Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks for your support chris :)

I am making slow progress with study stuff and procrastination. On the other hand my ED doesnt seem to get really better by the therapy. I will have session 5 today. The more weeks go by the more likely its primarly PIED or the therapy isnt helping. A Skit-Test after the therapy will hopefuly give more clarity with that. In the end its not really important, because the cure is more or less the same: Meeting with women, getting into realtionships and keep trying with ED-pills and without.
Urination problems are manageable, but at least in that area i just hope for a little more progress.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Without getting to excited about it, after yesterdays session the urge to pee feels milder today. Maybe it will be just a one-day-thing, but i acknowledged it.
Tried to focus on my studies, which went pretty well. After the session with my psychotherapist today, i wanna try to get more productive in the mornings. I usually wake up pretty early but do need a lot of time to get going, because i waste a lot time surfing on the internet.
Also i have the desire to get myself into shape again. My urination problems made it difficult for me to have a good sports and nutrition routine. When dating will start getting a thing for me again, i think those things can be helpful to build my confidence back up again.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Next morning and still i am feeling much better in regards to my urination problem. I am feeling liveliness coming back into my mind and body. I did a short workout in the morning and now i feel energy, motivation and want to make this day count. Really, i wanna make this life count. I have lost so many months and probably more like years, feeling awful. But right now I am feeling excited.
I am kind of mad again at myself for the slip up i have had a few weeks ago, but nothing i can do, besides staying commited to not let this happen again. The more days pass without the shockwave therapy having an impact on my ED, the more likely its just PIED or a not cureable problems, in which case i have to live with it, because there is nothing i can do about it. A skit-test after the therapy should give revelation. In summary there is nothing i can do about it right now, so thinking about it wont help at the moment. I gotta let it go for now and should focus on my tasks on hand.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Had a dead line and managed to get the work done. It was not as stressful as usual, because i started this time early enough.
The weeks go by and i am more and more convinced, that its just PIED, because my ED doesnt really get better. It is not great news of course, but because there seems to be no path left besides trying to reboot, it also makes things easy, because i dont really have a choice.
At least my urination problem got a little better. Also in other areas of life i am making progress, which should eventually help me to be more confident with dating.
 

Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
Thanks bilbo for always checking up on me.
Feeling hopeful. i feel like i have got a real shot to get happy one day.
Of course you do, man. We all do. But we’re so focused on our libido problems that it distorts everything we see. Rebooting is definitely putting us in limbo, I’ve never experienced anything like that, it’s a very complex and uncertain process.

We shouldn’t forget that we’re still living our lives everyday, that we’re alive and that there are countless opportunities for us out there. We should try to grow everyday, and to broaden our horizon continuously.

There's more to the picture
Than meets the eye


That’s Neil Young. So good. We keep fighting the good fight, but we also have to participate to life, regardless of where we are in terms of recovery. Everything in our lives does not depend on our ED. Life is happening out there, we should just do something with it.

Keep it up, Jeks.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks for your words bilbo. Thats exactly right. As soon as you are able to work on your life besides rebooting, you should do so.
First i have good news: the session yesterday helped tremendously with my urination problem. Today was as good as normal.
Nos the nore concerning aspect. I feel like my subconsciousness is really trying to sell me, that my ED comes from my IP likr my urination problem. I did not relapse yet, but my subconscious tries to convince me to either M or P. Its crazy... Also all the good looking girls outside with their minimum outfits are triggering as fuck...
I am a 100% certain that my ED is also caused by P. That is the thing i have gotta keep in my mind. No matter, if any other factor plays into it, P does as well. So if i wanna get my ED fixed, i have got to stay on the rebooting path. Its the only way to get truly happy one day. I have got a real shot now, i have managed to find out the cause of my urinations problem. I can not fuck that up. I have come so close.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
My urination problem is now really as good as gone at the moment. Oh man, i thought this day would never come. At least i am not completely miserable now anymore. Yes, i still get no or crappy erections and it is not completely certain, what the causes of my ED are, but at least i am not suffering anymore continuously from unbearable pysical conditions. Now, what are my plans?
First i will try to focus on my studies. I want to finish this thing as soon as possible.
Secoundly i will go on with no P, but additional to that i wanna go at least 3 months without M again. The last months put a lot of stress on me, so i wasnt able to focus as much on that. I did not M a lot, but probably too much to make it out of severe PIED. Also its not just my ED. Everytime i was trying to have sex or to M in the last six years, even with pills and therefore okeyish erection, i just felt so desenzitised and it is clear to me that i not just suffer from PIED, but also DE. Thats why i think i need to go without M. That also includes no testing, which is edging, plainly spoken. I always convince myself to stroke a bit, just to see, if something changed and it always ends in ennding before orgasm, which leads to uncomfortable high sexual energy, or i just O and then i am back into normal M. I gotta break that cycle.
Third, i gotta start rewiring. There is no way around that, even with crappy erections right now. My ex left me around 2 and a half years ago. I can not just wait until this thing magically disappears.
Fourth, no P, no matter what causes my ED, P plays a part in it and my desenzitisation. I gotta be especially careful about surfing on the internet, where searching behavior patterns came up in the last weeks, which led to my minor relapse a few weeks ago. I gotta prevent this searching mode, in which i just scroll through sites just subconscioulsy waiting to see anything associated with sex. It leads to high dopamine levels and if i find something sexual a relapse is very possible to happen. For that i have put one rule in place: Never scroll or search for more than ten elements. If i continue then, i am officially just in searching mode, which can escalate to further searching and that gets out of hand quickly. Further more only go on youtube and such, if i now what i am looking for. Fortunately i dont use any other social media. I think these woould have the potential to get a real problem now.
Fith, i now have a pretty solid sport routine. I want to continue with that. I feel weak and slim in public, at least from a body stand point, but it also affects my confidence of course, especially with women. I always was a sporty type and i wanna pick that up again.
Everything is on a good or right path now. I really feel like i made it at least to the surface and it feels like it will be easier from here on out.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Yesss, everything is on a good way now indeed. I had the most productive day in months, while being able to enjoy myself throughout the process. Great day! Finally some normal feelings like i am human again.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Had a nocturmal emission about watching Youtube. Man... gotta figure out how to handle this situation. It was going so well with watching no porn and now my mind really seemed to make a connection between Youtube and sex. If it is necessary, i will have to give up Youtube as well. I dont want to, but it might be the only way. I will now first try to get anything sexual out of the algorithm for me, that means i will mark anything, which seems sexual to me with "i have no interest". Secondly i gotta take that "not more than ten objects"-rule super serious. Youtube now officially became some form of artificial stimulus to me. Either i get it under control or it has got to go.

Edit: I think in a way these nocturnal emissions and P dreams mightmake it easier for me, to be extremely commited again in terms of P, YT and M, because it makes it more apparent again, that P indeed plays a factor with my ED.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Despite of the nocturnal emission i had a very productive and diligent day. I am so fucking done with P in any shape or form. It wont take any more seconds of happiness in my life. Bladder is a little more problematic today, but there are more sessions left. I just hope, that in the end i will be able to live with it without any problems.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Had a somewhat successful day. Had my seventh session. Since my nocturnal emission my mind shows zero interest in real sex. When i try to imagine having sex with a girl i see on the street (which i usually dont do) there is no reaction. I dont mind it that much.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Very productive day. Made big progress. Urination problem still is, what it is. Not bad, nor perfect. Porn or other artificial stimulation are no option in my mind. I feel like those bastards are locked up pretty well right now. But i also know, that they do have tricks up their sleeves.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Another nocturnal emisson just four days after after the last one. At least it was not about Youtube, just usual Porn... Definitely need to rewire, my mind does not seem to find to its natural sexuality by itself. Must have flooded it too excessively with P in the past.

Had a pretty successful day so far. I think that if i continue to make progress with my bladder and my work opportunities, the fact that i have ED wont weigh so much anymore, not within my own psyche, but also not with women and dating.
I think in order to be confident with that thing around women, i may have to view my ED not so much as a flaw, but more of a strenght of mine. Yes, i have got ED, but despite of that, i am trying to figure it out and build the best possible life for myself. Many others, with and without ED, are not willing to put in the work and give up, because of obstacles life puts in their way. It's something i honour for myself and if someones not able to see that, well... then she's got no business to spend her life with me.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Had a nice dream about flirting with a woman.
I do have a lot of energy and hope. Even though my urination problem is not totally fixed, its bearable and thats the most important here: To achieve a state, where it doesnt affect my day-to-day-life in a way, that i feel heaviliy restricted. I did have a string of days with very good progress and its just a great feeling to do something, that i am successful at and what has a purpose to me.
I also feel myself opening up to the idea of building up new relationships, which is i think deeply connected to my new sense of being happy and proud of myself.

Edit: Man, again day is starting out great, dont know the last time i felt so good.
 
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