fresh start...

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey man, it is indeed a battle. And it's a constant threat waiting to ambush and or seduce us. I so get the feeling of still having the urge after doing something else.
The best in these difficult times?
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
I made it yesterday, Im grateful for that. I got a little zoned out a moment in the afternoon and went off for a 4 mile run; that helped.
Im telling myself today that I cant go back, I dont want to go back; its been too long, Ive waisted so much time and energy in this, it has affected so much of my life, personality, performance, etc. I feel like someone who has a eating disorder and just cant stop. I mean, come one, Im going to be 36 in a few months, 22 years doing the same thing at least weekly; enough is enough.

 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey Orangespider,

I am glad to read that you made it yesterday! I see that you are also motivating yourself today as well as reflecting on your past life. This can be a powerful motivator; to remember what you are doing it for.

I am rooting for you! Keep it up!
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
I believe today is day #3, I had a fall a Monday.

Im really without words, other than just the desire to get over with this plan, the desire to commit seriously to reboot.

Thats it...
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey OrangeSpider,

It sucks, big time. But you can only move forward again. I'm rooting for you! Keep your chin up, this was another bump in the road. They occur every once in a while.

Good luck man!
 

Andrew1973

Active Member
Hey OrangeSpider,
Well done on your perseverance. The fact that you keep ?getting back in your horse? is admirable. I guess the next challenge is to make those streaks longer? How tuned into your triggers are you? You?ve already identified early and alone as two. What other ones are there? Boredom perhaps? Conflict? Be clear whenever you relapse what the emotional or situational triggers were, then develop a plan to either avoid each one, or be aware as you experience them so that you can make an alternative choice. What about some web blockers to help give you a bit of extra time to make that alternative choice. Even though I know I can get around my self imposed web blocks and filters if I am determined, it takes time and energy, and therefore I?ve made the porn less accessible to myself. This is about little incremental gains - there?s no ?silver bullet?. Good luck and keep talking to us - you?ve got friends here.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Thank you UK Guy. Those 2 you mentioned are also triggers for me, boredom and conflict.

I can also add effort; whenever I need to concentrate on a hard task, think hard on something from my work or studies, I kinda hit a wall and struggle to go on and then I like to pout out to an instant feeling of bliss, and the best one my brain knows is P and M.

Let me also define how boredom and conflict affect me personally.

Since I was a kid I was diagnosed with attention deficit and hyperactivity, I even took Ritalin for it when I was a kid. So I lose concentration and get bored very easily. I 've found a few get around's as an adult, like working with music (synthwave is my thing) on and having a fidget (I use Chinese balls) device in my hands. But I still struggle anyways and run towards and easy amusing fix, P and M.

I have always avoided conflict. Since I was a kid, I always ran away from fights and have dreaded opposing someone, even having different ideas; I don't know why, but it's a big thing for me. And so whenever I sense conflict, at home with my family, or something hard going on in my life, I run to my "safe place" of P & M.

Those are some real triggers for me, that I'm trying to pin down more and be able to get a better handle on them.

Confession time... last time was Monday, so that 2 days ago. I will keep on hanging in there and giving it my best to rebooting and rewiring this brain of mine.

Thank you all.

 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Well, its been 5 days, thats good for mess, I will take that any day. I usually only average 3 days. If I would be classifying my reboot tries by rarity level,  (common: 3 days, uncommon: 1 week, rare: 1 month, epic: 3 months, legendary: 6 months or more) I about to just reach uncommon. But I obviously want more.

I need to be careful and aware of my boredom-idleness moments, I just had one and saw myself going for some P.

I need to stop putting my hands in my pants all the time, it just brings to many arousals and muscular memories at a time.

Gotta keep plugging at it!
 

Andrew1973

Active Member
Well done OS. Next stop 'Rare'!
Great that you saw the boredom trigger building before unconsciously succumbing.
Onwards and upwards!
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Day 1 here we go.

I want to find a motivator for me to post in front of my desk, but I haven't thought about one specific yet. Is this helpful?
 

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Hello OrangeSpider,

it's good you keep up the fight, even though there are relapses.
Do you think about stopping the process or is it impossible to think clear when in urge?
In those urge situations i always thought that it's absolutely ok to PMO right now. To stop that seemed to me impossible.

After i (again) realized that the addiction is bad and i want to stop i grew awareness to myself and why i feel like i have to give in. Out of that my motivation has grown that i want to stop that unnatural process and that i suffer under it. This brought me out, but after that there is still work to do, like emotions and all.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey OrangeSpider, long time no see man.

Sucks that you were at day 1, but it's a journey. Im glad to see you got back on the horse and came back here for support.

About that quote, what would you like it to tell you/do with you? What is the goal of the quote?

If anything, why not make a quote yourself?

Good luck man. Hope that you will keep us updated on here. As always i'm rooting for you
 

Andrew1973

Active Member
The best tool I could recommend to have access to (whether on your desk or somewhere else) when tempted is the 6 point plan OS (I copied this from Shade's journal - it's a summary of Traveler32's thoughts)...

1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow that the urge is there (you cannot will it away, let it be and analyze it)
3. Investigate why the urge is there (is there something inside of you that makes you resort to PMO?)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO wank
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to an emergency activity such as sports, anti-sexual activities, other hobbies.

You may want to expand point 5 to list all the reasons you want to kick the habit, and also build in a reminder of why you are here and what you want to achieve.
I find that if you're not aware of what's going on with the process in the brain when you are triggered, your good intentions just get overridden by the very strong reward centre in your brain. That's why having this plan at hand (I have it on my phone for easy access), is a life saver.

Good luck and take care.

 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Long time no see guys!
I had not gotten back for over a year because I was doing pretty well and I was busy. I got a job that kept me super busy and I rarely got into the porn, I went sometimes for months without it.
But I left that job a few months ago, it was too much work and it I was going nuts. I have fallen back in the habit of porn for the last month; last time was Saturday.
I feel myself personally becoming mush, just going day by day, and I do not like that; I want to be the best me I can. A few things I have been starting to work on is my diet and exercises, as well as a healthy routine; I have been doing this well for a few weeks now. But here is the dreaded porn again, I know I have to tackle this as well.
I thought about the forum yesterday and I think this can help me, just to think over my addiction and to hear other peoples stories.
Thanks in advance to all who read, tried to keep it short in respect of all you guys time.
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Thank you @Striving_for_Life and @yogi for your encouragement.
Day 3 is done. I know it's not much, but I want to celebrate the small steps.
Today I was pretty busy with work, so didn't have much chance to be lead into urges. My triggers usually are boredom and procrastination, didn't had a chance to these today. I do have some hard work towards the end of the week, so I should be careful, I did some of that today so I don't leave it all for the end of the week.
I also did some journaling today where I expressed my thoughts and feelings to myself, that was pretty good and reflective, I might do that some more.
Well, thats all I got for now, just wanted to check in and express a bit of how I felt and did today.
Let's keep up the fight guys!
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Fallen off the band wagon is an understatement. But here I am again. My mind is discombobulated right now to go into details, but one thing I know is that I need to give that first step of the journey.

Hoping for the best for all rebooters!
 

OrangeSpider

Active Member
day 3!

I enjoye life yesterday. Worked a bit the yard. Enjoyed the holiday with my family. Started to read a new book. As I was doing it all I was thinking and taking in the moments, telling myself that this was real and precious, I should seek to do that more often, so that I can taste the real thing and that aid my battle against PMO, the artificial sweetener I have been using so long.

Seeking the zen!
 
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