Ex-edger

M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys, Day #9 no porn.  I'm worried b/c my memories/images that I use are not loving relationship sex. They are border-line pornographic. So it's a small step to sitting in front of a screen for 4 hours.
That said, I've spent less than 1/2 hour jerking off in 9 days. I can't remember when that happened last. It actually feels good to jerk off without any shame like we all did in high school.
Rook, you're right about the 5-15 day test. Since I'm not in a relationship that's when horniness would grab hold. This is where I envy you married guys' outlet even though I know you pay a price with patience, vulnerability and putting up w/ your wife's headaches.lol
You are not crapping around Rook! This stuff is in your face whether you look for it or not. I watched a vanilla movie on youtube re crime/law/romance- usual malarkey. Out of nowhere comes a scene I won't repeat b/c it was a huge trigger for me. I wanted to punch the screen!
Six months Rook, you are a stud-muffin. hahaha
 
Andrew1973

Andrew1973

Active Member
Thanks for your kind words on my forum Mr S. Ref your question about my swagger - no, I've not got it back, but I am happy with that state of affairs - I'm going with a more grounded style which is less target focussed and more moment focussed (in keeping with my meditative philosophy!) It's working well. When I mess up from time to time, there's no big ego crash to deal with. Day 10 I believe? Well done. It seems like you're on a real roll...long may it continue my Yankee chum!
 
M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hey Guys,  I fell flat on my face.  Day #1. Plus I'm back to square zero, or zed as the Brits say.
Falling this fast and hard is definitely not pretty. I don't have a single excuse that will hold water.
I'll take whatever help you guys can offer, in any form.  Put a candle under my ass, advice (UK has enough wisdom to go around), encouragement, beat the living crap out of me, kindness, empathy... I can use anything because I'm at my wit's end.
 
M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Shade, I want to thank you personally for dragging my sorry ass back here. I have the feeling you're a real man in every sense of the word.
 
R

Rookie

Active Member
Slurps!!!! Glad to have you back!!! I will admit, I suspected there was some shame going on for some possible relapse going on.

Guess what, the past, is exactly there. What's why we have a big windshield and a small rear view mirror. It doesn't count anymore. Look at the big picture, in front. Time to head north again. So you have rolled down a few notches.

The important part, is that you're back. Probably with more determination. And how did Shade reach you? Personal messages? Does he have your phone number? Email?
 
Andrew1973

Andrew1973

Active Member
Hey Slurps,
Good to see you back in the saddle (instead of the comfy chair!)
You know the saying 'if you keep doing the same thing(s)...you'll get the same results'?
My question therefore is 'what will you do differently now to help move towards recovery?'
I have needed to ask myself the same question lately. When you start to find answers it can be empowering and effective.
My challenge to you specifically is to ask these questions, and if you are willing, share the answers with the forum. Then keep asking them and improving your approach and plan, whilst being kind to yourself.
I believe it will help not only you, but others who can identify with your struggle.
Take care,
UKG
 
M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys,  I missed you all. I am feeling a lot of shame and doubt as to my commitment.
i know I am lazy and weak. But I also know that I am capable of being better.
I'm back in all of the old grooves except watching porn videos.  Total relapse otherwise.
So UK I am going to start re-educating myself w/ the rebooting/quitting videos that gave me hope at the beginning. So as a concrete goal, I'm going to go back to watch/read that good stuff for 15mins/day.
Sincere thanks
 
Leonidas

Leonidas

Active Member
mr.slurps said:
Can you guys post a good site or page for someone in my precarious position.
Click to expand...
Coming as an extra swordsman into the fray... Although I am not investing any time into one, if I had to recommend one it would have to be recoverynation.com.  Spoiler alert: it takes QUITE a bit of dedication to pull this off, 30 minutes minimum per day, but if you've got wind in your sails, that place is a sure bet.

Meantime, don't despair... the heavy cavalry is on its way: more incoming support from Joel, UKGuy, Shade, Rookie... the usual bunch!
 
LetItGoAlready

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Coming as an extra swordsman into the fray... Although I am not investing any time into one, if I had to recommend one it would have to be recoverynation.com.
Click to expand...

I second Leo's recommendation of recoverynation.com. It does require dedication. It took me roughly a year to finish when I went through it about 5 years ago. It's super intensive as it requires a lot thoughtful planning, list-making, and dissection of thoughts and behaviors, but it's definitely worth it. Plus, you can't beat the price. The workshop is totally free, unless you opt for a paid plan involve coaching.

I feel for you, Mr S., and I hope you're being kind to yourself. You can start by not referring to yourself as "lazy and weak." No one here is lazy and weak. If you're here, you're a fighter. Take care.
 
R

Rookie

Active Member
mr.slurps said:
Can you guys post a good site or page for someone in my precarious position.
Click to expand...

Beyond happy you're back on with the crew. Don't take this in a harsh manner, but with your current emotional, sense of failure, embarrassment and all... if it was me in your shoes, there would be 2 things I would do. Invest in paper books, to read (personally, I go the theology or history side, I never was a fan of fiction of any sorts) or find a hobby as far away from the digital world as you can, and ONLY come online to post on this forum, or to take part in the website above.

Of course, none of us know your interests, finances, hobbies, free time outside of the forum. If you could indulge us, some of us might have the same interest and give tips on improving or expanding those interests.

The HUGE thing you will have to do, is find a replacement. ANYONE that indulges in porn...will now have an open window of time where anxiety and everything else will kick in. You MUST occupy that time with something else. Trust me when I tell you, I seem to have found hours per day now. Starting next week, I'm skating 3 times a week with my father in law, and the other 2 days, going swimming...first for my health, second, to occupy my time.

Can't wait to read about your progress north again Mr. S!!!

Oh, and DO NOT build a house where you are, travel light, you have a long way ahead of you. You MUST keep moving. And as Leonidas said, NONE of us have given up on you...notice my few posts just to keep your journal in the first page...we missed ya (sort of?)
 
M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys,  Thanks for not giving up on me.  I want to stay away from the pity party route. It's just that I've nearly given up on myself and feel pitiful. I pulled the rug out from under myself.
Self-examination (I'm pretty boring when you get to know me.):  Did it get too hard?  Did I get complacent?  Fear of success or failure? Just on a chemical level this addiction controls my better judgement/emotions/connection w/ reality. 
You want to know something really ironic?  (Ready or not here it comes.) I'm still arrogant. I do feel compassion for a homeless junkie.  But it's a very thin line. The only thing that separates me from him is a bunch of bricks and a roof.
You're right Rook.  At this point I can't even be around a computer. Plus I need to get healthy again.  My hamstring is finally almost healed.
How much of this post constitutes whining? 
Please continue not to give up on me.  UK you continue to amaze me.  How in the heck did you know that it would be important to me that my fall help others?
 
M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Slurps's Pearls for Beginners:
#1  You will relapse.
Yes you!  When I began this challenge I was all gung ho, banking days.  Others had warned me but I thought "not me".

#2  Everyone's different.
Advice, 90 days, strategies, warnings (including yours truly), don't apply across the board. They are usually useful but don't bank on them.
 
M

mr.slurps

Active Member
Slurps's Pearls for beginners

#4  Beg, borrow, or steal for a clean day.

Whatever it takes except lying or hurting another.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top