Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I know how it goes, man. I'm coming from there. I know the place of despair very well. When things don't go well, you feel very sure that you will never escape this. I binged my fuckin brains out since the beginning of this month until September 12. I was in exact same place, my streaks didn't even reach day 5. But now I'm on day 8 and today I felt better for the first time in 20 days during this month. What I'm saying is that it's possible to bounce back and get momentum, it's always possible but you need a short-term tactic to use. One short-term tactic to do as many times as necessary, one day at a time, until it gets easier. As Simon said, this is an addiction and I believe that urges are, at the core of everything, withdrawal. It can get complicated, but we must keep in mind this is not us, this is not our sexuality, this is not our sex life, this is withdrawal. Withdrawal gets easier with time, urges get better with time but we need a tactic to use. Every time I have success with my streaks is because of my "Keep the dopamine low - 2 seconds" rule. There is a quote, I don't remember exactly who said it and how the exact quote is but it goes something like: Between the trigger and the action there is a space and this is where the freedom is. This space is the "Rule of 2 seconds" for me. It's detaching/distracting yourself from the (hyper)sexual thoughts of porn as soon as possible, we got about 2 seconds. And it works.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Yes journal. And come here and read your journal entries BEFORE you hit porn. Every time.

But also this: This IS an addiction. Addiction is a mental health issue. We cannot feel so ashamed of failing. Be so down on ourselves. Think so horribly of ourselves. We have an illness. It doesn't excuse the behaviour. But we can admit without shame that it's too hard to do it without some form of help. People don't heal from other illnesses just by having will power. Mental health, unfortunately, is still very stigmatized, and porn addiction I would say is worse than even regular addictions in some regards (who wants to hear that you're a porn addict?! And will they even believe you?). We aren't even taken seriously when we say we are addicted to that. But we KNOW we are.

What you can control is getting the help you need. True addiction requires help to overcome in most cases - more than willpower. What you take ownership of is that part - getting help. You can beat yourself up for not getting help. But don't beat yourself up just for not being able to overcome your mental health struggle just because you WANT to. It takes more than that. What does it take for you? It's different for all of us. It could be counselling, it could be blockers, it could just be the RN community, or it could be that you need SAA meetings. It could be an accountability partner, it could be controlling other things that lead you to porn (anxiety, stress etc) etc.

Strength, brother!
Thanks @SimonM
I do agree that I have been trying all by myself ofxourse with support From RN community .

There is something missing for sure that has resulted in lack of success in my case -

I could be I need more help from others apart from RN
It could be me disillusioned myself living an illusion

day 2
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
I know how it goes, man. I'm coming from there. I know the place of despair very well. When things don't go well, you feel very sure that you will never escape this. I binged my fuckin brains out since the beginning of this month until September 12. I was in exact same place, my streaks didn't even reach day 5. But now I'm on day 8 and today I felt better for the first time in 20 days during this month. What I'm saying is that it's possible to bounce back and get momentum, it's always possible but you need a short-term tactic to use. One short-term tactic to do as many times as necessary, one day at a time, until it gets easier. As Simon said, this is an addiction and I believe that urges are, at the core of everything, withdrawal. It can get complicated, but we must keep in mind this is not us, this is not our sexuality, this is not our sex life, this is withdrawal. Withdrawal gets easier with time, urges get better with time but we need a tactic to use. Every time I have success with my streaks is because of my "Keep the dopamine low - 2 seconds" rule. There is a quote, I don't remember exactly who said it and how the exact quote is but it goes something like: Between the trigger and the action there is a space and this is where the freedom is. This space is the "Rule of 2 seconds" for me. It's detaching/distracting yourself from the (hyper)sexual thoughts of porn as soon as possible, we got about 2 seconds. And it works.
I know exactly what you’re talking about when you say “Rule of 2 seconds”

I clearly recall the moment when my mind said
“Let’s go! Open the chat url and let’s start thinking and typing filthy and get mental high, let’s go it’s fun !”

and my other side says
“But I thought I committed to quit this?!!”
And then I have woken Up from my chair and walked towards my phone !

sometimes I stop turn back and said to myself
“No no no NO! This should not happen !”
Then I come back to my seat and try again to focus on work !

Bit the urges in other words withdrawal has kicked in and I have no clue how to handle this!
So I survive for another few minutes , or hours at best and then BOOM the urges or withdrawal kicks in again and I have always SUCCEMBED when I am stretched multiple times like this .

So that’s what I need to push back on the next time , it’s coming ! May be 3,4,5 or 10 days from now .

This time I will guard my sobriety like my soul and never give up . I will try my best and enjoy being sober instead of trying to enjoy succumbing to urges as always .

Day 2
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I know exactly what you’re talking about when you say “Rule of 2 seconds”

I clearly recall the moment when my mind said
“Let’s go! Open the chat url and let’s start thinking and typing filthy and get mental high, let’s go it’s fun !”

and my other side says
“But I thought I committed to quit this?!!”
And then I have woken Up from my chair and walked towards my phone !

sometimes I stop turn back and said to myself
“No no no NO! This should not happen !”
Then I come back to my seat and try again to focus on work !

Bit the urges in other words withdrawal has kicked in and I have no clue how to handle this!
So I survive for another few minutes , or hours at best and then BOOM the urges or withdrawal kicks in again and I have always SUCCEMBED when I am stretched multiple times like this .

So that’s what I need to push back on the next time , it’s coming ! May be 3,4,5 or 10 days from now .

This time I will guard my sobriety like my soul and never give up . I will try my best and enjoy being sober instead of trying to enjoy succumbing to urges as always .

Day 2
I know very well how it works. Urges are, at the core of everything, porn withdrawal but our mind makes them feel like more than that. And I'm sure many porn addicts see something else when they experience urges, they don't see just their brain asking for dopamine and that's it. For me, when urges hit me hard, I start seeing the pleasure and the replacement for my zero sex life. "I want that pleasure! Where is my fuckin sex life? I don't have a sex life, I need my sexual pleasure like any other human being" is what would go through my head. It's a selfish reason conditioned by porn, to be obsessed with self-gratification, but it changes once you are done with porn. So far, I've been telling myself that urges are just withdrawal.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 3 .

I don’t want to conspire against myself this time by thinking this is just some random act of Motivation to achieve some random goal and after a few days loosing focus and relapsing .

I want to take this seriously the whole recovery and reboot process and the need to abstain from bad content so I can actually go on a long way and help my mind and brain unwind from P affinity .

I am my own enemy when I choose to loose focus on this reboot . Have to kick that enemy in the ass when he poses threats or troubles .

This is a war for survival between
Me(wishing sobriety) Vs Me(wishing Highs)
Literally …
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 4
Random euphoric recalls that takes me back to one of those high moments I had while in the midst of P exposure flashes back sometimes to my mind . And then I focus on work at hand in the moment to ignore it and move on !

I guess most success we can have is by ignoring the random kicks our mind tries on us during our day to day and just carrying on with the task in hand at the moment or better yet do something we love is the way to go to keep the mind body and soul away from P pangs .
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 4
Random euphoric recalls that takes me back to one of those high moments I had while in the midst of P exposure flashes back sometimes to my mind . And then I focus on work at hand in the moment to ignore it and move on !

I guess most success we can have is by ignoring the random kicks our mind tries on us during our day to day and just carrying on with the task in hand at the moment or better yet do something we love is the way to go to keep the mind body and soul away from P pangs .
That's right. That's what I'm talking about. I like to call it "The rule of keeping the porn dopamine low". OKay, maybe it's a long name but this is a very important step, it's crucial in the whole plan. We need to hold the porn dopamine from going wild by doing whatever helps us achieve this: Distraction from it, focusing on something else etc. Whatever works. In my book, this is number one on the list of things to do in porn recovery. Anytime I've had success with longer streaks, it was because of this rule. What I do is switching the focus to something else. Ekhart Tolle says in one of his books that the mind needs something to focus on, that's why some forms of meditation tells you to focus on something like the breath, you will either focus on porn thoughts (hypersexual thoughts) or focus on something else and distract yourself away from the hypersexual porn thoughts.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
That's right. That's what I'm talking about. I like to call it "The rule of keeping the porn dopamine low". OKay, maybe it's a long name but this is a very important step, it's crucial in the whole plan. We need to hold the porn dopamine from going wild by doing whatever helps us achieve this: Distraction from it, focusing on something else etc. Whatever works. In my book, this is number one on the list of things to do in porn recovery. Anytime I've had success with longer streaks, it was because of this rule. What I do is switching the focus to something else. Ekhart Tolle says in one of his books that the mind needs something to focus on, that's why some forms of meditation tells you to focus on something like the breath, you will either focus on porn thoughts (hypersexual thoughts) or focus on something else and distract yourself away from the hypersexual porn thoughts.
100% agree . Number one tool in recovery to get into a long streak
 
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GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 4 afternoon I was bored and aggravated
I wanted something fun to do to reduce stress and boredom

So I got onto tinder and started swiping
urges spiked from level 0 to 1
first mistake was this
Instead I should have taken a walk out or took a nap.

Later at night I was alone then I started watching cam girls and chatted with them
Urges spiked from level 2 to 4

day 5 morning I chatted with few on tinder and got excited and urges went ballistic
From level 4-7,8

Day 5 afternoon
MO Ed to cam girls lost money and came here

My resolve to reboot shattered in step by step
Destruction
Day 0 now .
Guilty shameful and regret and shadows are back .

Had I stopped diverted before my urges spiked from level 0-2 I could have made progress .

Back to square 1.
Worst part is my good side of me watched and observed all of this almost consciously in all of this and was saying in voices at back of my head to stop, divert , win back your composure !

I never listened , I only listened to urges and what urges told me to do !
This is what I got wrong all wrong .
Day 0

I don’t feel like saying big words like
This time I am going to make it yes , because I don’t see how unless I get off my ass move

Day 1 tomorrow
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 1 today
Feeling not good about myself at all

When I look at myself this morning in mirror -
I see a liar , a dishonest person , a man who can’t handle himself or his urges and a man unable to lead himself properly in day to day life, a man who doesn’t deserve what he’s got in life . A man who doesn’t deserve a honest and committed wife .

I want this to change
I want to see myself in the mirror and I need to see

A man who keeps his words and commitments he makes to himself and others
a confident man who believes in himself
a honest husband
A honest and clean dad who deserves his committed honest wife and marriage and all that he’s got in his life .
A man free of shadows at the back of his head .
A disciplined man ,
A man who feels worthy of life he is living .


it’s a long way to where I want to be , uncertain if I can turn this around and under confident in my ability to make this happen , I will keep repeating this each time at mirror to anchor myself each day each night

Day 1
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 2
Lots of thoughts in my mind on how to get myself straightened up from where I am.

Thoughts about tuning my environment to support my self mastery and transformation .

so my mind is working in the right direction to get me where I need to be as a human being on this world. It’s probably my essence(prefrontal cortex) that is taking charge and shining light on path forward .

I got to make sure I don’t loose sight of this mental drive and an inert urge to get organized and disciplined and achieve self mastery in various dimensions of my life which will also greatly impact my reboot and self transformation and will help me kick some of the garbage I have been carrying around last two decades including P addiction

I will journal these in my diary to get more clarity and let my conscience guide me to be a better human being and I surely will have to stay strong with myself believe in myself drop many negative feelings and complexes I have developed during my life which are inhibiting my growth and self mastery.

looking forward…
 
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GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 2 relapsed
Day 1

Back to where I was feeling .
But part of my mind says “no bud yo gotta make these changes you gotta come out of this shithole , it might take long but keep going don’t stop do what ever you need to”

Day 1
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 2 relapsed
Day 1

Back to where I was feeling .
But part of my mind says “no bud yo gotta make these changes you gotta come out of this shithole , it might take long but keep going don’t stop do what ever you need to”

Day 1
Never forget that there is always a way out no matter how bad the situation might be. The rule of keeping the porn dopamine low, the rule of 2 seconds can be trained to work, even if it seems not to work right away. You got this, man!
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
I am trying to write down my flaws which are holding me back to addiction
If I change these up for better I will fare better 100% than what I am today -

1. procrastination (leads to stress build up and seek comfort in P)
2. Overeating (this is a cue for me to relapse)
3. Hanging out with phone unnecessarily
4. Not engaging in interesting hobbies projects enough
5. Thinking that I cannot stop or pull myself back when triggered by P thoughts .
6. Not engaging with wife in real life sex regularly
7. Thinking wrongly that I need P to be happy and thriving .
8. Not following a daily discipline schedule that works for me .
9. Not going to sleep early .lurking awake
10. Thinking I am not responsible for small actions or choices I make day to day or for my overall fate .

I am getting to work on flipping these around from right now .

These will be my life’s mission going forward .
Outcome if done even partially right is
A fulfilling worthy life that is going to make me happy contented and satisfied for living such a life at the end .

Day 1
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I am trying to write down my flaws which are holding me back to addiction
If I change these up for better I will fare better 100% than what I am today -

1. procrastination (leads to stress build up and seek comfort in P)
2. Overeating (this is a cue for me to relapse)
3. Hanging out with phone unnecessarily
4. Not engaging in interesting hobbies projects enough
5. Thinking that I cannot stop or pull myself back when triggered by P thoughts .
6. Not engaging with wife in real life sex regularly
7. Thinking wrongly that I need P to be happy and thriving .
8. Not following a daily discipline schedule that works for me .
9. Not going to sleep early .lurking awake
10. Thinking I am not responsible for small actions or choices I make day to day or for my overall fate .

I am getting to work on flipping these around from right now .

These will be my life’s mission going forward .
Outcome if done even partially right is
A fulfilling worthy life that is going to make me happy contented and satisfied for living such a life at the end .

Day 1
That's right. Bad habits need to be changed and replaced with good habits.
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 2
I hit few improvements in my day
Slept early yesterday
Woke up early today
Exercised first thing in morning
Stayed away from my phone for most of the day

One thing I failed on was
I ate yet again too much

now I got to repeat this tomorrow and including food control
 

GeminiMan

Active Member
Day 3

My foundations to beat P addiction-
1. procrastination (leads to stress build up and seek comfort in P)
did well on this finished all my work with vigor and timeliness today .
2. Overeating (this is a cue for me to relapse)
Ate a little more food than in should
3. Hanging out with phone unnecessarily
Not much time today on phone at all that was good
4. Not engaging in interesting hobbies projects enough
Didn’t really have time because of work today
5. Thinking that I cannot stop or pull myself back when triggered by P thoughts .
I wasn’t triggered today
6. Not engaging with wife in real life sex regularly
doing okay on this needs consistency
7. Thinking wrongly that I need P to be happy and thriving .
I need to meditate on this thought more
8. Not following a daily discipline schedule that works for me .
Was slightly out of schedule but fared well
9. Not going to sleep early .lurking awake
Slept early last night got up just on time today
10. Thinking I am not responsible for small actions or choices I make day to day or for my overall fate .
Need to find time to meditate on this thought
 
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