Age 32 - ANAL FETISH - PIED - HOCD - reboot 2 years ago - RE WIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Guys,

I Finally took the time to write my personal post after reading hundreds of posts on yourbrainonporn.com, and I felt that I had to contribute as well.
English is not my native language so please disregard any mistakes.

I hope this post will help someone on this forum as well as help me fully recover from PIED (would be more than happy to receive advice from people who fully recovered)


Porn - Anal Fetish

Growing up, I experienced a delayed puberty in my teens so I started having sexual impulses only at 14 years old. The delay in puberty made me look 5 years younger (which I still do but now it's perfectly fine) leading to some confidence and immaturity issues at that time.
As a result, in my teens, I was too shy or immature to approach real girls and immediately turned to Porn!

I was instantly hooked on high speed internet porn and quickly escalated to Anal Fetish within a year (stuck on this fetish most of my sexual life). I fapped 2-3 times per day. The feeling was amazing!

At that time I had an extremely high libido and was both very excited by real girls and the porn I was watching. After 3-4 years i was getting more and more picky on the porn videos but still enjoyed a very high libido, always jerking off to Anal porn or Anal fantasies.


PIED - Performance anxiety - Depression - HOCD

Around 18 years old, I became more mature and started approaching girls. I got my first sexual encounters with girls. The were all disastrous, I could not get hard at all, Vagina or vanilla sex did nothing for me, leading to severe performance anxiety.

From this point my libido dropped fast (because of performance anxiety and depression) and became non existent at 22 years old (could not even get hard to porn anymore). My life became hell emotionally.
Because of my sex insecurities and my emotions, I could never keep a girlfriend more than 2-3 weeks.

At age 24, I hit rock bottom and developed severe HOCD (Homosexual OCD) which completely destroyed me. OCD is so debilitating and painful, I would not wish it to my worst enemy. I became suicidal and missed on many life opportunities. By the way, as with PIED, i had no idea of what it was (I thought I was the only one in the world experiencing this) and only 4 years later upon finding online articles on the subject, I understood that I had OCD.

Between 25 and 28 I still managed to get a long term girlfriend with which I had regular sex (but I always had to play a Porn fantasy in my mind to be hard, and could only do certain positions like doggy style). 20% of my libido came back but this time only linked to Porn or Porn fantasies, no more to real life girls.

At age 29, after finding out that I was experiencing OCD, I immediately started to work on it (I watched tons of youtube videos on the subject posted by OCD youtubers who had recovered from it).
Fixing my OCD became my priority and after hard work, a year later, my OCD was down to 20%. As my mental health became better I decided that I now needed to fix my sexual problem.

By applying the same method I found gabe's youtube videos and for the first time I understood that my sexual problem was shared by many men all over the world and was called PIED.


Reboot

I immediately committed to a reboot and experienced the flatline right away. (to tell the truth I think I was already in a flatline for multiple years but now it was even worse)
During the first year, I was edging on and off to my porn fantasies (thinking only orgasming or watching porn was the problem). I have relapsed few times by masturbating when urges were too strong or simply after testing if my dick still worked after not feeling any sexual desire for days.

I was still seeing girls and had to rely on playing porn fantasies in my mind to get it up when getting sexual (most of the time not successful due to performance anxiety), so in a way this always messed up my progress.
I hooked up with very hot girls for the past 2 years and nothing happened when i saw them naked. The only way of getting erect was still through playing my porn fantasies in my mind.

Since the beginning of my reboot I have had some successful sex with girls (sometimes with the morning wood, sometimes by playing the porn fantasy until i got erect) as well as some failures (sometimes with the same girls)

After every successful sex, I thought I was cured and felt really happy. WRONG!! Failures and the flatline brought back the anxiety and depression as if nothing had changed.


Progress

A year after my reboot I became more strict about the process and decided to take it to the next level in order to finally get the results I wanted.
I stopped edging completely and have relapsed by masturbating only 3-4 times to porn in the past 6 months (up until 3 months ago).
I had maybe 20 wet dreams in this period as well.
My morning wood came back strong, almost every morning and I got some sensitivity back in my penis.
My mood really improved as well as my confidence.


Where I am Today

My last relapse was 3 months ago, I did not activate my porn fantasies nor seen any porn since, I am getting strong morning wood every morning.
But during the day, I feel absolutely no sexual desire. I still cannot feel anything down there when I am making up with a girl or when I see a hot girl in the street. I have no libido at all. I can get erect when I touch myself without porn fantasy (was impossible before) but the erection fades away as soon as i stop touching as it is not powered by libido. God I miss the incredible and powerful feeling of having a strong libido!!


My OCD is completely over! (it took me about 3 years of constant work on myself to eradicate it). I enjoy life a lot more and I am getting a lot less daily anxiety. I am in a much better place emotionally.
I have included healthy habits in my daily routine (meditation, reading, cold showers, eating healthy 70% of the time, etc..)
I have recently given up on smoking weed.
I feel a lot more happy and the only thing that I am missing now is a libido toward real women and real intimacy in order to be able to feel confident to have sex.
Even though I am very confident with women I still have these horrible insecurities and anxiety related to sex.
I am very fit (have been training 6 times a week for the past 12 years) and I am pretty good looking which adds to the frustration since I get many encounters and opportunities with very hot girls nowadays.


I have clearly seen some progress but my libido is still non existent. Should I wait some more? Do I have to kick start libido by doing certain things? Is rewiring with a real woman mandatory in order to get the libido back? I truly miss my libido, I feel incomplete without it.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hope to update you guys with some good news soon!

PLEASE READ MY NEW POST ON SUCCESSFUL REWIRING

 

metal22

Active Member
Rebooter26,
When was your last relapse? 
I'll be honest with you about my experience.  To really truly recover,  you have to leave it all behind.  I think to be truly happy you will need to work on the inner parts of yourself,  and worry less about sexual performances and desires.  If you're anything like me,  you are very controlled by subconscious feelings that you aren't even aware of.  I had recovered from PIED before my recent relapse,  but I wasn't using P or subs or gawking or anything like that.  And when I performed like I should have it felt amazing.  I have so much anxiety and shame tied to my performance of just getting it up.  The thing that I realized though was that the buck stopped there,  and beyond getting an erection I had nothing else.  I'm now exploring what it is to be a husband,  who is a sexual being not corrupted by the make believe of porn.
 
I think your a pretty straight forward case:

1). Your reboot will take longer...and that's fine.
2). You need to find a re-wiring partner - and make out and cuddle for 2 -3 months (without orgasm). You get maximum results not or
3). NO PORN, MASTURBATION, FANTASY, OR ORGASM.  NO TOUCHING. NO NOTHING.
4). Wet dreams are fine.

Re-evaluate your progress after a few months of re-wiring with a prospective girl-friend. Orgasm once - and see how it affects your libido and everything else.

This is a very typical and straight forward case but you need to address the proper steps in order. Each time you MO you will set yourself back a few months I am guessing. Some guys can MO and be fine... I am guessing you can't.
 
RE - FUCKING - WIRED !!!!!!!!!!

Hi Guys,

I am posting here today to say that I am rewired as I have had consistent sex for the past 2 months (up to 3 times a day - 7 days a week)

I have found an amazing girlfriend 3 months ago, at this time I still had PIED and no libido. I made everything to build a strong emotional connection in the case that I would need to tell her about my issues so she could help me working through it.

Came the time to have sex and as always I could not perform, so I decided to tell her everything about my sexual issues, explaining her about porn use etc...

She was very understanding and told me she would help me through it.

The first 10 times we had sex it was terrible, I was still relying a little bit on porn fantasies to get it up and had a lot of performance anxiety and would finish very quickly.

I made sure to explain her all the process of the reboot and that at first it was normal to have bad sex until eventually it would improve and become good.

Then bit by bit, as the performance anxiety came down, I was able to get some libido back and rely less and less on porn fantasies to get it up and to be excited directly form her and from the moment.

We went on a 7 day holiday and from the first day up until today we have been having sex 2-3 times per day for the past 2 months.

I now have a very high libido, don't rely on porn fantasies anymore and can have sex with her like a beast for 15 minutes before coming.

I am still rewiring and can see improvements every 2 weeks, when having consistent sex

I became a monster in the bedroom, my dick is almost always big even when resting. She cant believe it too, always telling me that I am a sex machine now. WOW a really big weight as been lifted from my back.

Porn killed my sexuality in my 20s and now its payback time ahahah.

I want to say that I was rebooting for 2 years (no PMO) and was still not recovered. I still had no libido, huge performance anxiety and PIED.

In fact, without a girlfriend there is no way I would have successfully rewired/recovered.

No PMO is in my opinion 25% of the work, and rewiring with a girlfriend is 75%.

No more than 3 months of no PMO are necessary then it is rewiring time.

So for all people on long reboots, you have to get out there and get an understanding girlfriend who will help you rewire.

You have to choose her good and tell her everything once the right time comes. There is no other way around it. If she is the right one she will stay and with time and consistent sex (4-6 weeks) you will heal a 100% from PIED and performance anxiety and will get your libido back.

I am a new person today, I really hope this posts helps someone out there.
 

Conan

Member
Great results man, I too am a big fan of rewiering and beleave that it makes all the difference in the end, once you have gone a few months without pmo.

I have a question since I am in the rewiering phase myself and having sex occasionally, has the quality of your erections improved in time even while having sex? Mine are now hard enough for sex and they don't fail me anymore but are not 100% yet, so I want to know if they'll get there even with regular/semi-regular sex.
 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Congrats Rebooter26!  8) I'm so happy to hear about your recovery and your new relationship! That is so amazing.

If you get the time, and would like to encourage others, it would be super helpful if you write out a summary of your story and success in the success story section. I often talk about the importance of seeing the reboot process as two phases: 1) rebooting, giving the reward circuit rest in order to regain sensitivity. 2) rewiring your arousal template back to a real partner. Sounds like this worked well for you.

Hope the best for you moving forward. Keep truckin' and much love.

 
Conan said:
Great results man, I too am a big fan of rewiering and beleave that it makes all the difference in the end, once you have gone a few months without pmo.

I have a question since I am in the rewiering phase myself and having sex occasionally, has the quality of your erections improved in time even while having sex? Mine are now hard enough for sex and they don't fail me anymore but are not 100% yet, so I want to know if they'll get there even with regular/semi-regular sex.

Hi Conan, the quality of erections improve as performance anxiety comes down (any stress or anxiety will lead to a direct decrease of the erection quality), and performance anxiety comes down (at least for me) only after consistent successful sex for a few weeks. So you need to do as much sex as possible in the beginning until your brain gets used to it and naturally dismisses the danger response that has taken place in your brain due to PIED. 
Also you have to get yourself a hot girlfriend that will turn you on, that is in my opinion very important too. It is very important for each one of us rebooter to get a good sexual match and a horny girlfriend as we are rewiring.

If you are relaxed, dont have any fear/anxieties anymore and you are turned on by your girlfriend you will have the strongest erections.
 
Gabe Deem said:
Congrats Rebooter26!  8) I'm so happy to hear about your recovery and your new relationship! That is so amazing.

If you get the time, and would like to encourage others, it would be super helpful if you write out a summary of your story and success in the success story section. I often talk about the importance of seeing the reboot process as two phases: 1) rebooting, giving the reward circuit rest in order to regain sensitivity. 2) rewiring your arousal template back to a real partner. Sounds like this worked well for you.

Hope the best for you moving forward. Keep truckin' and much love.

Thanks for all your videos have been of great help.
Yes I will do that
 

Thisworld

Member
Hey, congratulation for your recovery. What you probably have done is called orgasm reconditioning, basically your brain was used to get a reward from fetish, but since after getting it up with porn fantasy you went for sex enough times now your brain knows that it can get a reward even from sex.  I wuold like to ask you 2 things:   
1-how were you able to play those memories in your mind while there was a girl in front of you? Did you closed your eyes and asked her to wait ?                                                           
2-do you still have the anal fetish? If yes do you still fantasize about it or do it with your girl?
 
Thisworld said:
Hey, congratulation for your recovery. What you probably have done is called orgasm reconditioning, basically your brain was used to get a reward from fetish, but since after getting it up with porn fantasy you went for sex enough times now your brain knows that it can get a reward even from sex.  I would like to ask you 2 things:   
1-how were you able to play those memories in your mind while there was a girl in front of you? Did you closed your eyes and asked her to wait ?                                                           
2-do you still have the anal fetish? If yes do you still fantasize about it or do it with your girl?

1. No I was just thinking about the stuff same time without closing the eyes, not ideal bu doable.

2. I still have anal fetish as strong as before if not stronger since i have very high libido nowadays.

The difference is that now my sexuality has broadened to also real girls and real intimacy. So its not like I replaced my anal fetish with something else, It is more that on top of my anal fetish i get turned on also by hot girls and real sex/intimacy.

I include my girlfriend in my fantasies and weirdly as it sounds I don't do anal her.

In fact anal is a real fetish for me meaning it excites me incredibly when i think about it or watch anal porn but i never actually liked doing it in real for the few times that i tried, and never felt comfortable sharing it with my girlfriend. I feel like i don't need to, I have the best and most fulfilling sex with her..

Anal will remain for me a side fetish. I can always go back to it, it is always here but I am not dependent on it anymore since i rewired my brain to real girls and real sex too.


PS: By the way i went back few times to watching PORN (each time edging for an hour) as i was very very horny and it was a big mistake every time. I almost always experienced short flatline after it and performed poorly for few days after it.

Fantasizing from time to time is way less harmful than watching porn (at least for me).







 

Maglue

Active Member
Yup real helpful...
I'm nearly 30 days into reboot...
Going to wait 2 more months before I seek a gf
 

Thisworld

Member
rebooter26 said:
PS: By the way i went back few times to watching PORN (each time edging for an hour) as i was very very horny and it was a big mistake every time. I almost always experienced short flatline after it and performed poorly for few days after it.

Fantasizing from time to time is way less harmful than watching porn (at least for me).

When you went back to porn i guess it was anal porn, right??
Also, so are you free to fantasize about anal without the short flatline returning?
 
Yes excatly!
Yes I can fantasize from time to time without experiencing the flatline it actually increases libido.

The problem is hedging for an hour online on porn websites looking for the perfect video on multiple tabs, I think it is harmful and releases too much dopamine also when you are online you are always looking for the nastiest video so it builds up tolerance to getting excited by regular sex.
 
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