How about an Eastern approach?


Active Member
Hi Guys (including Gabe), The premise of rebooting here seems to be to go cold turkey (Western)- that there's no gradual approach that works.
I'm not trying to generate an argument here.
Let's just ask-- "What if?" What if there was an Eastern approach that works?  What could work?
For me (a Westerner) a slow, incremental,  gradual approach makes sense.  But watching less and less porn, moving to pics, less graphic, less time doing it... doesn't work.
What I did find helpful is having recovery related vids bookmarked. Then, after I o'ed and was most disgusted w/ myself/porn. I'd click a healthy vid for 1 minute, then 2, then more.  It led to less immediate relapses.
Any ideas? 


Active Member
If i understand that right, i find that very interesting, because just today i was thinking about something similar.

In theory it isn't impossible to convert from heaving using to full stop, but practically a lot of challenges will come up (as we all know too good).

So, on the one hand there?s stopping from 1 to 0. Like i said, this is possible. Let?s imagine one has achieved 150 days of no PMO and then relapses. It starts with a little slip, and it?s more likely to relapse in shorter time than 150 days and more frequently. This means, even though one achieved 150 days, he may have no strategy developed to deal with relapses. If one then focuses more on the daycount, it becomes less likely to succeed a life without PMO. Because it is about having a strategy for falling, standing up and starting over.
The good thing is, when one changes from 1 to 0, it is like kicking PMO out of the house.

On the other hand, there?s something more incremental, like 1 to 0,9 to 0,8 to ..... to 0. The reason why i like this one is, that the brain is wired to become daily dopamin hits. If you suddenly stop that, your brain will not be thankful and is going to push you to relapse or find other ways of getting something familiar, like chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes or even sports, which leads to dopamin hits. This means, even though you don't PMO, your brainmechanism with dopamin is likely to stay alive (correct me on this one if i'm wrong).
I think writing down a precise way to decrease PMO is not helpful, because everbody for themselves must find that out.
For this strategy one needs a long breath. It takes more discipline to focus on that final goal of getting PMO out of the house, even though there a setbacks all the time. The goal must remain "PMO out".

So much on this.
My thoughts today got also i a direction where i understood, that not every part of my personality is helping me. Let?s say 99% of it is helping (great!). Wihtout it i wouldn't have a good job, nice GF, nice neighborhood, hobbys and a nice flat. But, my personality also produced PMO - bad thing, not helping me. With other addictions you can make therapy and talk to a specialist. The strategic way of a therapy can be to learn about the addiction, where does it come from, who and what is connected to it, where is it helping you and where is it destructive and gives you insight on how to change it (This is just one form of therapy, there are others). As a result your personality changes because of all the insights you?ve gotten and therefore you?ll find a way to handle it in the future. Bottom line, you?ve changed.

Bummer - for us here on this forum, we have to go our on way. No fixed schedules and no one with strategic knowledge is approaching us. I know for sure, i have to change to overcome this and i underestimated the reach of it.

Enough on that for today, let me know what you?re thinking.


Active Member
Hi I'mnot,  You brought up a lot of good stuff. There's definitely a big diff betw you and me. You're organized and I'm not. Man I wish I could write out lists and strategies and follow them. For me, when the crap thinking kicks in, all bets are off.
I know the dopamine is involved but I'm still undecided as to whether it works in our favor during this reboot process.
What do you think?


Active Member
Hey mr. slurps,

I know the dopamine is involved but I'm still undecided as to whether it works in our favor during this reboot process.
i can't follow you on this one. Please explain it to me again, thanks.

that crap thinking- i'm totally with you, it is powerful and in those moments we doesn't have much against it. Know it too well and i'm afraid of it when it comes up on me. I can't tell you exactly what it was that worked for me the last time, that held me back. I wish you the power, that you certainly have, to go against those thoughts. If this is a war, you don't have to win every battle, nobody said that, but never give up without a fight.
To me, an eastern approach is the only real solution. The willpower method is fundamentally flawed. The people who claim recovery from porn addiction from the willpower approach, in my opinion, succeeded in spite of this approach, not because of it.

Free will doesn't exist. The self doesn't exist. You cannot get rid of desires, emotions, and thoughts.

The only way forward is controlling your environment, which is the only thing in your life you have real control over (and it's still very limited). This takes careful analysis, planning, introspection, etc. In fact, in the beginning the eastern approach can seem significantly harder than the willpower method (which disregards everything and assumes you are the "CEO", and who has 100% control over your actions) because it unravels a lot of associated behaviors and thoughts that are tied up with the addictions.

This still takes considerble disipline, but instead of using a finite resource like willpower and working against the grain, you are working with your mind and emotions without letting them take the steering wheel. It's a balancing act, fundamentally.