fresh start...

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Like many of you I have tried fresh starts a few times and not gained much out of it. Hey, but its a new decade and I dont want to keep on seeing my days go on and not get anywhere. So Im going to give it a another try. I plan on sharing my thoughts and feelings here, as well as were I am on the journey.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey welcome! Excellently done by admitting your problem and coming here. You've taken the first step!

Good for you
 

Wolfman

Active Member
Hey OrangeSpider! Here's to the best decade of your life yet! I wish you strength and hope on your journey.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
day 2...
Well, Im here and not at any Porn website, so thats a win, because usually at this time Im over there wasting my time and sperm.
Right now feeling determined, all my self is united in saying no, mind, soul and body (usually the body and mind are not helping). Hope this can continue through out the day. 
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
day 3...
Had a few cravings yesterday, but ran away from them. Today I hope it goes the same way, even though there is a part of me that just wants to get back in the rhythm of caving in and feeling the rush. Gotta keep it up!
 

making80y

Member
Never mind. You are successful for 3 days  8) Then, make another 3 days. It would better than nothing ;) No one can go straight line.

Excellent for 3 day. Let's keep for another excellent. Go on and Go on.
 

Wolfman

Active Member
Have you taken note of how you fell into the hole? Was it different this time? Were there unexpected triggers? Do you have a plan on how to deal with it if you find yourself in the same circumstance?

Keep at it man! Take the relapses as opportunities to learn about yourself. You really can do it for several days, you just need to make some tweaks to the system as you go along.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
day 2...
Thanks for the reply Wolfman. I have a base plan and Im planning on tweeking as I go and relapses happen (which I hope are not much).
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
day 1...
here we go again, yesterday I went down.
Ive identified its in the morning when nobody is awake. I cant seem to stand the urge when Im alone. So I have decided to wake up at 7, which is hard for me because I am a morning person, but I think it could even help me out get  a few more hours of sleep. Im scared it might put me back in getting some things done, but most of the time Im watching porn just right before 7, so maybe its just my mind trolling me. I hope this works out; just starting to tweek my strategy to see how it goes.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
day 0...
well that didn't last long  :(. I woke up early and came downstairs and did my thing... shit!

I need to get this together.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
its been 1 week...
This is something I want, I really want, but at the same time another part of me really wants as well the shit; what a conundrum!

I got to use my mind, think, think, think, and consider what weighs more.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
2 weeks...
I don't have a clue how the hell I've made it so far, but I'm glad and hope I can continue to make it. Best of luck to you guys as well.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Heres take 5 to that fresh start I mentioned back in January.

Yesterday I was watching porn, but at the same time thinking I didn't want to do it and I didn't masturbate. That has never happened to me, so I took it as a sign that its enough.

Heres a bit about me, since I didnt share this the last time. Im about to be 36. I've been hooked on Porn since I was 14. Since then the only moment I left in untouched was my first year of marriage, that was 10 years ago. I'm still married and I have 4 kids. Thank God my family does not know about this shit.

For them and for myself I want to be able to get over this. So I would love to make some progress in my reboot this time.

I will try to post regularly, unless I go off on P and M indefinitely.

 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey man, great work on stopping first of all!

It is quite a thing to keep something like that hidden from your family. Must be tearing you apart one way or the other.
What made you quit it, you already said that you watched porn but didnt masturbater? What do you think happened that made you not masturbate? It's a pretty significant signal!


Im looking forward to reading more on your progress!
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Thought about going for a pleasure surf  this morning, but instead came here. Almost a week without filling my mind and veins with nefarious gratification, and that makes me feel good.

Hope you guys are fighting the good fight as well, hope you the best.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Yesterday was tough.
I get to the point where I get so into looking at Porn, thinking its what I need, its the fix for my day, that it just doesnt go away. I pause what Im doing to do exercises, do something that needs be done in the house or play with the kids; I come back and its still there. I hate it!
I did not M yesterday, but I did peeked for P a few times.
Today I feel good I didn't M, but bad I looked at P. Its a battle guys, you know it. I just have to keep on pushing and wanting to be free from this.
Hoping today will be easier, for all of you as well.
 
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