Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Tough day again... Urination problem is not so bad, but still annoying. I was really unsatisfied with myself today. I feel like its more of a psychological thing. I try to reconnect with the strategies, that got me this far.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Day started bad, but got better. I bought some tadalafil as an additional therapy against the IPP. Not so much for rewiring reasons, more to get better blod flow going in the cavernous system. I will just keep on walking and will do what i must to have a chance to get happy.

Edit: Day ended well in the end. Made some very good steps in the right direction study wise. Urination problem was bearable. I gotta always remember, that these things are my only chance to be happy one day. All the hard work already paid off and will pay off even more.
 
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Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
I gotta always remember, that these things are my only chance to be happy one day.
Hey man, you put a lot of pressure on yourself when you say things like that. Don’t forget, life is bigger and more complex than what we see. In our minds, the outcome of 2 or 3 specific things seem to have such enormous consequences, to the point where they can make a difference between a successful and a bad life. But I don’t think this kind of thinking is really true (many other things can make you happy, and almost nothing can make you permanently unhappy). Most of all, those thoughts are probably detrimental to you and your well-being. I know having PIED and urination issues (and at the same time not knowing for certain what you really have) is a bad situation to find yourself in. I’m rooting for you. But don’t say things like, Jeks. Live your life as best as you can, and regardless of how your situation evolves, you’ll always have the possibility to have a meaningful life.

We never have only once chance in life, that’s only true in Eminem’s songs. We got plenty of chances, man. You’ll get there, have faith, and learn to feel good about yourself, regardless of the state of your health issues.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey bilbo,

first of all thanks for your thoughts. It's actually funny, because my therapist was saying something along the same lines as well. I will try to explain, what i mean by that. When i say to myself, its my only chance to get happy one day, i mostly come from a place of total desperation and depression. Meaning: these are moments, when i feel no motivation and hope whatsoever, because i feel like there is no chance to get happy one day. So when i am saying to myself "its my only chance" i do not say that to make myself feel pressure, but the exact opposite, its to make me feel some kind of hope.
I also dont mean it in a specific situational sense like "if i dont do this right now, i will never be happy". Its more like "no matter, how hopeless it feels, you actually got this chance and you have got to figure it out by working on it, despite the feeling that there is no chance". Thats true for a few thing, f.e not watching porn or figuring out a job, which i dont totally hate. I dont use that phrase loosely for any aspect of my life, because it would then not be true. So yeah, its actually difficult to put it in words. I dont think, i explained it very well. But in my head it makes sense and this kind of thinking got me out of a lot of depressive moments/episodes, because it makes me feel like, i still have dome kind of ownership of my own life and well-being.
One other example would be, that i dont think like, i gotta get rid of my ED and urination problem, otherwise i am gonna die. But i gotta figure out a way to deal with it, either by getting rid of it or to learn to live it. But in order to do that, i gotta give myself any chance i can to fix it, f.e. by watching no P or by going to urologists. If that doesnt change my sitation, i gotta learn to live with it. But i gotta give it my all to make it go away, otherwise i could not learn to accept it with good conscience. Otherwise why would i even stop watching porn? Again i am not sure, if thats comprehensible... Its also maybe a bot of a language barrier. I feel like, i can not really put it in words.
 
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Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
Hey bilbo,

first of all thanks for your thoughts. It's actually funny, because my therapist was saying something along the same lines as well. I will try to explain, what i mean by that. When i say to myself, its my only chance to get happy one day, i mostly come from a place of total desperation and depression. Meaning: these are moments, when i feel no motivation and hope whatsoever, because i feel like there is no chance to get happy one day. So when i am saying to myself "its my only chance" i do not say that to make myself feel pressure, but the exact opposite, its to make me feel some kind of hope.
I also dont mean it in a specific situational sense like "if i dont do this right now, i will never be happy". Its more like "no matter, how hopeless it feels, you actually got this chance and you have got to figure it out by working on it, despite the feeling that there is no chance". Thats true for a few thing, f.e not watching porn or figuring out a job, which i dont totally hate. I dont use that phrase loosely for any aspect of my life, because it would then not be true. So yeah, its actually difficult to put it in words. I dont think, i explained it very well. But in my head it makes sense and this kind of thinking got me out of a lot of depressive moments/episodes, because it makes me feel like, i still have dome kind of ownership of my own life and well-being.
One other example would be, that i dont think like, i gotta get rid of my ED and urination problem, otherwise i am gonna die. But i gotta figure out a way to deal with it, either by getting rid of it or to learn to live it. But in order to do that, i gotta give myself any chance i can to fix it, f.e. by watching no P or by going to urologists. If that doesnt change my sitation, i gotta learn to live with it. But i gotta give it my all to make it go away, otherwise i could not learn to accept it with good conscience. Otherwise why would i even stop watching porn? Again i am not sure, if thats comprehensible... Its also maybe a bot of a language barrier. I feel like, i can not really put it in words.
I get it, man. You explained it well. I also come from a place of "total desperation and depression", so unfortunately I understand your post totally. I also tell myself, try everything you can to fix your ED (that’s why I went to a physio and an anti-aging doctor, and that’s why I got a Doppler too). Having ED is terrible, and not knowing for sure what causes it is terrible as well. Most of all, not knowing if we’re going to be able to heal one day puts us in such a hard situation. I mean, most guys improve faster than us, so we have good reasons to doubt…

But I kinda suspect that if I didn’t have ED, I’d find another reason te be depressed. Just to make it clear, my life is much better than it was a few years ago, I’m not chronically depressed anymore… But depression and desperation are somehow part of my personality, and I have the feeling that it’s the same for you. And I believe that a part of our problem lies in there. Somehow, I’m starting to believe that what I should focus on is having another attitude towards life. My happiness should not depend on my reboot, my career, or anything. It’s normal to feel bad about ED, and about professional problems, but why is it that desperation seems to contaminate all areas of our lives? I’m probably more speaking for myself, I don’t know much about your life… But I feel that we’re similar in that regards, and that we should probably work on this.

Take care, man. Always a pleasure to discuss with you.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Dont know man,

I actually believe, that if my ED, my urination problem and my study stuff was fixed, i would not be depressed anymore. Thats said: Its a big if. But i also like to believe, that even if one area would improve (significantly), it would give me a lot more breathin room than what i am feeling right now. But i admit, thats my hope. I don't actually know that. It could be also a flaw in my world view or psyche, which would always pick out the thing, thats not going well and would lead me back into depression. I suspect, that the explanation lies somewhere in the middle, so its a nice thing, that you make me aware of that.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Difficult times. I think, its linked to the fact that i have had eight of my ten shockwave therapy sessions now and i did not make the progress with my urination problem or my ED, i have had hoped for yet. Additionaly i now started a taladafil therapy of 5 mg every two days. It improves my morning erection, but i also noticed, that i feel a lot of tension when my penis is erected, if not even pain...
I have read that vitamin E is supposed to be helpful with IPP, so i started to take a dose every day.
I always talk euphemistically about urination problems. It always feels like after some period of time something slowly squeezes my urethra with a wire pretty close to my glans. That gets so uncomfortable after a while, that i always have the image of rats going nuts inside my penis. The only thing that stops that, is to go peeing and then the cycle starts again.
Since i am pretty down the last days, the last thing i can say to myself right now is, that i will do everything to get out of this shit. Thats what i commit to. I will not give up, until i have done everything in my power. I am aware that its negative motivation in the sense, that i am not going towards something, but more so running away from something. But i feel like, thats all i have left right now, because i struggle to see a future, which would help me to keep going.
I rationally know, that it has become much better already, but it doesnt really penetrate into my mind at the moment.
I am fucking mad at the world. I am so fucking tired of always doing just damage control. I would love to live again, but thats what i am saying to myself for about 2 and a half years now. I don't even really know, if i am better off right now than i was two and a half years ago. Probably not.
 
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Bilbo Swaggins

Active Member
Difficult times. I think, its linked to the fact that i have had eight of my ten shockwave therapy sessions now and i did not make the progress with my urination problem or my ED, i have had hoped for yet. Additionaly i now started a taladafil therapy of 5 mg every two days. It improves my morning erection, but i also noticed, that i feel a lot of tension when my penis is erected, if not even pain...
I have read that vitamin E is supposed to be helpful with IPP, so i started to take a dose every day.
I always talk euphemistically about urination problems. It always feels like after some period of time something slowly squeezes my urethra with a wire pretty close to my glans. That gets so uncomfortable after a while, that i always have the image of rats going nuts inside my penis. The only thing that stops that, is to go peeing and then the cycle starts again.
Since i am pretty down the last days, the last thing i can say to myself right now is, that i will do everything to get out of this shit. Thats what i commit to. I will not give up, until i have done everything in my power. I am aware that its negative motivation in the sense, that i am not going towards something, but more so running away from something. But i feel like, thats all i have left right now, because i struggle to see a future, which would help me to keep going.
I rationally know, that it has become much better already, but it doesnt really penetrate into my mind at the moment.
I am fucking mad at the world. I am so fucking tired of always doing just damage control. I would love to live again, but thats what i am saying to myself for about 2 and a half years now. I don't even really know, if i am better off right now than i was two and a half years ago. Probably not.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, man. IPP really seems to suck. Stay strong, difficult times always pass. You’ll get through this, things will get better.

Just curious, why do you take Cialis? I plan to try daily Cialis very soon, because I want to have a spontaneous sex life with my girlfriend. I’ve been using Viagra for a few years and it works very well, but you have to plan everything… Do you plan to meet girls soon, or do you have some other reason to use Cialis?
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I take it right now mainly because of getting more blood flow going in order to let new blood vessels grow, so the surrounding areas near the plaque are provided with as much blood as possible. My urologist recommended me this. It should be beneficial to get the plaque reduced. Its also good for rewiring reasons as well i think, but as long as the erections are feeling uncomfortable, i think there will be not much going on in this direction.
I think for you its worth a try. There are more and more success stories of people using some sort of meds to rewire, it seems to me.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I have an important exam coming up in about 2 and a half weeks. Besides of that i have some more organizational stuff to do. I definitely feel pressure and tension coming up, looking at all the stuff i am ought to do additional to all the other stuff thats going. But the urination problem was yesterday somewhat kind to me and i will try to take that as a sign, that things might get better. If things would at least stay like yesterday, i think i can keep myself going to get through all the exams.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
IPP-related problems with urination continue to be manageable. That allowed me to get some more progress going with my studies. These two components are right now my engine and keep me relatively motivated.
Had another nocturnal emission at night with a nasty dream about me struggling to keep away from porn. In the end i did not not really watch P but engaged in voyerism-behaviour, which is also not good, but maybe a little better than P. But also probably not really...
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thanks man, i hope you will be doing better soon as well.

I just drag myself from one task to the other right now. No heart involved in anything at the moment. I just hope it will get better soon.

IPP-related problems were again today total shit. Luckily it got a little better at the second half of the day. But i also don't understand why it does act up so randomly....
Also i was fortunate to achieve at least a little victory today with my studies. I needed that so bad. When everything is shit, i need at least those little moments, otherwise it gets truly difficult.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Had a seminar today, i did not really prepare for and it went really not good. But i got through it.
I will stop taking the vitamin E supplements, because i have the suspicion, that it caused my urination problem to get worse. There is nothing else i have changed the last weeks.
Gotta push myself through. First important exam is in two weeks.

Edity: At first impression the supllements really seemed to be the problem. It got already better today, just by not taking it. But still could be an coincidence. We'll see the next days.
I made good progress overall today. I feel better.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
Crazy... The supplements really seemed to worsen the problem. I feel great today. Primarily physical, but that has a great effect on my mood as well. I have got a lot to do today and the next week, but these are exactly the conditions, that give me the beste chance, to get this done.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I am thankful, that i feel better today. Also had a solid day of studying, even though i allowed myself to work a little more loosely today.
Read a little more about Induratio Penis Plastica again and i believe, that it is very possible, that my frequent and hard masturbation habits lead to the IPP. Even though its not fully discovered, what actually causes IPP, it seems to have a genetic component and is then often triggered by micro injuries (for example from hard sex or masturbation) or even big injuries like penile fractures.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey quit, good to hear from you again.
Yeah it sucks, but it gets better overall. Its not this unbearable suffering anymore. Also i talked with my urologist yesterday and he told me, that even after the therapy there can be still measurable and felt improvements for six additional months. So i am confident, that it will get to a point, where it wont bother me much anymore or not at all.
 
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