day 2
There is something discouraging of being at the first days of your reboot; seeing day 1, 2, 3, 4, makes me feel like I have not accomplished nothing, that Im a looser; makes me feel like Im going to repeat repeating reboots, go down soon again, that I cant make it. Im in such a bad condition, mentally and as a human being, that even starting to reboot is a way of kicking myself down. But that is how it starts, whats that saying, a journey of 1000 miles starts with one step. I want to be better, I want to be happy and free; and for this I know I need to deal with this problem which pervades every area of my life, secretly, but it does, I don't want this to continue, I want a better quality of life. Im tired of talking to a girl and not being able to feel confident or have a interesting conversation, because Im just wondering in my mind what are the shape of her breast, I want to be normal. Im tired of having that nagging thought in the back of my mind, judging me for my constant PMO and cutting muy confidence short.
But to get there, I need to go through day 2, and probably I have to go through day 2 a few more dozen times (hopefully not, but realistically yes). For now Im happy for being at 46 hours and 46 minutes (46:46); look at that, it sounds better in hours than in days at the beginning, I should do that to feel more accomplished.
Today, I want to be PMO free, right now I don't want to be entangled by this anymore, I hope this desire goes long and grows stronger, even when urges may flair and rise up.