Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Again some problems with my bladder. Its annoying, but the overall direction is the right one. So i am sure, that it wont get as bad again (and i also immensily hope so).
I think i have found a doctor with which i have a higher chance of getting an appoinment more quickly. I will call there tomorrow.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Got an appointment next week, studied the whole day, bladder was doing great.
I am close to the surface man.
I just gotta finish this thing.
 
D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Good news for the appointment. I hope you can have results quickly, and that those results will be good news. Fingers crossed for you. Keep it up.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Yeah Bilbo, i hope so too. But i also just wanna know what is going on. This state of uncertainty is the thing, that really makes it difficult.  Unfortunately there will be no test next week, just a pre-consultation. But at least wheels got in motion. Imagine he tells me i have got no VL (anymore). Man i swear, first thing i do is asking a girl out for a walk. It would be such a relieve.

Had crazy sex dreams that night. Woke up to one of them and had a decent erection. I assumed that a phase full of dreams will come soon, since i hadnt had a wet dream for more than an month, which is a long time for me.
One of the dreams was also about porn use, i recognized websites i used in the past. But while dreaming i was shocked at myself and closed it again.
 

zander13

Active Member
Isn't it fucking nuts that you can be 18 months into this process and still get dreams about relapsing? Just goes to show how much our brains got affected.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
It is definitely. At the same time a lot of addicts to different substances describe dreams like that , when they get sober. It  is very common with alcohol abuse with all i have heard of. Some of them claim, that these dreams never stopped entirely. Sometimes they wake up after 10 years being sober and got scared, because they first thought, that they had relapsed.
So i think these dreams dont necessarily always say the complete truth about where you are at at this process. But dreams about normal sex i  imagine are definitely a good sign.
Also i think it is partially my own fault. I did not really rewire much, since my ex left me. That of course comes from the fact, that it can be fucking scary, but secoundly there are additional difficulties for me, because of the diagnosis of VL i have once had, which build up an extra layer of of mental blocks. I can imagine, that those dreams would much easier resolve into normal dreams, when you feed your brain with new experiences, which can replace the old ones. That is also why i am so much looking forward to this test.

But things are getting better. My bladder is definitely getting better. Therfore studying is also much easier. Everything is definitely on the right path.
 

zander13

Active Member
I can see that, but from my experience it seems that those relapse dreams come when my brain is in a lusty, addictive kind of state. Maybe they'll still occur 10 years from now but, as you said, I'd like to think that as my sexuality heals I'll be having the kinds of dreams that I know I can have (because they've happened during this reboot), which are based on human touch, passion, etc. When my brain is feeling healthier I usually dream about the real thing, but yeah, since I don't know what it's like to be fully recovered, I can't say anything for certain.

Good luck with the rewiring process. Glad things are looking up.
 
D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Funny coincidence, I dreamt about watching porn too. It doesn?t happen that often, but I was reading your journal last night, and you talk a lot about porn dreams, so it might have influenced my subconscious last night. Like you say, it?s relieving when you realize it was only a dream...
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
zander13 said:
When my brain is feeling healthier I usually dream about the real thing

Totally agree, i had similar experiences. At the moment its all mixed up for me. Sometimes i dream about the weirdest shit, often i feel like i am in front of a screen. Other nights i dream of me kissing my high school crush.

@Bilbo

yeah totally possible. I often notice that my dreams are somewhat connected with thoughts or events of the past days.


I have got the appointment tomorrow. I hope this guy can help me. I am a little nervous. I just hope i dont have any signs of VL again. Man that would be rough.
Lets hope for the best. We will play with the cards, we get dealt.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Well, in the end nothing came out of the appointment. He descibed me more drugs and did offer me to do a test for 80 euro. Also he offered me help to get a vacuum pump.
After looking up again, who this guy is (i did not really bother looking it up beforehand, because i just saw, that he seemed to be an expert with erectyle dysfunction), i found out that he didnt work in a hopsital for 20 years.
No way i will left the possibly most important diagnosis in my life in the hands of someone, who probably has the education level from 2002. Since 2002 a lot has happened regarding the diagnosis and treatment of erectyle dysfunction. So yeah, even if it takes longer, i will definitely go to the hospital, which i am supposed to contact again in the midst of Febraury. Hopefully they will start taking patients again then. But even if not. I rather wait a little longer, than having doubts about the correctness of the diagnosis eventually.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks chris, i will, since my bladder is feeling better my overall mood is also much better

Did not have a wet dream for one and a half month, normally i would get one every month. Dont know if its even worth mentioning, but its different, so who knows, maybe it means something.
Did have a pretty good erection at night. How do i know? My sleep the last days has been a little poor lol. But doesnt really matter to me. I am lucky in having no problems whatsoever with standing up early. Usually i just watch chess videos until i fall asleep again.
I did always suspect, that when my bladder feels better, erections will also get better. So that is something i will keep on the lookout for. Maybe better erections will get more regular now again.

I am feeling overall pretty good. Only big problem remaining is my ED. Hopefully i will have some clarity there soon.
I found a impotence self help group in my city. Maybe i will go there in the near future. Maybe i meet someone, who can recommend a urologist for the test for venous leak.
Also who knows, maybe there are some guys who have problems with porn addiction and PIED and dont even know about it. Maybe telling my story there can help some people. I will think about it.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Yeah, after recovery I plan on telling my story and hrloi8itgers come to know the evils porn can bring to ones life. I hope to help others like me recover too.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey chris,
yes man, thats also one of my biggest motivations. I have to make something good out of all this shit.

Today my bladder started to make problems again. Its a little frustrating, because its just so difficult to focus on anything. Also i dont really understand why it started to be worse again. But i just hope, that it just needs a little more time to completely stabilize. The last week was good and there is for now no reason to believe that it wont get there again. Everything that happened the last weeks just points in the right direction.
Despite of the bladder problems i managed to get at least one thing out of the way, i had to do. And i made some progress with some other stuff as well.

I just cant wait (but i have to be patient) for my bladder problems and my ED to be gone.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Took a pain killer yesterday in the evening against the bladder problems, just to try something. Weirdly enough it seemed to help. I assume, that it is not so much the bladder, that is making the problems right now, but that the mucosa got irritated and inflamed after all those months.
Maybe knowing that, i can find things that speed up the healing process.

Again i could not sleep very well, but therefore noticed a pretty good nocturnal erection.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Might have found a total plant-based medication for my bladder, which seem to have a big impact.
That was so important, because i got to get a lot done this week and feeling uncomfortable all the time just makes it so difficult to concentrate on other stuff.
Hopefully it continues like this.
Also nocturnal erections and morning wood seem to have improved. Dang, i hope the worst is over soon...
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Wow, the medication caused me having completely zero (!) bladder problems today. What a great feeling. I think the worst is over now.
Had a good work day. In the next days i will contact the hospital again for the test for Venous Leak.
I had a ton of drive today. Man, if i now beat my ED, i will finally have a life again. Holy cow...
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Bladder is definitely getting better. I hate that i still have to talk about this problem, but it is what it is. I hope i can soon put it finally away.
Nothing new in regards to erections, besides that i still had no wet dream. Its now one months and three weeks. Its interesting. I still have regularly dreams about sex. I can often remember them, but it feels like my body isnt compulsively needing more and more stimulation, shock and novelty. The dreams are going on and going away without orgasm or ejaculation and thats it.

Got good news today, that one of my finals will be postponed, so i got a little more breathing room there. It will give me a little more time to catch up to the thing, i wasnt able to do as much as i should have, because of the bladder problems.

Activity the last days in the forum got crazy high. I hope, that it will catch more awareness soon in society.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Absolutely zero problems with the bladder. I will continue to use the plant-based meds and will start removing the other tomorrow. I sometimes thought this day would never come. It did last now nearly one year. But no use to mourn after the past. At least that problem gets finally off the table.

Had even better nocturnal erections again. I feel like i continue where i left of, when the bladder problems started. I always thought that they would have an additional negative impact on my ED. With the new progress i saw the last days, that indeed seemed to be the case. I hope that it will now continue to improve.
Nonetheless i will contact the hospital next week for the VL-test. Should there be a total turn-around in my progress, i can still cancel it.

Had a good day of studying. I love that i am being able again to enjoy life, even though i did not recover yet from ED. But i made a lot progress in other areas in the last years.

Keep going guys.
 
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