Well, time to get back on the bandwagon? I come with my tail between my legs. I have not PMO'd since my beginning here, however, I have crashed as far as viewing and edging without O. And I have noticed a difference in my intimacy with my wife.
Hardwood down to soft, I can't last (severe premature going on).
All this to the point, even my wife finally unloaded on me. "You want you sex all the time, and I haven't been satisfied in a long time, grow up, and leave me alone for at least a couple of weeks, or even a month".
You might say, the tone, while very frustrated, was beyond honest. And I thanked her for that.
And then I'm having some health issues. My stomach hasn't been right in at least 3 weeks. So I went to see a very, very trusted naturopath in town. First thing he noticed, "have you go sleep apnea?". Yep, he responded "get a machine, and quick, you're on your way to diabetes type 2, and have you noticed a difference down there...if so, it's related, the faster you get on that machine, the faster it should come back".
Now, I am going to make an appointment in town with a sexologist, to find out if all this weak performance is related to my P...(which I have no doubt has some relation) or if it's more related to my sleep apnea and over weight (282 lbs at 6'4"). I'm suspecting they are both factors.
The great news is, wife and I have joined a gym, and she has been beyond consistent. I have been trying, and have cut out the sugar, pasta, bread, milk years ago and working on cutting more out. So hopefully this gym thing, and losing weight, will help her desire me again.
So anyway, yea, now I'm in a different fight as before, however, now I know my struggle and I don't watch for hours on end like I use to. I did fall in the rut, and would look for sometimes up to 15 minutes, and guilt would set in, and I would quit. But curiosity brought me back.
I have cut my phone from coming in the bedroom with me at night (don't need an alarm, I work nights).
Here's to daily posting when I get home again.
This is NOT the way I wanted to continue this thread, however, I have a ton of pride to swallow but I also realize, there are many here that have been down my path, and succeeded. Time to be one of those men, wipe my tears of shame away, and get back on the horse.