Typical emotional avoidance related ones, like trying to avoid stress, anxiety, or depression. Though not even always the case with these emotions; I think mine is more related just a deep association with being online and pmo rather than just the typical I don’t want to deal with emotions because a lot of days I feel completely awful and I have no desire to use. But if I had to put my finger on emotional trigger specifically, it would be boredom. Boredom has gotten me more time than I count and that’s why I think it is probably anhedonia. Brain is pretty fried from edging; it basically has brunted huge parts of emotional capacity. I don’t feel as sad, but I don’t feel as happy either. It basically just numbed a lot in a way. I am really depressed most of the time, but when I do get happy, I am happy, p just puts me in a neutral state while sacrificing my relationship with women. It really destroyed my previous relationship. I just thought I was having normal dissatisfaction but the reality is it was cum brain and it destroyed a healthy relationship because even though, I knew p was a problem I still thought I had problems in my relationship.
First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.
- Thread starter k-fff
- Start date
Yesterday turned out to be rougher than normal. I had bad urges and one of things I do when I have those bad urges is search my computer for leftover p because my addiction is so download related. Luckily, everything was deleted and only a folder was left that still had thankfully pretty tame thumbnails that I deleted immediately. It could have been worse. I managed to not look at any p thankfully even though having extreme urges throughout.
It seems if I get out of the small loop that begins after a relapse where it is three days then relapse, I start to get sever urges near the end of the month. I suspect month 2 is gonna be so much harder. This is considering I often relapse at that point. Still depressed and upset about the ex, but I don't know if I can't make a decision, she should really move on. This is probably gonna bother me for more than a year. It is what it is; I'd rather much have this than the p numbness that led me into making really bad decisions and generally just being a bad person.
It seems if I get out of the small loop that begins after a relapse where it is three days then relapse, I start to get sever urges near the end of the month. I suspect month 2 is gonna be so much harder. This is considering I often relapse at that point. Still depressed and upset about the ex, but I don't know if I can't make a decision, she should really move on. This is probably gonna bother me for more than a year. It is what it is; I'd rather much have this than the p numbness that led me into making really bad decisions and generally just being a bad person.
Last edited:
thanks for the encouragement, Jeks. I made it through the day.
96LostWanderer
Active Member
Congratulations on making it almost a month without porn. But don’t get complacent now. I always make my mistakes when I get complacent, but it’s best to treat every day like it’s the first day and try to avoid porn regardless of what has happened before.
Thanks for the encouragement. Yea, I am not exactly jumping for joy considering the second month I have relapsed many times.
Day 25
Really really awful insomnia I called of work. My head screamed to MO which basically told me I shouldn’t. I managed not to MO; MO’ing for me has always been about soothing some kind of distress which easily degenerated into porn. Emotional avoidance triggers are awful.
Really really awful insomnia I called of work. My head screamed to MO which basically told me I shouldn’t. I managed not to MO; MO’ing for me has always been about soothing some kind of distress which easily degenerated into porn. Emotional avoidance triggers are awful.
I hope so. I am waiting for that moment because right now it is just these little rationalizations. I hope the craving peak comes soon, but I have feeling it will happen past 90 days because of the edging I have done. And because of that edging I expect this will take at least a year.