Pushing back!
- Thread starter Chris Oz
- Start date
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
20 of 90 day challenge
Hey Kopp, Firstly, I'm a virgin. I've never really slept with anyone and I'm also a Christian, so I still hold on to the idea of no sex before marriage. But.. The idea wasn't really about avoiding girls, it's about not objectifying them in a sexual way always, especially the wrong people. The girl I talked about is my cousin and that's really screwed up.
I already relate with girls in a normal way... It's just at night sleeping close to one that's maybe not properly dressed or is attractive or sexy... triggers me. And at night is where I'm not too strong or have self control, so I just have to be wary of that.
So having said that. It happened again last night and I masturbated twice, one in the bathroom and the other right in the bed.. I gotta quit this setup... So for now I'm vowing not to sleep close to any female I could potentially lust over. At least for now that I'm not really ready for sex.
This morning, I couldn't complete my devotional properly because of this growing grudge for someone..... So I just stopped. And when I saw an opportunity, I went to go and confront him and just got it out in a polite way. I'm OK now... And I'd later finish up my devotional in a better mood. Sometimes it's best to confront people and deal with underlying problems rather than let it affect other parts of your life.
Keep pushing back! Keep fighting. In so grateful for another day of sobrierity.
Chris
Hey Kopp, Firstly, I'm a virgin. I've never really slept with anyone and I'm also a Christian, so I still hold on to the idea of no sex before marriage. But.. The idea wasn't really about avoiding girls, it's about not objectifying them in a sexual way always, especially the wrong people. The girl I talked about is my cousin and that's really screwed up.
I already relate with girls in a normal way... It's just at night sleeping close to one that's maybe not properly dressed or is attractive or sexy... triggers me. And at night is where I'm not too strong or have self control, so I just have to be wary of that.
So having said that. It happened again last night and I masturbated twice, one in the bathroom and the other right in the bed.. I gotta quit this setup... So for now I'm vowing not to sleep close to any female I could potentially lust over. At least for now that I'm not really ready for sex.
This morning, I couldn't complete my devotional properly because of this growing grudge for someone..... So I just stopped. And when I saw an opportunity, I went to go and confront him and just got it out in a polite way. I'm OK now... And I'd later finish up my devotional in a better mood. Sometimes it's best to confront people and deal with underlying problems rather than let it affect other parts of your life.
Keep pushing back! Keep fighting. In so grateful for another day of sobrierity.
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
20 of 90 day challenge
So I found out that I missed the counting of my days a bit. Today is supposed to be my 20th day.
Wow, so I've made it 2/9 in my challenge... It's unbelievable. It's been so long since Ive been this sober.... So so long.
I had a great night. I hope to have a great day. Happy Sunday everyone.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
So I found out that I missed the counting of my days a bit. Today is supposed to be my 20th day.
Wow, so I've made it 2/9 in my challenge... It's unbelievable. It's been so long since Ive been this sober.... So so long.
I had a great night. I hope to have a great day. Happy Sunday everyone.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 24 of 90 day challenge
I'm glad to say another day if sobrierity.
This morning I had urges that led me to go masturbate.... And it lasted for about 30 minutes... I'm glad I have no PIED symptoms.... He'll I'd be great in bed when I actually start having sex. So that's a plus.
But I got a little bit too visual in my head at the beginning and all together I think I really need to keep tabs on the number of times I masturbate weekly... Limiting it to just 2.
Im doing very well with the visit to my brother's home. I got a lovely call from a close friend and it was awesome. Other than the headache that comes and go limiting me from achieving most of my daily goals.... I feel grateful and alright.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
I'm glad to say another day if sobrierity.
This morning I had urges that led me to go masturbate.... And it lasted for about 30 minutes... I'm glad I have no PIED symptoms.... He'll I'd be great in bed when I actually start having sex. So that's a plus.
But I got a little bit too visual in my head at the beginning and all together I think I really need to keep tabs on the number of times I masturbate weekly... Limiting it to just 2.
Im doing very well with the visit to my brother's home. I got a lovely call from a close friend and it was awesome. Other than the headache that comes and go limiting me from achieving most of my daily goals.... I feel grateful and alright.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 28 of 90 day challenge
Quick check in.... I am doing well with the no porn policy. I hardly think of porn at all... If it comes through my mind... It doesn't last more than 2 or 3 mins. But the only thing is that I masturbate a lot these days.... At least once a day for the past 4 or 5 days...and I think it's getting too much.
Lately I haven't been doing my devotional steady.
I feel sick also right now. I'm having feverish symptoms with headache, I took some medicine some a week ago but it's come back. I hope I recover soon.
I'd keep fighting this new development with the excessive masturbation and begin my devotional and meditation again. I think my recovery is closely linked with my meditation sessions as my relapses in the past coincide with my withdrawal or backsliding in meditations, devotional and prayers.
I thank God for this community... Keep fighting this common enemy in porn.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Quick check in.... I am doing well with the no porn policy. I hardly think of porn at all... If it comes through my mind... It doesn't last more than 2 or 3 mins. But the only thing is that I masturbate a lot these days.... At least once a day for the past 4 or 5 days...and I think it's getting too much.
Lately I haven't been doing my devotional steady.
I feel sick also right now. I'm having feverish symptoms with headache, I took some medicine some a week ago but it's come back. I hope I recover soon.
I'd keep fighting this new development with the excessive masturbation and begin my devotional and meditation again. I think my recovery is closely linked with my meditation sessions as my relapses in the past coincide with my withdrawal or backsliding in meditations, devotional and prayers.
I thank God for this community... Keep fighting this common enemy in porn.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 34 of 90 day challenge
So I've been off a long time.
I'm still sober. I haven't really been having strong urges.... I don't think about porn much. I'm really great.
I think about masturbation a lot though, like a quick release... Just get it over with.
I think I'm going to start a short two weeks challenge for no fap, to check my masturating frequently. It'd be amazing
I've not really been doing my devotional,i don't know why.... But that's really dangerous for me as my sobrierity really depends on it alot. I'm gonna do so when I wake up today morning after jogging.
I'm also getting a Guitar soon, on Monday. I'm super excited about it! It wasn't initially in my plans as I was saving up for a new phone but then this amazing offer came for a semi acoustic guitar... I'm getting it second hand at the price of a normal acoustic box. So it's pretty cool.
So that's it for me... I hope you all are having a great time with sobrierity. I'm super happy for how far I've gone, who'd have known I could go this far without watching porn. All thanks to God.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
So I've been off a long time.
I'm still sober. I haven't really been having strong urges.... I don't think about porn much. I'm really great.
I think about masturbation a lot though, like a quick release... Just get it over with.
I think I'm going to start a short two weeks challenge for no fap, to check my masturating frequently. It'd be amazing
I've not really been doing my devotional,i don't know why.... But that's really dangerous for me as my sobrierity really depends on it alot. I'm gonna do so when I wake up today morning after jogging.
I'm also getting a Guitar soon, on Monday. I'm super excited about it! It wasn't initially in my plans as I was saving up for a new phone but then this amazing offer came for a semi acoustic guitar... I'm getting it second hand at the price of a normal acoustic box. So it's pretty cool.
So that's it for me... I hope you all are having a great time with sobrierity. I'm super happy for how far I've gone, who'd have known I could go this far without watching porn. All thanks to God.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 42 of 90 day challenge
Been a while. So I've been having some wild thoughts lately. With regard to the no fap challenge... Like 2 days in I relapsed on that and then it repeated again.... And I just couldn't go on with it.
I just read up and saw that a friend of mine relapsed on another forum... It was really sad as he had gone so far... We kept the same dates... I realized that it's best I take caution cause at this time when it seems that everything is going fine and you hardly ever feel the urge to look at porn...it's easy for the devil to present it at the wrongest of times and then cause you to fall-it'd just creep under your skin.
I need to find a way to go back to my regular routine of meditation and check ins. I'm glad I've gone this far without relapsing on porn and I would want to keep it that way.
I pray you guys keep pushing and willing your body to obey the commands of your mind... To embracing the support from the community and trust in God for strength.... Knowing that we are powerless on our own.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Been a while. So I've been having some wild thoughts lately. With regard to the no fap challenge... Like 2 days in I relapsed on that and then it repeated again.... And I just couldn't go on with it.
I just read up and saw that a friend of mine relapsed on another forum... It was really sad as he had gone so far... We kept the same dates... I realized that it's best I take caution cause at this time when it seems that everything is going fine and you hardly ever feel the urge to look at porn...it's easy for the devil to present it at the wrongest of times and then cause you to fall-it'd just creep under your skin.
I need to find a way to go back to my regular routine of meditation and check ins. I'm glad I've gone this far without relapsing on porn and I would want to keep it that way.
I pray you guys keep pushing and willing your body to obey the commands of your mind... To embracing the support from the community and trust in God for strength.... Knowing that we are powerless on our own.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 43 of 90 day challenge
Happy Sunday guys.
Yesterday I had a glimpse of a porn pic while scrolling through my status, to be honest it was a middle circle period for me.. I think I was searching. But I didn't dwell on it.
I did have to go masturbate a couple of times though to relieve myself but I didn't look at porn instinctively. So that's a good victory.
I feel great today. I was reminded by God today that I've been running away from Him and I need to get my head straight. So I did and did my devotional today. It had been a while, but it was so refreshing.
I hope to have a wonderful day.
Keep pushing back guys!
Chris
Happy Sunday guys.
Yesterday I had a glimpse of a porn pic while scrolling through my status, to be honest it was a middle circle period for me.. I think I was searching. But I didn't dwell on it.
I did have to go masturbate a couple of times though to relieve myself but I didn't look at porn instinctively. So that's a good victory.
I feel great today. I was reminded by God today that I've been running away from Him and I need to get my head straight. So I did and did my devotional today. It had been a while, but it was so refreshing.
I hope to have a wonderful day.
Keep pushing back guys!
Chris
Hello,
I read your journal with interest. You seem to be really self-aware and you really care about the whole process. You are determined despite the fact you masturbate which could be an unnerving factor for other guys ("If I can't stop masturbate, then it's pointless, I'm back to porn"). I think it's healthy enough to practice a method of small steps.
Good luck, I will follow your story.
I read your journal with interest. You seem to be really self-aware and you really care about the whole process. You are determined despite the fact you masturbate which could be an unnerving factor for other guys ("If I can't stop masturbate, then it's pointless, I'm back to porn"). I think it's healthy enough to practice a method of small steps.
Good luck, I will follow your story.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 47 of 90 day challenge
Good day guys.
These days I feel I'm at the edge of a relapse. It's not as easy as before to ignore the urges. They keep coming daily and I then have to masturbate so as not to look at porn... I don't like the idea of masturbating too often. I hope to tackle it eventually.... But I feel it's part of me and its natural. I just have to clip the puny of times I do it so it doesn't become a compulsive behavior like the way porn affected me.
I feel the urges these days is still as a result of my inconsistentcy with my devotionals and prayers. It's not easy keeping it up and I know why. It's the one thing that has proved the most effective fighting off the urges.
It's a wonder what makes it so hard to keep coming back to the words of the Bible. Is it that I feel threatened or guilty that the words in the book speaks so directly to my soul making me feel I adequate as in not doing exactly what I should be doing.... Like God's prophets. I don't know. I know I'm forgiven, I don't doubt that. But I sometimes feel shy, like Adam did in the beginning when he ate from the wrong tree.
I hope yo figure it out.
Pushing back!
Chris
Good day guys.
These days I feel I'm at the edge of a relapse. It's not as easy as before to ignore the urges. They keep coming daily and I then have to masturbate so as not to look at porn... I don't like the idea of masturbating too often. I hope to tackle it eventually.... But I feel it's part of me and its natural. I just have to clip the puny of times I do it so it doesn't become a compulsive behavior like the way porn affected me.
I feel the urges these days is still as a result of my inconsistentcy with my devotionals and prayers. It's not easy keeping it up and I know why. It's the one thing that has proved the most effective fighting off the urges.
It's a wonder what makes it so hard to keep coming back to the words of the Bible. Is it that I feel threatened or guilty that the words in the book speaks so directly to my soul making me feel I adequate as in not doing exactly what I should be doing.... Like God's prophets. I don't know. I know I'm forgiven, I don't doubt that. But I sometimes feel shy, like Adam did in the beginning when he ate from the wrong tree.
I hope yo figure it out.
Pushing back!
Chris
Hey Chris,
Sorry to hear about your relapse. You wrotein your previous post that you felt that it might happen some day soon, I hope you can retrace your steps and see what happened that influenced you. You came a really long way which is already a great result for your system. 47 days without porn will surely have helped you a lot!
Regarding masturbation, I don't think there's something intrinsicaly bad about it but in our case we should be a bit more careful. Porn and masturbation have always gone hand in hand (sorry for the pun) and they use the same pathways in our brains. Try to be careful with MO in this period is what I would advice you. You wrote that you're not too happy about it already but need it to not relapse into looking at porn. Is there a way you can take the access to porn away from youself? I don't really know about your personal situation but at least taken away your access to porn or making it more difficult helps. Blockers, simplify your phone, reduce screen time etc.
You've made it 47 days man, back on the horse and continue the fight! The score is 47-1
Sorry to hear about your relapse. You wrotein your previous post that you felt that it might happen some day soon, I hope you can retrace your steps and see what happened that influenced you. You came a really long way which is already a great result for your system. 47 days without porn will surely have helped you a lot!
Regarding masturbation, I don't think there's something intrinsicaly bad about it but in our case we should be a bit more careful. Porn and masturbation have always gone hand in hand (sorry for the pun) and they use the same pathways in our brains. Try to be careful with MO in this period is what I would advice you. You wrote that you're not too happy about it already but need it to not relapse into looking at porn. Is there a way you can take the access to porn away from youself? I don't really know about your personal situation but at least taken away your access to porn or making it more difficult helps. Blockers, simplify your phone, reduce screen time etc.
You've made it 47 days man, back on the horse and continue the fight! The score is 47-1
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Thanks Sanders, your reply really means a lot.
Reflection
Prior to my relapse , I saw it coming. I mean the signs were there, I wasn't checking in regularly, I was stumbling forward. I stopped having my devotionals and prayers which was a big help to me. And I stopped relying on the power of the community. I think, I lost focus on why I was doing it in the first place, what quitting meant to me and how much it was a disease. I began only at not breaking my challenge while stumbling forward.
If there's one thing I'm taking off from this relapse is that, your relationship with God and the community is very important, infact it's everything. God gives you the power to overcome daily, something we can't do for ourselves and the community reminds us of the evils of our disease and why we need to keep pushing back!
Resolution
Well, I can't promise to follow these following guidelines to the detail but, I know now what I must do now. I need to do the following
1. Daily check-ins
2. Daily devotional and prayers
3. Rushing to the community to seek support when I'm in this trigger conditions HALT ( Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
4. Daily Jogging and exercise to keep the blood flowing, not sure how this helps though... Lol
5. Capping my masturbation to only once a week
6. Putting in some off times with my phone - No data connection /social media between the hours of
? 11am - 1pm
? 4pm - 7pm ( with the exception of when I do graphic designs or blogging)
? 12am - 5pm (with the exceptions of Saturdays when I do night subs for downloads)
Even though it doesn't fully solve the problems, at least there's a bit of focus and danger awareness plus I think it's going to be a good thing for my eyes.
I'd use these off times in No. 6 to do more creative things like reading, drawing, playing the guitar.
And so I begin my 90 day challenge again, to fight against and gain freedom from pornography and compulsive masturbation.
Pushing back!
Chris.
Reflection
Prior to my relapse , I saw it coming. I mean the signs were there, I wasn't checking in regularly, I was stumbling forward. I stopped having my devotionals and prayers which was a big help to me. And I stopped relying on the power of the community. I think, I lost focus on why I was doing it in the first place, what quitting meant to me and how much it was a disease. I began only at not breaking my challenge while stumbling forward.
If there's one thing I'm taking off from this relapse is that, your relationship with God and the community is very important, infact it's everything. God gives you the power to overcome daily, something we can't do for ourselves and the community reminds us of the evils of our disease and why we need to keep pushing back!
Resolution
Well, I can't promise to follow these following guidelines to the detail but, I know now what I must do now. I need to do the following
1. Daily check-ins
2. Daily devotional and prayers
3. Rushing to the community to seek support when I'm in this trigger conditions HALT ( Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
4. Daily Jogging and exercise to keep the blood flowing, not sure how this helps though... Lol
5. Capping my masturbation to only once a week
6. Putting in some off times with my phone - No data connection /social media between the hours of
? 11am - 1pm
? 4pm - 7pm ( with the exception of when I do graphic designs or blogging)
? 12am - 5pm (with the exceptions of Saturdays when I do night subs for downloads)
Even though it doesn't fully solve the problems, at least there's a bit of focus and danger awareness plus I think it's going to be a good thing for my eyes.
I'd use these off times in No. 6 to do more creative things like reading, drawing, playing the guitar.
And so I begin my 90 day challenge again, to fight against and gain freedom from pornography and compulsive masturbation.
Pushing back!
Chris.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 1 of 90
Today was great mostly because I didn't relapse. There were some suggestive scenes in some stuff I was watching today bit I was able to shake it off. I also did a little devotional today
It's been a long while and I'm grateful coming back to it. I also did some exercise.
I wasn't able to accomplish most of my task for the day or keep to my off times today because of my work online but I'd try tomorrow on that.
I plan on waking up to work on a client's design I'm behind on. I pray that everything goes smoothly and I don't derail to other stuff like porn.
I know I'm not supposed to be up at night but I'm just trying to balance myself right now so let this be an exception. I'd pray about it before I go to sleep for strength to overcome. And also try to go back to sleep as soon as I'm done.
My prayers will also go to you all. Keep pushing back!
Chris
Today was great mostly because I didn't relapse. There were some suggestive scenes in some stuff I was watching today bit I was able to shake it off. I also did a little devotional today
It's been a long while and I'm grateful coming back to it. I also did some exercise.
I wasn't able to accomplish most of my task for the day or keep to my off times today because of my work online but I'd try tomorrow on that.
I plan on waking up to work on a client's design I'm behind on. I pray that everything goes smoothly and I don't derail to other stuff like porn.
I know I'm not supposed to be up at night but I'm just trying to balance myself right now so let this be an exception. I'd pray about it before I go to sleep for strength to overcome. And also try to go back to sleep as soon as I'm done.
My prayers will also go to you all. Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
I can't believe I relapsed again. Thoughts in my head just laid seige on me. Temptation over flew it's boundaries and I succumbed.
I just need to dust off the dirt and get back in the horse again though. There's no use in crying over spilled milk. I just need to keep pushing.
Chris
I just need to dust off the dirt and get back in the horse again though. There's no use in crying over spilled milk. I just need to keep pushing.
Chris