Hey Guys,
Today I'm at day 4 again and I'm doing well so far. Yesterday was better than day 2 and today I'm feeling quite okay!
Thanks for the response SebNZ and Orbiter.
@Orbiter
Orbiter said:
Being too idle = Relapse
Being too busy = Get worn down & exhausted, become too idle and then relapse
I do agree with this! And ill mention some more about being to busy (mindless) later on in my post. But going further into what you mentioned here:
Orbiter said:
= think we need to do a self-check every day, not just of triggers but of our overall well being.
Was I more hungry today?
Have I had too much to drink today?
Am I feeling tired today?
Is there something or someone frustrating me today?
I would dare to go further because once a day is not enough in my opinion because several things happen throughout the day and not always at the same moments.
It was actually my wife who introduced the body/self check. When working together at home we are setting timers at regular intervals and at that allotted time we would do a quick check in to see how we are doing both mentally and physically. The goal was to improve the way we work (we both tend to get stressed up) and to recognize stress and take appropriate action. But this works for the addiction as well.
I think this is also an extension of (my) mindfulness meditations (which i still dont do every single day). So far i've noticed that because of the mindfulness meditation i am more able to recognize my feelings without judgement. Because I can do that I can also take action without emotion. More and more I am able to allow emotions to exist without the need to act on them. I'm far from mastering the skill but the improvement is noticeable.
While things like blockers, phones not being in the bedroom and stuff like that help. Ultimately I feel that the actual change needs to come from within. Personally I feel that mindfulness should be one of the first things that should be taught to addicts. What i notice is that some people are hesitant of mindfulness because it seems a bit vague and/or spiritual and untangeable. But in essence it's quite straightforward, easily applicable and not spiritual at all. To me mindfulness is the ability to look at yourself calmly, objectively and compassionately (stepping back a little from disturbing thoughts and powerful impulses and emotions so that you can experience them without acting on them)
It's opposite, Mindlessness, to me is one of the things to overcome as an addict.
A quote from the book 'Rewire, change your brain by Richard 'O Connor, PhD. where I've underlined the part I wanted to share with you all;
If you don't know what mindfulness is, I'm sure you're familiar with it's opposite, mindlessness. Mindlessness is the state of being so preoccupied with the list of things we have to do that we realize we don't remember how we got from point A to point B. It means reacting without thinking, not being aware of the present, always preoccupied with the next thing on our list, irritable, rushed, emotionally unavailable, anxious , and depressed. Mindlessness usually means the conscious self is so overwhelmed with controlling our feelings (anxiety, anger, guilt) that it can't pay proper attention to the decisions we have to make. In our stressful world, all of us experience the mindless state at times. It's an easy pathway to self-destructive behaviour because it blinds us to consequences, makes us feel entitled to a reward, or makes us feel so stressed out that we need a tension reliever. Mindlessness is based on the desire to escape from anxiety and tension as quickly as possible. Mindfulness, on the other hand, means developing the ability to tolerate that anxiety and tension without being swept away.
SebNZ said:
One thing to think about Shade - what is your diet like? I cut down massively on sugar and cut coffee at the same time I stopped looking at porn. This may or may not be a factor in my success (so far), but I'm fairly confident it is. Sugar and caffeine both tend to f*ck with my energy levels and bouncing energy levels are what makes me feel 'bored' and feel like a relapse.
Another thing is your job. When I lived overseas, I used to have a job I hated. It was a massive trigger for a relapse. If I came home tired and stressed, and my wife (ex now) was not at home...recipe for disaster. Do you like your job? That could be something to consider.
@SebNZ,
My diet is way above average in general. Standard vegetarian with a daily intake of >400 gr of veggies, I focus on not consuming added sugars and we try to have our diet well balanced in fibers/proteines/fats.
However, there are two big butts (pun intended
) I am a massive coffee-lover so I do drink way to much coffee. The second is that besides my very healthy diet, one of my instant gratifications is shitty food (fat/sugar, but mostly fatty) so my sugar intake can vary from day to day. This is something that I should control and for this i should reference myself back towards mindfulness...
Job is something i do absolutely like. Of course at times its rough, but that's the case with everything in life.
Thanks for reading guys