PMO Has Taken A Huge Toll on My Married Life

[switcheroc]

Hey guys! P-addict here, pretty heavy, though I don't M more than once a day. I decided to start a log to see if it could help me in my quest to go porn-free. I started a few days ago and wrote a personal log, and today I decided to continue my log here. I will share my experiences daily.

So here's the situation. Technology these days make it so easy to look at porn. You've got 1001 porn tube sites so you never have to download porn anymore. Then you have VPN and best of all, private browsing mode in every internet browser so you never have to worry about your browser history ever again. All of it accessible from your mobile phone. Woot!

I'm 32, married with 2 kids, I have a pretty active sex life, almost every day, really. Though it has been loosening up lately. My "prowess" is quite abysmal, except if I take a pill for special occasions, then I would last longer than 10 minutes. It's disappointing, really, because I want to give my wife the best experiences more often, be more adventurous, more varied positions etc that come with being able to last longer. So yeah, my main concern to day is not being able to last long without 'help'.

Day 1: Friday 18/10/2019

I finally gave it a thought and realized that maybe my porn addiction was responsible. I look at porn every day, in fact sometimes I keep a window open on my account at VK.com, a Russian social media network that's really a free-for-all, where I keep my stash of porn and private collections, and where I watch most of the porn. I don't like extreme porn, and I think after years and years of porn consumption, I still enjoy the "tame" stuff like solo porn, though I have developed a liking to anal. I would M once to twice a day. Most of the time in the morning, when I would sit in the bathroom while on my mobile phone watching porn, jerk one off, and we're good to go. The rest of the day I would look at porn on and off, rub a little bit, but I won't M to O. Though there have been occasions where I inadvertently O'd.

So it's an everyday thing. I would look at porn in the morning, and maybe S with the Wife at night, most of the time reluctantly since I'd be so tired then. It sucks because I think she's a stunning woman, and we have great sex. I remember being totally crazy about her when we were still dating. We would fuck several times a day. Now, I feel like I don't give her the good loving she deserves, simply because I'm not lasting long enough. It shouldn't be like this, I'm not 50. I'm 32, and I should be at the prime of my life.

Anyways, after giving it a good thought and a good read-up, I decided to stop cold turkey tonight. See how things go from here.

Day 2: Saturday 19/10/2019

Alright, so I'm pumped, feeling good, and ready to control myself! I once was told that great things can be achieved by being able to control your lust and urges. People achieve great strength and abilities from a basic foundation of controlling your worldly desires. I think for me this would be a good start.

So I spent this Saturday not looking at porn, played with my kids. No sex with the wife though, she's on her period. Maybe it would help me reboot? By not having sex or unnatural PMO for the week. I feel great.

Tonight I felt more attracted to my wife, and spooned her in bed. I have never spooned her out of my own volition, but tonight I felt like spooning her.

Day 3: Sunday 20/10/2019

A busy day out, so I didn't get the urge to look at any porn anyway. Feeling good, though I fought the urge to look up porn tonight. Successfully put that down. I felt closer to my wife, wanting to touch her and so on. I felt more comfortable embracing her while we watched a movie on TV tonight, and it felt good. It was natural, it wasn't forced or reluctant. I think I've started to realize that she is, indeed, this beautiful woman who loves me.

Though it has only been 2 full days, I think the fact that you are deliberately fighting your urges, instead of not being able to fulfill them due to being busy or whatever, makes a big difference. That being able to look up porn, having the means and opportunity to do it, but not taking the bait and defeating your urges like that, it makes a big difference mentally. I think I also started to feel more spiritual, I guess.

I'm thinking of spending the time I used to waste looking at porn by reading a book. I've got loads of good books that I haven't read. Maybe I'll start reading tomorrow.

Day 4: Monday 21/10/2019 [today]

The strangest thing happened this morning. My "morning wood" was rock-hard and lasted for so long, it hurt. This usually only happened if I took a pill the night before. Other days, I would have "morning wood" but it's not this hard, and never for this long. I let it pass.

Spent the day in the office with lots of free time and opportunities to open up a hidden window on my VK collection, but I fought the urge and read articles on YourBrainOnPorn.com instead to reinforce my drive.

Will continue this log. Thanks!

 

[switcheroc]

[continued from previous post]

At night, my wife, still on her period, decided to sleep early. Normally, I would be overjoyed at the opportunity to watch porn for hours with no disturbance. But this time, I just finished my work and went to bed.

Day 5: Tuesday 22/10/2019

Feeling good today, very little desire to look up porn, though I had lots of opportunities. Day passed by with nothing special. Though I do feel that the initial surge in energy has subsided, I didn't have the rock-hard wood as I did in Day 2. I haven't felt any strong urges either.

Though I do have one realization: that all this time I've been looking at porn purely due to boredom and free time, and not because of any need. To divert myself from this, I have already uninstalled any apps that make it easy for me to access porn, and logged out of any accounts through where I have accessed porn. Gotta clean my eyes.

Day 6: Wednesday 23/10/2019

Got through the day quite easily with no urges. Had lots of free time and spent it reading articles and browsing through the Reboot Nation forums to reinforce my resolve.

Had a random thought. I remember that until recently I would often binge-watch porn, especially if I hadn't fapped for a day or two, and found myself alone. Sometimes I would go 2-3 PMO's at a time, it was nuts. I would often just lay down naked in my bedroom, open up VK on my smartphone and get to business. This would get worse if I had a problem with the wife. Sometimes, I'd be secretly happy that we were having an argument or just not talking for the night or two. That meant she would be going to sleep early or that I could stay up late doing "work" on my computer with guaranteed no disturbances. I would then go on this binge-fap.

Here's another story, and it's totally horrible. Sometimes I would be thinking about a certain pornstar or a new update I saw earlier during the day on my favorite porn site, but I didn't get the chance to properly "enjoy" her during office hours. I would check out her videos or seek out the update on my smartphone, on the way home. While driving! Yes, I watched porn while driving! What a stupid, stupid thing to do!

Anyways, another thought. I remember before I got married about 6 years ago, or even before I started dating my current wife, I thought that I would be able to quit my PO habit after I got a proper sex life. I found out later that didn't really do much, probably made it worse, especially when my girl lived in another city and the only sex life we had was daily cam sex, which is exactly the same as PMO. And I would still look at porn during the day! And worse, I would date other women on the side! So that's porn, cam-sex and cheating, all at the same time. I thought things would subside after getting married and living together. Nope! Maybe in the beginning! Not long after, I got back into the habit. PMO in the morning, (mostly bad) sex at night. I would do P with no MO during the day, and come home with all this pent-up tension and horniness, and have 2-minute sex with my wife while imagining the porn videos I watched earlier. It's sad because she would often get into the trouble of dressing up sexy, using make-up etc, only to fuck a minute man. What a shame!

That's not the worst, though. 3 years ago, this porn-binging man got into a deep affair with another woman. We fucked like rabbits. Some days, we fucked in the afternoon, after my work, then at night I would (try to) fuck my wife. During the day, I would still look up P. Holy shit. At this time I think I was taking "performance enhancing pills" (some local herbal stuff) almost daily. Can't be good! So having one woman did not stop the PMO. Neither did having two women. It was totally unrelated. No correlation between sexual relationships and porn consumption, in that no matter how intense or how many sexual relationships you have, it doesn't affect how much you watch porn, whether you fap or not. What is certain though, is that my porn consumption definitely did get in the way of my sexual performance, which is why I got to depend on those pills. Not to forget that porn consumption made me averse to intimacy with my legitimate wife. If she knew the kind of shit I do, she would ditch me like a dead rat, holy shit.

By doing NoFap, I have committed myself to changing for the better! I will be a better husband, a better man, a better lover! I have 100% faith that NoFap will help me achieve this! I can do this! Turn a new leaf!

 

[Wolfman]

Hey switcheroc. I agree, technology has made it extremely difficult, and it's also why "high-speed internet P" exists in the first place. But I also think, in spite of the difficulty, we can become so much better people when we overcome it. Keep at it! I wish you courage. Take care!

 

[switcheroc]

Thanks wolfman, it means a lot!

 

[NewStart04]

switcheroc

There's something I wanted to comment on based off these two quotes from your posts:

My "prowess" is quite abysmal, except if I take a pill for special occasions, then I would last longer than 10 minutes. It's disappointing, really, because I want to give my wife the best experiences more often, be more adventurous, more varied positions etc that come with being able to last longer. So yeah, my main concern to day is not being able to last long without 'help'.

I would do P with no MO during the day, and come home with all this pent-up tension and horniness, and have 2-minute sex with my wife while imagining the porn videos I watched earlier.

I remember hearing in one of Noah Church's videos that most people have misconceptions about how long intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT, i.e. how long you last) is. We often think it is longer than how it actually is on average. This is probably influenced by porn, where you see the male performers lasting for extended periods of time.

If you doubt this, check out this abstract from a 2005 study on IELT. The study looked at five different countries, and found a median IELT of 5.4 minutes.

I understand your desire to last longer though. All I am saying is try not to demean yourself about how long you last. The median in the above study was "only" 5.4 minutes. Hopefully that makes you feel better about your performance.

As another encouraging aside, one of the many possible sexual dysfunctions caused by porn is PIPE (porn-induced premature ejaculation), so by abstaining from porn for a while (perhaps sex and masturbation as well), you might notice that your IELT time increases.

There's also a form of orgasmless sex called Karezza (pronounced ka-RET-za) that you could try out with your wife. It's supposed to contrast with "ordinary hasty spasmodic" sex. Never tried it myself, but it's supposed to be more gentle, affectionate and intimate. You can learn more about it here.

 

[switcheroc]

Thanks NewStart04, I'll look into Karezza, at the very least, it would add some variation, right?

Funnily enough, I bumped into "NoFap" (though I have been familiar with YBOP for a long time) while I was seeking out strategies to last longer in bed. One of the recommendations was to reduce porn consumption, or stop completely, which led me back to Gary Wilson's YBOP and the NoFap movement.

There's actually more than just PIPE, I think it's one consequence. There's also PIED, which I think I experience sometimes, also the fact that if I PMO'd in the afternoon, I would be making excuses not to have sex at night, and no matter what my wife did to get it up, it wouldn't. As a married man, this, I think has a huge psychological impact, and a negative impact on the relationship as a whole: intimacy issues, reduced attraction and so on. It'a vicious cycle of feeling less like a "real man", then performance anxiety, then PIPE or PIED, then back to step one.

I'm quitting porn totally to rewire my brain to be able to cherish real relationships, real sex and enjoy real connections, all of which have been distorted by years of daily PMO.

 

[switcheroc]

Day 7: Thursday 24/10/2019

Closing in on a week of NoFap, and I'm feeling quite proud of myself! Especially considering the fact that I haven't had any sex either (wife still on period). I have installed some useful apps on my smartphone for encouragement. I recommend this to all of you starting out on NoFap. There are some apps on the playstore (if you're on Android) which are especially made for those doing NoFap, like this app i got called "Quitzilla" and "Stop M", which have counters and achievement badges and so on which add some fun to the struggle.

As for the day, nothing special, except some flashbacks and a little bit of curiosity that i really need to beat down. I have a feeling that, like all previous NoFap steaks I've achieved in the past, one day my curiosity might get the better of me. I used to visit this porn site almost daily, and they have weekly updates of new models. The last time I was PMO-free (about a week i think, 2 months ago), i got back into it simply because i was really curious what new update this porn site had. I had no real commitment to quit back then, so I relapsed very easily. 

This time, it's not gonna happen! Fuck them! Fuck those porn sites and porn producers! To hell with them all, feeding on feeble minds! To them I say, fuck off! 

Day 8: Friday 25/10/2019

Nothing special today, no urges. Home free to one week, and it's been an easy ride. Haven't felt any real effects, though I am going to be looking out for some longer-term stuff like improved memory (I am embarrassingly a forgetful guy) and sexual performance, which I have yet to experience as my wife is still on her period. Instead of checking out porn on my free time, I watch NoFap inspirational videos on YouTube.

Thoughts on rewiring and relationships

When we consume lots and lots of porn, it skews our perception of women. This, I think, is how we come to face intimacy and relationship issues with our long-term partners. Porn provides an endless supply of physically perfect and sexually lustful women doing all sorts of sexual acts. We could be seeing hundreds of porn women in one day, while interacting with almost none in real life. Subconsciously, when you are binging on porn, you are making your brain believe that these women are the norm, and turns you off against your SO, who like any real normal woman may have some physical imperfection. She may be fat, she may have a lazy eye, she may have droopy boobs, she might look less beautiful with no makeup, and so on. This is the problem we're facing. Porn consumption gives us a painfully unrealistic expectation of women. This makes us easily bored or even disappointed with our SO, because no matter what, you WILL find some kind of imperfection that could turn you off if you let it get to you, because a porn brain will come to value women only based on their physical appearances.

Also, the constant novelty that porn gives us could reflect in a desire for novelty in real life as well. That means you are more prone to cheating on your SO, you're more prone to pop by a massage parlor and so on, your moral standards in this department basically drops like a rock. You'd think it's okay to do these things, because in the same way you expect novelty in your porn consumption, you also expect novelty in your real life relationships with women. You see how this is able to destroy your relationships, or at the very least, make you dissatisfied. Unless you get off porn, you will always be dissatisfied at some point, looking for another novelty.

Day 9: Saturday 26/10/2019

Had sex with the wife after a long 10 days, and 8 days of no PMO. Something special happened tonight, folks. I can tell you with all honesty that sex has become a lot more passionate, and as I had hoped, I lasted longer!

Today was a very busy day, very tiring as well. Took the family out of town this morning to visit the zoo, followed by a business meeting near the zoo. The long trip home was riddled with traffic jams, so when we arrived home, we were all really tired. Still, I managed to do some work on the PC, and still felt moderately awake nearing midnight, when my wife and I got jiggy.

So I'll say it again. Considering my physical state of tiredness today, and having 8 days worth of semen queueing up, tonight's session was very enjoyable. It was more passionate, more intimate, and apparently I lasted longer. My wife asked me if I had taken any pills, and I told her no. She said I lasted longer than usual, especially on the first day after her period was over. She admitted to being often unsatisfied with how brief sex was, but that tonight, it was great! So I'll take her word for it! Though I was totally knocked out after orgasming (together). My brain wasn't clouded with porn imagery and I was focused on her. It's SO much better! I feel like a better man.

I am a better man! Every day I get better! Porn is for losers! Fuck them!

Day 10: Sunday 27/10/2019

Something cool happened today. I had morning wood and my wife decided to sit on it for a morning quickie, which was nice. It's been a while since that happened, but it did today, which made me feel good.

Had a busy day, very little handling of my phone. I notice today that I have been using it a lot less, which comes to show just how much porn I was consuming on a daily basis. All this time, I've been staring at my phone for hours a day, mostly looking at porn. Maybe up to 80% of the time. But now, I've cut down a LOT. I used to bring my phone wherever I went, even when I take a shower or go to the toilet. During which times I would PMO before a shower or PMO before or after doing a doodoo. Since NoFap, I realize that I never even brought my phone into the bathroom for anything.

Since I was less fixated on myself, I realize that I've been spending more time with my kids, which is great. I'm not so cranky anymore, and I don't mind my kids playing with my phone since I've removed all risque apps and accounts.

I have a good feeling, that good things are coming my way thanks to ditching PMO.

 

[switcheroc]

Day 8: Friday 25/10/2019

Nothing special today, no urges. Home free to one week, and it's been an easy ride. Haven't felt any real effects, though I am going to be looking out for some longer-term stuff like improved memory (I am embarrassingly a forgetful guy) and sexual performance, which I have yet to experience as my wife is still on her period. Instead of checking out porn on my free time, I watch NoFap inspirational videos on YouTube.

Thoughts on rewiring and relationships

When we consume lots and lots of porn, it skews our perception of women. This, I think, is how we come to face intimacy and relationship issues with our long-term partners. Porn provides an endless supply of physically perfect and sexually lustful women doing all sorts of sexual acts. We could be seeing hundreds of porn women in one day, while interacting with almost none in real life. Subconsciously, when you are binging on porn, you are making your brain believe that these women are the norm, and turns you off against your SO, who like any real normal woman may have some physical imperfection. She may be fat, she may have a lazy eye, she may have droopy boobs, she might look less beautiful with no makeup, and so on. This is the problem we're facing. Porn consumption gives us a painfully unrealistic expectation of women. This makes us easily bored or even disappointed with our SO, because no matter what, you WILL find some kind of imperfection that could turn you off if you let it get to you, because a porn brain will come to value women only based on their physical appearances.

Also, the constant novelty that porn gives us could reflect in a desire for novelty in real life as well. That means you are more prone to cheating on your SO, you're more prone to pop by a massage parlor and so on, your moral standards in this department basically drops like a rock. You'd think it's okay to do these things, because in the same way you expect novelty in your porn consumption, you also expect novelty in your real life relationships with women. You see how this is able to destroy your relationships, or at the very least, make you dissatisfied. Unless you get off porn, you will always be dissatisfied at some point, looking for another novelty.

 

[switcheroc]

Day 9: Saturday 26/10/2019 

Had sex with the wife after a long 10 days, and 8 days of no PMO. Something special happened tonight, folks. I can tell you with all honesty that sex has become a lot more passionate, and as I had hoped, I lasted longer!

Today was a very busy day, very tiring as well. Took the family out of town this morning to visit the zoo, followed by a business meeting near the zoo. The long trip home was riddled with traffic jams, so when we arrived home, we were all really tired. Still, I managed to do some work on the PC, and still felt moderately awake nearing midnight, when my wife and I got jiggy.

So I'll say it again. Considering my physical state of tiredness today, and having 8 days worth of semen queueing up, tonight's session was very enjoyable. It was more passionate, more intimate, and apparently I lasted longer. My wife asked me if I had taken any pills, and I told her no. She said I lasted longer than usual, especially on the first day after her period was over. She admitted to being often unsatisfied with how brief sex was, but that tonight, it was great! So I'll take her word for it! Though I was totally knocked out after orgasming (together). My brain wasn't clouded with porn imagery and I was focused on her. It's SO much better! I feel like a better man.

I am a better man! Every day I get better! Porn is for losers! Fuck them! 

 

[switcheroc]

Day 10: Sunday 27/10/2019

Something cool happened today. I had morning wood and my wife decided to sit on it for a morning quickie, which was nice. It's been a while since that happened, but it did today, which made me feel good.

Had a busy day, very little handling of my phone. I notice today that I have been using it a lot less, which comes to show just how much porn I was consuming on a daily basis. All this time, I've been staring at my phone for hours a day, mostly looking at porn. Maybe up to 80% of the time. But now, I've cut down a LOT. I used to bring my phone wherever I went, even when I take a shower or go to the toilet. During which times I would PMO before a shower or PMO before or after doing a doodoo. Since NoFap, I realize that I never even brought my phone into the bathroom for anything.

Since I was less fixated on myself, I realize that I've been spending more time with my kids, which is great. I'm not so cranky anymore, and I don't mind my kids playing with my phone since I've removed all risque apps and accounts.

I have a good feeling, that good things are coming my way thanks to ditching PMO.

 

[switcheroc]

Day 11: Monday 28/10/2019

A very good day, busy day though. But something special happened today. I noticed after coming back from work that I was more attracted to my wife and made no excuses. I still had some work until after midnight (no porn whatsoever). Wife went to sleep early but she asked to be woken up when I had finished my work so we can have some "sexy time". Now this isn't the first time, but every time this happened, I would hope that she falls asleep so I can just watch porn and PMO instead of having real sex. But this time, I wasn't even thinking about PMO'ing, and I woke her up after my work was done and we sat in the living room cuddling for a while before we headed to the bedroom again for some sex.

And last night must have been the first time since we were still dating 6 years ago that I actually enjoyed and wanted to cuddle her! I felt like a teenager again! We made out before we headed to the bedroom for some amazing sex that lasted about 20 minutes maybe. And it was an experience that was mind-blowing and passionate. She came several times, and the last time she came so hard her nails dug into my arm and caused it to bleed a little, fuck! It was a different experience. Before this, I would say the sex was "brainless", in that having sex was more like a glorified masturbation session, where I didn't really feel much passion apart from raw animal sex. Last night was more "human". I remember thinking last night after sex, "I AM NOT TURNING BACK EVER AGAIN!" Trust me. No PMO could ever come close to the complete feeling of sexual satisfaction after some passionate sex with someone you love. Don't take that away from yourself!

Notes on other effects

Apart from the positive effects on my relationship and sex overall, I am also looking out for some positive impacts on my health. I am still observing whether it will have an effect on my memory (I'm a forgetful guy) and my immune system (I catch colds easily). As of today, I can't say for sure if has had any effect, but we're still on the 11th day, so we still have a long way to go.

I can honestly say right now, that of all the good things a man can do for his body, mind and spirit, such as eating well, exercising, quitting smoking and so on, the very best thing that a man in 2019 can do for himself is to quit porn consumption. If there was only one thing you can do out of all, this is it. Go ahead and keep smoking or put off your gym membership for another day or eat at McDonald's, but stop your PMO. Stopping PMO apparently takes a lot of willpower and consistency, which I believe will make it easier to push yourself into quitting other bad habits later on.

 

[switcheroc]

Things Starting To Go Downhill: Am I headed for the Flatline Phase?

Day 12 Tuesday 29/10/2019

Nothing special today. Had some okay sex in the dark, which I don't recommend, because it pushes you to use some imagination since you can't see anything. Flashes of porn memories crossed my mind, which is not good. But it didn't give me any cravings and we went straight to bed. 

Day 13: Wednesday 30/10/2019

Nothing special today, no sex, no cravings. But curiosity started to creep in, though I didn't act on them. There was an article today on an alleged celebrity sex tape. Usually, I would go straight to twitter to look for it, to check it out. I wondered if it was real, but I didn't act on it.

Day 14: Thursday 31/10/2019

Woke up with a strange curiosity. My daughter watches a certain kids YouTube channel with a character called Stacy. And her name reminded me of a certain porn performer named Stacy. Which made me realise one thing. There's a porn performer for every girl's name, and when I hear a girl's name, often times i would be reminded of a certain porn performer with the same name. It sucks to think that way, really. It would sexualize a girl even before you get to know her. I'm sure after some time on NoFap, things would get back to normal. Fuck porn!

In the sex department, things started to go downhill today, though I'm not sure why. I still lasted ok, but I went soft halfway, which made me panic a little. It got back up in about half a minute though not as hard as before. I was quite sleepy, but it shouldn't be like this. I may be "flatlining", which is the phase in the reboot process where, apparently, your sexual performance drops, before it shoots back up. I feel a bit detached, not as passionate as before, and not as crazy about my wife as before. I didn't watch any porn, but I did watch a bit of this one vid on YouTube about a girl who was on NoFap. She was very pretty and she had a porny name and there she was, in a video telling us how she used to masturbate a lot and had now quit, hitting 9 months. It was nothing but a teeny weeny bit kinky imagining her masturbating. Her face flashed as I was having sex and it caused the trouble I was facing. As much as I'm curious about her decisions and her journey, I'm afraid that watching her videos (she has a whole channel) might lead me down the wrong path. There are many other NoFap channels run by guys which are more relevant to my struggle. So I'm not going to watch her videos again. 

I also dreamt of looking at porn last night, which l read was one of the things that we will experience while doing NoFap.

Quite the ride! I might be in the flatline phase with some vivid dreams. Libido has dropped, but apparently this is part of the process, and it will shoot back up. Home free to 2 weeks No PMO, and I'm not looking back! 

 

[switcheroc]

On Day 26 Now

It has been quite the ride. The "dead dick" has recently started to recover, though I don't think it's totally over yet. My libido is still pretty low except for last night. I had sex, but it was disappointingly quick. Though I was very sleepy, tired and a bit feverish so I don't know if it could be totally attributed to the reboot process. Still clean though. I did see some nude scenes in a movie last night, and not I'm feeling really curious. I'm feeling the urge to look up porn, but I'm fighting those urges. Until now I haven't seen a single porn picture.