I have no idea whats going on

IamMayor

Member
Hello everyone, I told myself I wasn't going to be posting stuff until I was sure I have to, well the time is now. Today marks the 90th day on the record PMO free, but my days are actually more than that because I started counting on the first of February this year even though the last time I had relapsed was a week or two prior to that date. I can't say I am still the same person because I will be lying, my goal is to go for the rest of my life addiction-free. There are so many things to do in life and being an addict really gets in the way. I don't want to share much right now but in due time fellas, I will spill each and everything that happened since the last time I posted however let me just point out a few wins I have had. Lol, I do not want to jinx it like I did last time on my first 60th day but hey I have no control of the future so whatever happens happens, oh here are those wins.
1- I can now control my sexual urges and the presence or absence of sex doesn't really affect me in a negative way
2- I am more confident now in myself as a person and I have new problems now I would rather deal with than p. addiction.
3- I recently realized I have a productivity problem and my goal right now is to set my priorities straight and really grow as a man.
4- I am a bit scary and intimidating now to other men. I can be a bit enraged sometimes, I don't know if it's a good thing but I am really just standing my ground if I have to and I'm taking quite good care of myself except for the booze but I'm graduating in a month so hey let a man be for a little while huh. I think I just feel respected more I'm not sure which is which but whatever it is I like it.
5- I just feel good, I joined the gym last week. I am just doing great.

P.s I was not in monk mode so the Chaser effect has nothing on me lmao.
 

KeithNMDG21

New Member
I have also realized that I have a productivity problem. I'm very glad to say that it isn't due to porn. I just tend to get sucked into small inconsequential things. Sometimes it's sports, or games that I'll start spending a small amount of time on but then I find myself super distracted from my responsibilities. What are you doing to set your priorities straight? I know what I need to do but am looking for some advice to keep motivating me. Thanks! And I appreciate your words!
 

IamMayor

Member
I have also realized that I have a productivity problem. I'm very glad to say that it isn't due to porn. I just tend to get sucked into small inconsequential things. Sometimes it's sports, or games that I'll start spending a small amount of time on but then I find myself super distracted from my responsibilities. What are you doing to set your priorities straight? I know what I need to do but am looking for some advice to keep motivating me. Thanks! And I appreciate your words!
Lol to be honest i have no idea i am still trying to figure that part out, I now work two jobs 7 days a week so i barely have time to myself. One thing i did though that was good for me was sitting down and writing down everything i really needed to Do. So I am glad to say that it helped a little but right now i am just trying to get this whole new work routine i have. I am also working on a side business i wish to establish well, its already up and running but not as well as i want, i don't know when it will be operating well and automatically but i don't want to quit.One step at a time i will get there.
This sort of makes me grateful i had to go through a reboot because now everything i have to endure i know its just a matter of time and also a bit of determination but mostly just being tired of being the loser 😄.
 

IamMayor

Member
I usually want to post something after a major leap or fall but today I am just going to post for the hell of it.

Unlike my journal title, i now have an idea of what's going on. Its true once you get addicted to something its for life and i Do not intend on going back into that lifeless pit. I now know my lifestyle has to facilitate NoFap . The funny part about NoFap is its not like those self improvement movements, its a get back to normal kind of thing so me thinking about it makes me want to Do it more because i am not trying to be better than anybody i just want to be normal like everyone else.

However once you have conquered an addiction, you are no longer an average man, you are already better than other men, lol the irony, one who has been through the slums can never be compared to one who has always had everything cut out for him. The lessons learnt are far too many for you to be labelled average. Now all I want is to get all i can from life, it sucks i am now in my resentment phase whereby i kinda hate my past self and all he made me go through and the people that abandoned me, disrespected and what not and i know it wasn't their fault an undisciplined man can never claim respect and i am really trying to work on it.

I am just trying to find my way , i am always bored . I am also finding myself drinking too much i hope alcohol is not my next addiction 😂. After all has been said and done i am grateful i am now at this stage, its way more better than the last one.
 

IamMayor

Member
Ok, so I stopped fapping now what ?
😄I know its Crazy, but I just realized there was a time i was actually PMO free and life was just flatlined so i would resort to PMO, but now I am free i really don't know what to Do with my freedom. I mean i used to blame all my current problems on PMO but now oh well idk.

No E.D no PIED no DE no PE....sexually i am OK. But life is more than that true i really should have listened to the guy who was urging me to look at other things other than sex. Right now i am just a guy going to work, coming home to a girl ,repeat cycle.

Im bored and i feel flatlined.
 

IamMayor

Member
Day 157

I don't have anything much to say except I am grateful for each and every step I have taken to get here. I am a Christian so I also want to thank God for being with me throughout the whole journey. I will stop counting at day 200, from there going forward I just want it to be life. I don't need to stop counting though but eventually wishing for the 30th of every month to arrive so I can post my day count will get tiresome.
 

IamMayor

Member
Day 182.

Well, these days I really love where I am as a person. Soon we will be closing the year 2021 and I hope it ends with me PMO free. I have come to realize that the superpowers that people say NoFap gives you are actually real but, also, they are not. What I mean by this is, as a former addict the freedom and focus you get is excellent and encouraging but this is how a normal person should be feeling so in the end we practice NoFap not to be better than others but to be better than our past selves and also become normal like the rest.

This is something that's encouraging because it means if you have a role model you can also be like that person and things will be normal. An example, I like girls with big trunks but I didn't really think I was worthy of them due to PMO and also seeing my tall friends getting these types of women. I always thought there was something about them that made them unique and I can never be like them, my friends. It even got a point I started thinking my type of women are smaller women and there is nothing wrong with that but the reason behind my presumed type was nothing but just wrong.
So recently, I have been having more sex and I am now more confident with my sexuality as a man and I know more about it than I used to. Because of this I am no longer intimidated when I talk to the type I actually like because I remember when I used to beat it to those kinds of women when I am approached or approach one I will be intimidated and get all weird about it because in my mind only a hunk in the video or my naturally gifted friends in terms of height deserve those kinds of women. Anyway, this was me back then, recently I just passed a girl I know has all the features I like. I had to pass because of various reasons however intimidation was not one of them.

Also, I am now more confident just approaching multiple women of different races and I am just cool, I don't take it too far though because I am now a very busy person plus I am in a relationship, yeah another reason I had to pass on that one, but it's not a valid reason to me anymore because of all I have been through. I don't do crazy stuff because I literally do not have the time to.

Let's continue NoFap guys monk mode or not let's do this thing and fight PMO.
See ya'll next month
Peace.
 

IamMayor

Member
Day 216

Hello fellas, it's been a while and I just felt that maybe I should give ya'll an update on what's been going on in my life recently. I like the fact that i have been PMO clean for 216 days now and my penile functions are all back to normal or so I think that's what they are supposed to be like hehe I used to live in a dark time. Anyway, the sex is kind of Ok but I think I'm starting to do that thing whereby I lose interest really quickly and I want more and kind of expect my partner to be doing more which thankfully she does but I can't help noticing my thirst for more pleasurable sexual encounters.

I love that I now want more fun and interesting sex with my partner because I know if I still had PIED I would settle for just three strokes.

Another thing though that's keeping me down these days is the resentment I have towards myself for not being the best I could have been after the breakup I experienced last year. I don't think I have fully healed from that. Because I am the way I am these days, I just wish I could have been like that when I was single and really live life as she did. OMG, I just realized something whilst typing this...I have a non-addicts problem now. Amazing, but still pretty sucks that's what's happening.

However today I got some minor urges, I want to ask is that normal for a guy who has been on NOFAp for as long as I have?

Keep up the good fight gentlemen.
 

canguro

Active Member
Hey man, I just read your journal and it really elevated my mood, which wasn't so good the last days, thx for that! =)
What you did is amazing and I know I can succeed, too!
 

IamMayor

Member
Hey man, I just read your journal and it really elevated my mood, which wasn't so good the last days, thx for that! =)
What you did is amazing and I know I can succeed, too!
Thanks for reading bro, as you could tell it wasn't easy at all but eventually i pulled through . Whenever i feel down I always remind myself i did something so huge i never thought i could. There is no greater feeling than that of breaking a nasty cycle. Keep it up I am 100% positive you will make it.
 
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