site to relapse . no chatrooms needed . Don’t even need an electronic device . I could just relapse by playing explicit content in my mind it will play P All I could just do is close my eyes and sit back to a relapse . It’s that easy to relapse .

So what do we do ?
we need to keep our mind sober and sane Everything else is secondary .

but wait
Our bodies influence mind and then
Our mind influences our body .

So to summarize we need to keep our mind and body sober and sane .

Now How do we do that?
1. Meditate to keep mind sober
2. Find ways to cleanse my mind day in day out May be by visiting mind cleansing online/offline content . This is what makes your mind clear when you consume it or abstain it . versus aggravate or fog your mind .
3. Find ways to keep my body sober ? This might mean I need to eat healthy , exercise and get quality sleep be out there in nature or outdoors a little while each day .
 
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GeminiMan

Active Member
I feel there was a sense of complacency that creeped into my body and mind after yesterday relapse . My thought process was “okay I have relapsed now and on day 1 , so let me jerk off couple more times here to bikini pics then get all those urges flushed out of my mind and body so I could finally feel relieved and get on to a sobriety streak .” No it’s not helping myself it is reinforcing relapse path ways ! I should not have relapsed again to help my self .

it’s creepy my mind . I tell ya !
It wants to make the most of this pitfall and have a gold dig here . The point it really misses here is that it is actually a shit dig it is doing not a good dig .
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
All we can do now, brother, is learn all that we can from our lapses- and what led to them, what emotional states we were in, what habits worked against us, and how we can change our approach/attitude to go farther and higher next time.

Don't beat yourself up, believe in yourself, and you will overcome this in your life.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
All we can do now, brother, is learn all that we can from our lapses- and what led to them, what emotional states we were in, what habits worked against us, and how we can change our approach/attitude to go farther and higher next time.

Don't beat yourself up, believe in yourself, and you will overcome this in your life.
Indeed it is true that I don’t believe in myself, proven by the fact that I cripple under pressure far too easily be it a game of sport or a work presentation or facing a tough adversary or be it facing off or taking a stand against the addictive inner voice .

A big hole exists there inside of me in all these themes.
“Self confidence”
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Indeed it is true that I don’t believe in myself, proven by the fact that I cripple under pressure far too easily be it a game of sport or a work presentation or facing a tough adversary or be it facing off or taking a stand against the addictive inner voice .

A big hole exists there inside of me in all these themes.
“Self confidence”
I need to make it a habit to think all the time
“I can do this, I have it in me”
instead of thinking
“I don’t think I will be able to do this because I haven’t done it before “
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I need to make it a habit to think all the time
“I can do this, I have it in me”
instead of thinking
“I don’t think I will be able to do this because I haven’t done it before “

Setting goals, no matter how short (low hanging fruit) will help to build confidence, because you'll start believing yourself again- that when you 'say' you'll do something, you do it...
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
On day 2 .

wish it was day 2000!
Started thinking about if I had to be on 2000th day of my clean streak by now . how would I have lived my life until today ?
What would have been my attitude towards life and day to day struggles ?
What would have been my daily schedule like ? Would I be as reckless of an individual as I am today ?
Would I have been a very very disciplined man ? Or a moderately disciplined easy going person ? How would I have handled the urges in my day to day ?
how would I have dealt with all those triggers ?how would I have dealt with numerous negative thoughts and feelings ?
How much cell phone use would I have done ?
What and how much foods I would have eaten if I had to be on 2000th day of my clean streak?
How would I think when ever I looked at an attractive woman ?
How would I have handled my interactions with an attractive woman at work/sport/vocation ? Would I still have objectified her In my mind ? Would I just think of her as a real woman with natural human flaws and emotions and ups and downs in her life ?
How would have been my relationship with my wife ?my kids ? My neighbours ? My coworkers ? My friends?
Would I still be a nervous person and make others around me nervous when they interact with me ?
Would I be physically very active person ?
Would I do something to calm my mind every single day ?
would I do something to keep my dopamine levels very low and healthy every single day ?
Would I still feel sad and frustrated at times for various things in life ? How would I have dealt with those emotions ?
Would life be one boring shit of a life to live in this world?
Would I seek any other way to experience the pleasure highs in my mind ?

so many questions popping up inside my mind like a bag of pop corn ! I will continue to think about these . Because it may answer some of the burning questions in my life and model my future self !
 
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GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 3 today
Things seem so calm and peaceful today . My mind is calm and contented . But the storms and hurricanes do come and go by . It’s just a matter of time .

I Need to stay calm and peaceful keep my mind happy and contented despite the disturbances happening in my day to day interactions .

I need to Keep myself focused on all the things that make up me like my family , my career , my hobbies and interests and my friends and my vocational projects.
just Excluding P and its companions everything else I like has to consume me so much that I forget there was a thing called P tendencies or chatroom tendencies or whatever .

That is the direction in which I will move going forward . Focused on life ! Versus being Focussed on avoiding P and avoiding relapses .

Because the more I start enjoying my life .
The less appealing P becomes .
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 4 today.

Although I am all by myself during the nights It’s a busy week and a lot of work during day time which helps .

Looking forward to making wiser choices during night time this week . Being already tired by evening definitely helps to go to bed instead of lurking online .
 
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