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mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys,  Thanks for your words.  They help me a lot right now.  Probably the best idea is to remember that last time I relapsed/edged, I went at if for 5 days.  If I can keep it to one that will be some progress/consolation.
At this point I'm searching for triggers.  The almost sexting was big. So too w/ loneliness. Also 3 close friends are having really bad difficulties in their lives. I care/listen and also help.  But that shouldn't be a trigger b/c that is what's called Life.
I think today will be pivotal.
 

Leonidas

Active Member
mr.slurps said:
At this point I'm searching for triggers.
I think today will be pivotal.
Hello Mr. Slurps, sorry for abbreviating your quote by I just found it to be quite telling.  Searching for triggers... yes that would invite more trouble than good.  But just to sidetrack for a bit, some of the followers of Buddhism profess that experimenting with 'difficult' or 'challenging' situations is the only possible way to achieve Nirvana within a lifetime.  Back to searching for triggers: although not wrong, and even seen as good by some in Buddhist circles, it is mostly going to lead one to be burned.  If thoughts arise, let them be, as there is no point in suppressing (doesn't work).  Your mind will gradually resort less to those triggers over time.  But inviting them explicitly is opening a can of worms!

And - today (or tomorrow or the day after) may be pivotal... but then it may not.  Why fret?
 

Andrew1973

Active Member
I interpreted Mr Slurps comments slightly differently Leonidas, in that he is trying to locate the triggers that led to his slip - I would certainly think this is a good practice as it leads to awareness and an ability to see those triggers the next time they occur before one is overcome by them and ends up relapsing mindlessly and unconciously.

I am not sure if you and I are interpreting his words differently, or we disagree on the subject, and value in trigger identifcation!?

Leonidas said:
mr.slurps said:
At this point I'm searching for triggers.
I think today will be pivotal.
Hello Mr. Slurps, sorry for abbreviating your quote by I just found it to be quite telling.  Searching for triggers... yes that would invite more trouble than good.  But just to sidetrack for a bit, some of the followers of Buddhism profess that experimenting with 'difficult' or 'challenging' situations is the only possible way to achieve Nirvana within a lifetime.  Back to searching for triggers: although not wrong, and even seen as good by some in Buddhist circles, it is mostly going to lead one to be burned.  If thoughts arise, let them be, as there is no point in suppressing (doesn't work).  Your mind will gradually resort less to those triggers over time.  But inviting them explicitly is opening a can of worms!

And - today (or tomorrow or the day after) may be pivotal... but then it may not.  Why fret?
 

Rookie

Active Member
UKGuy said:
I interpreted Mr Slurps comments slightly differently Leonidas, in that he is trying to locate the triggers that led to his slip - I would certainly think this is a good practice as it leads to awareness and an ability to see those triggers the next time they occur before one is overcome by them and ends up relapsing mindlessly and unconciously.

I am not sure if you and I are interpreting his words differently, or we disagree on the subject, and value in trigger identifcation!?

Leonidas said:
mr.slurps said:
At this point I'm searching for triggers.
I think today will be pivotal.
Hello Mr. Slurps, sorry for abbreviating your quote by I just found it to be quite telling.  Searching for triggers... yes that would invite more trouble than good.  But just to sidetrack for a bit, some of the followers of Buddhism profess that experimenting with 'difficult' or 'challenging' situations is the only possible way to achieve Nirvana within a lifetime.  Back to searching for triggers: although not wrong, and even seen as good by some in Buddhist circles, it is mostly going to lead one to be burned.  If thoughts arise, let them be, as there is no point in suppressing (doesn't work).  Your mind will gradually resort less to those triggers over time.  But inviting them explicitly is opening a can of worms!

And - today (or tomorrow or the day after) may be pivotal... but then it may not.  Why fret?

While I echo both of these, if I may add my quick thoughts. Part of my recovery and reboot, was to NOT linger too much on trying to figure out where I went wrong, and what happened. I know that if I went on my Instagram and clicked "search", it was nothing but gorgeous women barely dressed showing off their bodies. My Tumblr account was purely for P clips...and Twitter, I can control my urges when searching at home, I can't when it's on my phone. I also knew when my wife was out for a period of time, and I was bored or frustrated...led to a fall.

But if I tried to analyze it more than that...it was giving me more urges.

I'll give 2 quick illustrations. I don't know if anyone here is a "conspiracy theorist" or a "skeptical thinker" as I prefer to call myself. When this whole virus thing started, the theorists started with the mark of the beast, the vaccine and a bunch of other stuff. So, I searched, I analyzed and found a bunch of stuff. I was thinking "if I can be well prepared for the signs and know what the "future triggers" will be, I'll be safe. Well, the research I did led me in such an evil world, that I gave myself anxiety for 3 weeks, barely any sleep and images I can't erase from memory. So, I just left it all, and thought (religious talk here) Christ, you got this.

Second illustration, finances, I'm a numbers guy. When I bought my truck, I ran through roughly 15 scenarios on "can I afford this"...got anxiety. I went back to the basics, did up my budget, and realized, I was only increasing my payments by X amount from my car to the truck...I'll find a way in the tough months.

All this to say, Mr. Slurps, if your mind works like mine, I wouldn't linger too much on analyzing things. It may unfortunately lead you back to where you started. Learn to move on. Besides, you may not know what the triggers are till you fall a few times, at which point, you see a pattern..."every time I do this, or every time this happens...it leads me to this"...

I know I rambled much, and if you're like the other guys, finding your triggers might be beneficial, if you're like me, you don't want to linger on it too much.

Keep us posted on your progress!!
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
I think we hit an important spot in this conversation, and i think you worded it well Rookie, not everyone is wired the same or benefits from the same approach.

If you are lucky you will find that the first approach you try works for you, but some other people need to find their way.

At the end of the day Mr.Slurps, you will need to decide what is the best way for you to approach this. I think that the last three posts can contribute to that. Either if you are a more let it be, i accept it kind of guy or the guy that analyzes whats happened in order to understand it kind of guy. Whatever works for you.

And while you need to keep an eye out for yourself, being there and helping others can be a great motivator towards healing yourself since helping others has been clinically proven to improve your own mood.

Keep it up Mr.Slurps, we are as always rooting for you!
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys, This is day 7. As far as triggers go, w/ me it seems sometimes everything is a trigger.
Sometimes it's very discouraging b/c I have to escape my house to escape the triggers. Luckily cafes are starting to open. But it feels humiliating to have to flee my own house.
Then again, I say to myself swallow your pride and do whatever it takes.  That's pretty much the path I'm following. It's like I'm so scared of land-mines I can't go out in the field. 
Today is 84 days since I began rebooting. My hopes for 90 have been pushed back quite far. Probably I was over-confident or under-estimated the ferocity of this addiction.
Thankfully the rest of my life is good.
I'm not sure how long I can keep dodging bullets though.
Thanks for all of your help.  And yes, I know I've been quiet and not supporting you guys since my relapse. That's not fair and also it is not helping my own cause. The cafes have not had internet so I'm going to have to figure out a way to be more supportive and not too exposed.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey Mr.Slurps,

Do not worry about you supporting us. We've got you for now.

It's like you say, swallow your pride. If  that's what this takes to come out of this, then it is more than worth it. Once you've beaten addiction you will come out a much better, stronger and more stable man.

And this may be day 84 for you (today is almost 6 months for me) it might've been an underestimation that you would tame the beast so quickly.
But there absolutely no shame in that. It is a difficult road, with a lot of bumps. And sometimes you relapse.. That's also part of the journey. But relapses are also a moment to learn. About your triggers/emotions but also why you want to resort to PMO. Eventually those things will become clean and that will help you in actively battle your addiction. Just remeber that for the entirety of the road, you have us to cheer you on.

You got this man, I (we) am (are) cheering for you!
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hiya Guys,  After 8 days, big relapse (pmo) yesterday and today.  Even writing this feels like grasping at straws.
 
J

J01

Guest
But at least you are here, right?  Try to cut the binge; start back up-not today, but right now.  Keep going, you have already proven yourself.   
 

Rookie

Active Member
Don't forget, you had a great streak going, so, from that perspective, you have proven it's not bigger than you. It might be as big as you, and might hit hard...but you had a streak, which means, you can beat this. Might take a few knock downs (really hoping not), but, you have definitely shown that you have strength and willingness to fight it.

We're here for you bro.
 

Andrew1973

Active Member
You know you've got plenty guys here rooting for you Mr Slurps. The only questions are What happened? How did it happen? How do you learn from that going forwards?
I did note that you were here a lot less than you used to be of late - was that a contributory factor to the slip (I know it would be for me). The more time you are focussing on learning, sharing, supporting, being supported, the less time and opportunity there is for the insidious habit to creep back in and get a foothold. Were you 100% good before the relapse or did the edging creep back in beforehand? Did you think of the 6 point plan and then mentally override it, or did it not even crop up in your consciousness? This situation is a blessing - a high quality learning opportunity....if you choose for it to be. If you're comfortable doing so, it would be good to understand the answers to the questions above - I'm sure many of the guys will be able to relate, add their perspective, and in doing so lift you by letting you know that you are not alone. Take care my friend, but above all....take action.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey MrSlurps,

Ill echo what UKGuy said and wanted to let you know we are still here for you!
Keep that chin up, there is nothing to be ashamed off. We are here for you and with you!

Just get back up on that horse, i'm rooting for you!


 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys,  I'm in a full-fledged tailspin--3 days of relapsing. Needless to say I'm a tad miffed at myself. (I used those words intentionally but you can imagine the expletives I was thinking.) 
Now I really need to concentrate on getting a 1 day streak.  It's come to that.
UK you actually caught me. (I hate when you do that. haha) I had had a brief edging session that I said "cut yourself some slack."
The usual triggers for me are hornyness and loneliness. Also weekends are tough b/c of free time, drinking, and getting off my weekday healthy routines. These are all tough for me to alleviate in my current reality.
I need to have structure/control.  Now I've lost control and it feels horrible and weak.
June may prove a good month. That's my goal- better than March, April, and May.
 

Andrew1973

Active Member
How is it going Mr Slurps? Have you finished your tailspin? I hope so. I think it is worth some more detailed diagnosis of the triggers (whether you choose to share it or not). I am happy to try and help where I can. Just let me know. Hope you're feeling better - don't be hard on yourself!!! Take care.
 

Rookie

Active Member
I was in a tail spin last year...lasted 9 months. The only thing I can say, I hated myself even more at the end of it, that I didn't take even a little bit of control. I don't know what advice to give you, aside don't believe the lies your brain tells you of "just one more time"...

Now almost 80 days in (lost count, I have to do the math again), I can fully admit, it's worth it. Hoping you start climbing out of your rut, you may need a ladder to see the grass, but it's there. Don't keep playing in the mud thinking it's the best you can get. Our minds play power illusions.
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey Mr.Slups,

I hope you've picked yourself up again. 

You said that in the weekends you get off your healthy weekday routines. Would it help you if you were to continue those routines in the weekend? It might bring some more structure for you to hang on to in times of urge!

Hope you are well, rooting for you!
 

mr.slurps

Active Member
Hi Guys, Thanks for the unwavering support.  I haven't been worthy in a biblical sense of such bounty. But I do feel it and that's the only reason I'm here and haven't utterly thrown in the towel
I finally have 1 day under my belt. That feels good.
The flip side of the coin is that today could have been my 90th day and a full reboot. So chemically/psychologically I have made no progress.
There are really only two positives in this long drawn out failure/relapse- I haven't thrown in the towel completely.
And miraculously (no exaggeration) I now have caring, supportive, and experienced 'friends.' (I cut short the list of accolades b/c I don't want UK to get a big head.
Tomorrow is day 2 hopefully.
 

Rookie

Active Member
Here's a question for ya. In the 90 days, how many relapses...and before the reboot, how many would there have been?
 
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