Hand required to O?

Mikerp

Member
I am 53, suffering with ED for 7 or so years now. I started masturbating at 15 and never stopped. Maybe 2 or more times a week. Always to images in magazines or videos or internet. A couple of years ago I would M for hours in front of PC maybe couple of times a week, I was thinking I better O all I can now cause my ED would worsen. My ED has worsened since then. I stopped that now, porn just does not excite me like it used to. I still M to porn but I need the visual to O. I"m married almost 25 years now, sex with my wife was mostly always good, recently really great because of ED pills I can please her for quite a while, but I can't O in her. For the last 15-20 years I would only O with her hand or mine instead of birth control. Now I can not O with a BJ or intercourse for quite a while, can't even get close to it. The feeling is just not there.
I take ED pills and now penile injections to get hard with some success. But to O takes A LOT of hand stimulation. I can not get myself hard to M without ED pills either, porn or no porn. My urologist diagnosed me with poor blood flow in my penis, but where is the sensitivity I once had? If I stop all hand/penis contact will I get back the sensitivity I once had? Maybe better erections without pills?
I have been to a sex therapist, who said something is wrong in my head, I do sense that something shut down in my brain. I used to really appreciate a beautiful women on the street, not so much any more. Just like porn used to excite me, not now. Recently I have been to nude resorts and other sexually charged activities, not much visual excitement there either. Recently have danced with other women, grinding and other genital contact does nothing for me physically and mentally?
Also Inoften watch porn with my wife while having sex to help with the excitement, seems to excite me a little. I can get off with her hand without it but it adds something.
Recently my wife and I have started swinging with other couples. I was hoping that the excitement would help, it does not. I would think the excitement of a new woman would work, still having ED problem even with the pills then, I end up going home with my wife so she can finish me off with her hand or mine.
Has anyone here had a similar problem with the constant hand jobs? I've read it will de-sensitize the penis. I am hoping that if I have no hand jobs for a while the sensitivity will come back, maybe even better erections too? Also I am wondering if my years of M to porn and images, even if not always excessive is my ED issue? Now I'm thinking it may be.

 

fcjl8

Active Member
Swinging with others? Man, if I could not enjoy intimacy with my wife with a nice erection, I would never expect the pressures of having sex with strangers to help things? I just imagine that being intimate with strangers to be very stressful?? I can't see that helping a limp penis!

If you don't mind me asking even the fear of disease would be enough to keep me limp!! That is okay with you?
 

fcjl8

Active Member
Sorry, don't want to come across as judging you. I just can't hep but put your account into my personal perspective...

I had some pretty wild fantasies while immersed in my porn use but never acted out on them. Maybe time away from pornland will help stabilize your sexual exploration.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Welcome.
That's an awful lot to process there.
I'm not gonna judge you, whatever arrangement you and your wife have is your business.
It does blow my mind that you still get blow jobs though, just saying.

But I would start out by reading a lot of the journals posted on here.
Granted, I haven't read any lifestyles quite like yours but the very
basic foundation is ridding yourself of any external source that triggers
lust that isn't your SO (significant other). That's if she's the only one
you desire and want to please. Again, not judging.
Now I too have spent a great deal of time in the night club scene and
lets face it, I do like dancing and getting turned on by the grinding,
the touch, and the smell of a woman I'm attracted to. Haven't done it in a while
because I have an SO that isn't into that sort of thing. But even so, I
had to stop going simply because I have E.D. issues and there are to
many triggers in that environment that is detrimental to my progress.

Think about this for a moment, you just listed one source after another that
worked, stopped working, then you moved onto another.
Wasn't that the same with porn?
YOu probably had a few girls you would watch in certain scenes.
You spanked the monkey so much to them that you moved on to other
girls. Different types and probably even escalated to the kind of sex you're
not particularly into but you see, you wore out the stuff you were turned
on by to the point that there is no sensitivity downstairs.
So when a real vagina is starring you in the face, you're at a lost.
Same goes for all those 'quick fix' things you tried. Worked for a little,
then you got nothing.
So the answer in my amateur opinion is to
make a commitment to reboot. It's gonna take some sacrifices but how bad do you
want to reverse this?


 

Mikerp

Member
  Thanks for the feedback.  Guess I should point out that sex with my wife has been great the last couple of years with ED pills. But I do need pills for it. Inconvenient sometimes.
  The swinging escalated form viewing porn with my wife, it was my idea I'm sure, and we both thought we only live once, so why not act on fantasy?  Instead getting old and looking back and saying we should have, also we do practice safe sex with others. We've been together for 30 years, and both view sex with others as just sex and a fun time.
  I am still wondering that since a penile dopler test showed that I have poor blood flow, if it is really worth abstaining from O for a while. I can definitely stopped masturbating, I think? 4 days now, and I have no desire to after reading here, but to have no release at all with my wife? It would be worth no O if I do improve, for sure. But I am not sure that I have multiple problems. But I am going to change something for a while.
  From what I gather here, is it bad to even get a glimpse of porn? And would porn be just sexual acts or even a scantily clothed real women? I do realize my brain seems dead to seeing porn and pics now. I think that shows that I've seen too much? But it seems like real women can be OK? And any artificial images can be bad.
  I have another question, in recent years when I've become aroused, instead of getting hard (totally limp) I will get precum seepage? Without having any physical contact in my pants.  Any indication with that? I have not been able to find any info on that matter.
  Any further input would be appreciated
 

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
From what I gather here, is it bad to even get a glimpse of porn? And would porn be just sexual acts or even a scantily clothed real women? I do realize my brain seems dead to seeing porn and pics now. I think that shows that I've seen too much? But it seems like real women can be OK? And any artificial images can be bad.
Hi Mikerp, Welcome. Personally, I think what shows that you've seen too much porn is your inability to stop looking at and/or thinking about it. When it becomes an unhealthy expression of your sexuality and you are spending more energy fantasizing about sex with other women than you are being present in your life for the people who are near and dear to you. It can also be a problem too when acting out or thoughts of acting out interfere with your daily life, like, by getting in the way of work, for example. I don't know if that's happening in your case of not. Only you would know that. As for "real women," I should point out that fantasies about real women can also interfere with healthy sexuality. I'd recommend spending some time on Yourbrainonporn.com, if you haven't already, and learning about what about what compulsive sexual behaviors can do to our brain chemistry. Very enlightening!
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
  I am still wondering that since a penile dopler test showed that I have poor blood flow, if it is really worth abstaining from O for a while. I can definitely stopped masturbating, I think? 4 days now, and I have no desire to after reading here, but to have no release at all with my wife?
[size=12pt]I have orgasms only from my significant other (SO) if I'm lucky enough
to get a stiffy.
I was wondering the same thing and I got good advice. But for me to get turned on normally, I have to reboot.
Quit jerking, quit looking at porn, quit starring at women's asses, quit clubbing, etc.
I need to re-sensitize my sexual desire for the real thing as opposed to those external sources.
Not gonna take affect over night but I'm just about two months in.
You should check out some of the other journals and see what everyone else is going through.
[/size]


  I have another question, in recent years when I've become aroused, instead of getting hard (totally limp) I will get precum seepage?
Looks like you have a leaky faucet. I don't know about that but I really hope that the problem goes away.

 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
@ Mikerp

I have another question, in recent years when I've become aroused, instead of getting hard (totally limp) I will get pre-cum seepage?

This happened to me very frequently. It is very common among guys with PIED.. Cannot say why it happens. It tends to go away after rebooting.

If it does not go away it might be a good idea to go see a good urologist just to rule other causes out.
 

Mikerp

Member
Gabe, thanks for the response
  So you and others here have had the same problem? And it stopped for most after your reboot? How long was your reboot? Did you abstain from sex completely? Do you get erections now instead of precum? Could you only cum by a hand with no sensitivity for anything else?
  I am 6 days without an orgasm from any means, kinda of a weird feeling.
  I have taken no ED pills for that time and noticed minor morning wood the last 2 days, when that has been non-existent in recent years without pills the night before.
  Everything here seems to point at me having PIED. Maybe there is hope for my ED cure after years of seeking a solution.
  On another note, I am scheduled for a vasectomy soon after all these years, this site has given me hope, and I want something to look forward to with my wife, instead of the  normal hand release, I am really hoping to get back the sensitivity to be able to O in her, its impossible now.
 

Mikerp

Member
Wanted to mention that I had sex with my SO 6 days in PMO free, I tried it with no ED pills, way too early, could not get hard enough for penetration, ended up injecting MEDS to get hard and satisfy her, I was able to O to her hand after some work on her part.
  Also I think I am noticing that when we just hug now I am feeling something good that I have not felt in awhile, hopefully that is a good sign that a cure is around the corner.
  I have no interest in watching porn at all, it has become just a crutch for M, no real thrill there anymore. Same for M, I have had no desire to since I've been PMO free, I would rather stick it out to see if I improve sexually. Hopefully I see improvement sooner then later.
 

Mikerp

Member
OK, I'm still no PMO, 16 days in now, I had sex with my wife 2 times, about 7 days apart, and the 2nd time MO'd in the shower the morning after, I have avoided porn with no problem, no desire to see it either. Seems like my libido is low, I used to feel a need for sex, now I feel OK without it. It may be my testosterone is low, I'm due for T pellets inserted again soon. Anyway I'm still hoping for some sort of ED issue correction. I have noticed some morning wood lately, that was non-existent without taking ED meds the night before, it is giving me a little hope.
 

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Mikerp, Sounds like you're doing great on P front - Congratulations! At 16 days in, your body may be in flatline mode, which would explain your low libido. It will pass in time.
 

Mikerp

Member
Well, I'm still waiting for some kind a improvement. Have not noticed anything yet. My libido is pretty low. I feel that I'm OK not having sex. Its 13 days since I O'd with my wife, I would think I'd really be wanting sex? I'm fine with no porn and M, I don't have any urge to, but feel I should have sex with my wife for her, its not fair to her to have none. Also I'd be able to see if I've gotten anymore sensitivity? Hope so. 
 
M

Mart71

Guest
Hi Mike,
just read through your journal. I (42 y.o.) have been rebooting with a partner for more than six months and my biggest problems are libido and sensitivity as well. I am also using ED drugs. Assuming porn is the problem (and not some other medical issue), here are some suggestions:

- Stop with MO. Sensitivity takes a long time to improve and you need to give your penis all the rest it can get. No MO. No edging.

- I hate to tell you this, but the handjobs.... Basically the same thing, they should probably stop because of the manual stimulation. A hand can apply much more pressure than a vagina - and your goal is to be able to finish during intercourse. It sucks, I know, but most reports point to "hands-off" when sensitivity has been damaged.

- Try more blow-jobs. They come with lots of natural lubrication. ; ) I wasn't able to even get hard from bj's in the beginning. After six months, by gf can make me cum with a bj, when I am rested enough like after a few days without sex. My sensitivity is still so bad though, that otherwise she can't. But she can make me hard every time now. Erections are good, especially when your partner is able to give them to you....

- ED drugs are OK, especially for us non-youngsters. Depending on how your recovery progresses, maybe you can switch to easier types (you are using injections, maybe with the reboot you can return to pills) or even get rid of them. But who cares if you keep needing ED drugs, if you are able to have sex at all.

- You are probably in some kind of flatline. You need ED drugs and your libido is dead. Relax. It will pass. Your body and soul are resetting in the flatline, it is part of recovery. Usually it is recommended to do anything else than thinking about or trying to have sex during the flatline. It often just causes frustration.

- No orgasms. It helps. Have intercourse without O. O's early in the reboot often set back guys. You should try to go for a while without Os, if possible. One can have amazing sex without orgasms, if you focus on making love. It doesn't even have to be this kind of slow, gentle "Karezza" style thing. I am having rough sex (which my partner loves) all around the house without orgasm, works fine and turns me on a lot. Also does wonders for my impaired libido. But O's still set back my libido.

- Be aware, that using porn while with your wife or swinging with other couples has the same quality as the novelty of escalating porn. Sure, it can spice up the sex life - but if you want to reconnect with your wife, it might be a good idea to reset yourself with the goal to be able to enjoy "vanilla sex". Staying away from porn "deleted" some things from my desires (like certain sexual acts), that I thought came from my inner self, but were in fact porn-induced. If you still feel the need to be more "kinky" after the reboot, then imo it is fine to use more spice. But during the reboot, it might be a good idea to not do it.

- It needs time. Be prepared for this to take a rather long time, say maybe a year. If it's faster, good for you. If it takes longer, celebrate the progress you had already.

TL;DR:
No porn. Rewire with your wife. Boost your confidence. Give it as much time as it needs.
 
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