Day 4
Went down on Tuesday, back to day 4.
I was on Wednesday at work and heard someone mention it was Ash Wednesday. A practice in the christian faith that represents contrition of sin, and begins the 40 day season of lent, which is a season of reflection 40 days prior to easter, which is the Sunday of remembrance of the resurrection of Jesus, the savior of the world (I had to do allot of reading to get all those details). I am not a very religious person, but I thought that I would try it. During my lunch break I went to the service and after some reading and prayer they called people to a line, and one by one the priest dipped his fingers in ash and made a cross shape on each persons forehead. The rest of the day I had a weird cross shaped stain on my face. I
Since then have asked myself a few times why I did it, given that I don't believe in that (maybe in God, but not in that particular ritual). I think it was because I wanted to hang on to something. A milestone, a ritual, a moment, that could represent starting afresh and anew. But now what I am worried about is when I succumb again, that ritual is going to emotionally loose all its splendor and I will be left to myself again (which as my counter shows, is not very good at all). But for the moment I want to try my best to hold on to this ritual, for what it is worth. Time will tell.