Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

[Squidward81]

I again succumbed to chat rooms today . I will be restarting a reboot from tomorrow and I will reap the 88 day clean streak this time to hit January 1st 2021 with a 88 day clean streak milestone .
I know I maybe sounding like a joke right now .
but I could not stop myself i tried god knows

I will keep trying and get atleast an 88 day clean streak jn 2021 . I have to do this now or never .

things I did better last time was I kept telling myself I will take control in those vulnerable moments and I did once … but by second time the urges hit me In no time I was on bad websites and that too after unblocking router each time as I know all passwords . I would see that monster prepping up my mind to go to bad sites I would fight those thoughts off and then there you go the urge is back next day to break the rules I ward it off all again with some scathes , and then BAM!!! it comes back with a HUGE urge inside my mind the third day of fight and then I go went down succumbing today : (

restarting towards 88 day clean streak in 2021 from tomorrow morning. This time I will not loose . I promise to myself

Man, I hear you about the crazy urges. Guys talk about the wave and it's so real. I don't know what will help you deal with that but looking at new strategies for when this cycle comes again might be a good place to start.
I hope you are able to deal with all the feelings that come after a moment like this. You aren't hopeless. You arent so messed up. It's just gonna take time to get rid of this. You've got this man.

 

[GeminiMan]

Thanks for your words there @Squidward81 .
I had a slip up last night on day 3 and barely managed to drag myself to go to sleep without relapsing . And day 4 today and I had the urges left from last night and I made a bad choice to logon to chat websites and chat there . But I could pull myself back without PMO followed by bad chats . I will keep fighting these untill I get to day 88 on Jan 1st .
Let’s see if I am able to make it this time .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 4 : I lost it to chat today . Bad chat . There are 84 days left in 2021 .

I am going to apply all that I know and turn every stone possible to get these 84 days lived sober and I am also going to pray a lot to god to give me all 84 days sober and make me a worthy Man
And help me celebrate my 84 days sobriety in a grand way on January 1st 2022 .
here I go day 1 tomorrow

 

[Emptyroom]

Hi! I have been reading your posts. This last post is very familiar to what you wrote in 2020. I think it would be beneficial for you to think about what is different now compared to then. Are you doing the same thing and expecting different results?

I think having a big goal is a good thing. 84 days is something great to look forward to but, I think that it is very important to divide your big goal into smaller more attainable goals. I would like to compare it to reading a huge book. If your big goal is to finish reading a huge book (1000 pages) you will probably stop reading after a while because:
1. the gratification is so slow: it takes a long time to read and it feels like you never will reach your goal.
2. you are focusing on an end result far in the future and not the journey/content in the book.

Instead you could set smaller goals like this one: "I will read a chapter of this book every day". Then, after every chapter you feel good because you made your small goal and is one step closer to reach your big goal.

Also if you know that you can read a chapter everyday, It becomes much easier to focus on the story in the book. It is more enjoyable when you aren't constantly looking at the last page in the book and sighing.

To go back to your situation, If you feel like long-term thinking hasn't been working for you, then I would suggest setting daily and weekly goals and celebrate a little when you reach those goals. I think the goals should be more than just, don't PMO. Have goals about meeting friends or learning or being active in some way.

Have a great day!
/Emptyroom

 

[Squidward81]

Hi! I have been reading your posts. This last post is very familiar to what you wrote in 2020. I think it would be beneficial for you to think about what is different now compared to then. Are you doing the same thing and expecting different results?

I think having a big goal is a good thing. 84 days is something great to look forward to but, I think that it is very important to divide your big goal into smaller more attainable goals. I would like to compare it to reading a huge book. If your big goal is to finish reading a huge book (1000 pages) you will probably stop reading after a while because:
1. the gratification is so slow: it takes a long time to read and it feels like you never will reach your goal.
2. you are focusing on an end result far in the future and not the journey/content in the book.

Instead you could set smaller goals like this one: "I will read a chapter of this book every day". Then, after every chapter you feel good because you made your small goal and is one step closer to reach your big goal.

Also if you know that you can read a chapter everyday, It becomes much easier to focus on the story in the book. It is more enjoyable when you aren't constantly looking at the last page in the book and sighing.

To go back to your situation, If you feel like long-term thinking hasn't been working for you, then I would suggest setting daily and weekly goals and celebrate a little when you reach those goals. I think the goals should be more than just, don't PMO. Have goals about meeting friends or learning or being active in some way.

Have a great day!
/Emptyroom

I fully agree with Empty room. Small chunks man. And having non PMO goals. Let's try it out! ( I plan to do the same)

 

[GeminiMan]

Hi! I have been reading your posts. This last post is very familiar to what you wrote in 2020. I think it would be beneficial for you to think about what is different now compared to then. Are you doing the same thing and expecting different results?

I think having a big goal is a good thing. 84 days is something great to look forward to but, I think that it is very important to divide your big goal into smaller more attainable goals. I would like to compare it to reading a huge book. If your big goal is to finish reading a huge book (1000 pages) you will probably stop reading after a while because:
1. the gratification is so slow: it takes a long time to read and it feels like you never will reach your goal.
2. you are focusing on an end result far in the future and not the journey/content in the book.

Instead you could set smaller goals like this one: "I will read a chapter of this book every day". Then, after every chapter you feel good because you made your small goal and is one step closer to reach your big goal.

Also if you know that you can read a chapter everyday, It becomes much easier to focus on the story in the book. It is more enjoyable when you aren't constantly looking at the last page in the book and sighing.

To go back to your situation, If you feel like long-term thinking hasn't been working for you, then I would suggest setting daily and weekly goals and celebrate a little when you reach those goals. I think the goals should be more than just, don't PMO. Have goals about meeting friends or learning or being active in some way.

Have a great day!
/Emptyroom

Thank you @Emptyroom for those useful suggestions . I agree I have been eyeing the big price - “The summit” and loosing my focus only after a few steps up the mountain . I will focus on smaller daily wins and celebrate each day of sobriety and gain that momentum of daily sobriety celebrations . As I would continue doing this at some point hopefully the “Big MO” kicks in and before I know I am standing at my summit and eyeing another summit .
thanks a lot for your inputs and attention . Really appreciate it .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 5 sober today and going ok .
it’s still a long way to hit the goal of 84 days streak of being sober in 2021.

I did pat my back today and I am going to buy my favorite coffee to celebrate 5 day streak .
I plan to celebrate again on day 10 by buying myself and my family a diner at our favorite family restaurant . I’ll just tell them I am bored of eating home diner so let’s go eat out tonight.
Every one please join me to cheer for your own sobriety journey
Let’s “all Go Sob !”

Man_in_30s

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 7 sober and going okay .
hope all is well with fellas rebooting . I’ll be back sometime .

 

[GeminiMan]

I succumbed on day 9 .
there are 79 days left in 2021 .
So I am starting day 1 today and I will be targeting a 79 day clean streak max possible in 2021 starting today .

yesterday’s failure was a lesson in that it taught me I need to be extra vigilant once I cross day 7-8 and then see how I make it through the next level. I have not gone more than 12 days sober in a long time . I will be targeting going past 12 and into 20s first and then make it all the way to day 79.
I should have been extra careful after day 8 and not let my guard down .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 2 today and succumbed again to chat rooms .
i will be beginning a new reboot starting tomorrow.
72 days left in 2021 . I am going to make it a 72 days clean streak this time .

The plan I have this time is to do something different to save myself from succumbing to chat rooms .
because each time that is where I slip up and relapse . I don’t need any P sites or Cams now. Just text is my addiction. So I am going to deny myself bad chat sites texting for next 72 days and so that will be enough to reboot my brain . When I consciously deny myself texting then my mind pulls me towards something milder like videos on YouTube that are semi P or something else . I will be denying myself that stuff too and allow myself only have personal intimacy with my wife .
Day 1 tomorrow again .

 

[GeminiMan]

I relapsed on day 6 this time . Again it was a lonely afternoon and I slipped away into a lonely room with my cell phone and ended up relapsing on chat rooms and then again on day 7 - which was today .

I will be resetting my counter tomorrow to day 1 and start a new reboot .
things I didn’t do this time -
1. I Did not stop myself on day 6 afternoon when my urges kicked in after lunch and also my inner consciousness was constantly alerting me that this is wrong . I should not be letting this happen again, and I just watched myself relapse in front of my own eyes unable to hold myself and my mind .

had I stopped myself listening to the alerts my inner self was signaling that a wrong thing is happening I wouldn’t have relapsed . but the same mind was also telling me that “I need this no matter what” and “if I don’t give myself some explicit content then I can’t survive “ and that was what I stood with in the end. I chose to not stop myself at the moment . Part consciously and part subconsciously too I guess .
I should have stopped myself and let my mind and brain heal more from inside and went on to day 7,8 and more .

Day 1 again tomorrow and this time I will try to stay with my good side of inner self and hold myself when it matters to hit a very long clean streak .

god bless you all

 

[GeminiMan]

Been thinking today about how to take my clean streaks survive beyond day 5-10 .
things that I thought would be helpful in sustaining the clean streaks -

1. Cutting down food intake into half of what I eat now, again this is because I clearly think I over eat at each meal with a lot of junk food and drinks . Occasional alcohol but not too much and I have excess high calorie intake that may be assisting my addiction partly . But that’s not only thing I should be blaming on .
2. Spending very little time on cell phone and totally avoid it when alone and only touch it when it rings for a call . This I think will take me a long way . Because recent months all my relapses started On cell phone by logging on to explicit chat rooms and followed by PMO.
3. Keep my energies and attention flowing in only these regions and never get out of these (family , friends, sports and recreation, prayer, my day job, learning, service)
4. And indulge in real sex only with my wife , again there are challenges here because she knows I am an addict and the marriage is not going very strong at the moment . There is work to do here .

if I am able to hit these every single day , then I definitely would have the chance to better myself with a successful reboot followed by long term recovery of my “Addicted brain and mind”.

Ok , I’ll get going to hit these and hope my journey of recovery thought process helps brothers and sisters in same boat.

Man in 30s.

 

[GeminiMan]

I relapsed on day 9 this time . It was a suicide I should say in the end . I was going hard mode for 8 days and cruising . Not even thought about P or M forget acting out for 8 days . On day 9 afternoon I had a lonely moment in which I was just sitting back alone and I was recollecting few past euphoric moments while PMOing and chatting and that was the begin of relapse inside my mind . Though I managed to get through the afternoon with ease without relapsing and no PMO or chat rooms, I succumbed late in the night when I had over eaten as well a lot of food (I think this is the pattern in which my addictive mind tries to get me back into PMO or chat rooms by first asking me to eat a lot and have very high calorie intake) and then I had some discomfort in stomach so told everyone in family I will be watching tv and sleeping late tonight . They all went to sleep and my chat room fantasies started flowing in and I couldn’t help myself much after that .

lesson learnt :
When approaching day 8 or after it , since it is hard mode that I am actually attempting it is crucial to eat lesser food eat healthy and stick to a disciplined daily schedule no matter what !
because indiscipline in daily schedule is just the way of my mind to get me into a situation where I could successfully relapse !
so I need discipline stitched into my life in my day schedule and eating habits . I will be trying to get these into my life now on .

some positives since I started hard mode reboots:

I am feeling more energy and optimism in day to day when I am in the middle of clean streaks .
I am meeting new people and joined a sport team recently which I enjoy a lot with my daily job and family. Interaction with family has been positive .

day 1 tomorrow again . Sighs !

 

[GeminiMan]

Succumbed on day 1 again to chat rooms .
I am going to start day 1 from tomorrow and try to make some progress this time .

 

[GeminiMan]

Succumbed on day 1 again , this time to P and then MO . Feels like I am being run over by a bus repeatedly each time I try to get up . It’s like zero defenses on my part , zero fight back and zero alertness , just giving in repeatedly to addiction . I need to gain some composure and restart a reboot .

day 1 from tomorrow!

 

[sameerforyou01]

Are you interacting with women on regular basis? Let's imagine you are recovered, do you feel you have sexual confidence to go and meet women and have sex with them?

One reason I was getting back to porn was that I always thought no woman would like to make love with me. Once I figured out that is extremely wrong thought process, and I started meeting woman on regular basis (via meetup events), started communicating with them, improved my social and conversation skills, It was much easier and motivating to move on from porn and masturbation.

Many people call it game, if you understand women, their psychology and have good understanding of relationship dynamics, then you can kind of understand how you can get good amunt of sex in real life and move on from porn.

Hope it help you!

 

[GeminiMan]

I am on day 9 hard mode . I had some urges last night but was able to put myself to sleep . I will continue to fight off these urges and continue to remind myself that this habit of feeding my brain with explicit content is only going to give me pain after all in the end . Rather I get intimate with my wife , that will at least make her happy and it turn me .
let’s see how far I make it this time !
It’s Game on now!
and I don’t want to loose this time

 

[Wonder]

I am on day 9 hard mode . I had some urges last night but was able to put myself to sleep . I will continue to fight off these urges and continue to remind myself that this habit of feeding my brain with explicit content is only going to give me pain after all in the end . Rather I get intimate with my wife , that will at least make her happy and it turn me .
let’s see how far I make it this time !
It’s Game on now!
and I don’t want to loose this time

Dude ... You never stop you if you don't delete all chances of getting porn.Cut the porn channel from the cable tv, cut the internet from the pc. Stay with the phone with some serious blocker that you can't delete even if you want !!! Because at some point you will want !!! Believe me !! If you need it, I can help you how to configure your smartphone so that you can't get to porn even if you want to, but you can still use it for what you need.

 

[GeminiMan]

Dude ... You never stop you if you don't delete all chances of getting porn.Cut the porn channel from the cable tv, cut the internet from the pc. Stay with the phone with some serious blocker that you can't delete even if you want !!! Because at some point you will want !!! Believe me !! If you need it, I can help you how to configure your smartphone so that you can't get to porn even if you want to, but you can still use it for what you need.

I tried few apps for phone but not sure which one is best for iPhone . Please give me all the info to install and configure safely on apple iphone

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 10 and I must say it’s a rough patch I am going through barely managing without relapsing but urges are strong and I am diverting my mind and actions to the best I can and closing the day to sleep and wake up . Not sure how long this will last . I will keep pushing