First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.

anubu0

Active Member
Chaser effect is brutal. Good on your for recognizing it: maybe limit the amount of O's until you feel like you're in a better spot? Just a suggestion.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Yea, that?s the plan. Well, now pretty much every girl has cut me off besides the coworker who I want see for awhile so it looks like this February will be nofap hard mode. We will see what progress I make with hard mode
 

k-fff

Active Member
Day 31
Kinda had a horrible day. A lot of my dishonesty caught up with me. I should have been crystal clear with this girl from the get go. I don't know how much that would have changed things considering her behavior after. I am a bit of an asshole.. I drove the girl away for her own good, but I don't feel good about it. Right now, I am experiencing a lot of bad anhedonia. I don't want to do anything or see anybody. I am so tired.
 

k-fff

Active Member
I want to relapse. Posting here because I often never do before a relapse. I don't know if I am intending to use this as a way to stop myself from relapsing or what. Why do I want to relapse? am I getting real urges for sex? I don't think so. Why do I want to look at porn? what is motivating the urge? I don't even have an erection right now. I am not horny or anything like that. I am trying to escape from the feeling of boredom and the loneliness. I am wanting to use because I feel so empty and upset about how I handled things, but it doesn't change the fact that if I continue to use, I will continue to handle these relationships poorly. Girls I like will continue to feel like I don't really care about them because that is partly true. When I use p I don't care, I just don't feel anything and it turns me into a cold asshole.

And i relapsed
 

zander13

Well-Known Member
Stick with it man. I'm sorry about the relapse. Wish I could help you more than this.

God speed sir.
 

k-fff

Active Member
zander13 said:
Stick with it man. I'm sorry about the relapse. Wish I could help you more than this.

God speed sir.

Thanks, Zander. Sigh, I need to find a better way to deal with urges. Most of the time, I just avoid triggers, but if it is emotional thing and it was coupled with extreme boredom, if i didn't follow the initial urge to begin with it would have fade in a few seconds that is what's so frustrating. Down the rabbit hole indeed. I wanted to get sixty days really bad this time, but the best I can do now is not binge and start again.
 

k-fff

Active Member
day 1
really annoyed about the relapse. I should have just let the urge pass. Frustrating, frustrating frustrating.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Its shit man.

As a new idea i strongly recommend you to try grabbing and hugging a pillow next time and try to not let go of it, when cravings are strong. Maybe, if you feel confident, watch a video about music theory while doing it. If its too much of a risk for you to go on the internet, maybe you can find another way to distract yourself.

I swear, i think it really worth it to try this method. It gave me much more confidence in grinding out the urges, because i knew, when i am just holding on to this pillow, absolutely nothing can happen. Thats all i have to focus on. I do that as long as i feel like in the danger zone. I can just think of all the reasons why i wanna quit porn and just not let go of the pillow.
The idea came me i think when i saw this scene of dr. House

https://youtu.be/3JtW-wFkf3A

(By the way dr. House is not reboot friendly, but the scene is)

Even if its just a tv show, as you can see they had to lock this man up in his cell and even tie him up.
Since i could not lock myself like this, the next best thing i cluld think of was the idea with the pillow and it really helped me.

Its definitely worth a try.


 

k-fff

Active Member
Jeks said:
Its shit man.

As a new idea i strongly recommend you to try grabbing and hugging a pillow next time and try to not let go of it, when cravings are strong. Maybe, if you feel confident, watch a video about music theory while doing it. If its too much of a risk for you to go on the internet, maybe you can find another way to distract yourself.

I swear, i think it really worth it to try this method. It gave me much more confidence in grinding out the urges, because i knew, when i am just holding on to this pillow, absolutely nothing can happen. Thats all i have to focus on. I do that as long as i feel like in the danger zone. I can just think of all the reasons why i wanna quit porn and just not let go of the pillow.
The idea came me i think when i saw this scene of dr. House

https://youtu.be/3JtW-wFkf3A

(By the way dr. House is not reboot friendly, but the scene is)

Even if its just a tv show, as you can see they had to lock this man up in his cell and even tie him up.
Since i could not lock myself like this, the next best thing i cluld think of was the idea with the pillow and it really helped me.

Its definitely worth a try.

Thanks Jeks. I relapsed again today. I can't stay at home like this with all this stress going on it is just a recipe for disaster. I should be happy it is my vacation, but htis whole thing turned to shit. I have got a headache and brain fog now.
 

k-fff

Active Member
relapsed yesterday
Day 1 today

I relapsed 4 times over three days. I understand why this happens now. Usually after one relapse, I get depressed and don't want to leave my apartment which leads to more relapses. I stopped the cycle now by just going out to the gym. From now, i need to remember after a relapse just go out for those first 3 days of having a chaser. I keep expecting that I will feel better just by sitting there instead of realizing I need to get up and go out to do something to make myself feel better.
 

k-fff

Active Member
I am okay.  Just severely depressed, the type of situation that caused the relapses is just horrible and I just feel loads of guilt. I don't want to give myself excuses because I feel like when things are this bad it is the most important time not to relapse. I just really wish a lot of things didn't happen. My only focus is getting back on the horse right now because I know how bad my dopamine system is when every girl I have been with in the past two years says I am extremely cold. It is the truth I am cold because I don't feel it and I don't feel it because that part of my brain is messed up. I don't know how long it is gonna take to get that part of my emotions normal again. I am so numb because of the use.
 
E

escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
k-fff said:
I am okay.  Just severely depressed, the type of situation that caused the relapses is just horrible and I just feel loads of guilt. I don't want to give myself excuses because I feel like when things are this bad it is the most important time not to relapse. I just really wish a lot of things didn't happen. My only focus is getting back on the horse right now because I know how bad my dopamine system is when every girl I have been with in the past two years says I am extremely cold. It is the truth I am cold because I don't feel it and I don't feel it because that part of my brain is messed up. I don't know how long it is gonna take to get that part of my emotions normal again. I am so numb because of the use.

Dopamine is involved in some things in our brain and we fuck it up with porn, of course we pay the price. I tried to remember the misery and the great times that dopamine abstinence gave me but none helped me not relapse. Now I'm trying to follow a simple rule: Avoid everything that gives me a porn induced dopamine release. But, obviously, this shit is hard. Denying myself this amazing dopamine from porn made me irritated, angry and depressed. What I'm doing to myself is masochistic in a way, if you ask me, but it's probably the only situation in my life when "hurting" myself for a while will give me my life back in the end.
 

k-fff

Active Member
escapeandnevercomeback said:
k-fff said:
I am okay.  Just severely depressed, the type of situation that caused the relapses is just horrible and I just feel loads of guilt. I don't want to give myself excuses because I feel like when things are this bad it is the most important time not to relapse. I just really wish a lot of things didn't happen. My only focus is getting back on the horse right now because I know how bad my dopamine system is when every girl I have been with in the past two years says I am extremely cold. It is the truth I am cold because I don't feel it and I don't feel it because that part of my brain is messed up. I don't know how long it is gonna take to get that part of my emotions normal again. I am so numb because of the use.

Dopamine is involved in some things in our brain and we fuck it up with porn, of course we pay the price. I tried to remember the misery and the great times that dopamine abstinence gave me but none helped me not relapse. Now I'm trying to follow a simple rule: Avoid everything that gives me a porn induced dopamine release. But, obviously, this shit is hard. Denying myself this amazing dopamine from porn made me irritated, angry and depressed. What I'm doing to myself is masochistic in a way, if you ask me, but it's probably the only situation in my life when "hurting" myself for a while will give me my life back in the end.

I have to do the same thing. Largely speaking what I do to maintain a streak is just avoiding triggers because if I get triggers it usually ends up down the rabbit hole and I get lost.
 

k-fff

Active Member
relapse. broke one of my rules. I don't know why it got so bad again. sigh, i am just tired. tired of myself.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Don't quit, k-fff! You're stronger than this! You're better than this!

These habits are a mother to break, but it can and must be done.

Hope you find your footing...
 
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