Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

[Jeks]

Had plans to do stuff for university, but then i met a neighbour and we talked about one hour. After that i learnt for about half an hour and then a friend called me, i should come over have a coffee and a talk. After three!!! Hours i met another friend and talked about 2 hours. I got nothing done, but feel like i did so much, because i was never able to talk to people and felt like connecting this much with them and even enjoying it, as i was today.
Next time i really have to stick to my plan to study, but none the less it was a good day.

 

[frodobaggins14]

Jeks, that sounds like you've made some really great strides!! I've also noticed that my ability to carry on conversations has improved a lot as well, specifically when speaking to girls. You're doing really great, I can't wait to see more of your progress!
-M

 

[Jeks]

Hey guys,

morning wood still went missing...
But today i wrote down all things, that keep me distracted from studying and then set a timer of one hour to do my stuff in order to be more focused. It went pretty well and i still get so much more satisfaction out of it, then like 2 weeks ago. Im thankful for that and hope that mw will come back again.
Tomorow ive got a appointment with my therapist. Im excited, how it will go.

Dont loose hope and stay strong guys.

 

[Jeks]

Had a sex dream this night. It was a little wierd, because i dreamed that i would have sex, but wasnt able to maintain erection. Woke up with shame and disapointment, but when i woke up i had a full erection. Lasted for a at least 5 additonal minutes.
Just happy that my brain and body seem to heal.

 

[Jeks]

Out of curiosity i looked up, how often i did relapse before this streak. 15 times.
Today: Woke up with morning wood, kept snoozing, lasted for at least 15 more minutes.

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Looks like your making amazing progress! I guess that means that you can rule out venous leak. Keep up the good work, you?re doing great!

 

[Jeks]

Thanks greenswampman.

Had yesterday a bad situation in connection with my ex gf. She is still triggering so much anger and sadness in me.
Had then a wet dream this night, dreamed about relapsing. Woke up and just realized why i did this porn shit all the time.  I was totally calm and just didnt care anymore about my emotions or the situation im in. Of course i had no erection while orgasm ( i think that i can tell the difference, even while being asleep) and morning wood decreased.
But whatever man. New day, new oportunity to make life go in the right direction.

Be determined guys, life will be better.

 

[Alexander89]

Sounds like we had a similar situation on the same day, weird!

Don't let her get to you man, stay porn free and you can have an amazing girl who you deserve

We're back on the horse!

 

[Jeks]

Thanks alex,

she really is my weak spot, but only chance to get over her, is to focus on my future and to get over this addiction.

 

[Jeks]

So, after my emotional outburst a few days ago i actually feel much better. I was really depressed the last two days, but now it feels like i was able to get a lot of negative emotions out of my system. My morning wood came back and I feel excited about life and how life will be, when im actually capable to work on stuff, without worrying about my urges and pied anymore.
I know that i cant let my guard down, but its like the certainty that this problem is on its way healing, fuels me with energy and excitement to work on my "normal" problems.

Dont stop fighting guys. You will find a way out of it. When youve got the choice between being happy and using porn, the decision is easy.

 

[Jeks]

Interesting day.

I feel like the biggest challenge for me in the near future will actually be to enjoy or at least to bare being lonely. I think the fact, that porn often was my "go-to-hobby" and that i was never alone, when my ex was still around, are the reasons why.
Doing stuff becomes more and more easy. Still have to negotiate a lot with myself, but me and i are able to find compromises most of the times.

 

[Relentless Observer]

Interesting day.

I feel like the biggest challenge for me in the near future will actually be to enjoy or at least to bare being lonely. I think the fact, that porn often was my "go-to-hobby" and that i was never alone, when my ex was still around, are the reasons why.
Doing stuff becomes more and more easy. Still have to negotiate a lot with myself, but me and i are able to find compromises most of the times.

I have been reading your posts and I wanted to say that it sounds like you are making great progress.
Figuring out a life without porn is much better than one with porn, but takes getting used to.  I have been realizing my loneliness throughout this process too and I have two thoughts.  One, this community is great and helps a bit.  Two, we really have to "get out there" ourselves and be proactive.  It is tough and it takes time, but putting time aside daily or weekly to "build the social circle" and hang out with the sort of people you want to hang out with is worthwhile. 
Good luck!

 

[Jeks]

I am a little bit concerned. Hadnt had morning wood a few days. The more days it becomes, the more i am worrying about it, the more i am effected by it in my daily life. Gets me thinking about how i will not be able to find a girl in my life, which i like, or even if i do, she most definetely will be leaving me after a while, because of this flaw, like my ex did. I am aware, that i should not be too focused on this, but its fucking difficult. If anyone of the long rebooters can share their experiences on this topic, i think it could be helpful.

I am trying to keep the hopes alive, wish you all the best for the upcoming days.

 

[Zel99]

Hadnt had morning wood a few days. The more days it becomes, the more i am worrying about it, the more i am effected by it in my daily life.

Just read through your post history. Seems like this happened once before for you. Don't let it get you down to much. It's really inspiring to see the progress you made. As someone just starting out, it gives me hope that I can get better too. I know that you're a success story in the making. Keep moving and good things will continue to come.

 

[Jeks]

Thanks for the uplifting words zell,
you're right, i have come too far, to let this get too much into my head.

The same night i wrote my post i had a wet dream about relapsing (not with internet porn, but magazines, which i have never used. Also interesting, in the dream i did not M, but only watched the content). Woke up, did the stuff i had to do, to be able to continue sleeping.
In the morning i woke up to a normal sex dream with morning wood. Wasnt the strongest, but still encouraging.
Still had a little bit of a depressed mindset and emotional state. Tried to meet it with positive thoughts about my future, meditating and telling myself that the feeling will pass.
Holy shit, i try to stay positive, but its like fighting an internal battle, while trying to hold the outer world functional and in suspense.
Just hope morning wood continues to come, so i have a reminder, that my life is on its way to get better.

Keep fighting guys.

 

[Jeks]

Well, i am back.

Had to deal with depression and sluggishness overall. i still do. MW are still not the same as like one month ago, but it helps to read my own posts to not go too crazy about it. Im still working on starting to take action in my other areas of life. Had some good and more bad days, but i feel like there is a slow development.

 

[Jeks]

Made a priority list to get more structure in my day. Made me aware that there is nothing more important than to keep on track with my reboot and to work on my studies.
For me, as someone, who deals with depression all the things sometimes tend to overwhelm me, because there is so much that i could change and work on in my life and i feel like i have to put out every fire simultaneously. Now i can focus on my studying without worrying, if there is anything more important i should be doing, which is freeing my mind big time.

It looks like this 

1. Pied/Reboot
2. Career/Studying
3. Chores
4. Friends/Family
5. Sports/Health
6. leisure
7. financial independence
8. partner/women/rewiring

Just can encourage everyone, who struggles with the same issues, to try it out.

 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Sounds like a great idea, to have a priorities list. Glad to see you came up with a solution, sorry about the depression, it will pass. Just like a month ago you were feeling great.

 

[Jeks]

Feel much better, depressions nearly gone, brain fog is gone. I am able to work on my studies and my career and have the need to meet with friends. Cravings are nearly gone, porn flashbacks are nearly gone, when they come, they dont stay obsessively, but disgust me.
MW ore strong erections are still not there yet, but my psychological state is so much better. I am more able to get over myself, even if i dont feel like doing, what i have or want to do.
I approach every task like i approached my porn use. I am telling myself, that it cant go on like this and that i have to start to do things differently. Sometimes i dont know what or how, but its clear in my mind that it cant go on this way. This is not the state i want to be in the rest of my life.
You all, keep fighting, give this task everything you've got. We wont stop fighting, until we made it out of this addiction. There is no other way, no other option. Otherwise we will run away from it for the rest of our lifes and will never be able to live the life, which we know, we are capable of living.

Its so good to know people, which are in the same situation like you and can fully understand, what you are going through. Thank you all.

 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Glad to hear you are doing better!