New Year New Journal


I hate porn so much. I can feel its effects like heroine pulsing through my veins whenever I masturbate to orgasm. It feels so good, so soothing and all around powerful in the moment but even in that moment I can now identify and relate to the feelings of apathy, increased anxiety and lower happiness thresholds I will feel later. I just used about 10 minutes ago. It was not nice because I wanted like hell to avoid it. I did everything I could to try to think of something else, but that Irritated feeling wouldn't go away. It was like an itch I couldn't scratch. I tried to take a nap to relax. That didn't help I couldn't sleep it was calling to me so hard. I've been doing a good amount of meditation and councils body work recently, thats helped me achieve longer and longer streaks. I'm off to do some art and makybe drinks some tea.