My urination problem is now really as good as gone at the moment. Oh man, i thought this day would never come. At least i am not completely miserable now anymore. Yes, i still get no or crappy erections and it is not completely certain, what the causes of my ED are, but at least i am not suffering anymore continuously from unbearable pysical conditions. Now, what are my plans?
First i will try to focus on my studies. I want to finish this thing as soon as possible.
Secoundly i will go on with no P, but additional to that i wanna go at least 3 months without M again. The last months put a lot of stress on me, so i wasnt able to focus as much on that. I did not M a lot, but probably too much to make it out of severe PIED. Also its not just my ED. Everytime i was trying to have sex or to M in the last six years, even with pills and therefore okeyish erection, i just felt so desenzitised and it is clear to me that i not just suffer from PIED, but also DE. Thats why i think i need to go without M. That also includes no testing, which is edging, plainly spoken. I always convince myself to stroke a bit, just to see, if something changed and it always ends in ennding before orgasm, which leads to uncomfortable high sexual energy, or i just O and then i am back into normal M. I gotta break that cycle.
Third, i gotta start rewiring. There is no way around that, even with crappy erections right now. My ex left me around 2 and a half years ago. I can not just wait until this thing magically disappears.
Fourth, no P, no matter what causes my ED, P plays a part in it and my desenzitisation. I gotta be especially careful about surfing on the internet, where searching behavior patterns came up in the last weeks, which led to my minor relapse a few weeks ago. I gotta prevent this searching mode, in which i just scroll through sites just subconscioulsy waiting to see anything associated with sex. It leads to high dopamine levels and if i find something sexual a relapse is very possible to happen. For that i have put one rule in place: Never scroll or search for more than ten elements. If i continue then, i am officially just in searching mode, which can escalate to further searching and that gets out of hand quickly. Further more only go on youtube and such, if i now what i am looking for. Fortunately i dont use any other social media. I think these woould have the potential to get a real problem now.
Fith, i now have a pretty solid sport routine. I want to continue with that. I feel weak and slim in public, at least from a body stand point, but it also affects my confidence of course, especially with women. I always was a sporty type and i wanna pick that up again.
Everything is on a good or right path now. I really feel like i made it at least to the surface and it feels like it will be easier from here on out.