Pushing back!
- Thread starter Chris Oz
- Start date
fapstranaut02
Active Member
Chris, it's nice to see you're actively pushing everybody to fight against this addiction, I believe I can speak for the others and we appreciate you leaving a comment in our post. You are not alone in this journey, I really do hope we can march forward together, fix and improve our life before we hit 30 years old.
If you relapsed after a week, I'd say it has been a good progress, you are doing it ! Maybe now let's target keeping clean for 11 days ?
Keep pushing
If you relapsed after a week, I'd say it has been a good progress, you are doing it ! Maybe now let's target keeping clean for 11 days ?
Keep pushing
Yeah, it's not always outward 'triggers'- or cues, as I prefer to call them. Sometimes it's inner cues, spiritual or emotional needs that we're used to medictating with our bad habits. The lower brain sends out its signals, and it makes us feel like we'll die if we don't satisfy it.
These urges will continue to be strong until we can learn to dismiss them. Regardless, no matter what deep need the urge pretends it can fulfill, it can never make you act out on them. You always have that moment of pause, where you can make that right decision. Be mindful rather than mindless (as in a habit cycle).
You're beginning to learn about yourself more, that most of our cues come from outside stimuli, but sometimes the need is deeper, like emotional and/or spiritual. It's during these kind of urges that I dig a little deeper in terms of prayer and or emotional connection with loved ones (you can do this without telling them what's going on).
My advice about this would be to make sure you're not approaching your devotions legalistically. Yes, our devotions require discipline (hence, 'disciple'), however, this should come from a place of want to, not need to. What helps for this is to understand that regardless of whether you study or not, pray or not, God loves you, and made you righteous- not for any devotional you did, but because of what His Son did for you. His Son was 'devotional' for you, and God accepts that as your righteousness, when you trust in it.
Also, don't tie the two together. This was my mistake for years, that if I didn't pray or read the Bible, my flesh must be around the corner with all its desires. And (and here's the paradox), if we live after our flesh and its appetites, we will be less spiritual- or if we're less spiritual, we'll be more fleshly (body-oriented). But don't think that not making prayer or study means that you're going to fall. This thing is primarily habit, and that's how we need to approach it.
For those who believe, there is a spiritual component to it- we can pray about it, we can allow God to meet our needs, we can resist the tempter who wants us to do those disgusting habits- but regardless, the urges cannot make you act on them, the devil cannot 'make you do it', etc...
For myself, along with my breaking of the habit itself, I pray deeper that it's a heartfelt, or a heartful repentance.
No, no- you're no hypocrite. A hypocrite would be one who pretends they're on day 1,000, but are actually looking at p-subs every night, and acting like they're some kind of recovery-guru, or something. No, you're not that guy. I appreciate all your comments in my own journal, and regardless of where you're at in your journey (because I know you're trying), I, too, get encouragement and inspiration from you.
Keep swinging, and knock a tooth out of this thing!
I strongly recommend to chech this Youtube channel: "The Universal man"
Everyday I walk around 1 our while I listen to his videos or to music. They are very inspiring and your learn tones about the human psyche.
Ive been 3 years of my live smoking cigarettes, eating junk food, masturbating to porn and being addicted to weed and videogames.
Nowadays I quit weed, cigarretes, masturbation, porn and Im on a healthy diet. The only thing I sill do is videogames to help me when im stressed. And man. It feels good.
Day 16 of nofap/noporn. 0 urges and 100% determination.
Everyday I walk around 1 our while I listen to his videos or to music. They are very inspiring and your learn tones about the human psyche.
Ive been 3 years of my live smoking cigarettes, eating junk food, masturbating to porn and being addicted to weed and videogames.
Nowadays I quit weed, cigarretes, masturbation, porn and Im on a healthy diet. The only thing I sill do is videogames to help me when im stressed. And man. It feels good.
Day 16 of nofap/noporn. 0 urges and 100% determination.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Thanks Popcorn for the recommendation, I'd check it out. And Phineas,your advice is really helpful to me. I don't normally. I don't usually connect my progress with my devotions, but it's just something that I've noticed. But I believe what you said is true and that it's better to not focus or connect my failings to my offtime with devotion.
I'm always in control of my actions. I can choose to respond rather than react. Mindfulness, yes.
It's Day 2
I just watched a movie where there was some unexpected nudity and sex scenes in it. I better delete it right now cause my mind is beginning to whisper to go back to those parts of the movie.
Better sleep too on time. Keep pushing back
I'm always in control of my actions. I can choose to respond rather than react. Mindfulness, yes.
It's Day 2
I just watched a movie where there was some unexpected nudity and sex scenes in it. I better delete it right now cause my mind is beginning to whisper to go back to those parts of the movie.
Better sleep too on time. Keep pushing back
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Can't believe I'm on DAY 3 now. Not 3 days clean, but day 3. It's seems just like yesterday I had my relpase. Thank you God for a successful reboot from my relpase.
Today, I'm flying in fair weather. About to prepare for my afternoon session of trading my demo account and then take a nap before actually doing so.
Yesterday's scenes from the movie is still playing in my head a little bit but I feel above the water. I feel in control.
Only thing is that I'm beginning to get easily annoyed and irritated. I tmhate interruptions in my set plans, especially when it's uncalled for. I guess it's cause I'm a system guy.... But I think I've got to ease off some way. I'd pray about it. I don't want this leading to me lashing out on any one and bringing a strain in my relationships.
Anyways that's all for now, keep pushing back guys.
Today, I'm flying in fair weather. About to prepare for my afternoon session of trading my demo account and then take a nap before actually doing so.
Yesterday's scenes from the movie is still playing in my head a little bit but I feel above the water. I feel in control.
Only thing is that I'm beginning to get easily annoyed and irritated. I tmhate interruptions in my set plans, especially when it's uncalled for. I guess it's cause I'm a system guy.... But I think I've got to ease off some way. I'd pray about it. I don't want this leading to me lashing out on any one and bringing a strain in my relationships.
Anyways that's all for now, keep pushing back guys.
Hey, Chris!
Had the same thing happen to me while watching Dexter the other day, lol...! I knew what it was, and kind of let the scene play out (muted it), and did something else until it passed.
Another scene came on last night, and I knew from memory what it was going to be, so I mindfully got up, did something else, until I knew the scene passed again.
That's kind of what we do when memories or fantasies come to our minds, we nonjudgmentally breathe through them, ignoring them, until they pass. Even to react against them is itself a reacting to them, if that makes sense. Best thing is to say, 'Well, lower brain is trying to get a cookie. Not going to happen,' and just go about your business.
You got this, brother!
Had the same thing happen to me while watching Dexter the other day, lol...! I knew what it was, and kind of let the scene play out (muted it), and did something else until it passed.
Another scene came on last night, and I knew from memory what it was going to be, so I mindfully got up, did something else, until I knew the scene passed again.
That's kind of what we do when memories or fantasies come to our minds, we nonjudgmentally breathe through them, ignoring them, until they pass. Even to react against them is itself a reacting to them, if that makes sense. Best thing is to say, 'Well, lower brain is trying to get a cookie. Not going to happen,' and just go about your business.
You got this, brother!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
And..... I relapsed again yesternight. I think I have to do deep thinking to see what the real problems are. I have to restrategize and get back my resolve to recover fully somehow. But don't worry I'm still gonna be pushing afterwards.i just need a little time to reflect and peharps get back my motivation.
Be back by Monday morning!
Be back by Monday morning!
worldlit4213
Active Member
Hey Chris! Maybe try looking for a way to shake things up in a big way. It sounds like you need something major to change in order to build up longer streaks and find recovery. Try doing something that really challenges you and taking up a commitment that will be beneficial. I hope that helps!
You can do it, Chris!
Now is the time to dig deep, find that resolve. Study your own plan objectively, what's working and what's not working? Is it a matter of the 'little compromises'?
Slay this dragon (as Christ did for you at the cross) while you're still young! Right now you're in the age bracket 20-29, wouldn't it suck if you had to start a new journal years from now in the age bracket 40 and up?
(no offense to those of us who are in that age bracket, lol...!)
Chris, I often think of how the Lord could have used me more had I conquered this in my early twenties, and I had that chance in 1990-91. I finally got victory over MO, and I was 25! But, long story, and I found myself struggling with this crap (with varying degrees of success) for almost 30 years!
Think of it as 'Father Time'- or the 'older Chris Oz' looking back on his younger self, saying, "Son, or Self, now is the time to seize yourself by the throat (nonjudmentally of course), and save yourself from years, decades, of frustration, shame, struggling, and all the anti-intimacy that this poison leaves us with!"
You can do it, brother! Excited to see your next approach!
Now is the time to dig deep, find that resolve. Study your own plan objectively, what's working and what's not working? Is it a matter of the 'little compromises'?
Slay this dragon (as Christ did for you at the cross) while you're still young! Right now you're in the age bracket 20-29, wouldn't it suck if you had to start a new journal years from now in the age bracket 40 and up?
(no offense to those of us who are in that age bracket, lol...!)
Chris, I often think of how the Lord could have used me more had I conquered this in my early twenties, and I had that chance in 1990-91. I finally got victory over MO, and I was 25! But, long story, and I found myself struggling with this crap (with varying degrees of success) for almost 30 years!
Think of it as 'Father Time'- or the 'older Chris Oz' looking back on his younger self, saying, "Son, or Self, now is the time to seize yourself by the throat (nonjudmentally of course), and save yourself from years, decades, of frustration, shame, struggling, and all the anti-intimacy that this poison leaves us with!"
You can do it, brother! Excited to see your next approach!
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
Phineas 808 said:
Yeah, man, well said. I am 30 now and I've been fighting this shit since I was 18. This is when my desire to stop watching porn started but I've been a porn junkie, in various stages, for around 20 years or something like that. Since back then when I watched scenes from regular movies, memorized them and then jerked off replaying them in my head all day. I've been through all the stages. I found out about porn addiction a few years ago, I don't remember exactly what year it was because my memory seems to work like this: I remember something happening but not always I remember what year it was. Anyway, I just switched from 20-29 group to 30-39 and if I don't stop this shit I will switch to 40 and up. I don't want to get there. Life is too short to be only alive but not living. After fighting with this shit for years and after I really sped it up a few years ago once I found Gabe Deem on Youtube, I kept failing and I always wondered what the fuck was wrong. "What the fuck do I do wrong and this ain't working?" was a question I've asked myself a thousand times. "I found out everything about how my addiction works, I know all my triggers, so what the fuck is really going on? Why am I here again after 5 PMOs in 2 hours, almost crying?" And to be honest, I think I've found out what will ultimately work for me. And this is: To finally understand and accept that I will have to suffer in order to escape this hell. There is no other way out. After being caught in a strong addiction for years, there is no easy way out, I'm afraid. This asks for pain. I will have to go through the pain of withdrawal if I want to make it. What didn't use to work? I didn't want to suffer all the way to the end. I didn't want to accept it. There was always this: "I am a victim, why should I suffer when I'm suffering already with what this addiction does to me?" I was stuck in "Why me?". But then I realized that there was really no other way. I had to look at the facts: That in order to quit this strong addiction I have to go through a period of intense mental suffering, maybe involving some physical pain too, I don't know, but mental for sure, it is going to be a hard period for my mind. The torture of craving this shit is torturous enough as it is. Being constantly followed around by a guy named porn that keeps talking to me and won't leave me alone. But if I understand that I can't escape the suffering and I decide to suffer, I will escape. There is no stopping in the middle of the road with this. Suffering all the way or I will never be out. Patience is needed, because it will take many days and to never forget that I decided to only go through this for the last time and get out of it. I won't repeat the loop anymore. The loop is like this: Suffering starts, I "postpone it" with a binge then it starts again and this porn shit keeps following me, keeps controlling me and I can never escape it. In order to escape porn, once has to eradicate it completely, there is no grey with this shit, it's black or white. Eliminate it completely from your life and endure the suffering until the day when the craving is gone and you regain the control. That is freedom. We cannot control porn because the definition of an addiction is that the drug is in control. We cannot use it healthly and be 100%. We can't use it occasionally. We need to completely eliminate it. This means no watching, no peeking, no "5 minutes won't set me back", nothing. And very important, and a reason why I've relapsed a million times: The porn stored in my (our) brain. It will start playing because the addicted brain pressed "play" to try to make us jump into the fire. If you engage with the porn stored in your head, dopamine will go wild, the craving will get uncontrollable and it's game over. Porn needs to be stopped in the first second when it pops up in our mind. We can't stop it from coming (for now) but we can decide if we want to "watch" or not. It makes the difference between being pushed towards the abuse and the streak going on. Peace.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Hey, thanks for the help guys, I'm still gonna be trucking like gabe says, lol. And special thanks to you @escaoeandnevercomeback for sharing your story. I understand how crucial that first few seconds can be when a cue comes. Feel you man
I've been reading YBOP book by Gary Wilson and haven gone half of the book, I now have ?5 as much motivation as before. And I plan on using it as a rocket pad.
Had to put my approach down in writing so I can always come back to it and reflect.
My Approach
I'm taking a leaf out of my friends Phineas booklet. His model very much connects with things I believe, that have worked in the past for me and also things that I am trying right now, that is why I have adopted it. Lastly I see a huge progress in his journey, and you know what they say...
Hang around successful people and soon you'd be successful..or something like that, lol (You know what I mean)
First- My approach is spiritual using various disciplines. I am going to rest firstly in my faith as a Christian and embrace God's grace-filled love that says I am loved no matter what, I am saved if I believe truly in my savior, and that I only need to trust in His finished work.
This will include prayer, reading Scripture, meditation on His word(Bible plans), and Worship
Second- I apply mindfulness in my activities and when the urges cime.
It's about being in the present moment. Instead of fighting urges head on, I use awareness, focusing on the breath as I dismiss urges nonjudgmentally. I repeat this for every wave of urges that come.
I do this knowing that I am in control of my actions, and I choose how I respond to the cues, which suggest to porn filled fantasies that ultimately wants to destroy my life not give me pleasure.
I'm going to enhance this habit, through continuous study, reading books on porn use, Journals, successful stories and books etc.
Third- I use the science of habit-change. I believe we can retrain the brain (neuroplasticity) away from these learned habits. This is more empowering to me than the disease model of addiction. We have the means of change in our hands, as we take back power from unwanted behaviors or pornography.
So I abstain from porn knowing that, given time my brain will correct it's self and return to it's default and healthy state- My reward centers will begin to respond in the right measure
My Plan Executed
My plan is to abstain from acting out to P/MO for 120 days(Yeah, a boost up from 90 to 120,gonna give an extra month to remove any doubt in my own opinion :). Afterward, I'll have retrained myself toward different behaviors and habits for life's circumstances. More important, how to not react to old cues or stimuli that used to fuel the habit.
Why this number? 120 is very spiritual (Gen 6:3; Acts 1:15; 2:1-4).
Also, it takes 90 days to promote habit change, and deal with the neural chemicals released during P/MO:
DeltaFos B: 6-8 weeks (42-56 days, or between 1 month, 2 weeks to 2 months).
Hypofrontality: 8 weeks (56 days, or close to 2 months).
120 days = 15 x 8 (counting from my last relapse day 16/2/21, with completion dates):
1. 8 days:
2. 16 days:
3. 24 days:
4. 32 days:
5. 40 days:
6. 48 days:
7. 56 days:
8. 64 days:
9. 72 days:
10. 80 days:
11. 88 days:
12. 96 days:
13. 104 days:
14. 112 days:
15. 120 days:
So this is me pushing harder than ever. Although I'm not planning on it, If I fail at any point, I just have to remind myself of God's Grace, pick myself up and start again. No dulling.
I've been reading YBOP book by Gary Wilson and haven gone half of the book, I now have ?5 as much motivation as before. And I plan on using it as a rocket pad.
Had to put my approach down in writing so I can always come back to it and reflect.
My Approach
I'm taking a leaf out of my friends Phineas booklet. His model very much connects with things I believe, that have worked in the past for me and also things that I am trying right now, that is why I have adopted it. Lastly I see a huge progress in his journey, and you know what they say...
Hang around successful people and soon you'd be successful..or something like that, lol (You know what I mean)First- My approach is spiritual using various disciplines. I am going to rest firstly in my faith as a Christian and embrace God's grace-filled love that says I am loved no matter what, I am saved if I believe truly in my savior, and that I only need to trust in His finished work.
This will include prayer, reading Scripture, meditation on His word(Bible plans), and Worship
Second- I apply mindfulness in my activities and when the urges cime.
It's about being in the present moment. Instead of fighting urges head on, I use awareness, focusing on the breath as I dismiss urges nonjudgmentally. I repeat this for every wave of urges that come.
I do this knowing that I am in control of my actions, and I choose how I respond to the cues, which suggest to porn filled fantasies that ultimately wants to destroy my life not give me pleasure.
I'm going to enhance this habit, through continuous study, reading books on porn use, Journals, successful stories and books etc.
Third- I use the science of habit-change. I believe we can retrain the brain (neuroplasticity) away from these learned habits. This is more empowering to me than the disease model of addiction. We have the means of change in our hands, as we take back power from unwanted behaviors or pornography.
So I abstain from porn knowing that, given time my brain will correct it's self and return to it's default and healthy state- My reward centers will begin to respond in the right measure
My Plan Executed
My plan is to abstain from acting out to P/MO for 120 days(Yeah, a boost up from 90 to 120,gonna give an extra month to remove any doubt in my own opinion :
). Afterward, I'll have retrained myself toward different behaviors and habits for life's circumstances. More important, how to not react to old cues or stimuli that used to fuel the habit.Why this number? 120 is very spiritual (Gen 6:3; Acts 1:15; 2:1-4).
Also, it takes 90 days to promote habit change, and deal with the neural chemicals released during P/MO:
DeltaFos B: 6-8 weeks (42-56 days, or between 1 month, 2 weeks to 2 months).
Hypofrontality: 8 weeks (56 days, or close to 2 months).
120 days = 15 x 8 (counting from my last relapse day 16/2/21, with completion dates):
1. 8 days:
2. 16 days:
3. 24 days:
4. 32 days:
5. 40 days:
6. 48 days:
7. 56 days:
8. 64 days:
9. 72 days:
10. 80 days:
11. 88 days:
12. 96 days:
13. 104 days:
14. 112 days:
15. 120 days:
So this is me pushing harder than ever. Although I'm not planning on it, If I fail at any point, I just have to remind myself of God's Grace, pick myself up and start again. No dulling.
I agree, the motivation has to be there all throughout the reboot. It's easy to slack and forget. I saw some pics and vids today and edged. I had completely forgotten my motivation in the heat of the moment. We need to have our resolve and motivation about us all the time.
Come Chris, hope to see you here again soon.
Come Chris, hope to see you here again soon.
E
escapeandnevercomeback
Guest
akpal2 said:
We are addicted to the dopamine release by porn and it's probably the greatest feeling in the world. You see, I have a drinking problem but sessions of drinking can't even come close to the high I get from porn. Of course I (we) love this porn dopamine. It's very difficult. It's hard to stop yourself once you get the taste of this dopamine. Seeing something by mistake is very annoying because it's out of your control, you didn't choose to see it but it gives you a dopamine spike. But at least we must try to make it less likely to happen like installing blockers, using internet only when we need it, going to the pages that we need it without mindlessly surfing the internet without a purpose etc. But very important is avoidance of hypersexualized thoughts because they produce dopamine too.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
akpal2 said:
It's very easy to forget in the moment eh.... I laugh at myself sometimes. Like I'm just a zombie going for the kill, lol.
And yeah @escape, orgasms can be a new level of high and its alright if we just allow our bodies do it's thing and not overload the circuit. But then with porn and novelty we leave the circuit open for too long, longer than it normally should overloading dopamine and living our brains oversensitized.
Do or die
Respected Member
Try to win not for you but for us. Rise from darkness with light of hope and positivity. There is nothing bigger power in the world except positivity. Just learn that your life matters the most. You have addiction because you are alive. So be careful about how you spend the every second of your life.