My story started when I was about 9 years old . My Uncle was married to my Mom after Dad died to help raising me and my siblings . he used to watch P.Movies on CDs back then , showed my elder brother ( he is 2 years older than me ) ..some of them , who in turn showed me P.Movies . This experience was very interesting to me ..It lasted for about 2 months then my uncle stopped bringing these CDs . It stopped on the outside but it ignited something inside that didn't . after 3 years ,
My uncle got hotbird (Euro Satellite) , he said it was for soccer matches . the truth is it was only for P . at 12 years old , I had many P. watching sessions with him . at school , I was a brilliant student . I used to be among the first 3 or 4 every year at 5 different schools .
. 2004 (12 years old ) was the year the doors of hell opened . I finished that year at school as the 10th among the first ten . My anxiety started to reach high levels , I couldn't focus on studying , bad memory , had mild depression , low level energy , self-doubt and low grades on the following years .(at 2008) low grades to the extent I barely could succeeded on my final year at school before joining a technical institute . at 2009 , I went to a psychiatrist who said it was OCD . I took pills for a while then stopped . My functionality was too bad that I could barely eat . self-doubt was too high that I doubted my ability to do the very basic functions of a human being . too high P. watching rates were always present . I failed at uni the first year . I got distant from my friends . getting in P. even further and further (from normal P. to very extreme and weird P. ) ..I went to many therapists at the following years . their responses were between OCD ,negative thinking and bad situations that happened when I was a child . took many pills for anxiety and depression for about 1.5 years . even made about 12 TMS sessions for severe depression . I felt no progress though , on the contrary , It was getting worse . I didn't think seriously for one second about what I was doing . I knew it was wrong , but an addiction that I have to get rid off ...It didn't even come to my mind . failing at uni 2 years and a half was so damaging to me that I thought of suicide many many times . my self-worth went very down . I wished to vanish like dust . I hated every moment of my life . TOTAL PARALYSIS .
Now , after these years . I want to live my life .. I want to fully live my life . I want to have friends , I want to have activities , I want to have a bright career .
This is day 1 of my reboot .
My uncle got hotbird (Euro Satellite) , he said it was for soccer matches . the truth is it was only for P . at 12 years old , I had many P. watching sessions with him . at school , I was a brilliant student . I used to be among the first 3 or 4 every year at 5 different schools .
. 2004 (12 years old ) was the year the doors of hell opened . I finished that year at school as the 10th among the first ten . My anxiety started to reach high levels , I couldn't focus on studying , bad memory , had mild depression , low level energy , self-doubt and low grades on the following years .(at 2008) low grades to the extent I barely could succeeded on my final year at school before joining a technical institute . at 2009 , I went to a psychiatrist who said it was OCD . I took pills for a while then stopped . My functionality was too bad that I could barely eat . self-doubt was too high that I doubted my ability to do the very basic functions of a human being . too high P. watching rates were always present . I failed at uni the first year . I got distant from my friends . getting in P. even further and further (from normal P. to very extreme and weird P. ) ..I went to many therapists at the following years . their responses were between OCD ,negative thinking and bad situations that happened when I was a child . took many pills for anxiety and depression for about 1.5 years . even made about 12 TMS sessions for severe depression . I felt no progress though , on the contrary , It was getting worse . I didn't think seriously for one second about what I was doing . I knew it was wrong , but an addiction that I have to get rid off ...It didn't even come to my mind . failing at uni 2 years and a half was so damaging to me that I thought of suicide many many times . my self-worth went very down . I wished to vanish like dust . I hated every moment of my life . TOTAL PARALYSIS .
Now , after these years . I want to live my life .. I want to fully live my life . I want to have friends , I want to have activities , I want to have a bright career .
This is day 1 of my reboot .
