Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I relapsed again today in my quest for 86 day streak in 2020 . I will start over again from tomorrow and I will be aiming for an 80 day streak in 2020 at least.

I feel like I am a loser right now and i am going to relapse at-least 8-12 more times in next 80 days . Its like fighting to stop automated relapse machine over which you have very little control. Thats how I feel about myself. But I have to stop this , somehow.

But I don?t have any other option but to try again .

Day 1 tomorrow........AGAIN!!!
 

SebUK

Active Member
Don't beat yourself up! You did well going that long. That's a really big achievement in our society where we're bombarded with sexual imagery from all angles. Treat yourself like  you would a friend who had come to you and told you that they had quit smoking for almost three months but then relapsed! Not so bad...
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I succumbed again today . Hope to make a 50 day streak atleast in 2020. I blew it In infront of my own eyes. This sucks . Day 1 tomorrow again
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
There are only 13 days left in 2020 and here I am searching for my reboot success . I aimed for 100 days of sobriety streak in 2020 thats 3 months back I couldn?t achieve that I aimed at 50 days of sobriety about a month ago and I couldn?t achieve that either . I have only 13 days left in 2020 . I want to achieve atleast a 13 day streak in 2020 now or else even that will be gone and I will have no much clean steaks in 2020 ,let alone the dream of completely rebooting from this deadly habit . I don?t know how those succcessful rebooters do it . I couldn?t do it despite trying for almost 4 years now I count my relapses track in spreadsheet nothing has helped really to recover completely until now in my life . I definitely don?t want to live all my remaining life with this addiction in my brain riding out my days and nights at its will leaving no choice for me but to obey it abandoning all other personal intimate relationships I used to have in my life . Only that I know is true , that I am stuck, I am jailed in , I am caged in is how I feel . I want to be free . Somehow I want to be free !!!!  :( :( :(
I will start out my 13 day sobriety streak goal starting tomorrow and hope to atleast have that in 2020. I wish success to all rebooters and myself including  :(
Let us not bog down and accept defeat , let us get up each time we are crushed. I firmly believe that we are not a failure until we stop fighting and accept the defeat. Life still is giving us days to live and sober up our lives . Let us make the most of it ! Day 1 tomorrow..... yet again
 
J

J01

Guest
Good idea to start now and build some momentum heading into the new year; don't wait around until New Year's day to begin anew.  Stay with it and keep building some clean streaks.  Like you said, the only failure is giving up.   
 

akpal2

Well-Known Member
man_in_30s_rebootingnow said:
There are only 13 days left in 2020 and here I am searching for my reboot success . I aimed for 100 days of sobriety streak in 2020 thats 3 months back I couldn?t achieve that I aimed at 50 days of sobriety about a month ago and I couldn?t achieve that either . I have only 13 days left in 2020 . I want to achieve atleast a 13 day streak in 2020 now or else even that will be gone and I will have no much clean steaks in 2020 ,let alone the dream of completely rebooting from this deadly habit . I don?t know how those succcessful rebooters do it . I couldn?t do it despite trying for almost 4 years now I count my relapses track in spreadsheet nothing has helped really to recover completely until now in my life . I definitely don?t want to live all my remaining life with this addiction in my brain riding out my days and nights at its will leaving no choice for me but to obey it abandoning all other personal intimate relationships I used to have in my life . Only that I know is true , that I am stuck, I am jailed in , I am caged in is how I feel . I want to be free . Somehow I want to be free !!!!  :( :( :(
I will start out my 13 day sobriety streak goal starting tomorrow and hope to atleast have that in 2020. I wish success to all rebooters and myself including  :(
Let us not bog down and accept defeat , let us get up each time we are crushed. I firmly believe that we are not a failure until we stop fighting and accept the defeat. Life still is giving us days to live and sober up our lives . Let us make the most of it ! Day 1 tomorrow..... yet again

Hey man in 30s, I had recovered and then again fell into the abyss. So I know this monster somewhat well.

The thing to understand is that porn is not the real enemy. The real enemy is dopamine rush. The elevated levels of dopamine that come to us through watching porn or porn substitutes. Why are you relapsing? Have you educated yourself properly on the problem? Even if you had,  you might be forgetting some of the basics. I suggest reading at least the first couple of William's thread on this forum. I can post it here because it has helped me every single time. We need to push each other to get it out. Don't think of 90 days. Just take one day at a time.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
So I targeted a 13 day clean streak to end 2020 but I could only stay clean for 9 days I fell short by 4 days :( not a good end to 2020 but I am restarting day 1 tomorrow on 12/30 . Yet again ! Hope to hit longer clean streaks in 2021 and at-least one 90 day streak .
Cheers, rebooter
 

akpal2

Well-Known Member
have you identified why you are relapsing manin30s?

Here is the thread from William. He no longer posts here but he was arguably the greatest poster on this forum IMO.

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
hi akpal2 and my dear rebooters
Happy new year to everyone .
Reading This blog below was real good introspection

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

I started journaling asking questions to myself on why I relapse and the conclusion I reached was simple . Why did I just relapse ? Because ?I just simply could not stop myself at the moment?.
I want to be clean but I don?t want to stop myself at that very moment .
Now ....this will be almost everybody?s  answer , the same .
They are all here because they could not stop themselves and so are suffering.

2021 has been no different so far . Relapsed 2 times already:(

I think the next question we all should be asking is
?How do we stop ourselves  the next time we are urged to do what we don?t want to do ? ?
Or even
?How do we stop those urges inside our brains that make us fall ??

I still don?t have answer to those questions.
It will be upto us to find those answers and it will be very different for each one of us .
I sometimes feel I am just acting powerless when I have all that it takes to stop . But I may be wrong I don?t know . I think I need to reach a point where I get answers to my questions and practice them every single day to heal completely from this addiction.untill then we are all stuck inside the cage .

Good luck in 2021! Lets do our best
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I started over today with new  promises made to myself to hit a very long clean streak this time . I hope I don?t let myself down . I feel like I am not at all the same person when I am about to succumb . When I am conscious of my choices like now I am a very different person altogether. I hope to kill that other side of me fast . So I start today again day 1 .
 

King Leer

Active Member
Haha I love the yearly spreadsheet-like data on quitting that's great it shows you never give up. Keep it up man -KL
 

King Leer

Active Member
Also I remember hearing of a study or survey that concluded for the average person to make change a deeply engrained habit it takes roughly 11 tries. Some people less some people more. The point is never give up eventually you will succeed.  In my experience the only way I learned to hate porn was when it took me further than I ever wanted to go. Maybe if I had read other people's horror stories and learned from them things would be different who knows. I think learning from others misery and mistakes is ideal.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I held it on for 10 days again and then relapsed and then relapsed again after couple days . This thing bounces back hard if tried to contain . Oh god ! Save me .

Starting day 1 again tomorrow. I stopped tracking in spreadsheet my relapses. I want to forget that I do relapse and forget even that I was ever this addicted .So thats my goal now .

I don?t know how to quit this . This is too powerful. It?s insane . Its ever prevailing and appears undefeatable . I can only keep trying that is the only option I have , so onto a new reboot start from tomorrow.

Here we go ! Lets see if I can go all the way this time .
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I am not doing well with quitting . Still relapsing still trying . I made it sober for 9 days and then 10th day slipped into bad habit again . I am now looking for accountability partners to help each other to quit . It is supposed to be more effective when people in groups all wanting to quit get together and exchange their pain and ideas.

please let me know if anyone looking for accountability partners

thanks
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I have relapsed again and it was aweful. It was like I am into the PMO and not enjoying it but still can’t help stop it . I succumbed with no joy in it . I felt was It’s all automated now and I don’t have any control. After PMO I again felt I should have stopped myself before it all started . The usual feeling after PMO . Day one tomorrow…..
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Also I remember hearing of a study or survey that concluded for the average person to make change a deeply engrained habit it takes roughly 11 tries. Some people less some people more. The point is never give up eventually you will succeed. In my experience the only way I learned to hate porn was when it took me further than I ever wanted to go. Maybe if I had read other people's horror stories and learned from them things would be different who knows. I think learning from others misery and mistakes is ideal.
I don’t seem to absorb the mistakes others do and learn from it . I am almost so dumb to know and yet not to know at the same time that it’s happening to me but I can’t or don’t want to stop it NOW . I need to fix this pattern I have developed over my life
 

yogi

Active Member
Bro, its not about learning from others' mistakes.
That is why it is called an ADDICTION.

Keep reading up on porn, addiction, NoFap from various resources that guys have already mentioned here. Knowledge is not just power, but the KEY to REWIRING habit pathways of the brain.

Don't be disheartened about not being able to control yourself. It is expected that the brain will go on autopilot when it encounters porn.
No one is "dumb". The most brainy guys can succumb to it. If a famous macho actor like Terry Crews had a porn addiction, is it because he was "dumb"?

Stop belittling yourself. It's a phenomenon called "self-pity". Self-pity and self-shaming are quintessential destructive behaviours, as they don't allow you to acknowledge that you are human, that you can make mistakes, that you can falter in life.

Read self-help books. Focus on excelling at your job or change your job. But learn to prioritise something else in your life other than porn.
 
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