Hey man, you put a lot of pressure on yourself when you say things like that. Don’t forget, life is bigger and more complex than what we see. In our minds, the outcome of 2 or 3 specific things seem to have such enormous consequences, to the point where they can make a difference between a successful and a bad life. But I don’t think this kind of thinking is really true (many other things can make you happy, and almost nothing can make you permanently unhappy). Most of all, those thoughts are probably detrimental to you and your well-being. I know having PIED and urination issues (and at the same time not knowing for certain what you really have) is a bad situation to find yourself in. I’m rooting for you. But don’t say things like, Jeks. Live your life as best as you can, and regardless of how your situation evolves, you’ll always have the possibility to have a meaningful life.I gotta always remember, that these things are my only chance to be happy one day.
I get it, man. You explained it well. I also come from a place of "total desperation and depression", so unfortunately I understand your post totally. I also tell myself, try everything you can to fix your ED (that’s why I went to a physio and an anti-aging doctor, and that’s why I got a Doppler too). Having ED is terrible, and not knowing for sure what causes it is terrible as well. Most of all, not knowing if we’re going to be able to heal one day puts us in such a hard situation. I mean, most guys improve faster than us, so we have good reasons to doubt…Hey bilbo,
first of all thanks for your thoughts. It's actually funny, because my therapist was saying something along the same lines as well. I will try to explain, what i mean by that. When i say to myself, its my only chance to get happy one day, i mostly come from a place of total desperation and depression. Meaning: these are moments, when i feel no motivation and hope whatsoever, because i feel like there is no chance to get happy one day. So when i am saying to myself "its my only chance" i do not say that to make myself feel pressure, but the exact opposite, its to make me feel some kind of hope.
I also dont mean it in a specific situational sense like "if i dont do this right now, i will never be happy". Its more like "no matter, how hopeless it feels, you actually got this chance and you have got to figure it out by working on it, despite the feeling that there is no chance". Thats true for a few thing, f.e not watching porn or figuring out a job, which i dont totally hate. I dont use that phrase loosely for any aspect of my life, because it would then not be true. So yeah, its actually difficult to put it in words. I dont think, i explained it very well. But in my head it makes sense and this kind of thinking got me out of a lot of depressive moments/episodes, because it makes me feel like, i still have dome kind of ownership of my own life and well-being.
One other example would be, that i dont think like, i gotta get rid of my ED and urination problem, otherwise i am gonna die. But i gotta figure out a way to deal with it, either by getting rid of it or to learn to live it. But in order to do that, i gotta give myself any chance i can to fix it, f.e. by watching no P or by going to urologists. If that doesnt change my sitation, i gotta learn to live with it. But i gotta give it my all to make it go away, otherwise i could not learn to accept it with good conscience. Otherwise why would i even stop watching porn? Again i am not sure, if thats comprehensible... Its also maybe a bot of a language barrier. I feel like, i can not really put it in words.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, man. IPP really seems to suck. Stay strong, difficult times always pass. You’ll get through this, things will get better.Difficult times. I think, its linked to the fact that i have had eight of my ten shockwave therapy sessions now and i did not make the progress with my urination problem or my ED, i have had hoped for yet. Additionaly i now started a taladafil therapy of 5 mg every two days. It improves my morning erection, but i also noticed, that i feel a lot of tension when my penis is erected, if not even pain...
I have read that vitamin E is supposed to be helpful with IPP, so i started to take a dose every day.
I always talk euphemistically about urination problems. It always feels like after some period of time something slowly squeezes my urethra with a wire pretty close to my glans. That gets so uncomfortable after a while, that i always have the image of rats going nuts inside my penis. The only thing that stops that, is to go peeing and then the cycle starts again.
Since i am pretty down the last days, the last thing i can say to myself right now is, that i will do everything to get out of this shit. Thats what i commit to. I will not give up, until i have done everything in my power. I am aware that its negative motivation in the sense, that i am not going towards something, but more so running away from something. But i feel like, thats all i have left right now, because i struggle to see a future, which would help me to keep going.
I rationally know, that it has become much better already, but it doesnt really penetrate into my mind at the moment.
I am fucking mad at the world. I am so fucking tired of always doing just damage control. I would love to live again, but thats what i am saying to myself for about 2 and a half years now. I don't even really know, if i am better off right now than i was two and a half years ago. Probably not.