Pushing back!

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Good for you, Chris, pushing back in this way!

I'm certainly humbled that you copied much of my approach from my journal's page 1, and that certainly motivates me further in my own efforts.

One benefit of this (or similar) approach is the 'low hanging fruit', that every 8 days we're celebrating a victory. It helps us to keep the next horizon ahead of ourselves. While 120 days sounds like a lot, we get closer and closer every 8 days, which come with their own mini-celebration. You can even give yourself little rewards each time you attain to your mini-goal. It all makes a larger goal a little more doable.

Try to win not for you but for us. Rise from darkness with light of hope and positivity. There is nothing bigger power in the world except positivity. Just learn that your life matters the most. You have addiction because you are alive. So be careful about how you spend the every second of your life.

I think that Do or die made a couple of really important points here:

1. Do this first of all for yourself, but do it also for us. This is the power of this forum is that we're in a sense accountable to each other. What I usually see (so far in my own age bracket) is that long time users will stumble and/or fall after a lengthy absinence, but then they kind of 'melt away'- and come back only sporadically (if at all), and give some fuzzy opaque version of whatever their reboot might look like now... This is unfortunate. I have my own moments of weakness, too, and I try to be transparent about those moments- not only for myself, but so that others can see how 'I dealt with it'- or even how I failed to deal with it properly.

But just knowing that others are watching our moves can be a sobering motivator in our own efforts.

2. That we have an addiction because we're alive, I love this! It's so important to understand. The disease model of addiction (12-Steps, etc) teaches us that we have an addiction because we're inherently flawed or diseased in some way, and that we'll basically always be. Now I don't know if this is exactly how Do was thinking, but it keys into the fact that our particular addictions (to sex and/or porn) is because we're healthy and alive. We simply created a bad-habit that took healthy urges and functions, and used them in maladaptive ways to soothe ourselves from life's stresses.

This is hopeful for all of us because we can take this healthiness, and turn it around to benefit ourselves.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Yeah, being mindful that the life we live is precious. And that we should spend in ways that validates it, spend you time appropriately in the right things is a really motivating factor.

Looking forward to my first complete week and checkpoint Phineas. Will be a whole lot of boost to me.

Yesterday was smooth with regards to porn. Had a little bit of thoughts here and there but wasn't anything serious, was super engaged most of the day.


Today ain't gonna be different. Hoping to have a wonderful day. About to go read a good book of mine.

Keep pushing back guys!
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Today I woke up with quite a bit of a scare. I found out that my Twitter account had been suspended. I had to message them and plead to engage in more healthier ways of engaging in tweets. As it turned out that I've been spamming while trying to promote my account on Twitter. I'm glad they restored it back.

I guess I have to find a better way of getting more follows.

I shared this in a group recently and I've decided to do it here also, cause I think it will benefit those who follow my journal...

It's about Mindfulness. I think that when we talk about it, many people don't really understand it.

So I was thinking about it yesterday after successfully overcoming some urges.

It's like when you hold on to a coconut tree as the wind blows very hard on the beach.  If we dwell on the thoughts, it's like leaving the tree and going into the wind thinking you'd be alright, but sooner or later you'd see that the wind is more powerful than you and then it pushes you to the sea. Which can be disastrous cause all porn addicts don know how to swim.

Now if we decide to hold on to a tree, you are able stay firm and it keeps you in the moment. You feel the strong wind and breeze,but you just let it flow through you. You don't react to it and go fight it or whatever, you'd be swept away. You hold on to your tree. Now the coconut tree in question could be a mundane task, an activity, like a walk or setting up Legos. Checking your profile on Twitter, reading up comments and responding to others in the forums,reading a book, maybe your favourite genre, listening to music or sleeping.  This coconut tree could  even be filled with empty coconuts. You could do something stupid but yet engaging. Everyone has their own version of stupid, mine is cleaning the entire house or the toilet...my worst chore. It could watching some chickens in my poultry chase each other and act goffy. The idea is just to do something that keeps you in the moment until the breeze and wind dies down, cause my friend it will. No matter how hard it blows. But you gotta still do it(hold on to the tree) with a little but of effort and focus

When it does, the wind is calm, you feel alot in control as those thoughts are no longer at the center of your mind, then you can venture into the beach again.

That to me is how my Mindfulness works.

I try to also empower my will nowadays by educating myself with lots of resources about  successful recoveries and people who have overcome. The psychology behind it and all that.

When you know your enemy inside out, what tricks he has up it's sleeve, you're able to face it with less fear and more courage.

Thanks for reading.
Now that I've shared this, I need to prepare for a backlash of urges as it always comes when I try to help others in this way, mostly to embarrass me.lol.

But I understand this now so I'm prepared.

Hope you all have an awesome porn free day.
Keep pushing back!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Great post, Chris!

I also appreciate the analogy. To simply ignore the breeze (urges) by engaging in other activities, sounds good.

If I can say that ?you are the tree?, and even if you stand there and do nothing, the breeze cannot take you away! And, like you said, the breeze eventually dies down.

You got this, Chris! Even helping others, you?ll find, actually helps you more than you can realize.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Yeah, it really does. Thanks for showing up Phineas.

Had a good night rest yesterday. Mind was trying to wonder before I went to sleep, but I had gone that road so many times to not remember where it led to. I simply put on some music to help me sleep and put on the covers.

Today is a good day. My morning is going great. Read God's word, exercised, done my morning routines. So I feel great. About to go engage in enlightening myself about FX and building a good Twitter presence for my business.

Keep pushing back guys!
 
E

escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Great, man! It's obvious that we must not watch porn but we must also avoid engaging with the porn in our head. It's crucial.
 

Do or die

Respected Member
Be a leader chris. Everyone here needs so many leader's that will conquer this addiction and help others here to do it.
Be  a leader. Never relapse from now. I know you are ready to  leave this addiction when you see worst effects, but why not today. Leave it now. The pain and urges you gaining today is same as past experience nothing new.
So why you take same experience again and again. Leave it.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Woke up with a little but if an erection. Was a good feeling but had to let it die down. Some flashbacks keep popping up, but I choose not to dwell on them.

Today I went for my driving test, went well but at the end I made a little but of a blunder on the main road. Didn't hit anyone though, just had to stop and change seats back with the instructor.

Feeling a little bit of a headache. Wanna  take a little nap to get me started for my real goals for today- Twitter and maybe Facebook lol. Got to learn how to do better on my accounts

Have to stay mindful and cautious though, been having a smooth recovery but don't want to get oversighted in any way. Planing on reading and finishing my YBOP book later today.

Wishing everyone a Porn free day.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Chris Oz said:
Woke up with a little but if an erection. Was a good feeling but had to let it die down. Some flashbacks keep popping up, but I choose not to dwell on them.

Thats was crucial for me, keep practicing not to fantasize. It made my cravings a 100& worse.
Keep going chris.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Jeks said:
Chris Oz said:
Woke up with a little but if an erection. Was a good feeling but had to let it die down. Some flashbacks keep popping up, but I choose not to dwell on them.

Thats was crucial for me, keep practicing not to fantasize. It made my cravings a 100& worse.
Keep going chris.

It's very crucial not to engage with flashbacks/porn fantasies. They release porn induced dopamine and activate the addicted brain and the definition of this addiction is activating our addicted brain through porn induced dopamine release. Not to mention that it creates crazy cravings that are hard to resist (number 1 thing someone should notice).
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Yeah it really can create intense cravings. I don't worry much about the dopamine release from my thoughts though. I just focus in not engaging or dwelling on them because I don't want them to lead to dopamine release from PMO. That's my enemy.

This morning, I had flashbacks and porn thoughts especially when I was in the shower. I even was having an erection from it while I was about bathing, but I wasn't trying to dwell in any way. They were just passing through and my body was reacting to it. I didn't let it in, it died down. I continued bathing got out of there. Even went back to wash some clothes.

I tell myself not to even fight at all. Just allow it pass through. Don't engage by even Fighting it. As far as you ignore it, it will go away.

Looking forward to a porn free day. Expecting lots of urges today, but I'm gonna be engaged and keep Mindfulness close by.


Keep pushing back Everyone
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Chris Oz said:
Yeah it really can create intense cravings. I don't worry much about the dopamine release from my thoughts though. I just focus in not engaging or dwelling on them because I don't want them to lead to dopamine release from PMO. That's my enemy.

This morning, I had flashbacks and porn thoughts especially when I was in the shower. I even was having an erection from it while I was about bathing, but I wasn't trying to dwell in any way. They were just passing through and my body was reacting to it. I didn't let it in, it died down. I continued bathing got out of there. Even went back to wash some clothes.

I tell myself not to even fight at all. Just allow it pass through. Don't engage by even Fighting it. As far as you ignore it, it will go away.

Looking forward to a porn free day. Expecting lots of urges today, but I'm gonna be engaged and keep Mindfulness close by.


Keep pushing back Everyone

Well said, man. Well said. Good advice to follow.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Thanks Phineas!

Today I hit the 8 day mark, my first out of 15. Free of PMO, P-subs and MO

How do I feel

To be honest I feel a lot more at ease with myself especially with less guilty feelings in my life. I have a little bit more confidence and trust in myself with what I'm doing in my life, that's it's all gonna come out good for me. I'm doing a lot of self study and making better judgement. I also feel way connected to God.

How about struggle with PMO

Well it's easier in some sense and a little bit more difficult in some other. I find it easy to dismiss urges generally. I know not to dwell in triggers, thoughts and cues in different form. And one funny thing is, since my recent reboot,I don't recall having any sex dreams. I do sleep on time most days though and make sure I wake up in the morning between 5:30 -7am in the morning, do maybe that's helping.

It's a little bit harder, cause lately I've been getting a lot. It became easier after like the first 3 days with less triggers.... Then after hitting a week, I find my brain trying to find relief bombarding me with flashbacks from Sexual encounters, triggers in social media, ads. They are everywhere. Sometimes I search an innocent keyword and comes up with a pornified 18+ account. Unlike my thoughts it isn't as easy to dismiss them immediately, I linger for some seconds or a minute there before leaving.

It's getting harder to do, and I know I ought to find way to amp up my motivation to stay clear, like I did before I started.

I haven't finishing the YBOP book till now even though I said I would, been so busy with lots of things.

In a way I'm thankful I haven't finished, cause then I have some material to use to amp my motivation and remember what porn really is - A lie

I'm hoping the next 8 days become easier and I have better hold of myself and recover fully. I need to stay more vigilant than ever though. My brain is screaming for it. My heart and mind is calm. Trickery will show up. And I must see it for what it is, with the Lord's help.

Keep pushing back guys! And Happy Valentine!
Chris
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Congrats, Chris, on hitting your first 8-day mark!

Proud of you making this effort, and switching things up a bit!

Yeah, social media for me too, is always a place to remain vigilant. But if you simply accept the fact that things are going to come up, not to any fault of your own, and simply dismiss them nonjudgmentally when they do (just like our urges), then it will feel less 'triggery' for you. (just made up a word!  ;) )

The lower brain may scream for it for a little while, but the more and more you dismiss the urges, the less demanding they will be, and eventually, you've changed the habit! What most folk don't get is that each time they peek a little here, make a compromise there, they only strengthen and prolong the habit.

You got this!

 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Thanks Phineas🎯, I understand that now. I am still in control no matter what. Outside triggers don't make the choices, I do.

Today has been really positive. Looking forward to a fulfilling day of trading, working, reading, sharing inspiration, love and making mindful decisions.

Keep pushing back Everyone.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Yesterday, I had really strong urges that arised from a trigger on Social media. I had to reach out to a support group, that's what saved me cause I believed I would have relapsed.
Was encouraged to find an activity to get myself off the thoughts, and I then went to read a book which calmed me. Later went to sleep, woke up in the middle of the night, but forced myself to sleep again. This morning the urges and flashbacks we're almost worse.

But I feel miraculously centered after my exercise and meditation on God's word. I realize I have been starving myself spiritually. Reaching out and coming back to find relief in God's life giving word hekeod me.

About to go out to driving school right now. Feel I can conquer today.

Keep pushing back Everyone
 
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