New Start

Rookie

Active Member
workinprogressUK said:
Great work, Rookie. You're a lasting source of inspiration.
I've never had Insta. Don't have any S'meeds beyond linkedin. I know I wouldn't cope. Kudos to you for trying it, working out that it still doesn't fit you, and deleting.

Have you got a decent chin-up / pull-up bar yet? Best piece of home gym equipment I ever bought. Game changing.

I weight about 290 lbs...my arms aren't big / strong enough to lift me yet. Working on getting a couple of parallel dip bars with some rubber bands, plus that home gym. It's a P2X from Bodysolid...and I got the 210 lbs weight stack. Should be getting it this week. I'm actually hoping to max out on it within a few months, then I'll have to get creative with my workouts.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 271...temptations are becoming less and less frequent, finally. If I would have known that it would take this long to get this out of my cycle, I can't say I would have jumped on board that easily and quickly. But by the grace of God...

One big appreciation I have, is that it's finally freezing where I live. So this means, women will actually dress up to go outside. So much less temptation that way.

Besides that, not much to add. Might have more a bit later.

Thanks to those that keep reading, it's actually an encouragement that I might be motivating to someone else in this struggle.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Nice work on your recovery resolve man. It sad to still be having temptations at 271 days, for me it's like a little discouraging but I know that's how life is. The struggle never goes away, we just become stronger than them.

So I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing.
Stay Woke
Chris
 

workinprogressUK

Well-Known Member
Rookie said:
Day 271...temptations are becoming less and less frequent, finally.

Each time you check-in, and I read that you're thriving in a p-free life, it gives me strength. Wishing you a serene and happy end to 2020 and sending my thanks and congratulations.
 

joepanic

Well-Known Member
Hey Rookie    Hows things  Still clean?    Ive been doing very well recently  seen a lot of good changes

    Cheers

  Post often it helps me it helps you
 

Rookie

Active Member
Well, time to get back on the bandwagon? I come with my tail between my legs. I have not PMO'd since my beginning here, however, I have crashed as far as viewing and edging without O. And I have noticed a difference in my intimacy with my wife.
Hardwood down to soft, I can't last (severe premature going on).

All this to the point, even my wife finally unloaded on me. "You want you sex all the time, and I haven't been satisfied in a long time, grow up, and leave me alone for at least a couple of weeks, or even a month".

You might say, the tone, while very frustrated, was beyond honest. And I thanked her for that.

And then I'm having some health issues. My stomach hasn't been right in at least 3 weeks. So I went to see a very, very trusted naturopath in town. First thing he noticed, "have you go sleep apnea?". Yep, he responded "get a machine, and quick, you're on your way to diabetes type 2, and have you noticed a difference down there...if so, it's related, the faster you get on that machine, the faster it should come back".

Now, I am going to make an appointment in town with a sexologist, to find out if all this weak performance is related to my P...(which I have no doubt has some relation) or if it's more related to my sleep apnea and over weight (282 lbs at 6'4"). I'm suspecting they are both factors.

The great news is, wife and I have joined a gym, and she has been beyond consistent. I have been trying, and have cut out the sugar, pasta, bread, milk years ago and working on cutting more out. So hopefully this gym thing, and losing weight, will help her desire me again.

So anyway, yea, now I'm in a different fight as before, however, now I know my struggle and I don't watch for hours on end like I use to. I did fall in the rut, and would look for sometimes up to 15 minutes, and guilt would set in, and I would quit. But curiosity brought me back.

I have cut my phone from coming in the bedroom with me at night (don't need an alarm, I work nights).

Here's to daily posting when I get home again.

This is NOT the way I wanted to continue this thread, however, I have a ton of pride to swallow but I also realize, there are many here that have been down my path, and succeeded. Time to be one of those men, wipe my tears of shame away, and get back on the horse.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 3...no temptation, no issues. Weight still going down which is great. Wife actually looked at me very impressed that I'm almost 100% comfortable in my last belt notch (down 4 so far). But, with all those inches lost, I went from 286lbs to 282lbs...which I can't say I'm very happy about. But, apparently when you're at 6'4"...it takes longer to notice.

Either way, while I had a long streak of 271 days, and I'm starting over, I can say, that was a lesson I had to learn.

I don't know how often I will be able to post...suffice to say, I plan on going further than 271 days, even if that means paying for a therapist. I don't want to go there, but if I have to, I have to...
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 4, still awesome that there is 0 temptation. And I'm 1.5 weeks without relief from my wife. And honestly, it's not that I don't miss it, I want to get the wood back before we do anything. So if I have to wait another week, at this pace. I'm fine.

Too much to do anyway, between meal prep, work, groceries and hopefully the gym in there from time to time...on the + side...I am down 3 pounds from last week.

Working on getting down to at least 250lbs...currently, 279lbs...
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 7...some temptation a bit. Quitting porn a week ago, and sleeping with that CPAP machine, has already shown improvements. We were intimate Friday night, and she mentioned it was the best it has been in 6 months. With her saying that, I'm more motivated than ever to quit PMO, work with my CPAP machine, lose more weight and get in better shape.

I have lost weight, and am not quite ready to mention the amount yet.

All this said, there are improvements.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 13...and I have to say, very slight temptation, but nothing that couldn't be over come. Trying to read about 10 - 15 chapters in my bible is proving to be very time committing. But it's that extra motivation to quit this once and for all.

Wife and I were intimate again today, and she's noticing big improvements (including regarding size and hardness). And that I'm actually lasting longer now. She might actually start craving it again.

This CPAP thing is really making a difference. I'm sleeping the entire night, and actually getting rest. And my diet, is almost completely sugar / pasta / bread / processed free. Most of our groceries expire in a week.

So are these results worth not going back to digital visual stimulation...absolutely. Besides, I don't have time, with everything else going on.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 21...yesterday was the first day that I actually have a bit of temptation. Weekend was not a fun one. Wife is training really hard for her bikini contest which is fantastic. I'm looking forward to the weekend for intimacy, especially since it only happens during the weekends. And nope, nothing this weekend. She had a meltdown Saturday. Today she wasn't in much of a better mood, and myself, like most men, when we are hoping for some sexual relief, we are sooky and moody.

While I tried to stop myself from being this way, I realized I have been most of the weekend. Then there's also that I'm leading a small bible study, so what does that tell Christ, when sex is on the forefront of my mind instead of fellowshipping with other believers.

I really have to get back to my knees like I did in April / May / June last year, when I was fighting this PMO thing with every ounce of energy I had. I was actually refusing to watch newly animated cartoons, the women in those cartoons are drawn with such lustful features, it's insane.

But, either way, I was able to resist, and am still going strong with no viewing (aside watching a movie with my wife, that might have a scene or 2, not much I can do about that). But no seeking movies with scenes, no seeking deliberately for nudity.

I'm also back on reading my bible (read it cover to cover twice within the last 1.5 yrs starting round 3 today). Also reading Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund on how Christ's heart for the sinner is one of compassion and love. I need this book, I keep seeing myself in the perspective the Puritans saw us, good for nothing sinners, saved by grace. But they rarely expounded on the grace part, lol.

All this to say...the streak is still alive after a bad weekend. This week will be better.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Rookie you go this. So many similarities in our journey and my faith has helped so much. Daily prayer and bible study gives me grace and peace. If you see my journal I have a great sermon as well as a book I read call Winning the War in your mind. Both have been helpful in this journey.
Stay strong and praying for you
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 29...still great that by the grace of God, barely any temptation. A friend from out of province is here for a few weeks on family matters. So he's accompanying me to the gym...which is awesome. We're pushing each other harder. He's a friend from high school (didn't hang out much back then, he was in the cool crowd, I wasn't, but with FB, most judgments are gone at our age). The only thing he keeps saying is that I'm a beast in the gym. I'm 1 - 2 inches taller, and about 50 - 60 lbs heavier. I'm consistently doing heavier than him, all except for legs...both of us are in our 40's...so, knees...

Besides that, today, we almost had to put our senior dog down. She's 13 1/2 yrs old, and her hips are not in great shape, but her smile is still there, and refuses help. Pain killers have helped, but we know our time is limited (1 week to 2 months). Not sure, trying to prepare ourselves.

Other than that, stress is through the roof regarding the vaccine, and the mandates all over the world. Wife and I are not interested in it, seeing too many side effects, and so far, I know 2 people that have died since getting the shot, and about 2 dozen that had serious side effects (4 of them almost didn't pull through). Sorry, not interested.

All this to say, I'm almost at 30 days in my second reboot attempt.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 37...nothing much to report. Still nearly 0 temptation. This is purely by the grace of God. He has kept me too busy with other things. Had a workout session with my buddy, and finally did 2 plates per side on bench press again (225lbs) for 2 reps. Sure it was on the Smith machine...but the weight is still there.

If I can keep this up, I'm looking at 3 plates per side within 6 months...

As usual, progress, is one day at a time. Then you look back, and you got 37 days in.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Day 49...I have to admit, not much for temptation...yeah it's creeping it just a bit...installed Tik Tok thinking I would use it...and lots of provocative and suggestive stuff, will be deleting it again. Deleted IG for that reason on my phone. Now I only have access on my PC.

Last couple weeks, retarded overtime...20 + hrs per week. And the paycheck, while good, didn't reflect it at all. 50% to taxes (I did the math). I'll be cutting down the OT for a bit, still work some, just not as much.

And with cutting down on the OT...I can do the gym again and focus on it a bit.

Last weekend was nothing short of frustrating. Wife was in a bad mood all weekend, and had no relief. The bonus, when you cut out PMO 100%...you're not desperate for it anymore. So looks like a 2 week drought...

Hopefully this weekend will be better.
 
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