Saving my relationship

VanceZ

New Member
So, let's get started. As I'm not a native english speaker, i hope my journal will be clear and comprehensible.

In fact, my first intention was to think about my status quo, reflecting and admitting my porn addiction and the only bad consequences. But as I'm in a relationship for over 10 years now, it is not only about me. After i discovered Reboot Nation on YouTube (to be honest: the Reboot/NoFap thing was not completley new for me, but back in 2017 i just didn't consider myself as affected), i had to admit that i have a problem. This insight was not a result of thinking about me as a person at first, but as a result of the honestly answering the question "Am i the man my girlfriend deserves?". I'm far far away from saying "Yes, i am". Our sex life is miserable and it is my fault, obviously.

That's the situation: Although we are a couple for a decade now, we never lived together. Due to job and studies we are always living in different places. Until April of this year, it was only about an hour (from 2013-2018), now the distamce between us it is about at least 4,5 hours. So we never had something like a standard realtionship, which implies an irregular sex life. I don't really know if this was the reason of getting into porn, i also dont know if i had to compensate that lack. The progression however was nearly exactly how it has been described. More porn, harder porn, higher frequencies - you've read it all before.

The aspect that hits me hard right now is that i still love my girlfriend more than anything in the world, but even though i think of having sex with her - when i'm in the situatuon, i failed. Not always, but way too often. As she left the room, i took my phone just to quickly watch pics or videos to get a boner and try again. That wasn't my only failure, as you might guess - we are talking about years and rare situations. Even the shame i felt, beeing a loser, not a man, trying to find excuses, did not lead to me the point of realising that the root of all this was (and still is) my addiction. Mostly i tried to make an excuse out of my new, stressful job. Bullshit!
As i don't want to exclude essential elements of my story: i frequently asked female friends to send me nudes and gifs and all kinds of nude stuff. so often, that some of them cancelled friendship. i can be happy, that not one of these girls ever told my girlfriend about my stupid questions.

I didn't fap since tuesday. No pornhub, no saved pictures left on my phone. I want to quit it all, porn must not be part of my life anymore.
My reboot journey started.

Reading lots of journals in the forum already helped a lot, so i want to give something back from now on.

Daniel, 31





 

Pete McVries

Active Member
Welcome!

Get yourself a copy of the 'Your Brain on Porn Book' by Gary Wilson and 'The Porn Myth' from Matt Fradd. Two excellent books who cover the problematic nature of today's high speed internet porn from two different perspectives. Knowlege is key.

I wish you all the best in your efforts to become porn free!

Take care
 
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