First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.

k-fff

Active Member
Something I hate about this addiction and myself to an extant for being addicted. P is more exciting than real girl to me.. I hate that.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Don’t want to O for at least a week. I need the energy back. Right now, I feel like a robot with libido.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Don’t really know how I feel at the moment. I feel extremely numb? I guess. Just absolutely apathetic to most things.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Urges again. Really bad ones. This is rough. I am very close to typing this p stars name in. God wth, it’s like week 1 all over again.
 
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Jeks

Well-Known Member
I cant really say anything, because i myself had a relapse a few days ago. But i just wanted to remind you, that it wont be worth it. Not even a little bit. It just wont be worth it.
 

k-fff

Active Member
I cant really say anything, because i myself had a relapse a few days ago. But i just wanted to remind you, that it wont be worth it. Not even a little bit. It just wont be worth it.
I haven’t lapsed yet. But man I had some insane urges today. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My guess is a chaser. I have also been having these moments where I want to cheat on the girl I am with, but then I realize I shouldn’t/can’t do that and my mind uses that justify using p. That last urge felt like somebody clawing my brain. Ugh.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Yeah its fucked up man, what can i say? Also for me urges and flashbacks are slowly rising again. But we got to go through this to get on the other side.
 

k-fff

Active Member
So many porn dreams last night, I also had a situation where I was half awake thinking about p star and whether she had new videos out. I wasn’t really conscious throughout. I woke up this morning just thinking why the fuck do I care because I don’t really. I hate how addicted my brain is to this shit. It just wants to dopamine and it convinces me that I want to see these women. Just a total misfiring of the instinct to spread your genes. Porn is the fucking devil; it literally convinces that primal part of your brain that you’re sleeping with all these women. God, I hate that.
Fucking awful night
 

k-fff

Active Member
Back to urges to the point I am wanting to look up p while I’m at work. My version of this addiction is weird. I edge through downloading. I just spend time downloading different videos and edge that way. It is bizarre because it won’t even just be like watching multiple videos at once. It’s also just downloading to. I have questioned if it was possible to recreate my old habits with p and that was just jack off and be done with it. But whenever I start I get into this horrifying edging loop where I think I should stop, but my mind also wants to continue so maybe I will stop for 20 minutes then go another hour. I would spend hours doing that. A few times around 8 hours, it’s insane to me. That’s why I can’t go back to it. It literally is stealing my life away from me.
 

rags

Member
Back to urges to the point I am wanting to look up p while I’m at work. My version of this addiction is weird. I edge through downloading. I just spend time downloading different videos and edge that way. It is bizarre because it won’t even just be like watching multiple videos at once. It’s also just downloading to. I have questioned if it was possible to recreate my old habits with p and that was just jack off and be done with it. But whenever I start I get into this horrifying edging loop where I think I should stop, but my mind also wants to continue so maybe I will stop for 20 minutes then go another hour. I would spend hours doing that. A few times around 8 hours, it’s insane to me. That’s why I can’t go back to it. It literally is stealing my life away from me.
I can totally relate to this. This downloading habit is much worse, because pmo is over in 5-10mins whereas this goes on for hours and days. It leads to even skipping meals and sleep and almost being cutoff from the world. Even though streaming is as good as offline, we want our curated collection of our favorite scenes of our favorite ****stars at our fingertips. And the cycle ends with deletion of everything to be restarted again a few weeks later. However, I dont think this problem has to be tackled differently from the more normal porn addiction. The problem is always in our minds and can manifest in different ways for different persons.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Relapsed edging for maybe around 2 hours. Stopped myself. I have anything to put in place to stop myself from bingeing later. Just upset I extended this freaking process of getting over this addiction.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Had an O. Sex seemed good no problems mostly. Still frustrated and head still feels awful from the lapse.
 

k-fff

Active Member
full blown relapsed twice no edging. Asked my coworker to help restrict my phone’s internet access. This probably should have been done sooner, but I wanted to try and at least handle the urges for myself. It is disappointing I won’t reach day 90 by my birthday anymore. By I think this will be one of my last lapses who knows when I will have another one
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Pick yourself up and dust it off. Relapses happen but it’s all part of the process. You’ve made it a long time without relapsing so you should take some encouragement from that.
 

k-fff

Active Member
Pick yourself up and dust it off. Relapses happen but it’s all part of the process. You’ve made it a long time without relapsing so you should take some encouragement from that.
Yea, I am mostly annoyed about extending this process longer than it needs to be.
 

k-fff

Active Member
I can totally relate to this. This downloading habit is much worse, because pmo is over in 5-10mins whereas this goes on for hours and days. It leads to even skipping meals and sleep and almost being cutoff from the world. Even though streaming is as good as offline, we want our curated collection of our favorite scenes of our favorite ****stars at our fingertips. And the cycle ends with deletion of everything to be restarted again a few weeks later. However, I dont think this problem has to be tackled differently from the more normal porn addiction. The problem is always in our minds and can manifest in different ways for different persons.
Yea, this describes my problem to a T. And yea, it’s awful. There were a lot of days like that for me.
 

k-fff

Active Member
welp, I have urges like crazy. I can't really do anything about them though so that's good. It's annoying that I feel regret that I blocked my internet, but it is a good thing.
 

k-fff

Active Member
I hate that I relapsed more the day before yesterday. It made me have one of the worst migraines. Now I am back to feeling enormously apathetic after yesterday being consumed by urges. I didn’t relapse though.
 
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