Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I am feeling pretty well the last days. I feel the most motivated, i have felt in a long time. I have the feeling there is a purpose for me working on my life. Additionally i can even say, that i am back on engaging and enjoying having hobbies. I for example started playing chess again.
Also study stuff is going very well. Its not so much, that i work perfectly every single day, but i notice the drive to work and even if its not there sometimes, i can have trust, that it will come back eventually.
I hope very much, that the therapy is gonna help. The doctor told me, that in his experience around 80% of patients in my position see improvements with their erections. So chances seem not so bad.
 

zander13

Well-Known Member
Glad to hear about your successes. It's providing evidence for the folks following your footsteps, like me.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks zander,
unfortunately i have got some bad news. I had a minor relapse on wednesday...😔 My sexual energy was very high trouhgout th last days and i was scrolling through youtube. Came across a triggering video and did not stop there, and allowed myself to scroll through similar types of videos...
In the end i masturbated to one of them. It was not specifically sexual content and it took only a minute or so, because my sexual energy was so high. Rationalized, that now, that there seems to be a physiological cause for my ED it can not be so bad, considering it is not really sexual content.
I think in a way the relapse was good for me to get a wake up call and to really reflect on my situation again.
The next day i had a little more cravings and flashbacks than usual, but what really shocked me was, that i was not interested in women or just masturbation, but my mind just wanted those kinds of visual stimulation again.
Now is the second day after the accident and i feel like i have the situation under control. My mind set is, that i just wanna get back my erections and i dont care, what i have to do for that. I dont want to take any risk and the side effects showed me again that porn definitely has a negative effect, doesnt matter if its the primary or secondary cause of my ED. I do not gain anything from P or M, besides the risk, that i could stay impotent for the rest of my life. Past generations did not need porn, so i also dont need it.
I am mad at myself, but just hope, that the relapse wont set me back too much.

Edit: By the way, erections were equally bad during the relapse as without, maybe 50% or something. Dont know what that means, but just wanted to add that.

Hope you all doing okay.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
hey zander, thanks for asking,

i am still clean since my little relapse, no P and also no M. Fortunately it seems like i really uncounscioussly understand, that it is just too much of a risk to start using again. I would bash my head against walls, when it would turn out, that i am physiologically healed, but still would have PIED and would be back into the whole addiction cycle. I am pretty hopeful about the process right now and try to use that as motivation for studying.
Frequent urination gets less and less of a problem, which shows me, that something is happening.
Best case scenario would be, that i already beat my PIED and that i am only left with my physiological problems, which get then hopefully resolved with the therapy. I now had two sessions. Around week 4-6 a lot of people already notice a difference.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Today regular weaker morning erection. I will try to not focus on that from now on. Around week 6-8 of the therapy i may draw a rough conclusion, wether its helping with my ED or not. It definitely helps with the frequent urination. Thats a good sign.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Youtube continues to stay a difficult place to be... I did not really relapse yet, but sometimes, i get aware of me, scrolling through recommended videos just to catch something, which might be related to sex.. Usually i dont find any, but this searching mindset pops up from time to time and continues then fo certain periouds of time. If i am brutally honest with myself, thats already applying P mechanisms into that, which is scary and if i am brutally honest, that already could be considered a relapse of some sort.

Took the criteria of tje definition of addiction recommended by gary wilson in one of his videos and applied it to my Youtube consumption.
Negative consequences: yes
Difficulties to stop, despite those negative consequences: YES
I think, Youtube gets a place for me, where things get heavily mixed up right now and i feel a little overwhelmed.

Additionally to that i heard my neighbours heaving sex some weeks ago and somehow this event was highly triggering to me. Now i catch myself thinking, that i have heard something again, which also lets my sexual energy stay unnecessary higher than it used to be.

Had a day again with stronger MW. Still wanna try not to focus on that. But it lead me to some short experiments of stroking my penis wothout orgasm to see what happens, which most likely led to hogher sexual energy all around. Also no good erection occured.

All in all i feel like certain defense mechanisms begin to crumble and i gotta be extremely careful with my next steps.

I wanna treat Youtube searching as an addiction of mine and just wanna allow myself to go on it, when i have a clear idea of what kind of video i am searching for. Just starting to scroll through recommended videos is a danger.
Then i wanna apply my rabbit hole technique for dealing with the feeling of maybe hearing something through the wall.
No M and no experiments, i need more time, i habe got to be more patient.

Dont know, if i forgot something. I hope, thats more or less it. As i said, i feel a little overwhelmed right now.
 
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D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Youtube continues to stay a difficult place to be... I did not really relapse yet, but sometimes, i get aware of me, scrolling through recommended videos just to catch something, which might be related to sex.. Usually i dont find any, but this searching mindset pops up from time to time and continues then fo certain periouds of time. If i am brutally honest with myself, thats already applying P mechanisms into that, which is scary and if i am brutally honest, that already could be considered a relapse of some sort.

Took the criteria of tje definition of addiction recommended by gary wilson in one of his videos and applied it to my Youtube consumption.
Negative consequences: yes
Difficulties to stop, despite those negative consequences: YES
I think, Youtube gets a place for me, where things get heavily mixed up right now and i feel a little overwhelmed.

Additionally to that i heard my neighbours heaving sex some weeks ago and somehow this event was highly triggering to me. Now i catch myself thinking, that i have heard something again, which also lets my sexual energy stay unnecessary higher than it used to be.

Had a day again with stronger MW. Still wanna try not to focus on that. But it lead me to some short experiments of stroking my penis wothout orgasm to see what happens, which most likely led to hogher sexual energy all around. Also no good erection occured.

All in all i feel like certain defense mechanisms begin to crumble and i gotta be extremely careful with my next steps.

I wanna treat Youtube searching as an addiction of mine and just wanna allow myself to go on it, when i have a clear idea of what kind of video i am searching for. Just starting to scroll through recommended videos is a danger.
Then i wanna apply my rabbit hole technique for dealing with the feeling of maybe hearing something through the wall.
No M and no experiments, i need more time, i habe got to be more patient.

Dont know, if i forgot something. I hope, thats more or less it. As i said, i feel a little overwhelmed right now.
Hey Jeks,

It’s cool that you’re able to talk about these behaviors with honesty. Especially after such a long time away from porn, it could be embarrassing to share these things.

I don’t think you can afford anything that looks like masturbation, or peeking at sexual or suggestive images. You’ve been away from porn for a while now, and you want to keep it that way. It caused too much pain in your life, and it took so much time and effort to get the situation under control. I know you already know all that, but I still wanted to point it out.

I hope this passes and that you continue to stay away from these behaviors. Find a mental spot where it seems inconceivable for you to masturbate or watch sexy images. For me it’s a little easier, because I have a girlfriend. I really can’t afford to PMO, because it will have a direct impact on my relationship. If you’re single, then find another good reason not to PMO. It could be time to try to meet some girls too, you ever think about that?

Take care, man.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey bilbo, thanks for your thoughts.
Yesterday i had a full day of succesfully managing all the stuff i described.
With Youtube i was able to stop the endless searching by putting two rules into place. First one is to think about a specific video or idea of a video i am searching for. The second one is to restrict myself to only look at 10 recommended videos and if i dont find anything enjoyable for me, i close the app.
Interestingly limiting the time of the searching process caused these moments of wanting to search something sexual to go away.
It also lowered my time i spend on YT significantly. Thats a good start and i feel like i have the situation more under control now.

About dating with girls: my hope in the past always was, that i could start getting regular relatively strong MW, before i start dating. Since i can not remember having a really strong erection pretty much ever, not even with porn, my confidence with girls really is not the same. I wished, that i could just get some good signs, so it makes it a little easier for me to approach a girl and to enjoy the process of meeting someone.
The shockwave therapy produces some mixed results so far. MW improved sometimes, also the peeing situation, but its not very consistent in both areas.
After all sessions of the therapy i will have to evaluate my stance on that topic. I hope that i at least will get some better MW then.

Edit: had then later a nocturnal emission about watching sexual content on Youtube... WTF 😥
 
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D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Hey bilbo, thanks for your thoughts.
Yesterday i had a full day of succesfully managing all the stuff i described.
With Youtube i was able to stop the endless searching by putting two rules into place. First one is to think about a specific video or idea of a video i am searching for. The second one is to restrict myself to only look at 10 recommended videos and if i dont find anything enjoyable for me, i close the app.
Interestingly limiting the time of the searching process caused these moments of wanting to search something sexual to go away.
It also lowered my time i spend on YT significantly. Thats a good start and i feel like i have the situation more under control now.

About dating with girls: my hope in the past always was, that i could start getting regular relatively strong MW, before i start dating. Since i can not remember having a really strong erection pretty much ever, not even with porn, my confidence with girls really is not the same. I wished, that i could just get some good signs, so it makes it a little easier for me to approach a girl and to enjoy the process of meeting someone.
The shockwave therapy produces some mixed results so far. MW improved sometimes, also the peeing situation, but its not very consistent in both areas.
After all sessions of the therapy i will have to evaluate my stance on that topic. I hope that i at least will get some better MW then.

Edit: had then later a nocturnal emission about watching sexual content on Youtube... WTF 😥
Hey Jeks,

I highly recommend not waiting for things like morning wood or anything else to start dating girls. Have a look at this thread, it’s a success story written by Guts on YBR, where he specifically talks about that. Don’t just read his first post, read the whole thread, it will only take 15 minutes of your time.

 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks bilbo, that story was very insightful for me. Its a hard truth, but seemingly sometimes even MW or getting no erection to porn means absolutely nothing.
Now i think two things are giving me still a tough time: firstly i did not get an erection with my ex, when i was 6 months without P. But also that seems to be in a normal range for severe PIED cases. The second thing is, that i have seemingly legitimite diagnosis of different stuff like IPP and VL...
But in the end you are most likely right. When i have done the therapy and nothing got better, the only real last chance to maybe get cured one day seems to start rewiring. What other choice will i have then...? Its a very tough pill to swallow for me right now, but at the same time the story gives me a little hope.
Fuck... Its fucking unfair, but i think i got used to it at that point. This fucking porn shit. Wished i would have never came across this fucking devils work...
Good thing it seems like i got myself under control right now again. This story definitely gave me some new motivation to give my all in not watching P and also no M.
I will continue to do the therapy. if for nothing else i hope it will help with my urination problem. After that i must overcome myself to start rewiring whatever the outcome after the therapy might be... One more thing. The doc i do the therapy with told me, that if the therapy doesnt work, i can do a Skit-test at his hospital. He told me the test should be sufficient to rule out organic problems for good. Also he is able to run the test. I think, that would also make it a little easier to me to start rewiring, even if the therapy doesnt help.
Most likely scenario rifht now is, that i have got PIED as well as physiological problems and i will treat it as that.
Thanks again very much Bilbo.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
I am back in control, had no issues with staying away from porn the last days. This story was exactly what i needed.
Mindset and motivation on the other hand is a little down. Progress in both frequent urination and ED are a little stagnant at the moment. With ED its not so much of an surprise, but i am still hoping that at least the other problem is gonna get better by the shock wave therapy.
Its difficult to keep hopes high over such a long period of time. Hopefully everything will work out at the end.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Despite the unclear nature and future of the urination and ED problem, i wanna try to now focus on my studies. I have a plan now in regards to my ED and have zero expectations on the therapy in connection to that. With the urination problem i just hope, that the therapy will have an effect, but there is nothing i can do right now besides hoping, experimenting with natural medication and telling me, that it already got much better and that it can even get better.
Thinking about these topics doesnt help me at all right now besides making it difficult for me to work and making me depressed. I should focus now on my studies as best as i can and thats what i will try to do.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thank you my friend. It cant take that long anymore...
Today i had a pretty successful day for my standards. Thats already worth something. I wanna try to get a little bit better day by day.
No ecpectations in regarda to my ED. Sounds kind of sad, but it takes a lot of pressure off of me. If necessary i will take pills for the rest of my life. What to do? If i am lucky, i will heal from whatever i am suffering from.
I am still away from P and M and are planning to do so. Its going well in that area. Actually i am not interested in sex at all at the moment.
I am just hoping, that my urination problem will get better. We'll see in a few weeks, if the therapy will have an impact.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Great day, had a plan what i wanted to do today and managed to to do it. Giving myself dead lines seems to be a concept, that is working for me.
Tomorrow i will have the fourth session of the sound wave therapy.
 
Hey mate, I read some of your posts to others' threads, saw how supportive you are and I do hope that you will get better soon. You are very young and I truly believe that your body is strong in recovering to normal biological processes and you will succeed in it.
Good luck to you! Luckily we will hear a lot of positive news from you in future.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
hey thanks man, i hope so too.

I am doing petty good in fighting my procrastination habits. Its a slow, draining process, but it goes definitely in the right direction.
I try to take it step by step.
Not thinking too much about erections right now is definitely helpful, i am grateful, that i am able now to let this topic more go.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
One more thing to add. Since my little relapse 3 weeks ago, i had three nocturnal emissions, two of them in the last five days. Yesterdays dream was again about watching youtube, which then slowly turned into crazy stuff and fetishes i have watched, when i was still fully in the swamps.
Definitely points massively to problems with porn and not just physiological issues.
 
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