Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

[GeminiMan]

5th day of clean life this time.

6 days back i planned to install below methods in my life daily to keep my mind away from sexting and porn.

5 things i am targeting to bring into my life on a daily basis -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

i have been able to do #1, #2 and #4 consistently so far and the result is 5th day of clean life with no sexting / porn.
I will make effort each day to keep these good habits #1 - #5 going through out my life consistently and achieve a complete recovery from sexting and porn.

 

[Free-man2018]

I like your plans and goals. Go for them!

 

[GeminiMan]

on 7th day i relapsed , it was the weekend and i didn't adhere to #1 and #4 though i did do #2 even on those days.
so , even if i indulged in my favourite activities during the day, i was not able to keep myself away from sexting and porn in late evening when I had "eaten a lot of junk food" and "had not exercised" nor did I introspect on my recovery on that day . I found my self relapsed late in the evening.

my daily tools to help me reboot -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

Though i failed (may be a 10,000th time ) i will not stop trying. i want to continue to keep adding these 5 steps into my life everyday and see myself succeed and recover.
Day 1 today.

 

[GeminiMan]

I like your plans and goals. Go for them!

Thanks Free-man ! I wish you success.

 

[Free-man2018]

Thank you man,

Don't give up and try again, I'm sure you will make a longer streak this time with your plans and goals.
Cheers!

 

[GeminiMan]

I relapsed on both the days of the weekend.

On saturday morning i was alone with a computer with internet connection and the dopamine kicked off and i was sexting and stopping in intervals and relapsed in the evening to extensive sexting and PMO as i was again alone in afternoon with a Dopamine blasted head.

on sunday morning the binging continued and i relapsed one more time .

I wish i could remove all internet connections at my home including giving away my smart phone .
but in today's world that is not possible. so we have to live with these easy access channels to PMO and also the strong dopamines in our heads that can wreak havoc in our heads.

This lethal combination of internet access + loneliness + dopamine driven head seems too powerful infront of my will power to stay away from sexting and PMO.


I have been doing #1 and #2 of my tools but the dopamine blast i had turned my #3, 4 and 5 upside down over this weekend.

my tools to recovery -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

I will start all over again tomorrow at day 1, I am clueless how I will get past through the week, forget 90 days. The future looks dark and i feel weak in my mind infront of this powerful addiction and i have a fear that the PMO and sexting addictions will ride me out for many more years to come and I will be at the same place as i am when i look back after few years.

But there is also this sense of confidence in my mind that says i will turn this around somehow, no matter what.
I doubt its me cheating myself by not stopping myself, but i also feel powerless to control myself in vulnerable moments while i am aware of bad things happening to me but i still don't feel strong enough to stop myself or rather it is i don't want to feel strong enough to stop myself . I guess, the answer is yes, i am cheating myself and i am letting myself down and i won't succeed until i keep letting myself down.

I am my own enemy right now and that needs to stop ....and I have the need to be my own friend in desperate need! so with that thought of me being my only savior and protector and well wisher I sign off from this note and am going to start day 1 all over again one more time, this time me being my own friend and hope !

 

[Free-man2018]

Hey man,
Start again when you're ready and just then commit with your recovery.

I highly recommend that you read this link:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/

Read everything you can in YBOP and this forum. There are very informative journals and with wise advices.

About computer and mobile phones, please install a blocker, because you know what internet and loneliness is. It's the trigger. Stop it.
I know what internet and smartphones do to all of us. It's the main addiction that comes with several addictions?videogames, online games, sport bets & online poker and obviously the porn industry. We have to keep far away for all of this. We have to give a healthier use. We have to try to block all of that.

Stay strong and follow your goals with commitment.
Cheers!

 

[GeminiMan]

Hey man,
Start again when you're ready and just then commit with your recovery.

I highly recommend that you read this link:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/

Read everything you can in YBOP and this forum. There are very informative journals and with wise advices.

About computer and mobile phones, please install a blocker, because you know what internet and loneliness is. It's the trigger. Stop it.
I know what internet and smartphones do to all of us. It's the main addiction that comes with several addictions?videogames, online games, sport bets & online poker and obviously the porn industry. We have to keep far away for all of this. We have to give a healthier use. We have to try to block all of that.

Stay strong and follow your goals with commitment.
Cheers!

Very nice link to read through indeed . I loved reading that. Thanks free-man.

its not how many clean days you have managed. its how engaged your life is and how much more you can engage with your life goals and your life  in itself to push your life away from unwanted things such as "P"  ! nice thought

hey but just to keep myself honest to the forum onto 7 days of clean life now. Everyone keep recovering and holding yourself accountable. Cheers !

 

[GeminiMan]

I relapsed last monday and tuesday and then again today.

I have not been able to make it 5 clean days in last 2 weeks.

I feel like I am just all talks no guts to live clean. my tools are not helping me either.
I am ashamed i am still here in my life struggling with sexting and P.

Lonely moments with internet connections are ruining me day in and day out through out my life. I need to get out of this cycle.Help me god.

Last year i remember this time when i had vowed to make it a better year.
But i am worse compared to last year .

I had relapsed 71 times last year whole.(2018)
this year only up to October and i am already at 65. That is not telling me anything positive.
my goal was to do better than last year but i am doing worse

I need to start again from tomorrow try to make it a big clean streak to save this year. feeling very low on confidence , almost hopeless.

God save me from this abyss and make me capable of living free of sexting and P. This attraction to sexting and P is very strong compared to my will power to stay out of it. it instantly makes me weak internally as i am alone and with a internet connection.

 

[Lero]

I'm with you, man. I feel you. Let's make it to the end of the year clean. Try to stay away as much as possible from gadgets.

 

[GeminiMan]

I'm with you, man. I feel you. Let's make it to the end of the year clean. Try to stay away as much as possible from gadgets.

hey Man Lero, yes dude we got to make this year better atleast as it ends.
I have been thinking from this morning about eliminating my lonely time totally with internet facing gadgets until i hit my reboot goals.

I think that's the only option i have now. as I am unable hold myself in those vulnerable lonely moments with internet facing gadgets.

I will go into office every day possible .
when i work from home i will go to a coffee shop and work instead of being alone at home.
I will stop spending time in the early mornings doing my stuff with my computer and instead either go out running or do something else but no internet facing gadgets.
I will stop browsing in the late evenings on my laptop when everyone is getting ready to hit the bed at home.

i will start doing these right now and hope to get back stronger this year and finish at where i am (65 relapses this year).
I am starting on this new way of life 'eliminate lonely time around internet facing gadgets' right now after i finish writing this note.

i want to prove it to myself this time that i am not an all talks no action man and please myself with success of my reboot.
please my lord with my achievements in reboot and self transformation.

May god bless all and help each one of us striving to be good and sober.

we may be weak today but we will sail through with gods grace , constant practice and our abilities to persevere.

 

[GeminiMan]

I relapsed again today . i knew it all but i never made any effort to stop it.

I lost it. i am the only one at fault . i don't stop myself. i am too poor in stopping myself.

only 90 days left in this year 2019. I really want to complete one successful 90 day reboot this year.

I want it badly . but i need to go get it now. its time to go get it now.

god please help me get one successful 90 day reboot this year.
only one.

 

[Free-man2018]

Sorry to hear that,
How it was happened?
Did you install porn blockers?
The process requires commitment and some action (go out, make exercise, avoid thoughts, reading, distracting and focus in other things?) when the urges and cravings appears.
1. Learn about how it works the visual artificial stimulation in our brains (high dopamine levels)
2. Install porn blockers in computer, tablet and phone. Avoid thoughts and fantasies
3. Learn to live with the withdrawal (all related with the abstinence period in the first 90 days like pains, depression, sadness, loneliness, anger?)

Learn about how you relapsed, take notes and start again
Don't give up!

 

[GeminiMan]

I could last for 11 days this time without a relapse.

i will never to able to complete a single 90 day clean reboot in 2019 . its gone. i am scared that my life will also be gone without a single 90 day clean reboot . i don't want that to happen. God save me.

I am starting over today hoping to compete a 76 day clean streak atleast in 2019. if not 90 day .

I am going to turn on porn blockers on all laptops and phones so I don't slip into P or sexting easily and i atleast get a red signal when i am on the slippery slide next time .

 

[GeminiMan]

i have relapsed 69 times this year untill today

through out the year 2018 i had relapsed 71 times.

so 2018 was much better compared to this year .

hoping to turn things around in the remaining days this year.

i feel like i am trying to push against a huge mountain that is just pushing me backwards.
this is so difficult.

I took 1 step ahead in 2018 and my Sexting and P habit is pushing me 2 step backwards in 2019.

one thing i need to do to be successful is to stop myself when triggered by my brain after 10-11 days , thats when i fail.
also at 10th or 11th day i get dreams of P and then the next morning i relapse looking at cell phone.

i will need to look out for that dream trigger next time when i reach 10th or 11th day and then let it go past me without relapsing so i march on to 20 days and 30s and so on.

i will start over tomorrow.

 

[NewStart04]

man_in_30s_rebootingnow

Here's a quote I remember encountering when reading Gary Wilson's Your Brain on Porn.

In that very moment when you feel you?re weakest, when you feel like the urge is gonna defeat you, that?s the moment in which you need to stay strong. On the other side of that urge is your breakthrough

I hope you remember this the next time you reach that tenth or eleventh day. You can definitely do it. Break on through to the other side.

Take care

 

[Free-man2018]

Great Quote!

 

[GeminiMan]

man_in_30s_rebootingnow

Here's a quote I remember encountering when reading Gary Wilson's Your Brain on Porn.

In that very moment when you feel you?re weakest, when you feel like the urge is gonna defeat you, that?s the moment in which you need to stay strong. On the other side of that urge is your breakthrough

I hope you remember this the next time you reach that tenth or eleventh day. You can definitely do it. Break on through to the other side.

Take care

Yes, that is the breaking point in which we need to hold our nerves. had we mastered that art we wouldn't be on this forum.

 

[GeminiMan]

I have been donig very poor over last two weeks.

There were 4 relapses and a lot of Sexting and PMO. feeling like under a seize here.

I could not last longer than 6 days this month .

Total relapses in 2019 upto today - 73
Total relapses in year 2018 -          71
Total relapses in year 2017 -          92


I have been giving in to this addiction each time i get a slightest temptation in my brain and it just takes over me for 3-4 hours .
I just want to do my best in the remainder of 2019 and may be hit a 25 day clean streak at least this year before December 31st.
At some point this year i was aiming at 100 days streak and here I am aiming for a 25 days clean streak.
Is this that powerful that it is crushing my determination and will power in 2019 into bits and pieces?
I guess it is . or I guess I am not taking the command over my days and nights and life. That's why.

I will get back later. Take care guys . God Bless.

 

[switcheroc]

You seem to be facing big relapse problems, mate. You need to ask yourself these questions: How has porn consumption affected your life? What real negative effects are you seeing? And what positive effects have you experienced during your long streaks? I'm not finding any real motivation, so your "fight" is not there.

You shouldn't be "targeting" your relapses. If you really plan to quit, you should stop PMO cold turkey and target ZERO relapses! No more porn! Stop that shit okay bro!

We all got endless internet on our fingertips. Uninstall your "adult" apps and sexty stuff, delete any porn files, wipe your history and cache, unfollow porno twitter/instagram accounts, and instead of watching porn videos, watch NoFap videos on YouTube instead, you'll be surprised how that could motivate you. There was this 17yo teenage kid doing NoFap videos, he was off PMO for like 300 days, it was cool! When every other 17yo is beating his dick day in day out, this guy actually beat his addiction. I was like, "damn! If this kid can do it, I can totally do it!"