First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.
- Thread starter k-fff
- Start date
peeked, stopped quickly enough but did feel the dopamine hit. my problem days are day 3 day 6, day 14, and day 21. Basically, about every 3 to 6 days seems to be heavy urge days. I don't want to keep doing this cycle. I do spend too much online as is, but as it stands right now I have been sick for three weeks so it has been difficult to do much of anything. I hope tomorrow I am finally over this.
Day 2
I reset because of the peeking the other day. Tomorrow is a problem day so I should spend the time after work out of my house and doing something until time to go to sleep.
things to do today
-practice piano
-stretch
reminder of why I want to quit porn: it steals my time and it is ruining my dopamine receptors.
I reset because of the peeking the other day. Tomorrow is a problem day so I should spend the time after work out of my house and doing something until time to go to sleep.
things to do today
-practice piano
-stretch
reminder of why I want to quit porn: it steals my time and it is ruining my dopamine receptors.
Hi, k-fff. Nice to meet you.
The urges won't always feel this strong. The more you 'ride them out', the less pulling they will be. It's only as you react to them, only as you enter your particular ritual that they become- or stay- strong. Also, as you 'reason' with them, they also stay strong.
There's a term out there called urge surfing, and it's the art of allowing urges to come without judgement, neither resisting nor responding to them while you focus on deep breathing.
What you will notice is that the urge peeks, but then (like a tidal wave) subsides. Maybe more urges will come, but, same thing as above. Eventually, you'll be urge surfing, and you'll find that strength in you to neither react nor reason with the urges.
Soon they will be less and less intense, and before you know it, you changed your habit.
Be well.
Good job on 8 days!
You're welcome, brother! Keep going, you're doing great!
Day 11
I mo'ed yesterday. I don't know if I should reset my counter. I started being stricter over all with my idea of a relapse. Any intentional p seeking is a relapse.I have been sick for over a month. It is driving me crazy. I am always coughing at night and I haven't worked out in the gym in forever as a result. I made an appointment with the hospital. I have been fighting with a coworker. Honestly, I don't know how much p is giving me these bad emotional reactions or it is just my natural temper. At this point, I am very tired. Tired of being sick and tired of p. I need to keep avoiding any stimulation that is best option even a photo sets off the chain reaction to using p. As annoying as that is, it is the reality of this problem.
I mo'ed yesterday. I don't know if I should reset my counter. I started being stricter over all with my idea of a relapse. Any intentional p seeking is a relapse.I have been sick for over a month. It is driving me crazy. I am always coughing at night and I haven't worked out in the gym in forever as a result. I made an appointment with the hospital. I have been fighting with a coworker. Honestly, I don't know how much p is giving me these bad emotional reactions or it is just my natural temper. At this point, I am very tired. Tired of being sick and tired of p. I need to keep avoiding any stimulation that is best option even a photo sets off the chain reaction to using p. As annoying as that is, it is the reality of this problem.
k-fff, it all depends on what works best for you, whether or not you reset your counter.
Sometimes for me it 'cleans the slate' or clears the table, so to speak. It enables me to enable that my efforts will be free of any compromising situation. I know this is relative, and there'll always be a little something that we may non-judgmentally dismiss- or recognize it as something that could lead to our old patterns of behavior.
But I've hit numbers over 100 in previous reboots, but there was always that time I [fill in the blank], and while technically I didn't directly transgress my goals, it didn't feel as honest as it could have been.
For me I want to render as honest (with myself) a reboot as possible, and nowadays if I compromised it, I'd rather reset.
Having a stricter view of what's a relapse to you may serve you to be more serious in changing these habits, but know when to differentiate between a 'slip' versus a 'lapse' versus a 'relapse'. This isn't so we can make excuses to use, but so that we don't see things as too 'black-and-white', which can also hurt us.
As for the emotions with co-workers, etc, before we insulated ourselves from our negative emotions through PMO, but now that we're abstaining from those activities, we can now 'feel' our emotions, and this may be what you're experiencing. This is normal, and all a part of learning how to correctly deal with life.
Be well.
Sometimes for me it 'cleans the slate' or clears the table, so to speak. It enables me to enable that my efforts will be free of any compromising situation. I know this is relative, and there'll always be a little something that we may non-judgmentally dismiss- or recognize it as something that could lead to our old patterns of behavior.
But I've hit numbers over 100 in previous reboots, but there was always that time I [fill in the blank], and while technically I didn't directly transgress my goals, it didn't feel as honest as it could have been.
For me I want to render as honest (with myself) a reboot as possible, and nowadays if I compromised it, I'd rather reset.
Having a stricter view of what's a relapse to you may serve you to be more serious in changing these habits, but know when to differentiate between a 'slip' versus a 'lapse' versus a 'relapse'. This isn't so we can make excuses to use, but so that we don't see things as too 'black-and-white', which can also hurt us.
As for the emotions with co-workers, etc, before we insulated ourselves from our negative emotions through PMO, but now that we're abstaining from those activities, we can now 'feel' our emotions, and this may be what you're experiencing. This is normal, and all a part of learning how to correctly deal with life.
Be well.
Thanks for response, Phineas, well my reasoning for possibly resetting is not because of p fantasy or anything like that, but due to the fact, I mo'ed out of stress. As you know using orgasm to relieve stress is not a good habit and many of us pmo soley because of that. I don't think going to orgasm for stress relief is a good thing so I am debating on doing it.
zander13
Active Member
my take on your situation: mo usually fucked with my brain's wiring because it was too closely linked with pmo. how you feel afterwards will be a solid indicator as to what kind of effect it had on you.
phineas has a good point--you need to adopt a no-nonsense approach to this shit. the stricter you are with yourself the better.
if you're like me, then advice is annoying to receive and feels condescending and holier-than-thou. but yeah, im going to give some anyways. i would say that you need to avoid mo in the future. never will you be able to return to this lifestyle, so the number of days should only serve as a benchmark. your brain will take as long as it needs to take to heal--your job is to starve it of porn and to keep it permanently hungry for the rest of your days. so the question of resetting your day counter isn't as important as realizing that you need to really buckle down and get control of your thoughts. the days will take care of themselves.
the sad thing is, luck sometimes plays a vital role in surviving the first 30-60 days. the only reason i was able to get control of the habit was to go to a fucking mental health facility where computers were public and i had a flip phone (no laptop either). i've done it before without these kinds of circumstances, but i fucked my brain so hard that the urges were like tsunamis. so yeah. find a way to get over the one to two month hump and be as strict with yourself as you can. no nudity in movies, no social media, no triggers whatsoever. the only racy material you should come across should be completely accidental and immediately closed/looked-away-from. that's my best advice. you gotta change your life, in a way. nothing crazy--just minor adjustments. at least we aren't deaf or blind or something more serious. it's like having diabetes--we gotta take our insulin shots and monitor our stupid glucose levels.
finally--your thoughts are just as dangerous as pictures of scantily clad women (or men). you have a fucking three hundred terabyte hard drive of porn tucked away in your subconscious, and it only takes a couple seconds for you, in your mind, to view one of the scenes you used to watch. this part is like a gateway--it'll get your porny-brain to turn on and sooner or later you've escalated to full-blown porn. the addiction only needs a small crack in your armor to slowly slither its way past your defenses.
phineas has a good point--you need to adopt a no-nonsense approach to this shit. the stricter you are with yourself the better.
if you're like me, then advice is annoying to receive and feels condescending and holier-than-thou. but yeah, im going to give some anyways. i would say that you need to avoid mo in the future. never will you be able to return to this lifestyle, so the number of days should only serve as a benchmark. your brain will take as long as it needs to take to heal--your job is to starve it of porn and to keep it permanently hungry for the rest of your days. so the question of resetting your day counter isn't as important as realizing that you need to really buckle down and get control of your thoughts. the days will take care of themselves.
the sad thing is, luck sometimes plays a vital role in surviving the first 30-60 days. the only reason i was able to get control of the habit was to go to a fucking mental health facility where computers were public and i had a flip phone (no laptop either). i've done it before without these kinds of circumstances, but i fucked my brain so hard that the urges were like tsunamis. so yeah. find a way to get over the one to two month hump and be as strict with yourself as you can. no nudity in movies, no social media, no triggers whatsoever. the only racy material you should come across should be completely accidental and immediately closed/looked-away-from. that's my best advice. you gotta change your life, in a way. nothing crazy--just minor adjustments. at least we aren't deaf or blind or something more serious. it's like having diabetes--we gotta take our insulin shots and monitor our stupid glucose levels.
finally--your thoughts are just as dangerous as pictures of scantily clad women (or men). you have a fucking three hundred terabyte hard drive of porn tucked away in your subconscious, and it only takes a couple seconds for you, in your mind, to view one of the scenes you used to watch. this part is like a gateway--it'll get your porny-brain to turn on and sooner or later you've escalated to full-blown porn. the addiction only needs a small crack in your armor to slowly slither its way past your defenses.
Thanks, Zander, I appreciate the info; I honestly appreciate the guidance and recommendations. I felt okay after the MO; it wasn't similar to the way I feel after using p. I reset the counter the last two times specifically because I could tell how badly it affected me.. I don't really have a problem with fantasy. It pops up at times, but i don't really engage in it. If I had to say triggers for me always came from certain websites and tv shows. Ever since I have started being strict with myself, I haven't really gotten urges. The other issue I somewhat worry about is I still consistently have sex. Is that going to be affecting the brain healing this early in a reboot? I guess other issues that I can think of is randomly getting urges while being online. But primarily triggers would cause it and boredom. Boredom is such a bad trigger for me. It is idiotic in a sense because it is a bit of self-inflicted boredom when I examine it. For me, the counter is partially to keep the motivation up, but I realize in the past I was kind of using it as x amount of days and this problem will no longer be a problem instead of looking at it simply from the perspective changing my habits up to limit superstimulus as much as possible.
zander13
Active Member
You got it. You're really on the right track man.
I had sex early on in my reboot as well--it might cause a chaser effect and/or make you feel crappy for a few days after, but I don't think it set me back or anything. Out of the three things you can do, I'd say sex is the safest. I could be wrong though, so take it with a grain of salt.
I used to think that after an "x" amount of days I'd be okay too. Time has slowly beaten that thought process out of me, but some people won't take as long as me to get better, so it works for them.
Yeah boredom is tough, but a lot of my boredom stems from the anhedonia nofap creates within me. Real life isn't as shiny when my brain is used to pmo as its go-to pleasurable activity. Don't know if that's the case for you, but I would at least examine how you used to be and compare it to how you are now. Has life gotten more boring recently, or have you always struggled with it?
for me, on the days my brain is in relative sync with the outside world, I have to choose between fun activities as opposed to forcing myself to conjure one. Instead of grasping for fun, I have to decide which activity is the MOST fun. Withdrawal makes life kinda boring. I don't have much of a desire to be social, or watch movies, or read, or any of that shit. But I've also destroyed my brain so badly that I don't really have a proper frame of reference anymore. I forget what it's like to want to do shit. Not until I was 27-28 did life really start to get bland and painful, and now I can't really empathize with guys who aren't as completely wrecked as I am.
Good luck. I would keep your hand away from your peepee as a rule, but if it didn't set you back this time then I wouldn't reset your counter. Counting days can be nice in the beginning when it comes to motivation, though what I said earlier should be the mode of thought as you get out of the beginning stages.
After the first 30-60 days it becomes much easier to not relapse, so just fight through this beginning section. But people get complacent and cocky and they fuck up because they forget how strong of a hold porn used to have on them. Don't be that person. You can't return to how you were before. I've seen several cases of guys coming on this forum who are filled with energy and motivation to quit, and they succeed and start to feel better. And then they either disappear without stating they relapsed or they do write that they relapsed, and THEN disappear. I used to do it myself.
I had sex early on in my reboot as well--it might cause a chaser effect and/or make you feel crappy for a few days after, but I don't think it set me back or anything. Out of the three things you can do, I'd say sex is the safest. I could be wrong though, so take it with a grain of salt.
I used to think that after an "x" amount of days I'd be okay too. Time has slowly beaten that thought process out of me, but some people won't take as long as me to get better, so it works for them.
Yeah boredom is tough, but a lot of my boredom stems from the anhedonia nofap creates within me. Real life isn't as shiny when my brain is used to pmo as its go-to pleasurable activity. Don't know if that's the case for you, but I would at least examine how you used to be and compare it to how you are now. Has life gotten more boring recently, or have you always struggled with it?
for me, on the days my brain is in relative sync with the outside world, I have to choose between fun activities as opposed to forcing myself to conjure one. Instead of grasping for fun, I have to decide which activity is the MOST fun. Withdrawal makes life kinda boring. I don't have much of a desire to be social, or watch movies, or read, or any of that shit. But I've also destroyed my brain so badly that I don't really have a proper frame of reference anymore. I forget what it's like to want to do shit. Not until I was 27-28 did life really start to get bland and painful, and now I can't really empathize with guys who aren't as completely wrecked as I am.
Good luck. I would keep your hand away from your peepee as a rule, but if it didn't set you back this time then I wouldn't reset your counter. Counting days can be nice in the beginning when it comes to motivation, though what I said earlier should be the mode of thought as you get out of the beginning stages.
After the first 30-60 days it becomes much easier to not relapse, so just fight through this beginning section. But people get complacent and cocky and they fuck up because they forget how strong of a hold porn used to have on them. Don't be that person. You can't return to how you were before. I've seen several cases of guys coming on this forum who are filled with energy and motivation to quit, and they succeed and start to feel better. And then they either disappear without stating they relapsed or they do write that they relapsed, and THEN disappear. I used to do it myself.
k-fff said:
You're welcome, k-fff. Yeah, I agree with it not being a good thing to relieve stress, as it tends to keep the same neural pathways sensitized, as are used in any former pmo addiction.
I think there was a time near my birthday (ha!) that I just went for it, and mo'd. Because it wasn't pmo, and because it didn't involve too much edging, and wasn't coupled with fantasy, I think I just let it go.
But it was in the midst of dealing with very short streaks (before my 34 days which ended on Oct 31st), where the average was 8 days more or less.
What I think in my case was that it served my overall habit patterns. Typically, m/o usually and eventually leads back into my old behavior patterns toward pmo. So I exclude it.
I also tell myself, "You know when you need to reset." For me now, I want to stay as far away from anything that feeds into this thing.
Wishing you well.
zander13 said:
Thanks man, I think anhedonia is a symptom of my p use too. I only really started having this bad when my p use cranked up. That is why I say it is self inflicted because I have fun things I could be doing, but instead there is just no motivation to go out and do them. As a result, I would put myself in situations that would eventually cause me to relapse.