Pushing back!

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Just relpased 😔

10 days is good but not good enough

Cause: Social media triggers.

I do have to manage an online account on Twitter. If you know twitter, it's a land mine. Once I leave my feed from people I have carefully selected to follow, to look at trends or comments out of boredom.... Anything goes. Triggers can come from anywhere literally

Triggers are now worse than flashbacks, something that was the opposite at the start of my journey.

I think I'm doing too much right now. I need to find a way to focus on a few things to keep myself a little bit centered.

I have to just iterate and keep moving, but this is a wake up call for me.

I need to reflect on my lifestyle and what's important
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Twitter is a trap for porn addicts. I used to go there and look at stuff. I've realized that when I don't use Internet with purpose, I look for trouble. Triggers are so much easier to find like this. Social media is a bullshit place that makes a porn addict relapse. Ditch that shit. I don't spend time on Facebook and other places like this.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Hey, Chris...

Sorry for your recent struggles. Please, don't beat yourself up about it.

10 days is good but not good enough

Cause: Social media triggers.

I have to correct a couple of statements, if I may.

10 days is excellent! Remember, recast your lapses and/or slips into something that's positive and works for you. Sharpen your resolve? Definitely! Always. But you won't do this by discounting time spent away from porn. 1 day spent away from that crap, in the pursuit of recovery, is already an accomplishment.

For myself, you may realize that I treat the first 4 sets of 8 days as a kind of 'red-zone', but I don't give it too much thought, as I don't want to set myself up for failure. But I simply use that time to sharpen my vigilance, my focus, my resolve. I use this time, too, to assess what's tripping me up, and how I can change it.

Managing an online account for a client, I believe you're saying. Then you mention boredom, trends, comments... That sounds like an area to address for yourself.

But one important thing you say here is about the cause. If I can rephrase that to say,

Cause: myself.

Until we place the cause at our own feet, we can only continue disempowering ourselves and giving too much power to the habit, and external things like social media, Twitter, and 'triggers'.

No. I did it, it all came from within myself. These outward things were cues, perhaps- 'triggers' if you prefer- but I did it, I alone. Likewise, if I stand, if I dismiss the urges successfully, that too was all me, all from within myself.

I stand or fall alone, and nothing else can make me go right or left.

Rooting for you, Chris, always!



 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
You're right Phineas. I guess I was just looking for something to blame. As much as Twitter has lots of triggers. They're only out of my circle. The account is not a client's account but a business account of mine. But it's aligned to give inspirational feeds and facts. I've carefully followed only those kinds of businesses and people that posts feed to elevate, so it doesn't really bring up triggers like that. It's only when I go to search out of boredom for trends and extra or move to my personal account. That's when I see lots of triggers.

I have to caution myself and begin to work on the internet with purpose like @escapeandnevercomeback said.

I'm dishing my personal account for now.  But I'm not giving Twitter up. It also seems to be a source of inspiration for me. Plus giving that up is like giving up my business and dreams, lol.

But I'd do better from now, that's what the point.

I also seemed to have lost a little bit of my resolve shortly before my relapse. If this relapse has taught me anything, it's that there are always warning signs that you've lost alignment with your resolve or motivation.It shows in your Journal if you're being truthful and consistent and use that to my advantage.

I get that back through meditation and I'd be watching out for the warning signs from now on

And I rephrase my statement.

"10 days is excellent, the farthest I've gone in a while, it's setting me up for my victory over porn. I know I can do better though and I'm going to go for it and keep pushing back! Untill porn is out of my life forever"

 

Sanders

Active Member
Hey Chris,

The rephrasing you've done is great. It's definitely been an accomplishment after some difficult times you've had recently. I truly hope your new approach based on Phineas' strategy will work for you, you deserve it.

Seeing how Twitter is a necessity for your business, is there any way you can approach using it in a more healthy way? I've learned that a relapse is usually preceded by many choice points. The more choice points you've taken, the more difficult it is to not relapse. For you it started with using Twitter, when you were done with your work you chose to stick around. Then by simply browsing around you knew most likely that there'd be something sooner or later that could trigger you. After seeing that content you continued and that led to a relapse. The key here is to recognise this choice point as early as possible. When you were done using Twitter for your business, close it and do something else.

It's good to take responsibility for actions, as Phineas also mentioned. In the end all that our addiction is is just a response to stimuli. There will always be triggers around you in life. Advertising, movies, music, news, anything can and will contain sexualised things. For many people in this world it's just that, however for people like us it's difficult to deal with. Sexuality is great, don't get me wrong. In a healthy way it's an amazing part of life. However it's not everything, there is much more in life than just responding to our monkey brains' cravings. I also struggle with this, since I've fed my brains for so many years that an orgasm is one of the best feelings it's difficult to move on from that. We need to realise that there's more.

In earlier relapses you've noticed that it collided usually with you missing your devotions. Has that happened this time as well?

Anyways that's it from me. Happy to read through your progress and you seem to be on the right track. Hope you can pick up the pieces after this relapse and move forward! All the best :)
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Good job, Chris!

Keep pushing, and you will change and overcome this habit!

Also, keep Twitter, definitely! You will learn how to surf safely and mindfully on there. That?s where I?m at with IG. Just today I had to put the phone down and breath through something. But when I knew I was mindful, and my pulse rate calmed (after seeing a cue), I continued like no problem.

Keep pushing, brother!
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Sanders said:
In earlier relapses you've noticed that it collided usually with you missing your devotions. Has that happened this time as well?

Yeah it did happen during this relpase too. Relaxed a day or two with my devotion before the onslaught. Was able to come back to the devotionals on the relapse day but I had already started having cravings from the triggers that I had come across. Just couldn't handle the last one. My recovery just seem to have a strong connection with my spirituality as a Christian. So strong I can't deny it.

But I'm moving on from all that now. I'm back on track. And I'd try my best to stay in line with my devotions to strengthen me during this recovery time.

Thanks for showing up Sanders. I sure have missed your entries and encouragement alot.

Thanks laneboy and Phineas.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Keep trying, there will be a way. Taking responsibility for your actions, as the others said, should be one of your highest priorities.
 

worldlit4213

Active Member
Hey Chris,

Keep pushing bro! Often times radical changes require radical measures. Try slowly removing things to your life until it looks like something totally different. Consider removing social media if need be, dropping bad habits, improving your sleep schedule, etc. Good luck!
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Your right guys, taking responsibility and changing things up to find a solution is the way to go. It's surely been the lesson learnt from my short time in FX trading.

I'm doing alright today. Had an awful yesterday evening. Lost some money due to poor trading decisions out of a little but if anger and recklessness. I need to remember that nothing is perfect, and in the end, at least for trading, System trumps discretion

The night was awful because...I was finding some way to release the tension that I felt, I was just uneasy and looking for something to do to make me feel better. Tried to watch TV, Went to different online safe platforms I normally go but nothing was working. Then the thoughts of porn crossed my mind, but I wasn't really feeling it or was in the mood for it. The weather was super cold though, but my data was low still

At the end I just subscribed to sleep. And today after my exercise and devotion, I feel way better.

I need to remind myself that Sleep and Music are the only or the most safe and easy ways to escape from oneself without harming myself. I forgot that.

Anyways, flying in fair weather today

Keep pushing back Everyone!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Good job, Chris, on dismissing urges!

Like yourself, I have little things I go to for feeling better emotionally. Finding 'safe' things can be challenging, but worth it if it replaces the former habits.

Keep pushing, keep doing it!
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Keep going chris. Commit on finding a way out of it, no matter what it takes.
I am not overly religious, but i am a 100% sure, that god doesnt want you to throw your life away like this. I dont want to put extreme pressure or guild to you though. Keep trying to find a way out of it and dont quit. Thats the most important thing right now. The first step is to try, then to not quit, and then by over and over trying to find a solution, there will be a way out for you. Everytime you go on a streak, everytime you say no to porn, you are starting  to dehabituate your brain from this addiction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLtSoWrEplM

In this presentation Gary Wilson actually has a good discussion on reasons, why religious people might sometimes be more proned to porn addiciton. Maybe you might wanna look into that.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
hey chris,

i know, sometimes you need a little time alone. After i wrote my first post here in the forum, i wrote again three months later, because i just needed time to figure things out for myself. Most importantly keep on trying. You will find a way!
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Hey guys, been a long while. I'm back to the forum and it's day 2 for me.

I've experienced so many different highs and lows since I took a leave of absence, deciding to figure out some things out. Been in the company of PAA Community another community that helps porn addicts recover through a 12 step spiritual program. But I decided to make Reboot nation part of my recovery again.

I learnt a lot during this break, and I will share some of my findings as I post more. It's not like I've figured everything out, surely I haven't being in day 2, but I learnt a great deal about my recovery and had long stretches of abstainance too.

Good to be back though. I terribly missed everyone of you. But I think I was trying to prove something to myself, wanting to reach a month before my next post here.

But after my last relapse, I really don't care, I just want that support that is necessary for recovery back here on the forum.

Keep pushing back Everyone!
Chris
 
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