technoblaade
New Member
I don't really know how to start this post, so I'm just going to.
I think it goes without saying that the coronavirus has changed a lot of life as we knew it. Where I'm at, schools are closed, so I'm stuck in my house, isolated with nothing but my thoughts, urges, and the Internet to keep me "busy." In essence, the situation almost seems designed for one of two outcomes.
1. I sink further into my addiction
2. I use this time to re-evaluate and overcome what's holding me down.
If quarantine has changed everything for the worse, I might as well try to change for the better during it. This addiction has consumed my free time and my headspace since late middle school (I'm a junior in high school at 17 now) and it's been nothing but negative. It started with static images, even some explicitly sexual drawings. Then it just got worse, into videos and weird fetish stuff, and it became this morbid sort of routine where I couldn't even remember why I started, still did it, or if it even felt good. I guess it just became an automatic response to any stressful events outside of my control- and ironically, I'm realizing that it's just made more stress and decreased my productivity.
I haven't had any father figures or much of anyone to discuss it with, either- my dad being an abusive absentee type- so when I found this forum, I figured I might as well give finding others to hold me accountable a shot. He was a nasty drinker and addict himself, and judging by my porn consumption habits I've inherited my old man's addictive personality. Even though he's long gone, I guess that part of him stuck around in me. With that in mind, I expect this to be a long and hard fight. But I want to fight it.
This is day one of no porn (and nofap too, like I said before with the addictive genes in me I can't trust myself), and I'm scared out of my mind that I won't make it. I am more scared of not trying, though, so there is still hope. Tomorrow I'm back in online school, so I'll be semi-occupied all day. I'm going to try exercising in the mornings and taking cold showers (I spend too long in the shower when I'm not doing anything, anyways)- but if anyone reading this has any other tips, suggestions, anything, please let me know.
Thanks. I don't really know how to start the process of quitting porn, so I'm just going to.
I think it goes without saying that the coronavirus has changed a lot of life as we knew it. Where I'm at, schools are closed, so I'm stuck in my house, isolated with nothing but my thoughts, urges, and the Internet to keep me "busy." In essence, the situation almost seems designed for one of two outcomes.
1. I sink further into my addiction
2. I use this time to re-evaluate and overcome what's holding me down.
If quarantine has changed everything for the worse, I might as well try to change for the better during it. This addiction has consumed my free time and my headspace since late middle school (I'm a junior in high school at 17 now) and it's been nothing but negative. It started with static images, even some explicitly sexual drawings. Then it just got worse, into videos and weird fetish stuff, and it became this morbid sort of routine where I couldn't even remember why I started, still did it, or if it even felt good. I guess it just became an automatic response to any stressful events outside of my control- and ironically, I'm realizing that it's just made more stress and decreased my productivity.
I haven't had any father figures or much of anyone to discuss it with, either- my dad being an abusive absentee type- so when I found this forum, I figured I might as well give finding others to hold me accountable a shot. He was a nasty drinker and addict himself, and judging by my porn consumption habits I've inherited my old man's addictive personality. Even though he's long gone, I guess that part of him stuck around in me. With that in mind, I expect this to be a long and hard fight. But I want to fight it.
This is day one of no porn (and nofap too, like I said before with the addictive genes in me I can't trust myself), and I'm scared out of my mind that I won't make it. I am more scared of not trying, though, so there is still hope. Tomorrow I'm back in online school, so I'll be semi-occupied all day. I'm going to try exercising in the mornings and taking cold showers (I spend too long in the shower when I'm not doing anything, anyways)- but if anyone reading this has any other tips, suggestions, anything, please let me know.
Thanks. I don't really know how to start the process of quitting porn, so I'm just going to.