New Start

Rookie

Active Member
Well, on my personal side, I can only thank God (or YHWH), for his grace on not letting me escalate more than vanilla. And to be honest, vintage stuff from the 1970's was what I gravitated towards.

While P is still trash,  no matter what angle you look at it (Baptist, Catholic, Protestant, Pentecostal, Jewish....and the list goes on) I don't know of any faith system that truly approves of it. I suppose the south end of  those faiths would be the only one to approve it. But I hear it's hot down there.

As far as dialogue between your Jewish faith and my Christian faith, yep, lots in common, right up till Christ's birth. But to my knowledge, the Torah is the same, as well as the prophets, history and poetic books of the bible.

In the new testament, in my view, Christ never annulled the old, but he was what is was talking about the entire time, and he was the fulfillment of it. As Paul wrote in Galatians, "there is neither Greek nor Jew", essentially saying that we are all equal under God.

I know 1 person that reads Greek locally, and I have a few favorite preachers that read Greek and Hebrew.

The one thing that I would like to learn much more on, is the Jewish traditions, as well as historical backgrounds and cultural backgrounds of most of those places discussed in the old and new testament. I have a friend that lives is another part of my country, and she told me that we North Americans have no idea about the middle east culture and context.

And as far as when would I indulge? Stress, anger, frustration, rejected by the Mrs...watching a movie and find an actress attractive and curiosity would get the best of me, bored (lots of this one) and just the straight out, looking forward to edging and trying to find some old vintage.

I'm really praying that this is all behind me. I hate it so much, but it's weird. As some preachers I listen to, you love it, due to the instant gratification you get, but then you hate it right away and you feel ashamed...which is where I am.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 41...made the mistake of watching a movie last night, and there was a couple of scenes...didn't indulge and the needle didn't even move. I think that's a bonus. I couldn't keep watching, I just shut it off. I can't even remember the name of it, so I guess I wasn't paying attention too much.

I'm going to keep this count going as if this would have been before my efforts to quit, I would have indulged for sure. But since I cut it off, I count it as a victory.

This morning, my wife actually let me sleep in her bed with her for about an hr (we sleep in separate rooms, I snore and she has insomnia, if we slept in the same bed, neither of us would get some sleep and I would probably not be alive to type on this board...)

Nothing happened, which I will admit, was frustrating. But, she did elude to a possibility in the next couple of days.

Did a bit more research on this stuff, and there are some guys that go without PMO (single men) for years. I'm amazed at that. But I suppose, if you take all necessary steps to avoid it, after a while, if you're lucky, you get rid of the addiction, like when we were kids (my addiction only started when I was 26). Before that, I could go weeks to months.

And like a preacher once said, not easy to MO without the P...cut out the P, and most of your battle is done.

 

Rookie

Active Member
So, tonight, did a search for something on Twitter (don't ask, I don't remember and it might be a trigger for someone). And low and behold...P...well, Twitter, good bye, you are the weakest link...

I also had a Tumblr...well sir, same thing...see ya!!

All I have now are Facebook (share it with my wife) and Instagram...so I can give my wife compliments on her workouts...but that's it. No more social media besides that.
 

joepanic

Well-Known Member
Nice going on 41 days Rookie

      I must admit I have never used twitter or tumbler or instagram  or snapchat  I'm not even sure I would know how.  I think if I had instagram It would be cool to be able to compliment her that way.  Mind you she gets the compliments from me in person all the time  evn with at 46 with a few extra lbs  I still compliment her as if she is 26.  It usually makes her day  I do have a facebook account  and admit I had done a little lurking over the years  but  havent bothered  since rebooting

    Nice going on hitting a trigger in the movie you watched and dealing with it responsibly by just walking away  perhaps in time  you may be able to handle it  and it no longer is a trigger  I have seen scenes in movies recently  and have been able to get through  mind you I usually only watch movies with my wife together  as its somethin we have always done  or while i'm on the exercise bike  and I am highly motivated to keep going and the scene passes by  so for me that is good progress as I am learning to live with what is out there

    hopping in the sack with your wife in the morning  no matter how you look at it is a good thing.  Many morning I wake up hard rock  but we dont do it  its just nice to lay there close  under warm blankets  with the sun coming through the window

    Cheers to your progress

  Post often it helps me it helps you
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hey Guys,  I'm glad you're doing well, wish I could say the same for me.  I'm almost off the rails edging to chrbate.  If some one could teach a clueless dummy how to remove all access to porn I'd be much obliged.
I'm kind of feeling sorry for myself and feeling like a pussy at the same time. Maybe it's the same thing. 
Sorry for putting you through my pity party.  Hopefully I'll have plenty of positive upbeat stuff to come.
And, yes, it definitely helps to read your posts.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 42. Deleted Instagram from my phone...very, very rarely use it. It's not worth going on it, and hitting the search button and nothing but temptation. Looks like it's just Facebook..

Mr.slurps, are you using a PC, a Mac, Iphone, Android...what is your go to? I'm sure we have a few people on this board that can walk you through. Now, here's another part, if you are on a phone...delete any app that have access to P...Instagram, I discovered before this reboot, has some, you just have to get creative...so did Twitter and many, many other social media platforms.

So, to start, unless it's for business, or keeping in touch with family/friends and you can control it. Lose it. That's what I did. The fight is hard enough without those things at your disposal.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 43, wife surprised me by joining me in bed...yes, yes it was a pleasant surprise that lead to a serious relief. Now I have renewed energy against the temptation, and so far, no chaser effect.

Hoping this will be the beginning to a new normal.

If I have any updates, I will post again, still early.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey Rookie,

I can imagine that is is indeed a most welcome and very pleasant surprise that the wife joined you in bed!

Losing the social media accounts can only be a positive thing I imagine, i've done the same and somehow you quite immediately notice that you are actually not missing anything and that you've a lot of time to spare because you are not mindlessly scrolling on them anymore.

What is your take on this? Was it hard for you to remove the social media apps/accounts?

Good luck man!
 

Rookie

Active Member
ShadeTrenicin said:
Hey Rookie,

I can imagine that is is indeed a most welcome and very pleasant surprise that the wife joined you in bed!

Losing the social media accounts can only be a positive thing I imagine, i've done the same and somehow you quite immediately notice that you are actually not missing anything and that you've a lot of time to spare because you are not mindlessly scrolling on them anymore.

What is your take on this? Was it hard for you to remove the social media apps/accounts?

Good luck man!

*****************Trigger Alert in the next paragraph**********************


Losing the social media apps? Hard? Not even close when you know what you are fighting. Especially when I was barely using them anyway. I Tweeted from time to time and rarely went digging for P...Tumblr, I purely had so I could follow still images and GIF's of P, and Instagram, I only had it so I could follow my wife. I never posted anything on it, my wife would post for me when she took my phone. But all of these, while they have strict guidelines against P...that can be worked around if you "spell" certain searches wrong, or off by 1 letter. Rather just not have it. That's  why  even installing filters on your phone or PC rarely helps. If your desperate enough to indulge, you'll find a way. Heck, youtube has crap on there if you have enough imagination...

But FB, I have much more control there since my wife and I share the account. I can't go searching stupid stuff (not necessarily P related) because my wife is fairly tech savvy so she would notice something is off.

 

Rookie

Active Member
Ok, so Instagram, can't remember my password anyway, that's gone. Twitter, deleted from phone, but kept my login...there are a few things I follow and if it comes to the point I can't control it from home, I'll delete that too.

Tumblr...well crap, I was in a rush for something, hit tu in the browser and enter (since it finishes the search for you in Chrome) and voila...the dashboard was there. Settings, delete account permantently.

Temptation today, 10 out of 10....slight visual of P...but not even tempted to MO....kept the pants on (literally and figuratively).

Looking forward to day 44. Since the only place I would have been tempted to view some P would have been through the apps...with them gone and not even a log in anymore, that should be that much stronger...if it wasn't that I sometimes have to transfer funds from one account to another from my phone...I would be going back to a flip. There are certain things I absolutely need my smartphone for. Not many, and not too often, but when I do...there's no negotiation... sadly.

 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 44...up way too early (7:30 am) for an evening shift. Since I work at 4 pm...I'm suspecting a nap will be warranted around 1 pm...wife finished her workout, and now she's downstairs working (one of the privileged ones that can work from home). I finished eating my 6 egg omelette, (with mushrooms, asparagus, 1/2 an onion and 2 huge slices of cooked ham). Yeah, takes a few minutes to digest, but then, pre-workout, and trying to do the 100 push up and 100 squat challenge...hopefully results.

Going to be cutting out almost all the sugar in my diet. Hopefully a few inches come off.

I was going to do the plank challenge, but after looking at the forms, the plank and push ups are almost the same, but push ups add chest, back, shoulders and arms...

Till the next post...
 

Rookie

Active Member
Ok, so last update of the day. Hopefully going to have a nap for an hour. Temptations are running a big high, so if I go to dad's camp...I will fail my streak. I still have 2.5 hrs before work.

Update on the challenge...
Push ups - 3 sets of 20 from the floor (considering I started with a shoulder pain in the pec minor area, that's not bad) and I couldn't finish the last 40 from the floor. So, with my hands on my desk (about 2.5 feet from the floor, more like a decline bench), I easily hammered out the last 40 ( 2 sets of 20).

Squats, 5 sets of 20...first 3 sets were immediately after the push ups...then the requirement for oxygen and quick muscle recuperation made itself known. Last 2 sets were spaced out a bit more...but in the end...all 100 for each, was accomplished, if I would have been focused on it 100%, and timing myself, possibly in 30 minutes I would have finished...but took about 1 hr.

Day 1, done. Bonus, no PMO...no camp because I know myself too well, it will happen if I go there.

I'm wondering if I should take a before and after video...just to see if there are improvements...
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Rookie,  How are you?  Sounds like you're kicking butt!  Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, 6 egg omelets (haha) you are a beast!
My edging was making me feel like a dead dog laying by the side of the road. It's a recipe for disaster.
Finally I got honest w/ myself:  "You're having so darn much trouble getting rid of porn on your computer b/c you're a pussy bull crap artist.  If you had to accomplish that for $1,000 you would sure as hell figure it out!"
So, lo and behold, I blocked Chrome, where I got my porn and it is working (at least for now.)
Despite edging, I've not had an o, so in my counting I'm on day 60. My reboot will be delayed but I want to keep this streak going.
I got laid off yesterday b/c some one at work tested positive. Tested today and my results are due in 5.
Man, I've been feeling so crappy w/ edging that not having that temptation in front of me is a big relief.
Keep up the good work.

 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 45...100 push ups and 100 squats accomplished. Chest is tired...legs, they're tired but getting warmed up...starting to get more and more energy.

Going to have to really limit my internet use and read hard copy books...getting triggered way too much. But no PMO...
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hey Rook,  Good job on 100 squats, that's not too shabby. 
Instagram kicked my butt today. (edging) 
How'd you get rid of it?
I got rid of Chrome b/c that was giving me access to p.  Slowly I'm getting rid of all the crap.
This tech world we live in is definitely a 2 edged sword.
You sound great on paper. lol  I hope your mind is as good as you sound here.  (On paper I'm not to crappy but my mind is bad.)
 

Rookie

Active Member
mr.slurps said:
Hey Rook,  Good job on 100 squats, that's not too shabby. 
Instagram kicked my butt today. (edging) 
How'd you get rid of it?
I got rid of Chrome b/c that was giving me access to p.  Slowly I'm getting rid of all the crap.
This tech world we live in is definitely a 2 edged sword.
You sound great on paper. lol  I hope your mind is as good as you sound here.  (On paper I'm not to crappy but my mind is bad.)

Not even close...while I can't compare what goes on in my mind to any war that has happened in the past, I can say it's a war zone in my head, every...single...day.

***trigger alert***

My mind keeps wanting me to go back to some of my favorite sites, favorite actresses, favorite scenes...keeps telling me, one more time won't hurt. Your wife is too busy worrying about work, take care of business yourself...it won't take long...

I'll tell ya, it's a fight. And right now, I have beyond knee pain. I don't know if it's just over doing the squats, arthritis starting in my 40's. All I know, I'm not immune to this thing yet. Not even close!!
 

joepanic

Well-Known Member
Hey Rookie

    Wasreading your journal going back to May 4th and the comment on cutting out the sugur.  That was one of the 1st things I did  back In Dec  and I am sure it has had a huge impact on my health  I went from drinking 3  sometimes 4 cans of Coke a cola a day to perhaps one every  3 or 4 weeks.  Its pretty rare when I have one.  MIght account for part of the 40 lbs I have lost in 4 months.  As for  thoughts of old websites  and actresses  scenes etc  I found that this either goes away or begins to  no longer have an effect  on me  as its now been 150 days since I have seen any of them.  I'm sure I have forgotten some and others if I think of them for some reason  they no longer "do anything" for me.  So time does have a positive effect

  Cheers

  Post often it helps me it helps you
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 48...been a few days since posting. Been busy with somethings and bored with others. Last few days were very tough. Today though, I think I have some renewed energy.
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Rook,  Good job on pushing through those tough days.  I've had a streak of bad ones lately.  I got good news on my Covid 19 test and a check from our govt. so it's been a good day.
I know there is a lot of discussion of how to count days for a reboot.  Mine is unique- basically what I'm doing is counting the days from the inception of this quest (64 days.) But I've had relapses so I know the reboot process of not wanting pmo will probably take more like a year.
 

Rookie

Active Member
I gave advice to someone to someone in a different age group that relapsed. I simply told him, with the streak I have doing on (almost 50 days), if I relapse, crash, fall, indulge, whatever word you see fits best, I will count 2 things. I will start my count over, and try to beat the previous record. But what I will also do, is count how many times I fall.

Example. I know a rough estimate consistently for the last 3 yrs, would be about once every day, with the odd exception. So let's give it 340 days of activity. Well, Jan to March, I was a daily user, most the time. So that's 90 days. Then if I fall once after that, I would be at 91...the streak starts, but the overall for the year, is already much lower.

If I could then make it to the rest of the year and only indulge say 5 more times (based on 50 day streaks) I would be at 95 times, vs the 240 of the previous year.

If that's not progress, we have to redefine that word. Then next year...hopefully 6 times or less. Then a person is seriously on his / her way to eliminating this useless sin / habit / whatever you want to call it.
 
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