Rebooting trough self-parenting

stepbystep

Active Member
EarthWalker said:
Have a very hard time getting anything done at work.

EW - good to see you posting again. I?ve had the same struggle with focusing at work, especially when I got further number of days of no PMO. I?ve been trying some meditation recently, but I?m yet to see if it will help. Keep up the great work
 
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Deleted member 17609

Guest
Damn, that?s a lot of wet dreams. It seems you ain?t exactly going through a deep flatline... Keep it up, man. I quickly went through your journal, you?ve been at this for quite a while, it?s good. Looking forward to see where this journey leads you, man.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Thanks bro. Much luck to you.

Looks like for the first time ever it is like the urges are less "strong".

Ha. Looks like this is spot on. (Apologise for the ad in the beginning, I get dating site ads now...cause [email protected]$ em that is why). Anyway.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1l9hQtcjgE

Day 30...PFC starts to get stronger
Day 40...Finally the sensetized addiction pathways start to get weaker (it is a slow process)

My last PMO was 25.12.2020. I have the date written down on a wall. Date diff says it is 42 days. I am feeling slightly less tired.

Wish everyone a good day.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Thanks Seb and Phineas. Much luck to you guys.

Maybe I'll post once a week not sure. Anyway. It looks like Gabe was spot on in saying that you need to treat the reboot as a broken bone for some period at least. (Not his actual words, I am paraphrasing).

I am keeping away from all triggers, I watched some tv shows but they were not heavy on sex. Like I watched the Expanse Season 5. There were just a few potentially triggering scenes. No P, no peeking, not masturbation and no O.

Came across this video, (Urge surfing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHzS_RBtnXE

(best nofap habits)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPfs23rNk-M

Wish everyone a good week.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
A nice diagram for the urge surfing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wdsJayLhnM

Really like it. It gets worse before it gets better.

Got triggered just by a picture of a sexy girl on the screen. Urges to peek.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I MOed to fantasy last night. At day 45. I am very disappointed at myself. I could have handled this better.

I think next time just MO to sensation alone would be better idea than to wrestle the whole day with triggers then relapse at the end of the day. As I noted in the past 99% of PMOs drain the body. But this 1% of (P)MOs actually make more more motivated and energetic. I actually feel more energetic today than I felt yesterday.

Running water does not rot. Maybe some physical exercise would help. But just not feeling like exercising. I started to be regular with taking at least a 30 min walk in nature. I don't wish to push my luck with habits. The chaser is very annoying today. Feeling the urges to watch P. So far I am holding my ground.

Also one mistake I made. I started to identify with the Reboot. Like this becomes a part of my identity. Not good.

Also came across this channel about inner child healing. Thought I share it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo0-iRHgBhw

Wish you guys lots of luck
EW
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I MOed to fantasy last night. At day 45. I am very disappointed at myself. I could have handled this better.

I don't know if this reply comes a bit late, but the lapse is only as big as you choose to make it.

How you decide to frame it is all up to you, just so we know that the lapse was entirely from ourselves.

Depending on your goals, 45 days is very good. If you can keep going, and just chalk this up to a mere speed bump. Or, if a reset is reuqired (per your goals), then you've still done 45 days!

You got this, brother! Refocus, and go forward.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Didn't want to be struggling the whole day with triggers.

I MO'ed to as little thoughts as possible and as vanilla as possible. Trying to be more in the body.

I have fleshlight (they have different options, I went with the one that is suppose the be most "realistic"). I used it. I got ED. I was like at 50% while using it. Didn't take long for MO.

A whole lot different than the FMO last time. The chaser was pretty bad last time. But I pushed trough the chaser and didn't engage with P/M/O until today. I viewed not giving in to the chaser as like. I'll at least do this right.

Wish everyone a good week
EW
 

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Hey EW,

You've come a longer way this time.
The MO, how do you think of it?

In my reboot i don't want to MO, but like you, i got into some situations where i slowly started, but then canceled it. It's real hard to do so. What i want to say is, it doesn't matter where you are in the reboot, urges will come. Try to resist MO next time, it is highly likely they will creep up on you.

Imsor
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
imsorrynotsorry said:
Hey EW,

You've come a longer way this time.
The MO, how do you think of it?

In my reboot i don't want to MO, but like you, i got into some situations where i slowly started, but then canceled it. It's real hard to do so. What i want to say is, it doesn't matter where you are in the reboot, urges will come. Try to resist MO next time, it is highly likely they will creep up on you.

Imsor

I don't like masturbation.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Hi, Imsor.

Thanks for stopping by. Appreciate it. Sorry guys for not being active and posting more and trying to be more helpful. I feel like quietly doing my thing in the background and posting some updates here and there.

The MO, how do you think of it?

I got ED and PE with the keep the thoughts to a minimum and try to focus on the body as much as possible MO. Pretty depressing stuff. But nothing is forever. I believe I can change this.

I still think it was the right call to MO. It was valentines day. Our global brain (look up 100 monkeys effects) effects our individual brains and vice versa. Alternatively I'd be looking at a full day of being miserable dealing with the P urges until I am worn down and relapse late in the evening. After the MO in the morning, it was a relatively uneventful rest of the day in terms of urges and all were under control.

What i want to say is, it doesn't matter where you are in the reboot, urges will come. Try to resist MO next time, it is highly likely they will creep up on you.

Spot on.

I am in a weird place. I don't want to PMO. I just don't feel like it. The P thoughts are there but they don't arouse me the way they did. It is going to be an uncomfortable ride for a little while still.

Also feeling like I should talk to people more. I started to value being able to just chat with someone. Before I guess P provided the socialization factor. Like you don't need to socialize...you have all this hot babes here who are to make any of your sexual perversions a reality...why need to talk to people at all? So I noticed this change.

Case in point. I ran across a group of people I used to hang out with. My "old" self would just become uncomfortable talking to a group and just pretend I don't know them. But I felt like I should say Hi. I just did that. Hi. How is everyone doing...a little small talk and that is it. I felt good about it. Small changes. Small talk is so much better than the screen.

But this need for release of sexual tension is there and builds over time. I don't know how to control/channel. With guys in relationships it is obvious how to channel it. So without having a healthy outlet for this. I will sadly keep MO on the table as a pressure valve release. When I do some lifestyle changes I hope the pressure will not build as much and the need for release will be substantially less.

escapeandnevercomeback, thank you for sharing, happy for you.

Wish everyone a good week.
EW
 

SebUK

Active Member
I get the same feeling re: wanting to talk to people more when I haven't looked at porn in ages. Basically porn increases social anxiety for me. MO doesn't appear to have much effect on my social anxiety. The qualifier to that is if I avoid MO for a few weeks, I tend to put more effort into meeting and talking to girls. Not sure if that is the same with you EW. I think MO is fine personally (as long as you're not thinking about porn images because in that case I'm pretty sure your brain doesn't know the difference).
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Wet dream today. It came with a chaser even if the P dream was like seconds. I got aroused->wet by just seeing a couple having vanilla sex in "dream" time.

Since watching P is out of the question. I am getting tempted to live out some P fantasies in real life with seeing a "professional".

I remember talking to one guy about P addiction and sex. He said he visited a dominatrix. I asked him did it scratch an itch. He said yes.
I also remember reading some journal where one guy started to see a professionals it messed him up even more.

Probably just P addiction messing with me.

First I want to reach 60 days (in a few days now) and then 90 days. I can reevaluate at 90 days.

Maybe some of this fetish stuff will just dissolve after something like 150 days? As the chaser with P scenes are mostly fetish. I lost the link of some YT video where I think it is mentioned that fetishes generally loose their grip at 150 days.

Would love some feedback on this...

Wish everyone a good week, let's keep on walking to our true north.
EW
 
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Deleted member 17609

Guest
I don?t have much time, but I wanted to comment on this. Of course, it?s best to avoid having sex with prostitutes. But above all, don?t visit escort sites in internet. If you decide to go see a professional, don?t browse websites, because it?s pretty much like porn sites. But of course, it?s better to stay away from prostitutes, as I said.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Thank you Bilbo for the reply. Makes sense to me.

Day 60.

Quite a year. Managed now 60 days without watching P. So far 2 major incidents.

1x The FMO where I MO'ed to fantasy.
1x Keep thoughts to a minimum MO where I experienced ED and PE.

Peeking isn't an issue much. I've peeked probably just a few times and they were super short. Usually what gets me is when I am on some regular website. And something arousing pops-up, like an Ad, or a movie review, etc. Then when subsequently going on YT there is this sexy first video recommendation. Maybe this alignment with other site + youtube happens 1-2x a week. Most of the time I just ignore it. Rarely do I click on the recommendation then just close it either before it loads or after just a few seconds. Also getting dating Ads on a lot of sites... Actually it doesn't bother me. It is not triggering. I consider peeking under control.

In terms of dating sites. I joined one for a while back. From my lensing the women there aren't really looking for a "real" guy but just what they project to be their "guy", they are looking for their projection. I don't want to fit in some projection. Feels very fake. But a good learning experience.

Got a panic attack last night. A friend said something along the lines when things leave the body sometimes it can be painful. It resonates to some degree with me.

What I noticed is that the P thoughts aren't going away per se, but how I react to them is changing.

Urge surfing is becoming easier. I don't really feel like watching P or PMOing.

I will keep (keep thoughts to a minimum) MO on the table as a pressure release valve when things feel like out of hand. Also related to the global brain. Such as valentines day. I feel like if I hadn't MO'ed that day I would end up with a major relapse. So I see the MO now as like this emergency valve to be used sparingly as it is not without drawbacks such as the chaser.

Things get worse before they get better. Overall feeling lack of motivation. Feeling very tired. Having problems breathing. Also feeling a little burning sensation in chest. I will look at this as a way for the body to be processing the changes.

In a way maybe the brain thinks it is getting starved out of food/oxygen i.e. P? I am really doing this. At times I am in disbelief myself. Did I just urge surfed that?

So I guess my message at day 60 is. The urges don't go away, they even get stronger, but the reactions to them are changing. It is taking less effort to urge surf.

I find this video to be very accurate:

(Project Stronger Self|NoFap Timeline | PART 2)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1l9hQtcjgE

Thank you imsor, bilbo, seb, phineas, escape, stepbystep for dropping by.

Wish everyone a good journey. Let's keep on walking to our true north.

EW
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Great, man! It's very important not to engage with the porn from your head. This is a big trouble bringer.
 
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