Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I had a good study day. Maybe there is hope, that i can pass the test. At minimum there is now a chance, that i will pass this topic one day, even if not with the first try.
It got me distracted from my usual thoughts about my ED a bit. But its just fucking bullshit, that i have to worry about beimg impotent, while trying to get my future in order. Its just such a slow fucking process. It doesnt help to moan about the situation, but it just makes it so much more difficult to get a grip on life. And when you then additionally get a bladder infection, that kills your productivity and mood for nearly a year, well, good luck then.
Anyway there is progress. Its slow and draining, but there is. I got next week the second appointment with the urologist, i will do a test there. After the exam on Thursday i will also try to contact the hospital again, but the covid situation still makes an apointment in the near fututre unlikely.
At least i also had some success with other parts of my studies. Bladder situation is bearable right now.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Fortunately there is a good chance, that i passed the test. Too bad that i cant really enjoy those little voctories. I have not thought about it too much, because focusing on my studies was absolutely exestencial, but my morning woods dropped to a very low state the last days. I am currently very very afraid, that i might have VL. My recovery just takes too fucking long. I will try to not think about it too much, since i still have to handle a lot more exams the next weeks. Only chance to find out is to do a test. Doesnt help to circle my thoughts around this topic. I hope, i can do a test soon. This uncertainty is the worst.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Around 19 months without porn and currently on a two months streak without MO. Longest streak without MO was around 6 months and, when i MO'ed it was never a high frequency, maybe around once a month or so.
Only real reason for the lack of progress could be, that i did not really started rewiring, except for at the beginning. But to be honest, i always planned to start doing it, when there are a little more signs, that i could be on the right way and when the signs would be consistent.
Anyway i feel not really able to rewire, without knowing that physiological reasons are more or less out of question.
Around last year January i saw some good signs of improvements i thought, but since then (maybe also caused by my bladder problems, which started in May) progress was non-existent.
 

zander13

Well-Known Member
First of all, that's amazing. Congratulations man. Seriously. That's awesome.


I'm part of a different forum that deals with longer cases, and it seems that most really long term guys start to really see progress at 2+ years. I don't know why, but most of us on there concur that 2+ years is the number. So don't give up hope man.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I hope so zander. As i said, its the uncertainty thats killing me. When the test is negative, i can be pretty sure, that there is no physiological problem. Because of my bladder problem i was checked in a numerous of ways and there is nothin of concern, which could cause ED this bad. Hormonally i also got checked, but that was four years ago or so. Maybe i can check that again. So besides Venous Leakage i cant really think of anything, that could cause ED that bad.
I am pretty sure, that P was/is a problem. It was super tough to stop and i had better erections with P (but never really good ones). Only question is, if there could be something, that makes the ED even worse.
So the plan is: getting the VL test as soon as possible and if thats negative (hopefully), i start rewiring without any question.

Thanks for the support zander!
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I am a little melancholic today. I think the desperation is slowly dropping, because the bladder got better, but instead i just feel a little down from time to time.
I gotta believe man..  Soon i can be pretty certain about having VL or not. Whatever the results might be, there has to be a way to havel a somewhat normal sex life. There just has to...
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Good day,

bladder and study situation continues to get better. I am so close to finally get myself out of this hole, i am fighting myself out of for more than 2 years. One of the last things, that need to happen, is to get a Venous Leakage test and to hopefully get a negative result. Then i can truly say, that i made it to the surface. I dont care, how long it takes for my ED to heal. I know i can get a girl even without being able to have sex with her at the beginning. But i need the hope, that my ED will eventually heal.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
thanks zander!

Very nervous, tomorrow i will go to the doctor and plan the appointment for the VL test. Hope everything will be fine... Hope he doesn just say i have a problem down there, without him knowing what he is talking about. Read some bad experiences from others on ybop.com

But besides that everything else keeps going relatively well.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Oh boy... Its so frustrating.
Went there, waited an hour, told hin i wanna fo the test to find out, if i have got VL. He repiles, that its not possible to find it out with the Doppler and injection test. First of all, of course, i havr found a lot of experiences of self help groups, who found it out with this test. There is even medical literature. Secoundly, why didnt you say so, the first time i came to you. Its such a waste of time and emotional energy...
Anyway, there is a delf help group for impotence in my city. I am thinking about going there. Maybe there is someone, who can recommend a good doctor.
Other than that i gotta wait, until the hospital will give me an appointment.

Edit: okay, at least i got a preliminary talk at the hopsital for the midst of April now.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
shit man, very depressed today.

Tried mastubating now after a 3 months break. Erection qualitiy as bad as ever. Got maybe a little better towards orgasm (60-70 %). Its now 19 months of abstinence and there is almost no progess. Only porn images were toned down a lot. Had to fantasize, but thought about a real life experience. Other than that everything is as bad as always.

I really need theVL test to know if there is something else wrong. Either i have fucked my brain up like only a few others or there is another reason to my ED. At least i got now the appointment at the hospital.

Its difficult to find the drive to do other stuff under circumstances like this. I really try my best, but i am just exhausted man.
At least my bladder got better a lot. When this would still be an issue, i dont know, what i would do.

Feels like i slid down a little in my hole again. Gotta keep climbing. At the 19th of April there will be some new insights at the hospital. First step is to make it until then.

Edit: One hope is, that pills actually helped me, when i was still with my ex. So whatever the problem is, i will be surely somehow able to live with it.
 
D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Well, you know what you have to do, so I won?t talk about masturbation and all that. I?d just like to point out that it?s probably normal that you couldn?t get really hard. I?ve often read that after a long streak of abstinence, it takes a few times before the motor kicks in. I?m not saying you should masturbate again, I?m just saying that what you experienced seems common. Your body and brain aren?t used to that anymore, you have deconditioned yourself during those 19 months. You?re probably just rusted, man. The best thing to do is to not think about it.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks bilbo for the reply,

i was in a bad state yesterday. Your answer helped me a lot. Never thought about it like this.
Also you are right. I now have the appointment in April, so the best now is probably to try not to think about it. The examinations will show what my ED is all about. Thinking about it doesnt help the situation right now. It just makes me feel miserable and doesnt help me to heal. I have now done everything in my power, i got the appointment. I will try to now let this topic go until April and then we will see what will come. Whatever comes out of it, there is hope. Pills helped me in the past, so even if its something physiological, there will be a way to live a fulfilled sex life somehow. Important thing right now is to get clarity. Thinking and worrying about it wont help with that.

Thanks again Bilbo. I feel more calm now.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Again it was a tough day. Somehow managed to get some things done in the evening and i feel better now. Bladder was again a little more iffy today, but it already got so much better. Just gotta keep going.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Stupid chaser effect and the desire to try it out in hope for a miracle got me to M one more time. That was stupid of me. But better it happens that early in a streak than a few months in. Disappointment would be much bigger. Anyway, it wont happen again.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Bladder seems to go better again today. I am confident, that it will stay like this. I can not use any more distactions. Any breathing room i have left now, needs to be directed towards the last finals this semester. I will do anything, to get out of this shitty situation consisting of ED, bladder problems, study stress and toxic parents. When my bladder is going okay, i think i have got enough capacity to make a last big push. I need to get out of this hole.
When the appointments at the hospital reveal no new problems, this will also be a big milestone to get myself out.
Even though bladder problems made it extremely tough on me, i think now that this will be hopefully over soon, i will be in a better position to make real changes finally happening.
In terms of masturbating its easy now. No M for at least the next six months, unless they find something at the hospital. Then maybe i have to restrategize.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks zander,

fortunately i had a very productive and successful day. Thats exactly what i needed. I needed to gain some momentum and some positive experiences regarding my studies. Bladder problems were again on and off today, but mostly alright. I have an impotnant meeting tomorrow, but i am well prepared. If it continues like this, i should really be able to get my degree. Little victory! Hope is alive...
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Meeting did not really go as planned, but thats alright. I know i can and will do better in the future. Bladder still stays iffy, but nothing of concern and nothing to complai for. Gotta rememeber, how it was going a fes montjs ago. Compared to that, i should treat my present situation as heaven.
It has already gotten so much better and everything will be alright. I will do anything to get out of this hole.
 
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